


Alcohol, Eyebrows, and Shattered Noses

by Sexycanofsoup



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eremin - Freeform, Levi x Erwin, M/M, Minor Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Minor Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Minor Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias - Freeform, Reibert - Freeform, eruri - Freeform, erwin x levi, springles - Freeform, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 16:22:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 119,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1311340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sexycanofsoup/pseuds/Sexycanofsoup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An exhausted Levi comes back from a forage outside the walls with just the desire for clean sheets and a welcoming bed. What he does not expect, or want, is a drunken shirtless commander taking up most of the bed space. Insult leads to injury and Levi becomes responsible for the injured man and is charged with putting him to bed. But Erwin, drunk as he is, lets slip a confession Levi is unprepared to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Levi was tired. No, forget that, he was fucking exhausted.

They’d returned from a forage outside the walls a little over twenty four hours ago and he had yet to see the confines of a bed. They’d lost people of course. They always lost people. It was to be expected, and yet… there was always that sharp ripping pang in Levi’s gut every time he watched a Titan devour one of his own. It never got old and it never got any less horrifying.

Truth was he hated it. He’d hated it ever since he’d pulled the badge off of Petra’s cold silent body. Up until now he’d found a thrill in slaying Titans. It was the one thing he was really good at—the one thing no one could take away from him—but there was no joy in it now. His heart had used to speed up every time his swords sank into a Titan’s flesh to strike a killing blow, but now there was only cold hard hatred and a determination to eradicate the entire race. He didn’t want to learn more about them as Hanji did, he just wanted them dead. It was the wish that was given to him by the hard rock of revenge weighing down his gut with every breath he took.

He’d just spent the last who knows how many hours in meeting after meeting. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him. Hanji had wanted to talk strategy and the shitty jaeger brat had ranted at the table for hours about every last way he was going to eviscerate a Titan. He had to give the kid points for enthusiasm, but his mouth was still too damn big. Levi had finally stormed out when his ears had begun to ring.

_I should have taken my cue from Erwin_ he thought as he walked down the hallway that led to his personal quarters. The commander of the scouting legion had left the meeting once the planning had dwindled into senseless shouting. That had been several hours ago. _He’s probably well on his way to a good night’s sleep, the lucky bastard_.

Levi knew not to expect the same for himself. Despite his exhaustion he was never able to sleep right after an expedition. He was haunted by all the faces he could have saved if only he’d been fast enough, strong enough. _Humanity’s strongest my ass_ he thought to himself angrily _more like humanity’s lamest insomniac._

He felt his forehead crease in annoyance as he fumbled with the key to his room. He hated this aspect of himself and treated it like a weakness. There was no point in this senseless emotion. In order to help humanity he needed to be strong. He needed to be able to put aside the past failures and focus on the future. He needed to forget about those lost and focus on those yet to save. In short, he needed to be Erwin Smith.

Levi felt his back straighten at the mere thought of the commander. There were few men he respected, and even fewer who he trusted with his life. Erwin happened to fall into both categories. Levi debated briefly whether or not to stop by the commander’s quarters to see if he was awake. He found the man’s calm reason soothing. He was often the only one who could put some of Levi’s disquiet to rest when he found sleep elusive as he did now. But Levi dismissed the thought out of hand. Erwin had to be sleeping by now. There was no way he—

Levi froze. His hand halted in midair where he’d just used it to push open the door to his bedroom. He couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d come in to find titan’s sitting around and having a tea party as they gossiped about the weather in crotchless abandon. Because the person sprawled out across the bed was one who’d never done so before, and incidentally it was the same person he’d just been thinking about.

Levi stared at Erwin’s form waiting for the hallucination to vanish. There was no way the shirtless commander was fast asleep atop Levi’s immaculate sheets. He had a schedule with his sheets. He changed them three times a week without fail. Right before he’d left on the expedition he’d made sure to change the sheets so that when he arrived home he’d be greeted by the best smell in the entire Titan riddled universe—laundry detergent. But no. Those plans had been quite literally soiled, because upon those previously pristine sheets lay his commanding officer—still wearing his boots, caked as they were in mud, gore, and Titan cooties.

Levi’s initial instinct was to scream in horror, but that wasn’t something that someone of his rank could excusably do, so he swallowed down the urge and went for a much more manly reaction: that of an enraged shout. “What the fuck are you doing here Erwin?”

The sleeping blonde twitched slightly, but otherwise made no other signs of life. Levi felt himself swell with both confusion and anger. Erwin was usually a light sleeper. Sure he had to be exhausted from the expedition, but that still didn’t explain why…

Levi’s train of thought trailed off as his foot connected with something with a loud clink. That same something skittered across the floor from the impact and came to rest, label up, several feet away. Levi crossed the space in quick steps and snatched the offensive item up in his hands. It was a whiskey bottle, and it was completely empty. He recognized the bottle. It was the same one that was usually stashed in Erwin’s office. The man was not a heavy drinker, in fact, Levi could count on one hand the number of times he had seen the man touch the stuff in all the years he’d known him. But the scariest thought was the one in which he remembered that the last time he’d seen the bottle it had been almost halfway full.

Levi stared at the bottle for one more moment before slamming it down on the small desk in the corner of  his room and hurried to his commander’s side, suddenly more furious than he had been toward any of the Titan’s he’d encountered today. He’d consumed a scary amount of alcohol. The commander was a large man, and could probably handle a fair bit of the hard stuff, but this was more than a fair bit—this was a virtual fuckton.

Without hesitation, Levi pushed his fingers to the pulse point of Erwin’s neck, and let out a breath of relief when he found the strong and steady pulse there. “Shitty bastard,” Levi breathed, pulling his slightly shaking fingers away. He pretended not to see or feel the shaking. And even if some small part of his body was aware of it, he quickly dismissed it on the grounds of exhaustion. It wasn’t because of the commander, and it definitely wasn’t because he’d been worried.

Instead he began to slide off the bed. He would go and get a couple of the others still hanging around and get them to help him move Erwin to his own living space. But before he could get to his feet, a hand, strong and warm wrapped itself around his wrist. Levi recognized the hand. Erwin had a tendency to clap him on the shoulder, and wrap his hand around Levi’s forearm when he wanted his attention. The dark haired captain recognized the dry calluses that lined the man’s hand that were worn into the palm through extensive years of practice with the maneuver gear. Levi also recognized the icy blue eyes that had cracked open to stare at him, though their usual piercing quality was dulled somewhat by the alcohol. Seeing them open and staring at him, Levi jumped, though Erwin seemed quite unperturbed.

“Levi,” he murmured, his voice scratchier than it normally was, “You’re here.”

Levi stared down at the commander’s face. It was ridiculously handsome as always. Most of the survey corps members had at one time or another expressed their disbelief that a man with such flawless features had executed more Titans than most of them would do in a lifetime, and Levi couldn’t help but agree with them. But handsome or not, that didn’t prevent Levi from lashing out at that man.

“Of course I’m here. It’s my damn room. The question is, what the hell are _you_ doing here you drunk bastard?”

Erwin smiled as if Levi had just complimented him rather than cursed him to his face, “Waiting for you,” he replied, sounding sleepy and content. He tugged gently at the arm he was still holding in an attempt to bring Levi closer, but Levi was having none of it. He ripped his hand from the taller man’s clutches and sprang to his feet. “Kindly go get fucked up elsewhere.”

Erwin frowned, and the small furrow that appeared between his rather glorious eyebrows was the only thing to mar his otherwise beautiful face. “But I don’t want to.”

Levi couldn’t believe it. Was one of the most powerful men in their world _pouting_ at him? “Why not?” came Levi’s weary reply.

“You won’t be there,” Erwin said, rolling onto his side to be closer to the small captain.

“That’s entirely the point!” Levi shouted, exasperation making his voice rise to a distinctly unmanly tone, “I need you to go elsewhere so I can get out of this damn gear and go the fuck to sleep without your booze riddled ass taking up space in my bed.

Erwin smiled, and, given the situation, the sight of it only infuriated Levi more. He was about to share some choice words about how Erwin could take his damn eyebrows and stick em up a Titan’s putrid ass, when Erwin used one of his endlessly long arms to grab ahold of Levi’s wrist once more and tug him back toward the bed, only this time he used a lot more force, so that instead of merely drawing Levi to him, the tug sent the small man flying forward so that he sprawled against the larger man’s chest.

Horrified, Levi made to scramble upward, but Erwin had a strong grip on him. Levi noted that none of the man’s training or hand to hand combat skills seemed to have been affected by the alcohol. Erwin’s pupils widened a bit as he took in the new up-close view of Levi’s face. “Mmmm…you look good here, though you smell like a Titan’s esophagus.”

Levi wasn’t about to ask the man how he knew what a Titan’s esophagus smelled like. There were certain pointless endeavors that had no reason to be addressed. He did strive to make a point though. “Then let go and let me bathe before I slip into a coma from the smell alone.”

This time Erwin’s smile had a kind of wicked laziness to it. Levi found himself blinking at the sight of it. He’d never seen that kind of smile on the commander before, and it frightened him a bit because he didn’t know what to expect from it. “Oh well, we’ll just have to cope with it,” Erwin said with a shrug, wrapping his arm around the man’s middle securely, “Just breathe through your nose Levi, there’s a good boy.”

Boy? BOY? Needless to say, Levi was outraged by the unsightly address.

“I’m one of the oldest soldiers left in your damn corps as you very well know ya damn geezer,” Levi huffed, “now get off of me. It’s bad enough that you’ve contaminated my sheets, I don’t need that repulsiveness spread all over my person as well.”

Erwin chuckled and tucked Levi into the pocket created by his body, “Don’t be such a little bitch Levi. A little dirt won’t kill you for one night.”

That was it! That was absolutely the last straw. Levi contemplated the unforgivable position he had been placed in, as well as the insult that had just been heaped upon him, and promptly drew his head forward, and then slammed it back into Erwin’s nose with a sickening crack.

“Fuck!” Erwin hissed as his nose exploded like a fountain. Levi scrambled out of the man’s arms and watched as the man brought helpless hands up to his face in an attempt to stop the thick streams of blood.

A sharp horror filled the small captain at the sight of the commander and all that blood. He hadn’t meant to…his instincts had just kicked in and he’d…

Erwin struggled to sit up, but his balance had really taken a hit with the alcohol, and in his hurry he keeled right over the side of the bed and hit the floor. The solid thump of over 200 pounds hitting the wood snapped Levi out of his inactivity. He rushed over to the larger man and pushed him up to a sitting position. The red mark on Erwin’s forehead made it clear that he’d hit the floor headfirst, and by the brightness of the wound Levi was sure the thing would start swelling in no time at all. He groaned.

“Shit, Erwin, I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to—fuck!”

The blood from Erwin’s nose was getting everywhere and it was getting to the point where death by blood loss was looking like a distinct possibility. Levi’s eyes darted around in futile effort. He had to stop the bleeding. He had to help his commanding officer. So he did the unthinkable, yet the only think that occurred to him at the moment. He pulled his impeccably pressed cravat from around his neck, tilted Erwin’s neck back, and used the material to stem the flow of blood. Erwin winced the moment Levi applied pressure to the wound. “I don’t like that,” he muttered, looking clearly disoriented and pained. Levi cursed himself a thousand times inwardly. What a fucking disaster.

“Of course you don’t like it, but you need to put pressure on it. We have to get you to the hospital wing.” Levi informed him, dragging the man’s arm over his shoulder as he prepared to lift him. How he expected to accomplish the task he didn’t know, since Erwin seemed to be a useless dead weight at this point, but he vowed to himself to accomplish the task somehow, only Erwin had other plans in mind.

“Don’t want to go to the hospital,” he muttered, letting his head rest on his small companion’s shoulder, “Want to sleep. So tired…come sleep with me.”

The list of things that was wrong with that statement was so long Levi didn’t even know where to start. He finally settled on a weary sigh. “Erwin you’re too big to be giving me this shit, now get up.”

Erwin merely nestled his head more comfortably against the captain’s shoulders. He was like a big cat, Levi realized, a big drunk cat with intimidating eyebrows. Levi glared down at the man and inhaled deeply when he realized he was going to have to resort to drastic measures to solve this. He steeled himself, closed his eyes, and mumbled, “Please Erwin.”

The effect was immediate. Erwin’s head popped up like a prairie dog on the first day of spring. “Ooh Levi, say it again. I think I just went all tingly.”

“That’s just the effect of the alcohol dumbass,” Levi snapped, the tips of his ears burning a feint pink, “now get up.”

With Levi’s help, Erwin reluctantly rose to his feet. Though being the master negotiator that he was, he couldn’t just leave the situation as is, “You’ll stay with me in the hospital though, right?”

Levi was torn between smacking the man upside the head, or force-feeding him a bowl of Hanji’s cooking. “No Erwin. I’m bringing you to the hospital so that I _don’t_ have to deal with you anymore. That’s the premise of the whole thing.”

“Your ideas are never any fun.”

“They’re not supposed to be any--!” Levi took a sudden breath and checked his tone, “You know what? Forget it. I don’t even know why I’m bothering with logic. You’re drunk off your ass and obviously incapable of basic human communication. I’m not talking to you anymore.”

This had the opposite effect Levi had intended it to have. Instead of sulking or muttering to himself angrily, Erwin plastered on that wicked smile once more. He twisted out from under Levi’s arm and pushed himself into the man’s face. “I can think of plenty of fun things to do that don’t require verbal exchanges whatsoever.”

Levi blanched. In his time in the survey corps he’d had to put up with a hell of a lot of weirdness. Hell, just hanging around Hanji for any significant amount of time was bound to get you accustomed to all manners of strangeness. Usually he was good at ignoring it all, but this…

“Erwin if you’re just going to spew crap, I suggest you keep your goddamn mouth shut. I need this shit like another hole in my 3DMG.”

He had his best frown fixed in place. It was the expression he used to intimidate the trainees and show those pigs in the military police their place. It was the expression no one messed with, and usually inspired a swift retreat by anyone stupid enough to have brought it out in the first place. But by the way Erwin had been acting, Levi should have known it wouldn’t go down the way he wanted it.

Erwin lifted the fingers of his right hand and prodded at the frown, “Hey, don’t do that. It makes you look like a grumpy old man.”

“I _am_ a grumpy old man!” Levi snapped, grabbing Erwin by the arm and forcibly dragging him out of the room. The blonde stumbled at first, but then fell into step with the captain surprisingly well--though he was swaying a bit as he moved.

Thankfully the halls were empty. The last thing Levi needed were some little shit trainees giggling and whispering about the situation. For all he knew Erwin would start this crap up with them as well, going so far as to try and--Levi took in a deep bracing breath-- _cuddle_ them as the man had attempted to do with him. Levi wasn’t feeling particularly charitable toward the blonde at the moment, but he didn’t want the man’s reputation to take a solid hit from one stupid mistake. The survey corps got enough flak from the government. He didn’t need some bureaucratic shmuck using the situation as an excuse to dock their already meager budget any further.

Erwin’s movements began to drag more and more the closer they got to the hospital wing, and by the time they got to the hallway with the large double doors that marked the entrance, Erwin was moving about as effectively as a dead horse--and a stuffed one at that.

“Damn it Erwin, have you forgotten how to use your legs?”

“What if the doctor has cold hands?” Erwin asked, face laced with anxiety.

“What the hell does that matter?”

“Cold hands give me the willies.”

“You have a broken nose leaking blood everywhere and you’re worried about…” Levi couldn’t even bear to finish the sentence, “Remind me to kill you when you’re sober,” he muttered, giving the man’s arm a tug.

“Okay,” Erwin replied genially, sending the captain a winning smile. Levi only scowled harder.

Of course when they finally did make it through the doors, everyone on shift had to throw up a huge fuss.

“Oh my goodness Commander! What on earth happened to you?” A plain faced nurse holding a clipboard exclaimed as they arrived in the patient area.

Levi looked at the nurse, then at the banged up Erwin, and proceeded to lie through his optically clean teeth. “He, uh...he fell.”

The nurse looked at him like he’d just shot out of a Titan’s anus. Levi did what he did whenever his authority was questioned-- he increased the power of his scowl. At this point it was reaching unprecedented levels.

He wasn’t even lying. Not really. Erwin _had_ fallen. It had just happened to occur after Levi had already assaulted his face.

Levi was impressed by the way the nurse stood up to his glare. It seemed the hospital staff here were nothing to turn your nose up at. It wasn’t impressive enough to ask after her name, but he did file away a mental suggestion to _not_ insult the staff as extensively as he did the others he came into contact with.

The nurse took Erwin by the arm and began to lead him over to one of the examining tables that was chorded off with a flimsy pair of curtains, only instead of going quietly, Erwin decided to dig his heels in and make a scene. “I’m not going anywhere without Levi,” he declared, before ripping his arm out of the nurse’s grip, “And by the way your hands are freezing.”

Levi smacked himself in the face, though that didn’t seem to help any. “Erwin…” he warned, voice loaded with barely concealed danger.

“Yes Levi?” the blonde replied, perking up visibly at the sound of the man’s voice, easily forgetting the horror of the cold hands.

“Never mind,” Levi grumbled, stalking forward toward the examining table, “Just follow me you big brute.”

As Levi passed him, Erwin reached out and snagged his hand with the kind of speed and accuracy unnatural for a plastered man. Levi thought about how unfair it was that the man seemed unaffected in all the wrong places. With Levi’s hand in his, Erwin became all smiles and allowed himself to be led to the table without further trouble, only when it came to actually sitting down, he insisted Levi climb up to sit beside him.

“Absolutely not,” Levi growled without a moment’s pause.

“Oh come on, it’s so lonely up here,” the commander reasoned, smile gone and manly pout in place. “Besides, what if I fall? Who’s going to catch me?”

“No one is, so you better be damn sure you don’t.”

“Aww Levi, don’t you love me?”

The casual question froze Levi in a way none of the other words so far had. Erwin had never mentioned such a thing to him. No one ever had. And because of that, the moment felt unbearably awkward to him. He didn’t know where to look or what to say. Was the man joking or in earnest--or was it just meaningless crap from a drunk man?

“That has nothing to do with it. You would easily crush me if I ever tried to do something as stupid as catch you, so watch yourself,” he barked. Erwin didn’t like that answer, but Levi refused to feel bad about it. Honestly, asking such a thing of him in easily listening distance of the hospital staff... If this was his idea of a joke, it was an enormously assholish one.

At that moment another woman walked in and headed straight for the small basin of water standing on the table in the corner of the small space. “I’m Dr. Nebuya,” she snapped out, quick and purposeful as she scrubbed at her hands with a bar of soap. (Levi approved of her attention to detail. Not many people remembered to pay attention to the space under their nails.) “Tell me the nature of the injuries.”

“Please tell me that’s warm water,” was all Erwin said in response to her. Levi would have groaned had he not been so tired.

“I’m afraid it isn’t, Commander,” she snapped out, not sounding sorry at all. Good. Let Erwin realize how ridiculous he sounded, Levi thought. He also couldn’t help but admire her daring. One of the most powerful men in the entire known world was sitting before her, and she hadn’t batted an eyelash. It seemed a patient was just a patient. Though Erwin _was_ a rather annoying patient.

At that moment Erwin reached over and wrapped his arms around Levi’s neck. He saw it coming, but Levi realized that if he had dodged the attack, the blonde would have gone crashing to the floor a second time, and as much as he wanted Erwin to lose the lesson to never _ever_ lay a finger on alcohol again, he realized that too many more hits would begin to chip away at the Commander’s IQ.

“Levi, if she tries to touch me with those frigid hands, I give you full authority to slice her to ribbons.”

Levi stared at Erwin and the commanding tone he’d just employed with an entirely straight face. He was glad that there weren’t too many pointy objects in the room.

“Sorry Erwin, I’ve already removed my 3DMG,” Levi muttered with a heavy load of sarcasm and a roll of his eyes.

“How irresponsible of you. Now we’re totally defenseless against her. If we die, I’m blaming you.”

“Nice to know your last words will be ones to look forward to.”

“Gentlemen if you’d please return to the subject at hand,” Dr. Nebuya barked, sending years full of trained medical annoyance toward them, “I do have other patients relying on my expertise.”

Levi glanced at Erwin, and it was a mistake, because the blonde was making exaggerated facial expressions while mouthing the word “expertise” to himself in way too obvious a manner. Levi felt his lips twitch.

The doctor did touch Erwin then, and he threw the expected fit, raising the pout to such high levels of discontent that it had Levi wondering just how much time the man had spent practicing before a mirror. But the woman worked quickly, and soon Erwin’s nose was set back in place and bandaged. The blood from his face was cleaned up, and after giving the large man several directions for care which Erwin probably took in nothing of, she stepped back to wash her hands once more.

“I’ll leave him in your capable hands then Captain,” she said, before sweeping out of the room.

Levi choked on his spit. Him? Take care of the drunken Commander? Was she out of her mind? The captain turned back to his new responsibility and found an unsteady Erwin crossing his eyes as he attempted to see his nose as he poked it experimentally.

“Hey! Stop that!” Levi growled, walking over to the man and grabbing his hand by the wrist, “She just said not to touch it. Leave it alone so it can heal.”

“But it hurts…” Erwin mumbled, sounding like a kicked puppy.

Levi stopped. He’d forgotten that the commander could feel pain. Obviously he knew logically that he was human and capable of being hurt, but he’d never really thought Erwin capable of _feeling_ it. The man was too strong, an impenetrable wall. He had never shown any sort of vulnerability before. He had never before complained from any pain no matter how severe. Levi looked at him— _really_ looked at him. The commander was swaying even more now. The alcohol seemed to have absorbed more fully so that even though he hadn’t continued to drink, he’d drown steadily drunker as the minutes ticked by. He looked like he was about to Keel over. But what really caught Levi’s attention was the man’s face. Before the shocking wetness of all that blood had dominated the view of everything, but now that it was gone, Levi could see what he’d properly done to the man. Erwin’s nose was red and swollen, and deep bruises were already settling in around the skin of his nose and his eyes giving him the look of a hunted animal. Levi bit his lip and felt a wave of remorse, thick and sticky in his stomach. He hadn’t wanted to do this. Not to Erwin.

Levi felt a gentle pressure against the pads of his fingers, and with a start he realized that it was because he’d unknowingly raised his hand to touch the commander’s face. Before he could draw his fingers away, he felt Erwin lean into the touch, one beautiful cheekbone pushing against his palm. Levi shot back, snatching his hand away as though burned. Erwin made a small disappointed sound in the back of his throat and then fell forward.

 Despite his previous words, Levi did jump forward to catch Erwin, grabbing for his shoulders and steadying them before he could do any more damage to himself.

“Hey, come on, keep it together old man, we’ve got to get you to bed,” Levi said, a little panic leaking into his voice, making his words rushed.

Erwin let his head drop to Levi’s shoulders, and groaned. “Levi…”

“Come on Erwin, we don’t have time for this. The faster you start moving the faster we can—“

Levi’s voice cut off rather suddenly because Erwin chose that moment to wrap his arms completely around the smaller man and squeeze him tightly, his face now pressed into Levi’s neck rather than his shoulder. “Levi…” he groaned again, but the sound was louder, more urgent.

Levi’s heart began to thud in his chest. He’d never heard Erwin sound like that. He’d never seen Erwin act this way—hold him this way. Hell, he’d never had _anyone_ hold him this way, and it freaked him the hell out. Levi twisted in the man’s arms and pushed his shoulder into the man’s armpit, drawing Erwin’s arm over his shoulder so that he could more effectively shoulder the man’s weight. “ _Now_ Erwin,” Levi barked, his voice sounding far off and tinny, “Don’t do this to me.”

But Erwin seemed incapable of doing anything within reason. Coherent language seemed to have deserted him, because he kept his head down as he muttered things Levi couldn’t hear. With a sigh, Levi braced himself and then began to move forward.

It was slow going. It wasn’t just Erwin’s weight that was the problem, it was that Levi couldn’t even get the man to place his feet down in any normal fashion. More times than he cared to count, the man stumbled and nearly took them both down. By the time they made it to Erwin’s bedroom, Levi was ready to collapse, but when he saw the way the door had been left ajar he found some energy for anger.

“What the hell Erwin?” he snapped kicking the door open with his foot and lugging the man inside, “You’re the commander of the fucking survey corps. You’ve got confidential plans for expeditions outside the wall spread all over the damn place. How the hell could you be so irresponsible?”

He turned to glare at the man, but found the intensity of his gaze falter when he saw the smooth peace spread over the Commander’s face. The level of contortion necessary to drape himself so thoroughly over the captain was one Levi hadn’t known Erwin possessed. He guessed the man still held some surprises.

He tugged the man over to the bed and sat him down. Erwin immediately fell back onto the mattress with a thump, though the jarring movement did nothing to make him stir. Once more, looking at the man had his lips twitching upward. He looked so different this way…younger even. It was as though in this state, all the responsibilities he’d needed to house had been lifted away. And if that was the case, Levi couldn’t blame the man for hitting the bottle after the day they’d just been through. The pressure that Erwin felt was even greater than the one on Levi. People just expected Levi to kill titans, but humanity depended on Erwin to bring their sons and daughters back home.

Wordlessly Levi bent over the man and began to remove the leather straps that crisscrossed his body. He’d never removed any but his own before, and he found the angle this way trickier. Because of that, the work was slower, but he kept steadily at it and soon the last of the straps was pulled away from Erwin’s body. Next Levi reached for the man’s boots. They were tight around Erwin’s calves, much tighter than they were around Levi’s. It seemed that even though the boots came in different sizes, the circumference around the leg didn’t vary much, and Erwin’s thick muscle had a difficult time finding room for it all. He had to tug harder to get the boots off, and when he pulled off the second one Erwin stirred, his eyes fluttering open. When his eyes caught Levi’s he smiled with unexpected pleasure “Come,” he whispered, spreading his arms wide and reaching for the captain, “Come Levi…”

Levi’s chest stopped midrise. Erwin was still smiling, and the smile was so open and trusting that it made something inside Levi’s chest ache. But after several moments of inaction on Levi’s part, the captain saw Erwin’s smile falter, and confusion swept in to take its place. When Levi took a step backward, Erwin struggled to sit up. “Levi?” he called out, his voice _unsure_. Levi had to repeat that bit to himself because it was so surreal. Erwin smith sounded unsure.

He managed to sit up, but when he reached toward Levi, he overbalanced and fell forward. Once again Levi caught him, this time catching Erwin’s face against his chest as he did so. He could feel the Commander’s warm breath through the crisp white button down. Erwin had occasionally teased him about his ability to keep his clothes in perfect order despite every attempt of the titans to dishevel him completely, but this time Erwin didn’t seem focused on his clothes. He raised his hand and dragged it down Levi’s chest. “Levi…” he breathed again.

Levi’s heart was still thudding. It was the way Erwin was saying his name. It was different now. It was no longer careful, and there was something beneath the tone, something almost _needy_.

“You need to get some sleep Erwin,” Levi said with as much finality and authority as he could muster. Of course he didn’t really have any authority over the man, but Erwin was drunk, and hopefully he’d forgotten that fact.

He hadn’t forgotten that fact.

Erwin looked up at him, looking not the least bit intimidated or compelled to do anything but look at him until the end of time. “Stay with me,” he said. The words came out slowly, probably because he was trying not to slur them—because the words were important to him.

“I—“

“ _Please_.”

No, Levi thought, that wasn’t fair. Erwin couldn’t do that to him. He couldn’t just… If he’d _commanded_ him to stay, then Levi would have needed to do so, and because of that he’d be free to resent the man for it, and do it with as much visible annoyance as he wished. But Erwin hadn’t commanded him to do it—and who was he kidding, Erwin had never commanded him to do anything before except for that very first day when he’d forced him into the Survey corps. Erwin had never pulled ranks with him since then, and Levi doubted that he ever would. But this went a step beyond their usual modes of communication. Erwin was beseeching him. He was looking at him like all of his happiness depended on Levi’s answer, and that was such _bullshit_. Because Levi couldn’t take a reality where Erwin was dependent on him for his happiness. He couldn’t be responsible for this man. This evening had proved that. Erwin had gotten close to him, and Levi had fractured his nose. That wasn’t okay. This lack of distance wasn’t okay.

“No.”

Levi shook his head vigorously as he backpedaled, “No Erwin, I—no.”

“Levi…”

“I said no!”

Levi didn’t like the hurt spreading across Erwin’s face, cracking it further in its already broken state. He wanted it to stop, needed it to stop really, because Erwin was the strongest person he knew, and if he broke, then Levi would have nothing.

_Please don’t do this_ he thought, his feet frozen now, not allowing him to move either forward or back _Please don’t change anything. I want things the way they are. I like it that way. It works that way. You can’t risk this. Nothing else is this important. You can’t break it Erwin. You can’t._

“Okay,” Erwin said, after a brief look at Levi’s face. And then he retreated, his face smoothing out as he relaxed back on the bed. Levi breathed an audible sigh of relief.

Erwin closed his eyes. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. His body was utterly fluid, like it had melted right into the mattress.

Levi looked at him and felt his heart settle back down. He’d leave the rest of the clothes as they were. They’d get wrinkled, but that wasn’t important right now. Levi looked around at the room, eyes hunting for another blanket. He knew he’d never be able to get the one trapped beneath Erwin’s body. The blonde was a solid mass of muscle and stubbornness. There was no point in even trying.

The room was relatively neat. It wasn’t up to Levi’s standards, but then again, nobody’s was. Erwin’s room was larger than his, but then again it also had more stuff. Bookshelves lined the entire left wall, and a wooden desk faced the front wall near the door. This was of course not where Erwin did his work. That was in his office back near the meeting room, but Erwin often took work to bed with him, and that explained the great number of papers and lists that covered the surface of it. There was very little decoration around the room, much like Levi’s own, except there was a picture framed on the nightstand, and when Levi caught several of the faces in it, he quickly turned his face away. He didn’t need his old squad looking at him with that shining life in their eyes. There was too much of a contrast now for that. Levi didn’t know why Erwin didn’t put it away. It had to be hurting him, and Erwin didn’t live in the past.

Finally his eyes settled on a folded up quilt sitting atop the chest at the foot of the bed. His mental preoccupation had ensured that he’d missed even the most obvious things at first glance. He lifted the blanket. It wasn’t a very pleasant one. It was scratchy, and clearly screamed “spare blanket” but it was the only one available, and Levi wasn’t about to go running off to try to collect another one elsewhere. He picked it up and dragged it over Erwin’s body. It almost wasn’t long enough. He was so tall, almost a foot taller than Levi himself was. He’d sometimes wondered what the world looked like up at Erwin’s vantage point. He wondered if things were clearer, and easier to understand.

Levi pulled the blanket right up to Erwin’s chin and stopped. There was nothing more to do. Erwin’s breathing had evened out, and if he wasn’t already asleep, he was well on his way to doing so. He was lying on his side, which was good. You never let a drunk man sleep on his back. That was just asking for trouble. Levi still felt a twinge of worry though. Erwin had acted too differently and had shown him too much. Could he really just leave him after all that?

This time when Levi reached out his hand to Erwin’s face it was done on purpose, though despite that, he still jumped slightly when his fingers made contact. Something very much like guilt made his stomach twist, and he didn’t understand that. He was just touching his face. He was just… _His face is really soft_ Levi thought, not knowing why that surprised him so much. Maybe he just expected the leader of the Survey corps to have chapped and weathered skin like old leather. But it wasn’t. It was smooth everywhere except for the bruises and the bump on his forehead. But they would heal in just a matter of—

Erwin stirred slightly, not enough to open his eyes, but he did twist his face to push it into the captain’s hand once more, “Levi…” he breathed, his lips curled up just the tiniest bit.

He was sleeping. Levi was sure of it, and yet—this reaction…

He yanked his hand back and made to leave. He shouldn’t be here when Erwin was sleeping. That wasn’t right. It made them uneven this way. But before he could leave—before he could even turn fully around—Erwin opened his mouth once more, and said the words that would freeze Levi’s breath and stop his thoughts entirely. They were also the words that would make him turn and flee in frenzied and chaotic panic, and yet when Erwin spoke them, he did so like they were the most natural words in all the world.

“Love you Levi…”

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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Levi jolted awake when something very much like a just-fired cannon ball shot itself into his bed and landed on top of him. For one second it was all roiling confusion, and Levi’s hands reached automatically for the blades in his 3DMG that he wasn’t wearing, before he realized the identity of the culprit.

“Goddamn it Hanji!” he growled, shoving at the enthusiastic body with the flat of his hand, “Go the fuck away.”

“Ha! Like _that_ has any chance of happening _ever_ ,” she said with a laugh that filled Levi with a sense of dread for his future, “Now hurry up and confirm all the rumors flying around.”

Levi had wanted to simply ignore the irritating lump that was Hanji and turn around and go right back to sleep, but that last bit caught his attention, “What rumors?” he demanded.

“Oh just the ones that say that you punched Erwin in the face because he was getting too handsy,” Hanji said with the same kind of natural intonation of voice that she used to describe her breakfast after she ate it.

“ _What_?” Levi barked, shooting up in bed, “That’s absolutely ridiculous! I would never—“

He stopped, and the events of last night all came rushing back to him. The alcohol, Erwin’s broken nose, and the long journey to lug him back to bed had all been painfully real, and looked even more horrible in the light of day. But by far the worst and most disconcerting thing had been what Erwin had said in the end.

_Oh shit…_ he thought. He really couldn’t think of a better way to summarize the situation. In fact, as much as the idea repulsed every fraction of his being, he’d much rather deal with a pile of fresh stinking feces than try to figure out what the hell Erwin had meant last night.

_Love you Levi…_

The memory of the words rang in his mind and he felt his cheeks burn. It was just the alcohol, it had to be. Erwin had heard of it happening before. Men who were normally gruff and uninviting could sometimes turn into the cuddliest of teddy bears under the influence of alcohol. Erwin had been so out of character last night, Levi felt that if he took anything away from the encounter he would be doing a disservice to the man. And yet, with that said, he couldn’t get the words out of his mind. Why had he said them, and to Levi of all people? Levi wasn’t an idiot, he knew the impression he gave off wasn’t a pleasant one. He knew he was rude, coarse, and intimidating. He’d never invited people’s confidences, and people tended to give him a wide berth. Hanji was one thing. She was a weirdo who wasn’t put off by anything, and he didn’t really find it strange that a woman who loved Titans like her unborn children would be able to find some affection in her heart for him. But Erwin—he wasn’t a weirdo. He was by far the coolest headed and reasonable person he knew, so for him to say something like that…Levi couldn’t help but search for meaning in the words.

After he’d fled Erwin’s chambers, he’d gone straight to the bath and scrubbed at his skin mercilessly until it was bright red. He hadn’t been able to stop until several hours had past His hands had ached with the effort, and a couple of his fingers had split and begun to bleed. But even though he had erased every last sign of dirt and Titan gore, he hadn’t been able to wash away those words. And so he’d laid in bed awake for an absurd amount of time with those words cycling through his head in an endless loop. Finally, somewhere around dawn, he’d been able to fall into a fitful sleep, but far too few hours later he’d been awakened by the vibrating ball of energy that was Hanji. A Hanji who was currently beating him about the head with a pillow.

“Earth to shrimpy!” she called, tackling him to the mattress. Levi came back to the present with a rush, and the first words out of his mouth were, “I didn’t punch him in the face.”

However the words came out in a guilty rush, and Hanji detected it and leapt on it with fervor. “Liar, liar, undercut on fire.”

“I’m not lying!” he snapped, annoyed that he was able to be riled up by such juvenile taunts, “I didn’t punch him.”

Hanji gave him a long hard look that managed to convey how deeply and utterly disappointed in him she was. He squirmed under the gaze. For some reason he felt like a naughty five year old who’d just broken a priceless vase. “I just…cracked him in the face with my head. That’s all.”

Hanji’s eyes widened, and then she let out a whoop of laughter. “I don’t believe it!”

Her laugh got louder and higher until Levi could swear it was the loudest sound he’d ever heard. “I don’t fucking believe it!”

“Will you shut up?” Levi growled, smacking a hand over her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound. “I didn’t mean to do it, it just…sort of happened.”

Hanji pulled Levi’s hand off of her mouth and snorted, “You just _happened_ to fracture his nose and give him shiners impressive enough to confuse him with a raccoon. I’m sure it could have happened to anyone.”

“I don’t like talking to you when you get like this,” Levi harrumphed, planting his foot on her chest and giving it a shove. Unfortunately Hanji was as quick as she was crazy and rolled away before she could be launched off the bed.

“Hey _I’m_ not the one who turned lunatic and assaulted the commander right after an expedi—“

“Hanji, how many times have I told you to leave Levi alone first thing in the morning? He’s far more likely to gauge your eyes out instinctively when he’s still half asleep.”

Both Hanji and Levi’s eyes shot up toward the doorway to take in an impeccably put together Commander Erwin. His face looked worse than it had last night, as the bruises were only now showing their full colors. But despite that, his hair was once again neatly in place and every aspect of his uniform was perfectly arranged. He was holding two steaming mugs and looking at them both with a tired kind of affection.

Levi’s mouth fell open as his brain scrambled to make sense of this latest development. Erwin Smith was easily the last person he’d wanted to see. Hell, he’d have traded him in at the moment for _anyone_ else. Even Eren after he’d failed to make a Titan kill. He didn’t know what to do now, and he couldn’t possibly be reading the situation right, because Erwin looked entirely too serene to be the same man who had undergone the events of last night. Levi felt his chest tighten in anger. Last night had made an absolute wreck of the captain, but Erwin seemed not to be troubled with it in the slightest. If it hadn’t been for the wounds on his face, Levi would be sure he’d simply dreamed the whole thing up.

Hanji was the first to speak. She made a sympathetic noise in the back of her throat, “Oi Erwin, you look like absolute shit.”

The blonde let out a chuckle and pushed himself off of the doorpost he’d been casually leaning against. “Tell me about it. I went to shave this morning and nearly had a heart attack.”

He walked across the room until he came to a stop at the foot of the bed. Then he reached out one long arm and handed Levi one of the mugs. It was filled with black tea. “Thought you’d need that after the night you must have had,” he murmured, as Levi accepted the cup and wrapped his fingers around it, “It’s always difficult after an expedition.”

Levi felt himself bristle still further. Yes, it was difficult enough _without_ Erwin making a total mess out of himself and dragging him into it. But maybe this was his form of apology, and the cup of tea a peace offering. That was rather…courteous of him, Levi thought, and he supposed that if the Commander was trying to make a clean breast of things, he might as well follow his example. That’s why Levi took a deep breath, straightened his back and forced himself to look the man straight in his broken face as he said, “I’m sorry Erwin.”

The words rang through the room even though they hadn’t been particularly loud. They just sounded powerful, maybe because Levi had only uttered the words several times in his life.

Erwin blinked at him, a look of--not quite _shock_ on his face—but something definitely alarmed, on his face. “Levi I…what?”

It was so rare to see Erwin stumble that most of the survey corps got a weird kind of pleasure seeing it happen. The Commander usually conducted himself so flawlessly that to see a slip up was like catching a glimpse of an endangered species. It was Levi’s turn to stare at him in confusion, and, he admitted, a flare of annoyance. It was embarrassing enough to do this without going into detailed explanations. “For your face,” he muttered, gesturing vaguely toward the blonde.

Erwin raised a hand to his cheek and frowned, but a moment later his eyes lit up in understanding, “Oh,” he exclaimed, sounding relieved at finally having figured something out, “You did this then?”

Levi stared at him, mind trying and failing to come up with a legitimate reaction to the words. He looked toward Hanji, but she looked as clueless as him. Cursing both her and himself for their collective uselessness he turned back to the commander and gaped. Finally he managed a rather croaky, “You don’t remember?”

Erwin lifted a hand and ran it through his hair. That was another gesture he rarely made. Doing so was sure to muss the carefully arranged part of his hair. He had the decency to look a bit sheepish. “I…I’m afraid I don’t recall anything after leaving the meeting last night, but going by the pounding headache I woke up with this morning, I gather that alcohol had something to do with it.”

Levi’s heart sank all the way down to the bottom of his boots. _No_ he thought _This isn’t happening._ There was no way Erwin could have forgotten last night. It wasn’t _fair_ if he had. He couldn’t just act that way and dump the memories solely onto Levi’s shoulder’s to remember. Now the feeling in Levi’s chest was a mix of bitterness and anger. _How utterly convenient_ he thought, glaring at the commander _Just do and say whatever the hell you want to me and then forget, I won’t mind in the slightest_. He was highly tempted to flash a double middle finger at the man, accompanied by a resounding “Fuck you.”

But he didn’t. There was no point in it. If Erwin couldn’t remember, then there was nothing he could do about it. He supposed there was nothing to do but drown his sorrows in the mug of tea he’d been brought, but Erwin couldn’t leave well enough alone.

“Levi, I’m sure that whatever I did that warranted this,” He pointed to his mangled face. (Levi winced) “Was entirely justified. I’m mortified that I may have acted in a way unbefitting my position as Commander, but more worried that I may have hurt you in some way. You don’t appear to be injured, but please tell me if there’s anything I did that—“

“You did nothing,” Levi growled, and took a sip of too-hot tea, burning his tongue as a result, “It was an instinctive reaction and an accident. You caught me off guard is all.”

There was no way he was going to elaborate further, because one, that might make things weird between him and Erwin, and two, he would have to go to all the trouble of attending Hanji’s funeral after she died laughing at him.

Erwin looked a bit disgruntled, but he also relaxed the tense set of his shoulders. “That’s good then. I’m sorry if I bothered you last night when you should have been resting. That was inexcusable on my part.”

Levi felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle up under Hanji’s intense stare. The woman was far too intuitive for her own good, and he could already predict the huge batch of questions he’d be assaulted with once she managed to trap him somewhere alone. He knew she didn’t believe the whole accident story, and he inwardly groaned knowing the extensive methods she would employ to get at every sordid detail.

“Just forget about it Erwin,” Levi huffed, throwing off the covers with one hand and taking care not to slosh his tea with the other, “It was no big deal.”

The words as they left his mouth felt cumbersome and fake. He wished he could take his own advice and forget about it, because it certainly _was_ a big deal. But he didn’t see it happening anytime soon. He pushed himself off the bed and headed for the chair that held a neat pile of the uniform he had prepared for today.

“By the way Erwin, those doofuses on the council want the revised plan for the budget. They were bothering me about it last night after you both left,” Hanji piped up, sounding like she usually did to Levi: far too enthusiastic and full of the potential to be a pain in the ass. “I thought about poisoning their drinks and burying them out in the woods, but then I figured they’d just send someone else along to bother you about it. They seem to have an endless supply of disposable morons.”

Levi rolled his eyes as he tugged on his pants and glanced up to see Erwin’s reaction to the statement, but he couldn’t see it. Because while Hanji was chattering on, Erwin had his gaze trained directly at the floor. That puzzled Levi. Was there something wrong with it? He’d scrubbed it just 3 days ago. And besides, Erwin had never found fault with the state of his quarters before. But wait… what if it had nothing to do with the floor? An idea occurred to him, and, not liking the thought of it, he decided to test out the theory right away.

“I hope you don’t plan on capitulating to those bastards,” he muttered, beginning to do up the buttons of his fly, “Pretty soon we won’t even have the funds to clothe us, no less fund the upkeep of the equipment we need for journeys outside the wall.”

Yes. He was right. Erwin’s eyes remained trained on the floor despite Levi’s direct address to him. He was avoiding his gaze!

Levi felt the resentment rise up again. If Erwin couldn’t even remember, then why the hell was he acting this way? It would be hard enough for he himself to forget it without Erwin making it obvious that something had changed. Well he’d just have to fix that, wouldn’t he?

Levi stalked over to his superior officer and got right up in his personal space. Sometimes there were benefits in being short, he thought, because this way he could plant himself directly between Erwin’s gaze, and the floor. Erwin stiffened at Levi’s sudden appearance, and took an instinctive step backwards. But Levi wasn’t going to let that happen. If the commander was going to try and ignore him, then the least Levi could do was make that as difficult as possible for him. He took a step forward and erased the distance again. “You have to put your foot down Erwin. They’re walking all over us.”

Erwin didn’t seem to know where to put his eyes now. They were currently bouncing all over the room, looking everywhere but at Levi. “You know that I’m dying to do just that Levi, but that’s impossible. If I push them too far then they’ll have the entire corps shut down. They’ve threatened it before and you know they have the power to make that happen. They don’t see the point in venturing outside the gates, and they’d rather spend the money on senseless material crap then on trying to learn more about the creatures that keep us caged like this. I can’t let that happen.”

“You’re letting that happen anyway!” Levi hissed smacking his hand against Erwin’s chest. Startled, Erwin looked down at him, which was what Levi had wanted the gesture to accomplish all along. “If you continue on the course you’re on now, the survey corps will be forced to disband because it will eventually collapse in on itself due to lack of funds. You can’t be passive now Erwin. We’ve got too much at stake!”

Now that Erwin was looking at him, he wasn’t pulling his eyes away, but he looked very strange. His forehead was creased, as if in pain, and his breathing had speeded up a bit. “Well then what do you suggest I do?” The words were thrown out with more bite than Erwin usually allowed himself, “If I pressure them they threaten me, and if I give them a little they try to take it all. They’re closing in on all sides making me believe they’re determined to see us shut down. And the power I have on the council is laughable. You remember the ridiculous tactics we needed to employ to have them spare one little titan shifter. What makes you think we’ll be able to save the entire survey corps?”

Levi felt hard muscle tense beneath his palm, and he realized he still had his hand pressed to the commander’s front. But rather than pull it away, his anger made him crunch the material in his fist and draw himself still closer to the man. He’d pulled himself up to his full height, but that still left an embarrassing amount of distance separating their eyes. “The fact that we simply can’t let it happen. Humanity will be lost without the survey corps. If we don’t gain some ground and regain the outer wall we’ll perish. There’s no way we can stay alive as is. If the armored and colossal titans return and destroy the next wall we’ll all starve. We need to keep going because we don’t have any other choice, and you’re the only one who has any hope of accomplishing that.”

Erwin laughed, and it was a bitter frustrated sound. “You look to me for direction, but I don’t know what you’re expecting to see. I have no secret plan, no stroke of genius that’ll turn everything around. I seem to lose more options every day, and the death toll only grows higher. We lost almost 30 men yesterday. 11 of them were married and 6 of them had children. I had to go to every single one of those families this morning and watch the hate and resentment bloom in their eyes as they looked at me as the killer of their loved ones. And I had nothing to say in my defense. We learned nothing yesterday.”

“We—“

“Nothing worth that many lives!” Erwin snapped, cutting off Hanji’s interruption before she could make some inane comment about a newly learned fact about titan digestion or something of the sort. But after his brief flare of anger he seemed to collapse. He suddenly looked smaller, and even the bruises on his face seemed darker, more prominent. “I used to think that I’d be able to make a difference. That somehow I’d lead us to some important development. I used to think I’d be able to bring hope to the people but now—“

“You do bring hope,” Levi growled without a moment’s hesitation.

Erwin sighed and shook his head, “That’s very nice of you to say, but I think that’s just a blind fantasy. I don’t think anyone looks at me anymore and sees—“

“I wasn’t speaking for some nameless mass, idiot,” Levi huffed, “I’m talking about myself.”

Erwin froze, and then his eyes widened despite the swelling, revealing every bit of those startling blue eyes. “You…”

“So what, I count as nobody now?” Levi demanded, tightening his hold on the man’s shirt still further. He realized that the words he was saying were embarrassing, but they were necessary. He wasn’t going to let Erwin spew shit like this. Not if he was around to say something about it, “The more desperate the situation gets, the more I count on you to deep us away from destruction--and I’m not the only one. You think Hanji doesn’t store her hope in you? She’s actually one of the only ones smart enough to really appreciate the brilliance in your decisions. Are you saying her hope is worth nothing too?”

“It’s true Erwin,” Hanji said, in a tone completely devoid of her usual sillyness, “I’m not naive enough to think we’d manage even one week without you.”

But that wasn’t enough for Levi. He had to make Erwin open his eyes. He needed to make him _see_.

“And what about Petra? And Oluo, Eld, and Gunther? You think they would have allowed themselves to die if they didn’t think they were leaving Humanity in good hands? And what about that Jaeger boy? You do realize he cuts down his obnoxiousness to about half its normal size out of respect for your leadership decisions. He doesn’t recklessly leap over the wall and start killing titans because he’s awaiting your direction. It’s not because he’s worried about me reaming him a new one, it’s because he knows our best chance lies with you. They all know it. It’s why all those trainees decided to join this year despite almost certain death. Because they look to you for leadership and a way to make it out of this hell.” Levi took in a breath. He almost never spoke for this long or this passionately. And yet he still wasn’t done. The weight in his gut was still pushing him to say more, “And that’s why you can’t just stop fighting. Because you might think you’re just a man, but you’re a man with all our hopes pinned on you. And Erwin, I can’t speak about anyone else, but I know that I’m a stubborn and distrusting son of bitch, so once I make the choice to rely on someone, I can’t just switch that choice. Whether you like it or not, that hope is stuck on you, so no one cares that you didn’t ask for it, or that you think you’re ordinary. We’re still expecting miracles from you, no matter how misguided the council will try and convince us we look.”

Levi had been so caught up in his little speech that he hadn’t been aware of the slow transformation of Erwin’s expression. But now that he stopped to catch his breath and collect his thoughts, he looked at the Commander and felt his breath catch in his throat. Because the Commander’s eyes were glistening. He wasn’t crying. He wouldn’t do something like that, but the wetness was there, and he wasn’t trying to hide it.

Erwin’s hands came down on Levi’s bare shoulders and squeezed. At the touch, Levi’s mind brought him instantly to last night. His fingers were just as warm as they had been that time; the palms dry and familiar. And yet, despite the heat the man’s hands gave off, Levi had to fight the urge to shiver.

“Levi…”

Levi wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be looking at Erwin’s face now because it had a vulnerable quality to it that he wasn’t sure how to respond to. The commander’s face was always shuttered-- a wall of unbreachable confidence that no one could see past. But now Erwin had let down some of those shutters, willingly or not, and Levi felt guilty seeing it. For once Erwin looked like he was at a loss for words, but he seemed to be struggling to find them anyway, “I won’t ever...I…” He took a deep breath and this time when he spoke again the words were a fierce rasp, “I won’t ever betray your trust in me Levi. I’ll find a way to keep our corps going. I promise you.”

He stopped, and Levi had a feeling it wasn’t because he didn’t have more to say, but because if he continued that slight wetness in his eyes might pass the point of no return. Levi looked up at Erwin—looked straight into those eyes he’d been following for years—and found that he couldn’t look away. It didn’t make sense. There was nothing physically retaining him there, and yet…

Once more the rocket that was Hanji propelled itself into Levi, only this time Erwin was her prisoner as well. She threw her arms around the both of them in a spontaneous and rather forced group hug. Her arms were so tight Levi could feel his spleen protesting, but she was smiling so wide he couldn’t find the heart to object. “I want to share the moment too!” she shouted, somehow managing to bury her head simultaneously in both their chests, “I’m so proud of my boys!”

Hanji’s tight squeeze had pushed Levi up against Erwin’s chest, and because of the height difference his face was pressed to the man’s shoulder. His arms were trapped between their bodies, and he wasn’t very sure how he felt about their locations. One hand was wedged up by his side, but the other was pressed flat against Erwin’s thigh. It was a very impressive thigh. Levi knew he was fit, but Erwin was an entirely different matter. Levi was pretty sure there was no physical need for Erwin to be _that_ level of fit, but he had to admit it certainly looked impressive.

“Erwin you’re stiffer than a nutcracker,” Hanji observed, nudging her head up against his chin, “Do you hate hugging us this much?” She attempted to put on a pouty face, but her natural exuberance wouldn’t allow that, so her face ended up settling on a cross between constipated bulldog and maniacal clown. It was quite possibly the scariest thing Levi had ever seen, and his expression of horror reflected that.

Erwin on the other hand reacted very differently. He went for embarrassed, which to Levi was very strange given that if there was one person even more okay with Hanji’s strangeness than himself, it was Erwin. And yet, the longer Levi looked at him, the stranger that reaction became, and, hold on a second—was that a blush? He felt like he had to do something to prevent that embarrassment spreading further.

“Nobody likes hugging you, shitty glasses,” Levi mumbled into Erwin’s chest. From this close up he could smell the commander, and what surprised him the most was that he wasn’t repelled. Normally, getting too close to anyone had the captain turning up his nose, but Erwin… There was no trace of the alcohol from last night. He had bathed, and quite recently too, going by the strong scent of fresh soap. Levi found himself leaning into the smell instinctively. Soap was the smell of home, comfort. But it wasn’t just soap. There was another smell there, but it wasn’t anything he could identify. It wasn’t unpleasant. It was… Levi frowned when he failed to find the proper word. For some reason the smell reminded him of one of the trees he often came across on the outside walls. He didn’t know the name of it, but it stuck out in his mind because that type of tree was always so tall, and their trunks were thicker than a 17 meter class titan. He’d never seen a felled one, or even one that was badly scarred. They were resilient, and he never worried that one of its branches would break off beneath him. Levi looked up at the face of the man the smell belonged to and grudgingly admitted that it was a good fit.

But he wasn’t done noticing things, and it was only now that Hanji was here at the same time that he picked up on it. Erwin was warm in a way Hanji wasn’t. He...Levi found it difficult even to describe it in his own head. It was like Erwin’s warmth went deeper or to different places, or-- before Levi could figure it out, Erwin somehow managed to extricate himself from Hanji’s death grip and took a step back. Once more he lifted his hand to run it through his hair, and then Levi knew something was definitely up, because once could be a fluke but two times was some kind of calculated voodoo shit. He almost cried out when those previously perfect golden strands became even more tousled, but he controlled himself because you didn’t earn the title of humanity’s strongest for nothing--but it was still a close thing.

“You should head down to the cafeteria to get something to eat,” Erwin suggested, eyes once more flickering everywhere, “I mean, after you put some clothes on--or before. I mean, you could really do whatever you wanted and I’m sure no one would stop you, but it would be more appropriate if--”

Hanji snickered, “It’s all right commander, Levi knows better than to flaunt his abs to the rest of the corps, don’t you Levi?”

At that, Levi’s wrist was seized in a grip so tight he could swear the pesky woman had actually fused with him.

“What the hell are you--” Levi cut his speech off when the grip on his wrist became even tighter. He knew what that meant--agree with her, or consider his writing abilities gone forever. Levi would have loved to ignore her out of spite, but he really did rely on his dominant hand a lot. He capitulated. “Uh...that’s right Erwin. Walking around without full uniform is like...like…” For some reason he couldn’t think of a fitting analogy, though he had a good feeling it was in large part due to the lack of oxygen reaching his hand.

“Like betraying the one who loves you in the deepest and most cutting sense of the word.” Hanji finished for him.

“Yeah, that’s right, it’s--no! What the hell? That’s not--!”

Hanji slapped her hand over his mouth and smiled winningly up at the commander, “Why don’t you catch up with that councilman from last night. I left him in Moblit’s hands, but the poor dear may have already fainted from the pressure of that assignment.”

Levi rolled his eyes. He’d never understood why the hell Moblit put up with Hanji’s endless crap, and he wasn’t about to try getting it now. Erwin apparently found the situation more alarming than Levi did because he immediately turned toward the door. Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion. It was almost like Erwin _wanted_ an excuse to leave. That idea had his teeth clacking together. And as cool and unfazed as he perpetually liked to appear to be, it bothered him.

The moment the man’s last strand of golden hair was out of sight, Levi yanked his hand out of Hanji’s hold.

“What the hell, you shitty glasses Titan obsessed freak?”

Hanji threw her hands up in the air and laughed, “So how long has this little thing between you two been going on?”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but stop avoiding the issue,” Levi growled, “You do realize I’m probably going to need to get my hand amputated now.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure Erwin would only be too happy to play doctor with you.”

“Actually Erwin would probably kill you. I’m his greatest asset after all.”

“Yes. He most certainly seems to admire your assets,” Hanji agreed, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“Don’t look at me like that. It looks like you have explosive diarrhea.”

Levi had to fight the urge not to flinch as Hanji leaned in closer and analyzed his face. She stared at him disconcertingly for so long that Levi began to grow self-conscious. Did he have a smudge on his cheek or something equally horrific? He could have sworn he’d gone to bed completely spotless, but something could have happened during the night, he supposed. Whatever it was, it was probably Eren’s fault, that damn Titan shifter. He’d been breathing so loudly during the expedition. He could have gotten them all killed. He’d definitely have to teach that damn kid a--

“You like him, don’t you?”

Levi blanched in total horror. “That jaeger brat?” he asked, hoping against all hope that he’d misheard. The thought of Eren was nearly enough to give him an ulcer. He could almost hear the brat doing something annoying even from this distance.

Hanji’s forehead crunched up in confusion, “What? No. I mean, that’s an entirely different story and certainly an interesting idea to dwell on, but right now I happen to be talking about our very edible and unbearably single commander.”

Levi felt his heart rate drop to calmer levels. “Oh,” he said, relief clear in every inflection of his breath, “Well of course I like Erwin. He’s saved my life on numerous occasions and he’s the best commander the army has ever seen.”

Hanji rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

Levi shot her a weary look and then crossed the room to get back to his dressing. He pushed his arms into the sleeves of his neatly pressed shirt. “Pardon me for not comprehending every thought that goes through your diseased mind. I wouldn’t get offended if I were you. I’m sure this happens to you only too often.”

“Shut up,” she said without malice, reaching over to the side table to sneak some of the tea left in his mug, “I wasn’t insinuating anything near platonic. No one stares that long at another man’s hair with only straight thoughts on their mind.”

Levi just stared at her, totally uncomprehending. Of course he’d looked at his hair. Erwin had butchered it after all. It had been like watching a train wreck happen. Though, come to think of it, he supposed the commander hadn’t looked all that bad like that. The loose tousled style could even look good in a way. It was just...different. Hard to get used to. Of course he had looked at it. Only a blind man wouldn’t have noticed.

“Levi!”

The short captain jerked out of his thoughts and then cast an annoyed glance at his companion. Hanji merely waved the item in her hands a little harder. It was the empty glass bottle from last night. “I said for someone who really hit the hard stuff last night you’re acting remarkably sober. I can’t believe you went and got drunk without me. I’ve never seen you drink! How could you Levi? I thought you were my best friend.”

“Don’t make me gag Hanji. How many times do I have to enumerate the differences between corps partner and friend? Besides, why do you think I’d ever do something as stupid as drink? Alcohol numbs the brain and the reflexes. All of you might not mind if a Titan took a bite of your ass while you’re flat on your inebriated face, but I’d rather not deal with that mess.”

Hanji dropped the bottle back on the table with a clang and threw her arm around Levi, “Oh stop being such a prissy pants and tell me about last night, I’m horrifically jealous. Did you get a piece of Commander Booty?”

“More like Commander Nuisance, and by the way, go take a bath before you touch me so freely.”

“Who can bathe at a time like this?” Hanji asked as though the very idea was so preposterous even her well expanded mind couldn’t cope with it, “Please don’t tell me you’ve had sex before I could have the talk with you.”

As confused as Levi had been, that one word was like a splash of cold water in his face. He finally realized exactly where Hanji’s mind had gone, and promptly freaked the hell out about it.

He leapt out of Hanji’s hold and roared, “The hell kind of things are you envisioning you Titan smelling ponytailed creep?”

Anyone else would have cowered. Not Hanji. She was defective that way.

“See it’s that kind of defensive reaction that proves my point.”

“What point? That you’ve finally gone over the deep end and joined the land of the rabidly insane?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Levi. Everyone has an Erwin phase. It’s like a rite of passage.”

Levi didn’t know what to say about any of this. It was all so ridiculous and disconcerting that all he could think of to calm himself and make right of the world was to kill someone. Naturally his mind volunteered Eren.

“That’s it,” Levi growled, shoving Hanji aside and marching right out the door. He could hear her protests behind him, but like hell he was going back there. Almost blind with rage, he stormed down the hall and down the steps. So much was pissing him off he could barely keep them all in his head. First there was Erwin acting all weird and trying to avoid him, then there was Hanji with her weird ass theories and disturbing trains of thought, and then there were his memories of last night and the idea of that stupid commander sprawled out on his bed and--and those damn kids he had in place of his far more reliable old and very dead squad.

Levi’s mind latched onto the new complaint with vigorous enthusiasm. The idea of his new recruits’ uselessness was almost a comforting idea in the face of all this new garbage. Shitty brats he could deal with.

He rounded the corners with a speed surprising given the shortness of his legs, but he was a very determined and pissed off little captain, and that was as good as a tailwind. Moments later he threw open the door to a very specific dormitory with a bang. Every single one of the inhabitants jumped, but Levi only had eyes for one of them.

“Jaeger!” he barked in all his captainly glory, “You little sack of decomposing shit.”

Eren was wearing an expression of surprise--not because of the captain’s insults, he was used to those--but because of Levi’s manner of entrance. None of them had ever seen him step foot in the dormitories down on this level. If he ever wanted one of them, he snagged any poor soul that happened to be walking past and turned them, under threat of death, into his own personal messenger boy. It was a system Levi found worked very well for him, though the person on the receiving end of this sort of treatment rarely felt the same way.

But if seeing Levi here of his own accord was enough of a shock, then seeing him in total disarray was enough to melt anyone’s mind. Levi had stormed from the room in just his pants and an unbuttoned shirt, that just so happened to be blown back from the power of his storming entrance. Every square of honed ab muscle was on display for the world to see, and more importantly, seeing him without his cravat, Eren concluded that this made Levi, for all intents and purposes, naked.

Thankfully, Eren’s mind was good at focusing on specific triggers, and Levi’s words happened to be one of them.

“I didn’t even do anything this time!” he harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling in that way Mikasa happened to find endearing but everyone else thought made him look constipated (Levi was the one who had made that particular comparison in the first place.)

Levi was delighted with this response. It was like getting the green light to go ahead and tear the kid a new one.

“Didn’t do anything?” Levi shouted. He liked how dramatic that sounded so he said it again, “Didn’t do _anything_? Does nearly killing all your squad members on the expedition really count as nothing to you? Or is your little titan obsessed mind too narrow to encompass the lives of your so called friends?”

Well that did it, Levi noted with satisfaction. Doubting the authenticity of his friends just happened to be another one of the boy’s triggers. Levi knew this because he’d exploited the fact before on more than one occasion.

“I’d do anything for my friends!” Eren shouted with the expected mindless rage. To be fair to him, Levi knew Eren was capable of clear thought and genuine feeling for those around him--he just never happened to see any of that in conjunction with himself.

“Including killing them apparently,” Levi sniffed, tossing his hair as effectively as he could for someone with an undercut. He thought it gave him the impression of a noble steed tossing its mane. Unfortunately his height made it so that he could only ever be regarded as a Shetland pony.

“U-um, sir? Eren didn’t do anything to endanger us sir.”

Levi blinked and tore his eyes away from the Titan shifter to take in the small blonde that had apparently been standing next to the boy the entire time. Seeing him, Levi was annoyed to find that the blonde’s presence only served to heap on him even greater confusion, and that annoyance made him snap, “What the hell are you doing in here Arlert?”

Armin nearly melted beneath Levi’s heated glare, but despite the fact that he looked like he was about to pass out, he still kept full eye contact with the captain. “I-I sleep here sir.”

Levi snorted, “Don’t be absurd. They don’t allow mixed sexes in the dorms.”

Once the kids were at least 16 they were allowed to use their wages to move from the dorms into a space of their own accommodation, but as it was…

Levi was disgruntled to find Armin continuing to speak after he found the matter already settled in his mind.

“I don’t understand sir.”

The boy looked confused, and he wasn’t the only one. Levi swiveled his head to find that Eren, as well as the rooms other current inhabitants, Jean and Connie, sported the same blank looks.

Levi sighed. It seemed the recruits were getting dumber by the year.

“Girls and boys can’t be in the same room together in the dorms. That was the rule when I was a recruit, hell it was the rule when old man Pixis was a recruit, and it’ll probably still be the rule by the time Titans are eradicated from this earth and we’re left to sit around and stick our thumbs up our asses all day.”

Levi explained this to the boy wearily, as if it really exhausted him to do so. He couldn’t’ imagine that it could really get any simpler than that explanation, and yet the little blonde mushroom continued to speak.

“I’m aware of the rule sir, but I’m not sure how that applies in this--”

“What the hell are you trying to imply about Armin you bastard?” Eren shouted, cutting his friend off, and shooting forward to push himself right into the captain’s face. His eyes were consumed with rage, and that, Levi reasoned, was probably what was allowing him the deadly mistake of insulting his superior officer. Levi’s understanding was not going to help Eren in the slightest, especially since Levi couldn’t for the life of him figure out why he was so riled up in the first place.

“Easy there shit stain,” Levi spat, leaning right into boy’s face in return. He didn’t care if the boy could turn into 15 meter class Titan, or that Levi was currently weaponless--when it came to a battle between humanity’s strongest and humanity’s most thickheaded, he would win every time, “I don’t think your little friends want to see me knock each and every one of your teeth out.”

Jean, who had been frozen beside his bed, looked up with excitement in his eyes. Levi caught the slight motion in his peripheral vision but didn’t bother to amend his statement because Eren was once again shouting. “Armin has as much right to be here as any other man!”

“That would be true,” Levi conceded, “If he happened to be one.”

Eren seemed to puff out with indignation, and his face turned several swiftly deepening shades of maroon before he could even bring himself to speak, but when he did, it was almost loud enough to make the paint split. “If he’s not a man, explain _this_ then!”

And so saying he stalked over to the small blonde, ripped the bottom of his shirt out from the waist of his uniform pants, and tugged it up to reveal a pale lightly muscled chest.

Levi blinked. He’d seen a couple of pairs of breasts in his time (including that one traumatizing event where Hanji had spontaneously decided to borrow his bath without giving notice) but none of them had been this flat and distinctly…male.

“Aren’t girls usually a little more developed by the time they’re your age, Arlert?” Levi muttered, scratching at the side of his neck.

Eren exploded. “Armin is a MAN! And I’ll fucking prove it!”

He began to grapple with the belt at the boy’s hips with angry little grunts.

“Eren!” Armin cried, snapping his hands down to stop him, “What the hell are you—“

“Don’t worry Armin, I’ll prove to this asshole once and for all that you’re just as manly as the rest of—“

“No Eren! I don’t want—“

“Just think of it Armin. A world where no one doubts your—“

“Dammit Eren if you want to get in my pants just fucking ask me!”

Everything froze. Jean stopped grinning, and Connie dropped the shoe he was holding. Unfortunately Eren froze with his hands on Armin’s crotch, which didn’t really improve the situation. Armin, who had calmed down a bit once Eren had stopped, blushed furiously as he looked back on what he said, and Levi just took it all in with mild distaste. He did however, suffer a mild change of expression when he noticed the state of Armin’s pants, and the noticeable bulge that hadn’t been there several moments ago.

“You’re a boy,” he muttered, feeling everything turn a little bit more upside down. Already his mind was trying to search for indications that would have led him to this conclusion earlier, but he came up with nothing. The boy didn’t sound like a boy, and he didn’t really look like a boy. (In fact he quite resembled a princess what with that blonde hair, fair skin, and quiet eloquence.) Plus there was the fact that he was nearly constantly draped over the little brat. Something that appeared to have some significance after all if that bulge was anything to go by. Oblivious as he was, even Eren couldn’t miss such an obvious sign when his hands were directly over the area in question. Levi noted with some amusement that the face that had been so recently purple with rage, now drained to a more skeletal white. The boy leapt back and threw his hands up into the air as if to prevent accusations that he’d been doing anything illicit.

“I-I didn’t mean to, I mean, it wasn’t, I—“

Levi sighed at the boy’s nonsense babbling. The poor princess looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. Levi wanted to whack Eren upside the head--well, wanted to do so more than usual. The boy was a walking disaster.

Levi sighed. Did he really have to do everything around here? He took several steps forward, snagged the blonde by the wrist, and headed for the back of the room knowing Eren would follow him. The small blonde looked like he was going to vomit down his uniform. Levi almost had sympathy for him, but a glance upward revealed that even the little princess was taller than him. Levi huffed in disgust and kept moving, dragging the too-tall boy behind him. He reached the door in the back and flung it open to reveal the large communal bathroom. Standing at one of the sinks was a large muscular blonde with a razor held up to his face. When the boy caught hold of Levi’s face in the reflection of the mirror, he dropped the razor in the sink, whipped around, and offered up a salute.

“Morning sir,” he shouted, in crisp military like fashion.

Levi smirked, and turned to the scowling Eren that had just thrown open the door behind him.

“You see brat? _That’s_ how you properly greet a superior officer.”

He turned back to the large blonde while Eren ground his teeth down to chalk dust behind him. “It’s Braun, isn’t it?”

Reiner’s eyes widened a bit, and then the corners of his mouth began to turn up tentatively in a smile. He looked ridiculous considering the white shaving cream he still had covering one side of his face, but Levi didn’t bother mentioning that fact. “That’s right sir.”

“Well then get the fuck out of here Braun, I need this space.” Levi snapped.

Reiner blinked, and then looked from him, to Eren, as if to confirm the truth of the statement.

“You heard me mammoth breasts,” Levi barked, staring brazenly at the man’s chest, “Go find that beanpole you’re always hanging around or something. I just need you out of here.”

Reiner’s mouth opened, either to protest or express his confusion, but a minor adjustment of Levi’s scowl had the boy scurrying from the bathroom. When the door slammed shut behind him, Levi finally turned around to address the pesky brats.

He shoved Armin into Eren’s arms and snapped, “You’ve got 25 minutes. I don’t care how or why, just make it up to him and then both of you get your asses down to the training grounds. If any of you are late, I’ll flay you until both your ends look identical. Do I make myself clear?”

Eren still looked like he was trying to process the fact that he wasn’t about to get several extra holes punched into his body, but Armin was quicker on the uptake.

“Y-yes sir,” he said, punching his fist to his chest in a salute, “Thank you sir.”

Levi nodded and turned toward the door. As he held it open with one hand, he cast Eren a backwards glance, “And for fucks sake be gentle with him--If I’ve got any complaints during training about aches and pains I’m going to find the largest and sharpest thing I can find and shove it straight up your ass Jaeger. I swear it on all the fucking graves I’ve ever dug.”

But Eren didn’t look intimidated. In fact he wasn’t looking at Levi at all. He was staring down at Armin with a dawning kind of wonder on his face. The last thing Levi saw before the door shut behind him was the brat tentatively reaching for his friend, while the blonde turned every shade of pink in creation.

Levi stalked back through the room with every pair of eyes on him. In fact, there were even more than he remembered there being before. Oh well, he was used to being the center of attention anyway.

It was the little bald one who stepped forward, and even though he looked a bit nervous, his face was one of concern. “Are they…?”

“They’re fine Springer,” Levi said, voice as brisk as his feet, “All of you need to be down at the training grounds in 25 minutes. Spread the word to the girls. And _you_ ,” Levi rounded his eyes to rest on Jean, who was looking like he’d been drugged, “Get that dumb ass look off your face. This doesn’t mean you’ve improved your chances with Ackerman.”

And with that last pleasant epithet, he threw himself back out into the corridor, shirt tails flapping behind him as he forcibly kept his focus on the recruits, and not on handsome eyebrowed commanders who smelled like trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops. My hand slipped and added in some Armin/Eren. How clumsy of me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Exactly twenty five minutes later, Levi was standing before his line of recruits, with his feet planted firmly on the ground and his arms across his chest. Naturally his scowl was fixed at its usual soul sucking levels.

“Disgraceful!” he barked out after a full minute of silence. The recruits, who for the most part had begun to squirm under his gaze, jumped. Only Mikasa and Ymir appeared unruffled. Levi took several steps forward until he was right up against the line of recruits. He started at the end of the line and got right up into the recruit’s face. His first victim happened to be Bertholdt. “You,” he snapped, teeth bared in an intimidation tactic he’d perfected after years of honing the skill, “Hesitant and too damn tentative in your movements. You think your corps members can afford to have you pause at a vital moment? Fucking grow a pair and learn to make calls instinctively.”

He moved down the line. Naturally Reiner was standing right beside the boy, his fists clenched tight by his sides. His mouth was a straight line of anger. Levi smirked, “Learn to let him take criticism, soldier. It was a valid point.”

Next up was Connie. The boy was trying to stare straight ahead, but his eyes kept darting to check on the girl beside him, and Levi instantly noticed why. His eyes widened as he took in the glaringly obvious brown stain on the girl’s shirt right below where her uniform jacket ended, and then he saw red. So angry was he, that he forgot all his complaints for Connie, and immediately launched into this greatest insult to his personage. His arm shot out and grabbed hold of the girl’s collar and yanked her forward. “What the ever living _fuck_ is on your uniform Braus?”

“Chili, Sir.”

Levi stared. So disbelieving was he in the response that his hands slipped from the girl’s collar.

“Chili.”

The way he repeated the word made it clear that if it was up to him the word would be torn from the language, set ablaze, and publically humiliated forever.

“They served it for lunch sir,” she added helpfully.

Levi heard a horrified moan beside him, and caught what sounded like “It’s the potato all over again…” from Connie’s lips. The captain had no idea what the boy was referring to, but as the moments ticked by that stain only appeared to grow larger. He knew that the proper punishment needed to be meted out, and justice was his middle name.

“Strip,” Levi ground out through gritted teeth, “Right now.”

Every pair of eyes was locked onto him at that moment. Even Ymir looked vaguely interested. But the insolent girl in question merely scrunched her brow in confusion. “I’m not sure I understand sir. Are you asking me to—“

“Get out of that goddamn uniform this instant or I will forcibly remove it from your body, and I can assure you that you will _not_ be glad that I did!”

Levi’s voice rang out through the open air with the kind of authority that just didn’t get questioned.

Sasha questioned it.

“You mean right here? In front of everybody?”

Connie actually let out a whimper when Levi lunged forward, but the captain merely yanked the shirt out of the girl’s pants and held it up for her to see. “This uniform is a symbol. This uniform represents all of humanity’s hopes. And it is this very uniform that you’ve chosen to tarnish with your goddamn _chili_. Now before I tear the thing to shreds, is there anything you have to say in your defense that would warrant your keeping this uniform upon your person?”

“It was very good chili sir,” Sasha answered, voice fervent in her honesty.

The stunned silence that followed had a sound of its own, and it wasn’t a pretty one. Ymir’s “Holy shit!” was muffled by Christa’s hand. If Levi had been a Titan shifter, there was no doubt he would have transformed in that moment. Instead, what followed was the quickest sword work any of the assembled recruits had ever seen. Many of their eyes couldn’t even follow the swishing blades as they tore through the straps and bindings of Sasha’s uniform, but they did see it drop to the ground around her in a matter of seconds. Sasha was left standing before them in a pair of white undergarments that were no means of protection from the crisp autumn air. Other than those, she was naked but for the customary boots they’d all been assigned.

“Laps around the entire compound,” Levi barked, tightening his hands into fists to prevent them from shaking with anger. “Keep going until you’ve explained to 100 people that you’re doing it because you’ve desecrated the Survey Corps Uniform.”

“But that’ll take forever,” Sasha pointed out, already shivering in the unkind air, “Nobody’ll be out on the training grounds until they’ve sufficiently recovered from the expedition.”

“Should have thought of that before you went ahead and had your little chili accident then,” Levi growled.

Levi’s anger went beyond his usual obsession with cleanliness. These kids had no idea how much effort was being put into keeping the Survey Corps running. Erwin had needed to pull all sorts of ridiculous hours for months to get the go ahead for this past expedition. Levi couldn’t even count the amount of times he’d found Erwin’s head pillowed on his arms, fast asleep on his desk, as he perused some insanely boring tax report. He’d never woken him. Levi knew that Erwin would have found that embarrassing. He knew how important the Commander took the responsibilities of his position, and to be discovered showing anything other than full confidence would have been a blow to the man’s pride. Erwin hid his troubles very well—so well that these kids had no idea. Levi knew they were young, and that they were entitled to make mistakes. But they couldn’t afford to make mistakes now. Not when their every move was being scrutinized by the council. Those men would exploit every weakness they found, and wouldn’t hesitate to condone behavior as slovenly or unseemly. So it may have just been a chili stain to Sasha Braus, but it wouldn’t be to the council, and that’s why it couldn’t be so for Levi as well.

Maybe one of the others would have been able to explain all this to the recruits, but Levi was not the man for the job. He was a man of action, not words, and so he would have to handle this his own way.

“But it’s cold as a Titan’s ass out here,” the girl whined, her composure breaking down at the thought of the endless frigid laps—though she seemed to remember something, and turned to face Eren before muttering, “No offense.”

Reiner stifled a laugh, and Bertholdt elbowed him in the side in response.

“None taken,” Eren muttered back, in quite a surprising twist. Levi had thought it Eren’s job to take Titan jokes as offensively as possible on all occasions, though he supposed he could be wrong sometimes.

“Not my problem!” Levi barked.

The captain didn’t know anything about psychology, or how the mind worked at all really, but he did know that endless repetition could pound a point in more effectively than anything else, and if that did the trick and unburdened Erwin even the slightest bit in this case, so be it.

“Now get moving. Don’t make me say it again Braus.” His voice was back to its even levels now, and that made it far more intimidating than his shouting could ever be. Sasha did the smart thing and hightailed it past the captain. There were moments where it was okay to shine out and be a badass, but this wasn’t one of them.

Levi waited until the girl’s footfalls had faded into the distance before opening his mouth to speak again.

“Now since all of you were so eager to demonstrate your incompetence yesterday, I’m sure you’ll all love the training regimen I have planned for you today.”

Levi ignored the quiet whoosh of air that was 9 recruits sucking in devastated breaths, though they didn’t dare voice any objections aloud.

“We’re going over every single basic maneuver in the entire arsenal of 3dmg movements and none of you are stopping until I’ve deemed every one of them perfect—and believe me, I have _very_ high standards for what constitutes perfection.”

There was a barely perceivable “fuck,” but Levi couldn’t tell where it had come from. Not that it mattered. It wouldn’t change the reality of their situations.

“Now get up in the air,” he barked out, “Before I die of old age.”

They did as they were told, and it was sloppy. Levi made sure to keep his outward expression steady at all times, but inside he was cringing. And as he watched them move as they followed his shouted orders, his stomach only sunk lower. The problem was their cooperation, or rather, their lack of it. Some of them worked together decently. Reiner and Bertholdt didn’t seem to even need verbal cues to communicate, and Ymir and Christa did well together whenever Ymir wasn’t trying to blatantly cop a feel, but then…there were the others.

Connie was the sloppiest. Levi knew it was uncharacteristic because he’d seen the boy in action before. He recalled the boy’s whimper when he had directed his anger toward Sasha and sighed. The boy was worried, and it was really screwing him over. But he wasn’t the only one. As usual Eren and Jean seemed to be doing everything possible to ensure the other one came out as wrong-footed as possible. And a lot of the sabotage was rather blatant. Twice Levi witnessed Jean pull a tree branch back to let it whack Eren in the face. No one had bought his excuse that he’d done it just to get the branches out of the way, but the more ridiculous part to Levi was the fact that Eren had fallen into the same trap within 5 minutes of each incident. He would have chuckled if he hadn’t been so annoyed. The boy was a hopeless mess.

Levi refused to change the formation in which they carried out their maneuvers even after a midair collision between Connie and Jean that had him reaching to pull his hair out by the roots. They needed to learn to work around and with each other, but he didn’t know what that way was, and it was frustrating the hell out of him.

“Goddamn it Jaeger! Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass you’d be able to see your damn comrades a little better!” Levi roared after he nearly slammed into Reiner from behind. It wasn’t like The wall of muscle would mind, in fact, Levi was pretty sure Reiner just might be the gayest man on the face of the earth, but it was the principle of the thing. Eren was supposed to be flying through the air like a majestic falcon, not making a porno.

“Why did you put yourself in Eren’s path?” Mikasa called out in that chilled vengeful tone she reserved for Eren’s persecutors.

Reiner swung his head around in confusion, “What? This is my space. Eren was supposed to go the _other_ way.”

“Don’t pick on my Mikasa like that!” Jean cried out, swinging into the fray.

“ _Your_ Mikasa?” Mikasa spluttered, forgetting about the large blonde for a moment.

“Get the fuck away from me horseface!” Eren screamed, shoving Jean away when he spun too close. This caused the boy to swing into Ymir, who promptly busted a gut. “The only one who can touch me is Christa!” she roared, shoving Jean back so hard he slammed back into Eren and sent them both colliding into a nearby tree. Connie jumped out of the way and got tangled in Bertholdt’s 3dmg lines. Reiner went to help, but his angry yanks were only synching them together tighter.

Levi had seen enough.

With blood boiling past survivable levels, he took in a deep breath and--

Just as he was about to let loose with volcanic levels of verbal assault, he felt something warm slip onto his shoulders. He glanced up at the same time that the man who had appeared beside him let out a chuckle.

“Easy there Levi, there’s steam rising from your head,” Erwin said, greeting him with a smile.

Every word he’d been about to say twisted into a massive knot in his mind. Totally disarmed by the man’s sudden presence, it took a full 10 seconds before Levi realized that the object that had been draped around his shoulders was Erwin’s uniform Jacket. Levi had been so pissed off with the recruits’ performances that he hadn’t noticed his hands had gone red and numb from the cold. Erwin’s Jacket did what Levi’s did not. The sleeves came down past his wrists to cover his fingers and provide them a shield from the cold.

Staring up at that smile was like looking into the sun, but before he could be flustered into total silence he snapped, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Erwin’s smile grew wider, thereby increasing Levi’s load of problems by a significant amount.

“I came to see how things were going with your training.” Erwin explained, “You do realize that everyone else is taking the day off, right?”

“Everyone else isn’t as tragically untalented as this lot,” Levi growled, “They can’t afford to take breaks.” He indicated the tangled mess of recruits up in the trees, “My case in point.”

Erwin glanced up at the group, and everyone there looked right back at him. They had all frozen to take in the exchange between their Commander and Captain. Levi made a mental note to kill them all for their nosiness.

“Huh,” Erwin noted, smile not shrinking by a degree, “Speaking about tragic sights, I noticed one on my way over here. I entertained myself my entire walk across the training grounds wondering what Sasha could have done to offend you so.”

With a flare of annoyance, Levi realized that Erwin’s eyes were twinkling with humor. _Twinkling._

“She desecrated the uniform,” Levi hissed from between clenched teeth.

“So I heard,” Erwin replied, dropping his hand onto Levi’s double-jacket covered shoulder, “An incident involving Chili I believe? It was hard to make out considering her teeth were chattering so much, but I had to agree that it _was_ particularly good today. I wonder if they changed the recipe.”

It was bad enough that Erwin didn’t seem to appreciate the actions Levi had taken for him, but what Levi found truly infuriating was that Erwin was also currently teasing him about it, and not very subtly either.

He raised his hand and smacked Erwin’s hand away, “Don’t you have anything better to do, like mourn the death of your face?”

Erwin laughed, and the sound startled Levi. When was the last time he’d heard the Commander laugh? The stress had ensured that all he ever gave away were chuckles and mild snorts. But now that he heard it again, Levi realized he’d missed the sound. He never recalled paying this much attention to it before.

“I don’t know Levi, I think I might prefer it this way. Don’t you think I look more intimidating? Maybe you could give me a cool scar over my eyebrow as well.”

Please, Levi thought disdainfully, like he could ever mar the perfection of those eyebrows in any way. But what he actually said was, “You’re an idiot.”

“A cool looking idiot.”

Levi’s brain scrambled to find a comeback to that one, but he was spared the effort when a very familiar yet fully clothed individual came racing up with a box in her hands.

“I found them Commander,” Sasha gasped, out of breath from her furious pace, “And you were right. Hanji knew exactly what I was talking about.”

Levi wheeled around to more properly take in this new and greatest offense. Sasha was standing there, breathing hard, in full uniform, and--hold the fuck on, that cloak was far too big on her, Levi’s mind rationalized, which could only mean…

The sound that left Levi’s throat was almost feral. He reached over and yanked Erwin down to his level by his bolo tie, “You gave the uniform destroying recruit _your own cloak_ to wear?”

“Well I couldn’t just let her go back into the compound dressed as she was,” Erwin explained, not seeming at all bothered by the fact that he was bent almost double over Levi, “She could be harassed.”

“She was _supposed_ to be harassed. That was the entire reason for her punishment--a punishment she has _not_ fulfilled, and one that she’s going to complete _right now_ before I--”

“But sir, I did fulfill it.”

It was possible that one day Sasha would learn the appropriateness of when to speak and when to be silent, but today was not that day. Without letting go of Erwin, Levi turned his head toward the girl with untold levels of ire in his eyes.

“What?” he snapped.

Sasha shifted the box in her hands. “Well you said I could stop if I explained the situation to 100 people, and I did.”

“Impossible,” Levi snapped, “You were gone for less than an hour. It should have taken you somewhere closer to the three year mark.”

“That’s what I thought too sir, except when I explained my punishment to the Commander he gathered a large group of trainees for me and had me tell over the situation to all of them at once.”

This time when Levi trained his eyes back on Erwin, the Commander had the decency to look a bit sheepish, “Well I couldn’t just let her fingers fall off from frostbite. How would she maneuver the gear that way?”

“With her fucking teeth!” Levi shouted, “What the hell do I care? The real question is why are you messing with my disciplinary techniques?”

“I’m not messing with them, I was just revising them a bit,” he answered.

“That’s the same fucking thing and you know it!”

“Yes, but I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

“Goddamn it Erwin!”

“If you don’t watch that anger you’re going to burst a vessel in your face, and I can’t have you looking as cool as me, can I?”

“You have no idea how violent my thoughts are right now.” Levi managed through painfully clenched teeth. His jaw was beginning to ache.

“Well that’s a real shame Levi, but I’ll bet you’ll forget them after all the fun we’re going to have.” And with that, he turned from the stunned Captain to Sasha. “Let me take that off your hands.”

He took the box, but as he opened it and began to pull out various colored cloths, Levi went right back up to him and demanded, “Fun?”

“Oh yes. We’re going to play a game.”

“I don’t have time for games Erwin.”

“For this one you do.”

Erwin didn’t give Levi a chance to protest. He called up to the recruits, who had somehow managed in the intervening time to detangle themselves. “Listen up.” Erwin’s voice was once again a paragon of control despite the lighthearted way he’d just been speaking to Levi, “I’m sure your Captain was just as appalled by your lack of teamwork as I was during the expedition. Now we’re going to do an exercise, and all of you are going to do your best, or I won’t be able to assure your safety. There’s only so much I can do to reign in Levi’s murderous instincts.”

He really was going to kill him. Levi didn’t care how nice a figure Erwin cut as he called out to the group with his rolled up shirtsleeves and mildly windswept hair, the man had to die.

“Split up into two groups. I want Eren, Jean, Christa, Sasha and Bertholdt on one side, and Armin, Ymir, Mikasa, Connie, and Reiner on the other.”

Despite his anger, Levi couldn’t help marveling at the man’s daring. He’d split up every cooperative pairing. Already he could detect the murderous looks Jean and Eren were exchanging. A bit of the sadist in him was grinning at the thought.

Despite the vocal groans of protest, Erwin continued. “The exercise is simple. You need to retrieve your team’s flags. Each time you retrieve one, you must replace it with the one you took before it, until at the end you are left with only the last flag. The catch is, that every time you retrieve a flag, you must hand it over to a team mate for planting. No one may touch two consecutive flags, and everyone has to have an equal amount of turns. If you drop a flag you have to start all over again. The first team to hand me the last flag is the winner. Any questions?”

A bunch of blinking recruits stared back at the commander, but nobody said a word—nobody but Levi that is.

“Erwin I swear on your parents’ graves, if you’re wasting my time, then I’m going to beat you to death with my cravat.”

Erwin merely chuckled. He handed a handful of flags to both Sasha and Connie and directed them to plant them in two separate paths in straight lines of equal distance through the trees. Then, as the two carried out his directions, the man walked to each of the recruits and shook their hands while he told them how proud he was of their bravery and hard work during the expedition. It was nearly enough to send Levi vomiting up his recently eaten meal.

“The hell was that?” He demanded when the recruits took their places at the starting line and Erwin returned to his side.

“You don’t have to shout Levi, I _am_ standing right here.”

Levi ground his teeth together. Sure, the man was a brilliant tactician and handy on a Titan kill, but that didn’t mean the captain wasn’t tempted to strangle him about twice every hour. “Why are you going all soft on them? If you start commending them on every little thing, like their ability to wipe their own asses, they’re going to end up with swollen heads the size of your eyebrows.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that my eyebrows have feelings too?” Erwin joked. And then he did something very strange. He reached over and ruffled Levi’s hair. Levi was so shocked at the gesture that he didn’t even flinch as the warm fingers brushed over his scalp, and he was still frozen when Erwin turned to the recruits and shouted, “On my mark!”

They all tensed, readying themselves to take off. Both Eren and Mikasa were at the heads of their respective lines.

“Go!” Erwin shouted, and with the hiss of multiple cans of gas opening, the recruits shot off, soaring through the sky as their lines sank into nearby trees and pulled them into the air. But the majestic quality of their movements didn’t last very long. In fact, it lasted only as long as it took to hand over the first flag. Mikasa successfully snagged the flag in one smooth eloquent movement, but she was distracted as she glanced over to check on her brother on the other line, and Jean was distracted by her ass, so the two collided with a crash that had even Levi wincing. Eren was worse, because he had become inflamed by an insult of jean as they reached the handover stage, so that instead of handing him the flag, Eren punched Jean in the face while the flag fluttered forgotten to the ground.

Sasha covered her eyes in second hand embarrassment, and Levi saw that Erwin looked tempted to do the same. Of course Levi was the most embarrassed—this batch of recruits was his responsibility after all.

“Don’t worry Erwin, I’ll slaughter them thoroughly for this,” the short Captain ground out, using all his self-restraint not to bite straight through his lip. Even the opportunity to legitimately yell at Eren wasn’t enough to soothe him.

“There’s no need for that Levi,” Erwin said.

“Oh I can assure you there is,” Levi snapped back, already stalking forward, but Erwin snagged him by the wrist before he could get very far.

“How about we show them how it’s done?” he offered, causing Levi to stare, because Erwin was doing the eye twinkling thing again and it was very disconcerting.

“I don’t play games,” Levi huffed, shaking off Erwin’s hand.

“Not even with me?” Erwin asked, increasing the power of his eye twinkle.

“ _Especially_ not with you,” Levi growled. But he was a liar, and they both knew it, because if he had really meant what he’d said he would have already walked away. The slow smile that spread across Erwin’s face made Levi want to grab him and—and what? He thought, mind stumbling to a halt. Shake him? Punch him? A thin trickle of dread slid through his abdomen and he cut off the train of thought abruptly. It turned out that it didn’t matter what he would have done, because Erwin wasn’t stopping long enough for him to figure it out.

The commander cupped his hands and shouted to the recruits, “All of you stop embarrassing yourselves and get down here. A couple of old men need to teach you something.”

Erwin hardly made self-deprecatory jokes in front of the recruits. It wasn’t because of his own pride, but his respect for the position. He didn’t feel like it was appropriate to act in any way that didn’t garner respect, but the commander was acting rather loosely today—almost giddy, and Levi hadn’t a clue why. Maybe when he’d cracked him in the face he’d pushed something loose in the man’s brain.

Levi sighed, but reached his hand down to the caps of the gas canisters. “You really need to learn to leave me the hell alone old man.”

“And you need to stop pouting, or your face will get stuck like that,” Erwin countered, though his face clearly indicated that he already thought it was too late. “You grab the first flag. Keep to the right and I’ll stay to the left. I’ll be coming up from underneath you.”

Levi nodded and stepped away from the man before shouting “Give us a signal Ackerman.”

Despite his general discontent with the recruits, he couldn’t really find anything to hold against the elite soldier before him, aside from her unhealthy attachment to the Jaeger brat. But Levi understood that all people had to have at least one flaw to humanize them.

Mikasa nodded, and held up her hand. Instead of clenching up, Levi let all the tension leave his body. The 3dmg was like an extension of his body. He didn’t need to think to use it.

The moment her hand fell, Levi shot forward, angling his chords to the perfect angle to retrieve the first flag before he’d even left the ground. Then he was flying, spinning in the air to increase his speed as the wind whipped at him and tore at the skin of his face. He felt the edges of his frown turn up just slightly. He loved this feeling.

He eased up on the gas just a little as he came up over the tree branch that held the first flag, and as his hands closed over the material, Erwin’s body blurred into the corner of his field of vision. Right on time.

Levi cleared the tree branch and held his arm out wide when he was at the peak of his arc. And at the point where Levi seemed to pause at the peak, Erwin swooped in from the left and snagged the flag. And then he was off.

_Nice job_ Levi thought, shooting after the man as Erwin headed for the second flag. He didn’t need to say it out loud of course. Levi had a theory that Erwin’s eyebrows grew larger every time he was paid a compliment, and that was one of the reasons why he chronically refrained in saying them—that, and the fact that paying people compliments generally made his stomach want to expel its contents. And so he was silent as he swooped in on Erwin’s right to grab the new flag from the man’s long fingers right after he planted the old one in its place.

They swung through the trees, each one syncing with the other’s rhythm in the way they’d perfected through extensive years of working together, never slipping up once. The longer they flew the more relaxed they grew, so that as Levi snagged the last flag, Erwin flew up beside him and granted him that deep easy smile of his—the kind that went all the way to his eyes.

They both hit the ground at the same time, and as Levi shoved the flag into Erwin’s hand and made to stalk away with some kind of sarcastic exiting remark, the other man’s words stopped him. “You fly beautifully, you know,” Erwin said, looking straight at him, “I love watching you.”

Levi realized that to completely freeze was the wrong reaction. People were supposed to say things like “thank you” after receiving compliments. But Levi couldn’t do that, because his mind was too busy focusing on the words. He knew that they’d been said directly in context to his flying, and that it was a rather ordinary thing to say, but as Erwin turned to greet the recruits who were running toward them with looks of wonder on their faces, Levi felt his eyes follow the man instinctively, and he realized that he might have a little watching problem too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there guys, the mature stuff is heading toward you slowly and steadily. For all of you that are enjoying the story, thanks so much for reading. you can follow me at sexycanofsoup on tumblr for things like fic updates and cracky omegle role plays.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Levi was staring morosely into his quickly cooling oatmeal when he was interrupted by a casual yet thorough sniff. Levi spun around and backhanded the face with clear instinctual drive. His efforts were met with a satisfying grunt, causing the miserable scowl on Levi’s face to lessen by a degree or two. He awarded himself two mental points—one for accuracy, and the other for sheer style.

“How many times do I have to tell you to keep your nose to yourself, dog?” Levi snapped, glad to have an excuse not to stare at his congealing oatmeal any more.

“You smell like Erwin more these days,” was Mike’s opening statement, “Are you two training together more or something?”

“Or something,” Levi grumbled, shoving the bowl away from himself and plopping his head down on his arms. Truth was, he had no idea what to answer Mike, mainly because he had no idea what was going on himself. He just wished that he’d met with someone with less astute observational skills this particular morning, because he was having a crises. Not a screaming and tearing out his hair crises—he was far too stable and responsible for that—but more of a stoic-yet-internally-screaming monologue type thing going on.

He’d been trying to look back on the past several weeks to figure out just what the hell was happening, but all that was doing was making him run to the nearest pillow to beat himself over the head with. He didn’t know what was happening, and he didn’t know how to stop it—all he had concluded was that it was all Erwin’s fault.

All  of it traced back to that damn night with the drunken commander several weeks ago. He’d known something had shifted then, but the steady subtle changes after that night had alerted him to the fact that this wasn’t a temporary situation, and that hiding his head under the covers, as tempting as that was, probably wasn’t going to fix things.

The most disconcerting of the changes had, of course, been the touching, or simply the fact that there was a lot more of it going around than there had been before. Levi had scoured his memories, digging as deeply as he could back through all the years he’d known Erwin, but he couldn’t place a mental finger on anything that remotely resembled what was happening now. If his memory could be trusted, and Levi wasn’t so certain of that anymore, than his previous physical encounters with the commander had all been perfunctory in nature. Touches had been limited to handshakes, and a lowered hand to aid the other after one of them had fallen either during training exercises or on expeditions. But now…well now, Levi thought, the touches were clearly in excess, and he couldn’t find rational excuses for them.

Because Erwin seemed to touch him every time he saw him. They weren’t anything blatant, if they had been Levi would have preferred it, because then he would have been able to confront the man about it. But the touches were all so casual, any observer would dismiss them out of hand—any observer but Levi. Because even if the touches looked casual, they didn’t _feel_ casual. When Erwin placed his hand on Levi’s shoulder, the small captain could feel the heat pump out of the man’s palm like an active force. The palm of his hand was bad enough, but twice in the last three weeks Erwin had thrown his arm over Levi’s shoulder briefly, usually because of something Erwin had interpreted as a joke, and both times Levi had been hyperaware of Erwin’s weight. It wasn’t that he had been leaning on him that heavily. The perceived weight had been more of a mental one, and because of that, it was far harder to erase from his mind. Lastly there was the brushing. Erwin’s fingers would find random patches of Levi, and touch him for tiny portions of a second at a time. The touches were so brief that even Levi hadn’t caught onto them at first, but as they repeated themselves over and over he’d begun to catch them, as well as the patterns that emerged. Whenever Levi handed something to the commander, the man’s fingers would briefly brush his palm. They never lingered, but they were always there. The same sort of thing happened in different contexts. Levi had noticed that usually whenever Erwin directly addressed him, his fingers would briefly touch his forearm, as if to get his attention. But at that point Erwin already had his attention. Hell, Levi knew that the man had far too much of his attention already these days, so the gesture seemed particularly unnecessary—unless of course the touches had nothing to do with getting his attention. At this point of the analysis, Levi’s mind usually bailed on him because it had already begun to overheat, but today the thoughts wouldn’t let his mind wander toward anything else. They were being persistent little bastards, and it was the reason Levi was particularly grumpy this morning. And really the last thing he needed was Mike super-sniff Zacharias.

To add insult to injury, Mike poked him in the head. “Hey. You’ve gone all floppy. That’s a little alarming.”

“Go the fuck away ass-sniffer,” Levi groaned.

“Careful Levi, that was almost a whine,” Mike noted, “And I can’t leave until I ascertain that you’re not actually dying. Has Hanji been experimenting on you again? She hasn’t gone and done the brain swap thing has she? She always threatens that after I steal her food. She’ll probably do it one of these days too. Not that that’s going to stop me. Maybe the new one will even be an improvement…”

“Please just go the fuck away!” Levi mumble-shouted into his arms. Usually Mike was one of the few on the very short list of people he could actually stand to be around, but today Mike’s rambling, combined with his short temper were not a very good mix.

“He sounds a bit homicidal there, Mike,” a very familiar and very unwanted voice called out at that moment. “Not sure what you did to him to get him that way, but you probably want to take a step back if you value your testicles’ current attachments to your body.”

_Oh for the love of all that is good and non-Titan_ , Levi bemoaned internally right before he felt a familiar weight land on his shoulder. He would recognize it anywhere now. That heat, and the way his skin seemed to prickle up in warning, left no doubt in his mind as to who exactly was touching him. But Levi wasn’t going to let that touch slow his brain and muddle him up this time. He jerked upwards, his head popping back up, as he swatted the hand with a sharp painful smack away from his body.

“My ‘go the fuck away’ wasn’t an invitation for you to show up too, _Smith_ ,” he snapped, leaping to his feet. Anger was already boiling in his gut. How dare Erwin show up after all the confusion he’d caused for Levi. How dare he show his face and flaunt those damn eyebrows at him at his weakest moment. How fucking dare he.

Erwin physically started. His expression of joviality changing abruptly to one of concern and surprise.

“Levi are you—“                                           

“No!” he growled, pushing back so hard the entire bench toppled over and hit the floor with a loud bang. “No, I’m not okay. Why the fuck should I be when it seems that everyone around me has gone completely crazy?”

The question was rhetorical, but Erwin seemed to want further elucidation anyway.

“What happened?” His tone was serious, commander like—the way he got when he had a legitimate problem that needed solving.

“What happened?” Levi repeated, letting out a short barking laugh, “Are you really going to try and play off the dumb act with me Erwin? Because you’re a lot of things _Commander_ , but stupid isn’t one of them. And you know what? I’m not stupid either. Because even though most of you think that all I’m good at is hacking at Titan flesh, I can assure you that the occasional thought does cross through my mind and—“

“I never once thought that that was the case—“

“Shut up!” Levi shouted, voice taking on a slight screeching quality, “Shut the _fuck_ up Erwin. I swear I will take this sword, and run it through your damn mouth if you don’t shut up and let me speak for five fucking minutes, Fuck!”

He yanked his hands viciously through his hair, mussing it beyond repair. So furious was he that he didn’t even notice the small blot of jam that had landed on his uniform shirt when he’d jostled the table as he stood. The room was completely silent around him, but his mind was racing beyond his control. It was so loud in his head, and because he’d kept quiet about all these troubling thoughts, they’d reached explosive levels, and there was only one outlet now. Erwin.

Levi kicked the fallen bench aside, and stormed around the table until he was right up in his far taller superior’s face. “You want to tell me why you’ve been so damn out of character lately? Or are you still going to try and convince me that this is all normal behavior. Because I won’t buy it for a second, and if you _do_ lie to me now, I’ll never trust—“

“I’m not going to deny anything you say Levi. I’m not here to lie to—“

“I said shut up!” Levi growled, shoving his hands against Erwin’s chest so hard that even the well-muscled man stumbled back a bit, “I’m not fucking done! You can try to use those pretty little words against anyone else but they won’t work on me. So you’re going to tell me what it is you’re trying to accomplish with all of your easy laughter and uncharacteristic giddiness. You never acted like this before, and it was all too sudden to be some kind of natural progression. Are you trying to get me to slip up? To question my own sanity? To get me wondering if _I’m_ the crazy one? Because no one else seems to have even noticed the change, and if they have, they don’t care and I’m sick of trying to piece it together because it’s not my fault you’ve gone round the bend, and I—“

Warm hands and gentle fingers grasped his wrists and wrapped themselves all the way around easily. Those very large, very capable hands, pulled him a little closer, as he’d unconsciously begun to back away. “You’re not crazy Levi.” Even his voice was warm and gentle. It was like the man was just this 200 pound sack of warmth, and that was _bad_ , because Levi was very confused, and the warmth seemed like a Siren’s call attempting to draw him in. But he knew he shouldn’t lean into it, because that would only lead to even more confusion, so he tried to pull away, but Erwin was still holding onto his wrists.

“I wasn’t trying to bother or scare you in any way—“

“Who’s scared, bastard?” Levi hissed, yanking his wrists ineffectually.

“Look, I wasn’t even really aware I was doing anything different—“

“If you think I’m prepared to believe that, then you must think I’m an even bigger fool than that damn jaeger br—“

“It has nothing to do with your intelligence Levi, or any of the recruits for that matter. I’m not denying what you’ve said, but I haven’t really noticed anything,” Erwin said, but then rushed to continue when he saw Levi’s face flush an even deeper red of anger, “The only thing I might have noticed has been a certain lightness that’s followed me around—almost as if I weighed less, or something equally as improbable.”

Levi looked at him askance and temporarily stopped trying to squirm away, “Did you eat something weird before you decided to stop by my table or—“

“I’m not saying I’m _actually_ lighter,” Erwin explained, “I only _feel_ lighter. I feel like I can breathe easier almost as if I had something strapped tightly to my chest before. But now that burden is gone and everything just seems simpler and more positive, and…I know I’m not really making sense right now, I have no idea what it means myself. I don’t have a clue what kind of burden has been lifted from me, maybe it was nothing at all, but it certainly feels like—“

“A burden…”

This time when Levi spoke the words came out flat.

“You were freed from a burden…”

Levi almost attempted to stop his thoughts, but he already knew where they would go—right back to that night. Right back with the smiling drunken commander who’d flopped out across his bed, apparently in wait of _him_.

“Right, but like I said, nothing actually happened to make me feel that way, so it’s all just speculation on my—“

“ _Nothing_ happened?” Levi demanded.

For some bizarre reason he was tempted to laugh even though angry points of pain were pricking the backs of his eyes and his head was pounding.

“Nothing the fuck at all, right?”

He was shouting now, far too loudly. He’d made a scene and everyone in the cafeteria had heard it. All around him were people who’d paused mid motion. Some still had half raised spoons to their mouths while others were placed in strange positions, caught in whatever adjustment they’d been making when the shit hit the fan.

“Levi I—“

“Fuck you!” Levi shouted, giving his wrists one last yank.

They came free immediately, and that alerted him to the fact that Erwin’s hands hadn’t been holding him tightly. He just hadn’t been trying at all before. Because he’d wanted to stay. He hadn’t wanted to run. But now he did. The urge was impossible to ignore. Everything inside of him was telling him to run—to flee—so he did.

He took off before anyone could react, and was halfway across the room before Erwin even found his voice.

“Levi wait!”

But Levi wouldn’t wait. He needed to be running far faster than he was moving now.

He slammed through the large oaken double doors at the end of the room and raced down the hallway, his heart slamming hard and painful against the inside of his rib cage in angry punishing beats. He had to run fast enough to leave his thoughts behind. He didn’t want to be chased anymore by them. He didn’t want to stop to look. He didn’t want to know.

But sometimes life forces you to look, and this time the motion that caused him to stop was quite a physical one. As he peeled around the corner he slammed right up into a clearly unsuspecting and oblivious body. The two of them went down like a battered sack of flour and hit the floor in a tangle of limbs. It was only when his face got pushed into a familiar ponytail of hair on the way down that he realized just exactly who he’d unintentionally assaulted.

“In a bit of a hurry to see me, huh?” Hanji said brightly, despite the fact that she was probably going to wake up with bruises the size of cantaloupes on her butt tomorrow, “I admire your enthusiasm, but don’t give yourself a concussion on my account.”

Levi lifted his head and looked down at the woman. The desperation, anger and fear that had been blinding him on his run cleared away just enough to let him see the face of his closest friend. And the anger became insignificant in that moment, and he sort of wilted without the power of it, but before he could go down, Hanji caught him, and her expression lost all its silliness.

“Levi,” she exclaimed, craning her neck to see his face better, “What happened? What the hell could I have missed in ten minutes that could leave you looking like—“

“There’s something wrong with me,” Levi said. His voice that same affectless tone that scared the living crap out of his friend, if the startled widening of her eyes was anything to go by.

“I’d say so,” she agreed, raking her eyes over him to look for any kind of massive trauma. Her eyes came screeching to a halt on the spot of jam, “Is _that_ what I think it is?”

Annoyed at his easily distractible friend, he nonetheless glanced down to follow her line of sight. When his eyes came upon the spot, he leapt to his feet as though someone had jammed a 1000 volt livewire straight up his ass. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!” he yelped, tearing at the shirt like it was burning him. Without wasting a moment, he shoved past Hanji and continued down the hall to his room all the while feverishly tearing open his buttons.

“Like I need any more of this fucking bullshit in my life right now!” he roared, kicking open his door and storming inside. An alarmed yet unflinching Hanji followed him right in.

“Levi, what the hell happened that—“

“Erwin motherfucking smith! That’s what happened!” Levi snarled, tossing his jacket onto his bed carelessly so he could finally rid himself of the offensive shirt. He ripped it from his shoulders so hard he heard a tearing sound. Swearing bountifully, Levi threw the garment on the floor, and then did something that even managed to shock him in this state—he stomped on it.

Hanji grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him back. “Levi! Stop this—you’re scaring me!”

“Well that makes fucking two of us!” He snapped, kicking his shirt underneath the dresser and out of reach.

Hanji whirled him around, “Tell me what happened with Erwin.”

“I…”

With a kind of whoosh to his stomach, Levi realized that he wanted to tell her, but he had no idea what to say.

“It’s just that he…”

_What?_ He thought _Drove me up the wall? Made everything fucking backward? Pissed me off with everything he said?_

“I don’t. It’s just—“

Levi slapped both hands over his eyes, leaned his head all the way back, and roared.

“I don’t fucking know anymore! He’s fucking everywhere now, even when he’s not there. Every time I stop to think, he’s fucking there. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I can’t just stare at his damn eyebrows all day—I’ll go shit eating crazy! Why the hell is this happening? I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask to have him wander in here with most of his uniform missing, and that damn smile on his face. I didn’t ask for his touches. I didn’t ask for his laugh, or his warm hands or that fucking stare of his that goes straight through me. I don’t need this crap. I don’t need—“

“You’re in love with him.”

Levi froze. His hands had come off of his face to wave wildly at the ceiling, and now that they were frozen like that it looked like he was in the middle of some weird praying ritual—which wasn’t too far off the mark. There were plenty of things he had to pray for. His sanity, for one, as well as the age old need to have at least 10% of what Hanji said come out as understandable human language.

“What?” he snarled, pissed to be interrupted by more gibberish mid-rant.

“It’s love. I had a feeling it was coming to this. Your recent distraction, your increased irritability, your tendency to stare at his well-toned ass…“

“I do _not_ stare at his—“

“Oh please,” Hanji said dismissively, “You stare at it like its humanity’s salvation. Not that it _isn’t_ humanity’s salvation, but—“

“Fuck you. There’s no way I’m in love with Erwin.”

“Oh yeah? What would you do if he came over to you _right now_ and asked to have sex with you?”

Levi blanched, and then his tongue seemed to grow three times its normal size and obscured all normal talk.

“I—“

What the hell kind of question was that? He thought, Erwin was his commander. His friend. There was no way he could…

It was that damn image of Erwin again. The one on his bed, sprawled out as if he owned the damn thing. Hair mussed a bit against the sheets, and eyelashes making shadows across his cheeks as he blinked them open and offered up that slow smile. He’d been so languid and at ease, and he’d been expecting Levi. Had waited for him to come. Why had he done that? What had he wanted from him?

Levi noticed that Hanji was staring at him, and then hurried to give his answer. “I’d tell him to fuck off of course, right after kicking his ass.”

“You hesitated,” she pointed out, getting dangerously close to a smirk, “You hesitated for a long time.”

“Only because I was so blown away by your boundless stupidity!” He growled, suddenly feeling restless. He stormed over to his closet and yanked the doors open. He could feel his ears burning, and that was definitely the stupidest thing they had ever done.

He ripped a shirt from where it was hanging and viciously pushed his arms through it.

“It’s okay Levi,” Hanji said in a soft voice, as if trying to calm a rabid animal, “You’re allowed to feel things.”

“Will you just SHUT UP!” he screamed, throwing the closet door shut with a deafening bang and whirling to face her with furious eyes. “All of you! God! Always fucking talking with all this fucking bullshit! I can’t take it anymore dammit! I can’t take fucking any of you anymore!”

“Something tells me you’d make an exception for Erwin though,” Hanji muttered under her breath.

But Levi heard it, and because he had, the sound he made next wasn’t anywhere close to human.

With that, he stormed past her and swept blindly from his room, not knowing where he was going, but just knowing that he had to get away.

He didn’t hear her voice as she called after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, things are starting to pick up, and the next chapter will be a big one. Thanks to all of you who gave me encouragement. I hope to get these chapters out as fast as i can for you. If angsty pissy Levi is wearing on you, well, sorry, but he's going through a lot of shit at the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Everyone was avoiding him. Well, even the people who didn’t usually avoid him on principle. And Levi could understand that. He had scared the hell out of them for no good reason that he could give them. But he’d been very upset at the time, and he’d needed to kill something, and he had to go outside the wall for that.

In a mindless rage, he had snagged the spare 3dmg from the storage room and headed right for the edges of the city. Hanji hadn’t been wearing maneuver gear at the time, and so hadn’t been able to follow him immediately. She had needed to double back to get hers, and as she did, she had notified the Commander.

Levi hadn’t noticed any of this. He’d been too caught up in his thoughts after his arguments with both Erwin and Hanji to pay attention to anyone else at the time. So he’d done something incredibly selfish. He’d risked his life without telling any of them.

He’d grabbed a horse from one of the stables on his way out, and rode out through the gate, pushing aside the member of the garrison guarding it, and making his way out into the open land. He’d felt a degree of freedom then. The old thrumming excitement from being out in the world had pushed his disturbing thoughts away from his mind a bit as he rode. He came across three titans as he went. One of them had been alone, and the other two had come at the same time. Levi had dispatched them without a thought. It was somewhere after the fourth or the fifth (Levi hadn’t been trying to keep track) that he’d decided to turn back. Brutally hacking at Titans was a great stress reliever for him, and he’d felt decent enough at that point to remember that what he was doing was monumentally stupid. He’d been almost back at the gate when he had come across them. Erwin, Hanji, Mike, and Nanaba, racing toward him at full gallop with a complete range of expressions on their faces. But it was Erwin’s expression that had frozen him, pulling him to pull back on his horse’s reins instinctively. Because he’d looked furious enough to kill him.

However, rather than running his sword through him, when Erwin pulled up alongside Levi he didn’t even say a word—just grabbed hold of the horse’s bridle, and tugged it forward once more, swinging his own horse around, and leading the group at a fast pace back toward the gate.

The pressure of his anger had been so great that no one had said a word the entire ride back. Levi had been too startled by the uncustomary expression to even know what to think. Erwin had never looked at him like that. He’d always been a bit lenient whenever Levi was concerned, and had never shown him a face any harsher than one of mild annoyance. But the anger burning in his gaze then was so potent that Levi hadn’t been able to keep looking at it. However, he was forced to look at it, because the second his horses hooves touched the ground inside the wall, Erwin had forcibly wrenched him off of his horse with a single hand and slammed him up against the wall.

“What the absolute raging _fuck_ , Levi?” he’d roared, both his large hands pinning Levi to the wall beneath him with the kind of power that had shown him what strength Erwin was truly capable of.

Levi hadn’t had anything to say to that. He’d known that any of his excuses would have sounded terribly insufficient had he voiced them aloud. So he hadn’t. Instead he’d mumbled his apologies.

He’d thought Erwin would continue to rage after that, he’d certainly had a right to. If any of them had pulled that sort of shit on him, Levi would have had their heads for it. But Erwin hadn’t continued to yell—instead, he’d deflated. He had slumped against Levi’s chest, his forehead falling to the smaller man’s shoulder, and he’d just stayed there for many long moments. Finally, in a voice that was both thick and raspy Erwin had choked out, “You have no idea…You have no fucking clue how much you terrified me, you damn bastard.”

Levi had just stood there. He hadn’t been able to keep up with Erwin’s sudden change. One moment the man had been all roaring strength, and the next he’d gone as limp as a noodle. He’d thought he’d known his commander. He’d spent more time with him than with any other person in his life, except maybe  Hanji. But this commander was always tripping him up. He never knew what to expect now and that made his head spin.

The Commander had pulled back then, and without a word dropped his hands away from Levi, and walked away, leaving Levi to stare at his back to try and figure out what the hell had just happened. The others hadn’t given him a chance though. Strangely enough, it was Nanaba who had stepped forward then. Her expression had been nearly as scary as Erwin’s. With burning eyes she’d stalked over to him, and punched him right in the face.

It hadn’t been a light punch either. Whoever said that girls couldn’t hit had obviously never been assaulted by any of the women in Levi’s life. With a resounding crack, Levi’s head had been wrenched to the side, the force of the blow leaving his ears ringing.

“How dare you do that to him!” she’d cried, her hands clenched tightly into fists and looking like she very much wanted to sock Levi in the face again, “How dare you do that to any of us!”

And Levi had understood it. He really had. A tight ball of shame had settled heavily in the pit of his stomach, and he hadn’t been able to meet her eyes.

He’d apologized again, setting a record for most apologies in a day. But that hadn’t been enough for her. She’d spat at the ground in disgust, and then stormed off. Mike had looked even more astounded than Levi at her totally out of character reaction. None of them had ever even seen her raise her voice before. But Hanji hadn’t paused to analyze it. She’d shot at him in her typical rocket like fashion, only this time her hold hadn’t been light or playful. She’d clung to him then as if she were terrified to let go—as if he would be gone forever if she took her eyes away from him for even a moment.

“Never again,” she’d whispered.

Her voice had been a beg. And that’s when Levi’s stomach had fallen out, because he’d realized what all their emotions had been. They’d all cared so much, and he had betrayed that caring in the most brutal way. He’d endangered himself for nothing. Levi’s hands had come up around the woman then, and he’d let her cling to him as she gathered herself back up after her fright.

“Never again,” he’d promised her, and he’d hoped it was the truth.

He’d gone back to his room then and collapsed, exhausted, and everyone else had left him alone.

He’d slept for ten solid hours, and when he’d awoken he’d felt so groggy he hadn’t been able to tell what was real and what wasn’t. naturally, the solution he’d found to this issue was a bath, as those seemed to solve everything, so now he was sitting in a tub of sudsy water, buried up to his mouth with his eyes closed.

And it wasn’t as relaxing as he thought it would be, mainly because his head wasn’t a very pleasant place to be these days.

He was feeling very guilty. He’d already berated himself dozens of times for his little spontaneous outing yesterday, but it wasn’t enough. Apologies weren’t enough. He had to make it up to the others somehow, but he couldn’t think of anything. Levi wasn’t so blind that he didn’t recognize his own weaknesses—and thinking of caring and sensitive ways to console his corps members was definitely one of them. And today he seemed to be even worse off than usual.

Simply put, Levi was still shocked by the reactions of his friends. It wasn’t that he hadn’t known they were selfless. The countless expeditions he’d been on with them had proved that, but he hadn’t known he’d been that important to them. He was an asshole, he knew that. He knew that most of the other members of the corpse grudgingly accepted him simply because of his skills. He knew that if he had been only an average soldier, people would have been far less likely to restrain themselves when it came to voicing their feelings of hostility. He’d always relied on his talent to keep him afloat, and he’d never expected to garner anything but maybe a grudging respect from his corps members. But what he had been shown last night…that was so far above the call of duty that he had no doubts about their feelings for him.

He was loved, and unconditionally too, because they’d dropped everything to protect him even though what he’d done was unforgivable. And this realization meant a tenfold increase in his guilt, because he hadn’t known he had had the capacity to hurt anyone that deeply. He’d always thought that as long as he was killing titans he’d keep everyone off his back and everyone would live in relative harmony. He’d put all his worth into his skills. But a good soldier wouldn’t have garnered the reaction he’d brought about yesterday. They wouldn’t have been that anxious about it, no matter how good he was. And that meant there was something else they found worthwhile in him. Something buried deep beneath his sarcasm, OCD, derogatory comments and coarse personality.

Levi leaned his head back against the porcelain tub and opened his eyes. “You’re wrong,” he said, addressing the ceiling instead of his absent friends, “There’s nothing that important about me. You’re caring for the wrong person. I can’t give you anything.”

But even though he’d always believed that—that he was an empty vessel simply to be used, and then discarded when he could no longer be put to use—a seed of doubt was planted in his mind, and it made his words taste funny.

Because his friends weren’t stupid. They’d survived for this long. They knew not to place overt importance on sentimentality. And yet…

An image of Erwin’s face as he slammed Levi up against the wall flashed through his mind. The man had nearly been crazed in his anger. His never flagging composure shattered as he held Levi up against that wall and looked at him, and looked at him, as if he was trying to check that every single cell of Levi’s was exactly as it should be.

Erwin had so much to worry about. He didn’t have time for panicking midgets with moronic ideas for spontaneous outside-the-wall excursions. He had a Corps to run. He had a council to win over. And he had to make sure everyone under his charge survived from day to day. And yet, despite the fact that there probably wasn’t a more heavily burdened man in their entire world, when Erwin had slammed Levi’s shoulders back, and looked into his face, he’d appeared as if he was staring at the most important thing in the world.

Levi pressed his wet palms to his face and bit his lip. He realized his hands were shaking.

“Erwin…” he whispered, the sound echoing in the tiled room despite the low volume.

_Why, Erwin_? He thought, not bothering to hide from himself how desperate he was for the answer.

Erwin shouldn’t care this much, he reasoned. Levi knew what he himself was—a low level delinquent who’d been forced into the Survey Corps, probably with the hope that he would die, and leave less idiots out on the streets as a result. So Erwin really shouldn’t have cared this much. He _couldn’t_ care this much--no matter what he said or did. Levi knew he couldn’t take the man’s recent actions at face value. He knew he should rely on his brain and logic for such things. But everything that had transpired between him and the commander for the past few weeks told him otherwise. The man’s touches, the warmth of his hands, and that deep and easy smile. His rumbling chuckle, and the way his voice went up just the slightest bit when he was teasing Levi…

His heart had begun to race. He noticed this right after the realization that his eyes had slid shut once again. He lowered one of his hands to his chest, but his heart wouldn’t stop pounding. There was only one thing that could have caused it. He was only thinking of one man.

With his eyes closed, the images came easier now. In his mind, Erwin slumped against him once more. But this time, Levi allowed himself to concentrate on the sensations of that moment. He’d been so shocked by the man’s reaction at the time that he hadn’t spared a thought for his body, but now he was wishing he had.

Because Erwin was so warm this way. His weight was significant and so real, even though the feeling was only a faded mental imprint. Erwin’s body, tense as it had been, was all sharp lines and rigid muscles. There was no part of him that was soft. Every bit of him against Levi was unyielding, as if to remind him of its presence. But Levi needed no reminders. He was aware. He was very aware.

His body tingled as his skin became a canvas of little bumps despite the warmth of the water.

But now the image changed, deviating from the moment before. Because in the real world, Erwin’s hands had loosened on Levi’s shoulders, but the Erwin now in Levi’s mind tightened them. The man’s large fingers dug into Levi’s skin, and pushed himself even closer against the captain. Levi, who was pressed against the unyielding wall, had nowhere to go as Erwin’s chest pushed against his. But it wasn’t just his chest. Every bit of Erwin was now against him. The man’s steel thighs pushed insistently against Levi’s, and Erwin raised his head to press his forehead against his as well. But it was a different point of contact that Levi focused on, couldn’t help focusing on really, and that was Erwin’s hips, and the way they were pressed—no— _ground_ into Levi’s own.

Levi let out a gasp at the pressure of the motion, and he didn’t have to open his eyes to make the realization that was already paralyzing his mind. He was hard, and he was hard because of Erwin.

He wanted to leap up and shove the realization deep inside some dusty and forgotten corner of his mind. But he couldn’t do that. His body wouldn’t let him do that. Because for the first time, it was demanding something of this nature from him, and it was iron clad in its insistence.

His mind, of course, wasn’t making it any easier. Erwin ground his hips back down on Levi’s. Harder, dirtier, and with far more intent than the first time. Levi hissed, and his eyes shot open. He had to get rid of the image, he knew that. He couldn’t think of Erwin this way. It would ruin everything. But even with his eyes open the image wouldn’t vanish. It was as if it was scorched onto his retinas. And then it got worse, because suddenly audio was installed.

_Levi_.

Erwin’s voice in Levi’s mind was a rasp, and not a very controlled one at that.

_Levi let me—_

“No!” Levi gasped, blinking his eyes rapidly and shaking his head, but it did nothing. He’d never made a less effective motion in his life, and that included the time he’d attempted to teach Eren how to properly clean a pane of glass.

_Yes!_

Levi shivered, because the sound was issued like a command, and Erwin was very good at giving commands.

_Let me in Levi. Let me do everything you’ve wanted. What we’ve both wanted._

_No_ , Levi thought, eyes shooting around the room in panic, _I can’t let you do that. It’s wrong. You shouldn’t—_

_Why is it wrong?_ Erwin’s voice sounded honestly interested, despite a small degree of clipped impatience swimming in it.

_Because it is!_ Levi exploded at him. _Because this isn’t real, and this you isn’t real. It’s just my mind, and it shouldn’t be in my mind, because you’re my friend, and partner, and superior, and this came from nowhere, it’s not real. It’s just because I’m confused. There’s no way it’s—_

_This isn’t confusion Levi._

_Fuck you! I’m confused as fuck!_

_Not about this you’re not_ , said mental Erwin, his voice almost smug in its surety, _That’s the least confused looking erection I’ve ever seen._

Levi hurried to cover the evidence of his arousal with his hand, but of course that only worsened the situation, because when his hand brushed over the sensitive skin, an unexpected and unbearably embarrassing moan slipped past his lips. It was a completely novel sound. In fact, Levi would have been convinced it belonged to someone else had he not been sure he was alone in the room.

_You want me,_ mental Erwin insisted, _You want me so badly even your stupidly advanced levels of denial can’t hold it back anymore._

_You’re wrong!_ Levi thought, though it sounded panicked and unconvincing even to him, _It’s nothing like that. This came from nowhere. It’s not how I normally feel. It’s all a fluke._

_Right_ , mental Erwin muttered with an impressive level of sarcasm, _Of course. This is just a onetime thing. It has nothing to do with the fact that you can’t tear your eyes away from me when we’re in a room together, and it certainly has nothing to do with the fact that you flush and become tongue tied every time I touch you._

_I DO NOT become tongue—_

_Your heart is hammering away at about 12 million miles an hour, Levi. You’re not fooling anyone._

_I’m just confused!_ Levi insisted _I’m mixing up my gratitude and admiration for something else._

_Gratitude and admiration don’t explain the fact that you want my cock in your ass_.

Mental Erwin shattered. There was no way Levi could process a comment like that without everything else being sacrificed. But even with everything else in his mind in tatters around him, Levi’s mind couldn’t handle this new truth.

The real Erwin never would have said something like that. The real Erwin was composed, and polite, and entirely too well bred for that kind of speech…wasn’t he?

Levi crossed his arms over his stomach, and doubled over, the tip of his nose hitting the surface of the water. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be thinking of his commander this way. This couldn’t be the explanation that had dodged him the past few weeks. It was impossible.

It was completely and totally impossible. There was no way that he—

“I want Erwin to fuck me.”

The words tumbled from Levi’s lips in a sort of experiment, and he was surprised at how easy they came. There was no hesitation, and there was no hint of a lie anywhere in them. It took about 2 heartbeats to let this fact sink in. And then his mind broke.

“Holy shit!” he yelped, scrambling to grab hold of both sides of the tub for balance before he drowned in unceremonious neglect, “I want Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Recon corps, to fuck me.”

The word “astounded” was far too weak to apply to what Levi felt toward this statement.

It wasn’t just the Erwin Smith part, it was the fucking part.

Levi didn’t fuck anyone, and he certainly didn’t _get_ fucked by anyone.

The captain had long ago considered the possibility of a sex life, and promptly tossed it aside as an utter waste of time. He’d never thought of himself as a sexual being. Yes, he realized the drive for sex existed, but he felt himself far removed from it. He didn’t see the point of bringing children into a world like the one he lived in, and sex therefore seemed completely meaningless to him. This opinion was compounded by the fact he’d never come across anyone he’d wanted to have sex with. He’d either seen people as pawns or dangers for so long he’d almost forgotten other kinds of views existed. Of course his friends had been an exception. He loved them, he knew, even though he would most likely never actually tell them such a thing. But this exception hadn’t made him question the whole sex thing. It had seemed just as useless as before.

For instance, many people had assumed that he would marry Petra. The woman had been an exemplary example of what every person should strive to be: Brave, strong, kind, and intelligent. He had always known she was a far better person than he, and one far more beloved to the Corps than he was. And yet, though her death had ripped something clean away inside of him, never once, whether when she was alive or dead, had he ever considered that what they had had could have become physical. He had treasured his squad, and treasured Petra. Even thinking of something sexual seemed to downplay the importance the woman had in his heart.

And it should have been the same way with Erwin. For years and years Levi had worked beside him, seen the man in every situation, and grown to know him so well they could perfectly coordinate their plans and movements without verbal communication. It should have been like Petra. It was supposed to be that way. He had been determined to keep it that way.

But then Erwin had ruined it. The man had stumbled into his room and forced Levi to look at him in a different light. He’d prodded at Levi’s established walls and made him question them, and the reasons he had erected them in the first place. And that was bad, because despite his scrambling, Levi couldn’t seem to come up with very good defenses. Because there was no denying it. Levi wanted Erwin. He’d wanted him for some time now. Looking at Erwin these past few weeks had made him testy and miserable because he hadn’t been satisfied by that. He hadn’t been satisfied by his Commander’s fleeting touches and minor teases. He wanted those huge hands burning him all over. He wanted to know what it would be like to be touched by the commander with intent—with full knowledge of his actions, and with the lust that Levi himself felt, spreading through him in a thick haze that didn’t look like it planned on going anywhere

_Shit, I’m fucked_ He realized with a crash of panic.

Because he had no idea what to do. Sure he’d masturbated before, but it had never been done with an actual person in mind. He’d done it every couple of weeks, with a sort of military precision and efficiency, only because he’d hated the mess it made on his sheets if he neglected to do so. He hated mess, and he hated the weird dreams that sometimes accompanied that specific kind of mess, so he’d simply taken care of it with the attitude he placed on every chore he did. Despite his penis’s involvement in the affair, the experience hadn’t been remotely sexual to him. He’d even regarded it with a kind of impatience, and often enough he’d been so annoyed with all the things he could be doing instead that he hadn’t orgasmed at all, and had needed to give up until another attempt was made.

But this wasn’t like that at all. He was hard, and aching, and he hadn’t even touched himself. He didn’t even recognize his own penis, because _his_ dick didn’t do these sorts of things. It didn’t become frenzied and crazed at the thought of his furious commander. It just didn’t.

Except apparently it did. And that was very, very bad.

With another flare of panic, Levi leapt from the tub, splashing a good fourth of it onto the bathroom tile as he sprang for a towel. He needed help. Right now. He needed someone to turn to for this despite its embarrassing nature, because this was, by far, the scariest thing he had ever experienced. Titans, and drunk cross dressing Pixis had instilled nothing like the all-consuming fear he was feeling now. And he knew, as he scrambled to put on his clothing, his erection thankfully deflated with the force of his panic, that this was no time for censure—he needed help, and he needed it fast.

Naturally there was only one person he could turn to in this situation. There was only one person consistently crazy enough not to freak out at something like this, and as he raced toward her room, her name was already on his lips.

“Hanji!” he barked, kicking her door, which thankfully caused it to swing open so that he could burst through in all his disheveled glory, “I want Erwin to fuck me in the ass!”

As far as introductions went, this wasn’t one of his finer ones, but he didn’t care about that right now. He couldn’t ease into it. He needed to let it out too badly.

Hanji, who was seated in one of the two chairs in the room, brightened immediately as her eyes landed on his face. That was okay. She would accept it, he knew she would, even though he had hurt her. There was no question about that. The problem didn’t lie with her. It was heavily weighted on the second occupant of the room, and the one sitting in the other chair. A pretty blonde one he was very familiar with, and one who made his cheek throb in remembrance, because that face belonged to the same person who had punched him less than twelve hours ago.

He looked at Nanaba and she looked back at him, and there was just nothingness for several moments as his brain attempted to process just how badly he’d fucked up.

“Excellent!” Hanji exclaimed, leaping to her feet, “You realized all on your own!” She looked as pleased in that moment as a parent would after witnessing their only child take its first steps. But in the next instant her expression turned thoughtful, “I guess that means I should let Moblit know we can cancel the aphrodisiac experiment as it won’t be necessary after all.”

Had he heard her words, and what they implied, there was no doubt that he would have proceeded to thrash her until her own mirror reflection didn’t recognize her. But Levi didn’t hear her, because he was too busy spluttering.

“Uh, Nanaba, I didn’t mean, I mean--what i meant to say was--”

“Don’t bother trying to make excuses Levi,” Hanji said, skipping over to him and throwing her arm around his shoulders, “The only person this is news to is you. We’ve all known for ages. The real question is why on earth are your straps such a mess?”

Levi glanced down and was impressed to see that he had somehow managed to mangle all of his straps so that not one of them was connected appropriately. Normally such an atrocity would have tempted him to set himself on fire and slingshot himself into the next century, but he had the rest of her words to process.

“What do you mean everyone knew?” He demanded, glad to have a reason to turn away from Nanaba. “How could they have known if i didn’t know? This is a development that happened _just now_.”

“Please, you guys have been making eyes at each other since day one.” she snorted.

“We haven’t--”

“None of the rest of us have that kind of sexual tension when we’re slaying titans together,” Nanaba added, interrupting with her two cents.

The sense of betrayal these words invoked in Levi was more immense than he could describe.

“Not you too!” He moaned, feeling attacked from all sides.

“Quit your whining. You have no right to complain in front of poor Nanaba,” Hanji admonished, “At least _your_ hulking blonde doesn’t hide behind his hair every time you try to address him.”

“What the hell are you talking about four eyes?” Levi demanded. But as she often did, Hanji completely ignored him in favor of continuing her own agenda. She tugged Levi forward until she was once more within reach of Nanaba, then lifted the woman up and pushed her hand over her shoulders as well.

“Both of you need to step up your game,” she advised in an all knowing Mama-Hanji voice Levi was sure he’d never heard before, “Because if you guys let them get away I am going to be so disappointed I may die.”

Levi was unimpressed. “So go ahead and die you shitty glasses fuck. You’re completely useless.”

“I’ll also experiment on the both of you until your bodies roughly resemble slugs,” she added, easily slipping into threat mode.

Levi was slightly less unimpressed, and decided to quit his antagonism just in case she was serious.

“Hey, don’t lump me in with him,” Nanaba murmured, “I’m really trying.”

Hanji reached up and patted her on the head, “I know sweetie, but since you have to deal with Mike’s obliviousness you have to try twice as hard.”

“Wait, _mike_?” Levi asked, feeling the conversation go off track.

Hanji rolled her eyes and released them both. “Of course idiot, who the hell did you think we were talking about? Nanaba’s been after him for years.”

“She has?” Levi muttered, glancing back toward the woman and trying to see her in light of the new knowledge. She was an excellent fighter. Levi had noticed her the first week she’d joined because of her excellent combat skills and the ease in which her skills reinforced the others she worked with. Levi had only ever been able to work with a handful of people, and that small group had shrunk considerably with the death of his squad. But right now his gaze was only trying to see her compatibility with a single person. Specifically a rather dog-like huge son of a sniffing bitch.

He made a small reluctant sound. He supposed it could work, though he couldn’t imagine the man being with anyone without destroying them. He’d seen the man naked before, and had to admit that mike was far more horse like in a certain aspect in his anatomy than Jean Kirschtein was. He mentally wished Nanaba luck.

He heard a clink of glass, and turned his head, and was appalled to see a glass decanter filled with a most unwelcome amber liquid.

“Where the hell did you get that?” he demanded, giving the decanter a death glare. The last time he’d seen a bottle of whiskey his life had been turned upside down, and he wasn’t prepared to let that happen again.

Hanji let out a particularly mischievous laugh as she pulled the stopper from the bottle and began to pour a generous amount of liquid into three assembled glasses.

“Nile’s office,” she admitted, “Don’t worry--I’ve sampled it already and it’s good stuff.”

“Nile _Dok_?” Levi asked, already internally groaning because he knew the answer, “Why the hell did you think that was a good idea?”

A bit of the liquid sloshed out onto the top of the dresser as she righted the bottle. “Well I was out there to deliver Erwin’s report of the expedition, and the council was nitpicking it as usual, and it pissed me off, and, well, i never really liked the guy anyway.”

“You’re impossible,” He grumbled as she grabbed the glasses and held them aloft.

“To lots of hot blonde sex!” she crowed, before thrusting glasses into both Nanaba’s and his hands.

“Amen,” Nanaba replied fervently, and knocked the glass back without a second thought.

Levi was appalled. He didn’t know whether to attribute Nanaba’s attitude to Hanji’s or Mike’s influence, but he mentally decided on slaughtering both of them to cover all bases.

Naturally, Hanji was the next to go bottoms up and chug the amber liquid in her glass. “Ooh, this is strong stuff,” she exclaimed, clapping a hand to her chest. And then she noticed Levi’s less than enthusiastic expression. “Come on shorty, drink up. You’ll need that liquid courage when you go to confess to Erwin.”

_Wait…confess?_ Levi thought. And then his mind caught up to the direction Hanji’s was taking, and promptly flipped the hell out.

“I’m not confessing anything!” he roared, “I’m going to take this information to my grave!”

Hanji snorted, and set her glass down on the dresser with a muted thud. “Not on my watch.”

“Forget it, I’m not going to—“

“Nanaba’s going to confess. Do you really want to wimp out in front of her?”

Hanji’s smirk was infuriating to Levi, so he turned from her to face Nanaba. “You are?” he asked.

She nodded, looking grim. “I’ll go crazy if I don’t get it over with. I’m well on my way there already, and I can’t afford to suffer a total mental collapse.”

Was that what was in store for him? Levi wondered. He thought about how his stomach twisted and tore at itself with thoughts of Erwin. Would his body simply tear himself out from the inside? It was like the information was seeking an exit, and telling Hanji hadn’t been enough. If he didn’t let it out, would it force itself out someway anyway?

An image of his body appeared in his mind, soaked with blood and torn to shreds. He winced. He hoped he was exaggerating, but he really didn’t know about such matters. For all he knew, it was entirely possible. Could he really risk something like that? Erwin would kill him if he died. Because without Humanity’s strongest he’d lose even more funding for the expeditions.

Now feelings of guilt added themselves to the already rumbling mess of emotions tearing at his stomach. He really had no clue. His element including killing titans, and insinuating negative things about Eren’s intelligence—definitely not debating the pros and cons of revealing embarrassing truths to his superior officer.

“I can’t tell him,” Levi said, “It’ll ruin everything.”

“You do realize there’s a less than 1% chance he’ll turn you down, right?” Hanji replied, not looking at all sympathetic to his plight. “So march over there and lay it on him. He should still be in his room. I memorized his schedule for the next several days in case something like this developed.”

Levi was impressed by the woman’s acumen and perseverance for the sake of her friends—he was also vaguely terrified of it. At times like  these he was very glad to be her friend—because he could only imagine the sorts of things she was prepared to do if anyone stepped over the line and made it onto her bad list. He also knew that if he continued to refuse he would be risking waking up and realizing he’d been the subject of some god awful experiment overnight, but sometimes risks were necessary.

She seemed to sense this from him, and switched to cajoling. “Come on Lev, if you get rejected I’ll eat my gear. I promise.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that ridiculous name?” Levi snarled and lunged for her. She didn’t even bother flinching as he snagged her collar. “Too many. But you have to admit, it really suits you.”

“You know what would suit _you_? A sword through your shitty glasses eyes, that’s what,” he snarled.

“Stop procrastinating and go talk to Erwin.”

“I’m not procrastinating! I’m legitimately threatening your life!”

“That’s what all procrastinators say.”

“That’s a ridiculous!”

“No, _you’re_ ridiculous,” she insisted, “So stop being a baby and go do it. If you don’t, I’ll tell Mike it was you who shaved off his eyebrows four years ago.”

“You blatant liar!”

“Yes, well, it all comes down to who he’ll believe, doesn’t it?” said the _actual_ eyebrow shaving delinquent, “I’ll bet Nanaba will back me up too, won’t you Nanaba?”

No way, Levi thought, Nanaba would never—

But the blonde woman was already nodding her head. Levi’s blood ran cold. Hanji’s influence was certainly a powerful thing to behold.

“That’s right,” the woman agreed.

Levi ground his teeth together and silently seethed at the world. He wished he was a shark. That way he could simply decapitate anyone who annoyed him and no one would say anything. Because sharks were able to do whatever the fuck they wanted. Levi on the other hand could only patiently endure it, preferably with a cup of soothing black tea—which he very much didn’t have at the moment.

“Fine!” he snapped out, spinning on his heal, his undercut swirling dramatically, “I’ll fucking tell him, but only because you little shits are such damn backstabbers.”

“Woohoo!” Hanji whooped, grabbing Nanaba’s hands and forcing her into a little dance, “Levi’s gonna get some tonight!”

“Shut the fuck up!” he spat, while inwardly his heart had already begun to race. He didn’t want to do this. Like _really_ didn’t want to do this.

He looked down at his hand and found the glass with the amber liquid still present. He thought of facing his impeccably dressed and almost nauseatingly handsome commander, and didn’t hesitate any longer. He lifted the glass and gulped down the burning substance, not even wincing at the unfamiliar strong taste. Then he tossed the glass to Hanji, who was forced to stop flailing around in order to catch it, and slammed through the door, back tightly tensed: a man on a mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right guys, this was a pretty important chapter and i just hope I did it justice. Some of you might have issue with my Nanaba, but i always thought that she was secretly a total badass. I love your feedback guys--it literally makes me cry tears of happiness--thanks so much for your encouragement so far. It gives me life.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

The moment Levi left the room he wanted to turn back. Not that that was an option after the stormy and infinitely cool exit he’d just made. You didn’t waste exits like that. You had to milk them for all they were worth. But even though Levi knew all this, he was still tempted to run back to his room, crawl under his bed, and stay there for the rest of his life. It wasn’t just the words he was supposed to say to the man that were making him feel this way, but god knows that was certainly a large part of it. It was also the fact that he didn’t know what to expect from the encounter. Levi hadn’t yet seen Erwin since the man had slammed him up against the wall and cursed him for his idiotic actions. Erwin had been so upset, and Levi didn’t know how to deal with that. Typically, he just stabbed his problems until they went away, but he could see why that wouldn’t work in this case.

It wasn’t the anger Levi was worried about as much as the vulnerability. When Erwin had slumped against him, Levi had felt for the first time what it was like to see his commander completely defenseless. And that sight had been…well, it had been a little thrilling to be honest. The moment had touched something inside him somewhere next to his spleen, and Levi couldn’t help internally poking at the spot to revive it. As scared as he was, he was also murderously curious to know what would happen.

He knew his confession would be too soon, just as he knew when it was too soon to start picking at a newly formed scab. But just like in the case of the scab, he went for it anyway, because waiting just wasn’t an option for him. He needed to know. And it was that sentiment that was pushing him forward. He knew that Erwin might very well punch him when he saw him, but that was something he was prepared to handle. Hell, he knew that Erwin would probably punch him again once he’d actually gotten the confession out. He was prepared for that too. What he wasn’t prepared for was what he was actually supposed to say.

How was he supposed to confess? _Hey Erwin, I know we’ve been close friends and partners for all these years, but I was thinking maybe you wanted to update the relationship a bit. Yes, I know it’s pretty decent as it is, but you see, I’ve sort of realized it’d make me a lot happier if you could just shove that there sausage of yours straight up my ass. Yes. That’s right. You heard me correctly. Just straight up there. It shouldn’t be more than a minor adjustment. I’m sure you understand._

Yeah, that wasn’t a very workable confession. Levi realized he was well and properly screwed. He had never been the sentimental or romantic type, and he knew that would be a serious impediment to his mission here. Maybe he should have done some more research first, he thought, maybe picked up a couple of romance novels or something. Though that thought alone was enough to make him gag. If he was in love with Erwin (he could still hardly stand to think it, let alone say it) did that mean he would have to start acting like the characters in those books? If the answer was yes, then he was fully prepared to leap over the wall, without any gear, and let himself plummet to his death—preferably right into a Titan’s awaiting mouth, because that shit was plain unacceptable.

No, he realized, he shouldn’t let bad romance novels dictate the situation now. The predicament he was in was so far from the norm that he doubted any stereotypes applied to him anyway. Firstly, because he was a grumpy old man, and not the lovely bimbo protagonist from most such stories. Secondly, because the person he lusted after was undoubtedly the same gender he was. Thirdly, because the man was his commanding officer…

Levi cut himself off after three, because the list was beginning to depress him. He already knew there was very little chance that Erwin would agree to…whatever it was that Levi was proposing (something he hoped to figure out by the time he reached Erwin’s quarters). But he knew that if he didn’t at least _try,_ he’d never have any peace of mind—mostly because Hanji would ensure he didn’t have any. The woman was persistent, and since she was under the delusion that he and Erwin had been after each other for years, she wasn’t likely to let him forget it. Ever. And even if she died before him, she’d find some way to speak to him from the grave for the sole purpose of berating him endlessly. She was just that kind of woman.

Levi took a turn at the next corner and was startled to find himself only a few doors away from his destination. His panic spiked as he came to the realization that he was out of time, and he hadn’t figured out what he was going to say. He briefly debated walking right past the door and circling back around again, but he knew that probably wouldn’t accomplish anything—he wasn’t sure if a thousand years would be enough time to determine what he needed to say—and putting it off would only make this even harder to do.

Forcing himself to accept that, Levi let his legs drag his very unwilling body over to Erwin’s door. Seeing it, he couldn’t help remembering what had happened the last time he’d entered through it, and that gave him pause. Their roles were reversed now. This time it was Levi who needed to say the fateful words. Only it would be a lot harder for him than it had been for the commander.

Levi still didn’t know what to make of that man’s words. He’d played them over and over again the last few weeks, and because nothing appeared to have come from them, he had to conclude that they had been words of the platonic variety. Erwin had been drunk, so he’d been more effusive in his warmth. Levi figured that if it had been Hanji in his place, or mike, or even Nile for that matter, Erwin would have said the same words to them. Those words had meant nothing to Erwin. Been worth so little that they hadn’t even been worth remembering.

But now Levi wanted to say the words, and he meant them, and it was so much harder to say words you meant than those you didn’t. He had no idea how he would manage it. Why would anyone be stupid enough to confess in the first place? He thought, it was like setting yourself up to be rejected and ridiculed, and who would put themselves in that sort of position?

Well, Levi, obviously, though he was already inwardly cursing himself for his stupidity.

He raised his hand to the door, determined to do this before he realized any more reasons why this was a bad idea, but paused again. How should he knock? Should it be light and cursory? Sort of a I-was-just-dropping-by-and-by-the-way-I-love-you? That certainly sounded tempting. If he played it off as nothing, Levi thought he might be able to get away with pushing the whole ordeal aside in the event of his rejection. He looked at his raised fist, and noticed it was trembling slightly. _No_ he thought _I’m too damn nervous to pull off casual_.

And that’s how he found himself pounding on the door as if Titans were invading the city and they had 20 seconds to evacuate everyone.

What could he say? He panicked.

Naturally, knocking like that, brought Erwin flying to the door. The sound of the knob turning arrived mere seconds after Levi had let his fist fly. His reaction time was revealed to be even more impressive, because when the door swung open, it was clear to all that Erwin had been caught in the midst of shaving, and going by the cream still covering half his face, he had quit it rather hurriedly.

Levi was struck dumb. He could only stare helplessly as his eyes drank in the sight in front of him. Erwin had always been a beautiful man. Even covered in titan gore, the man still managed to look regal and angelic. But the beauty he was exuding now was unfair, and now that Levi had realized his feelings, and the bottomless pit of lust he had yet to explore, the sight was nearly enough to kill him.

Erwin’s eyes were wide as he jerked his eyes around, obviously searching for the emergency, and while he busied himself with that, Levi’s eyes raked themselves over the man’s body, and confirmed what he himself could not believe. Erwin was very well muscled, very clean, and very obviously shirtless. He appeared to have very recently exited the bath, if the light sheen of water coating his chest was anything to go by. He’d only pulled on his pants, the straps of his uniform that normally covered his chest hanging loose over his belt. His hair still hadn’t been arranged, and it was beaded all over with droplets of water that caught the light in a way that never happened to Levi. And as Levi’s eyes fell even lower, over the v of his hips, taught thigh muscles and those endlessly long legs, he came to the man’s feet which were also unfairly bare. Levi was pretty sure he’d never noticed the man’s feet before, because if he had, he couldn’t imagine how he could have ever forgotten the sight. Levi’s mind began offering expletive after expletive as he mentally cursed the man for bewitching him with his stupid beautiful feet. It was ridiculous that something like the man’s feet could cause his stomach to tighten and twist and drop low into some barren nothingness. It was so far beyond stupid that Levi promised to later punch himself in the face even as he was wondering how long it would take to push the man down and plant kisses on every one of those idiotic magnificent toes. It was also at that moment that Levi realized that as long as he had breath left in his body he would ensure that nobody but himself ever got to see those toes. Because anyone who did was sure to fall just as hard as he had, and frankly, more competition was the last thing he needed right now.

“What happened Levi? Are you all right? Has someone been hurt?”

Erwin’s words were barked out in his Commander voice. This voice was very different than the one he normally spoke to Levi with, that it had the captain yanking his eyes back up from his toes to Erwin’s face so quickly he nearly suffered whiplash.

“Uh, no,” Levi said, wincing at how lame he sounded, “Nothing’s the matter.”

Levi was impressed that a lie of that magnitude could slip forth from his mouth. He was even more talented than he’d thought he was.

“I just, er, wanted to talk to you.”

Levi swore that if any other embarrassing ums or ers came from his mouth he was going to sew his mouth shut with the strongest thread he could find.

Erwin looked at Levi, his face uncharacteristically blank for several seconds, before shooting into a dazzling grin. Levi managed to fight the urge to clap his hand over his eyes, but he did squint a bit to prevent himself from being stricken totally blind.

“That’s great Levi, because I was actually just about to go get you myself. I need to tell you something as well!”

Levi’s heart thudded in his chest. Was it possible that they both wanted to say the same thing?

_No_ he told himself _Don’t get your hopes up_.

But it was hard. When Erwin was smiling at him like that, and talking in such a carefree happy tone, it made Levi want to believe all sorts of impossible things.

“You…you do?” Levi asked, trying not to splutter. He’d wanted to just storm in and get his confession over with, but this little wrench in the works wasn’t something he’d counted on.

“Oh yes,” Erwin exclaimed, grabbing Levi by the wrist and dragging him bodily into the room, “I think I’ve finally found the solution to all the anxiety you’ve been experiencing the last few weeks.”

If Levi’s heart had been thudding before, it was stampeding now. Because Erwin had noticed, Levi realized. Erwin had seen how strangely Levi had been acting, and had traced the source of it. He knew what Levi was going to say, and yet he was still smiling.

The little captain could barely hear anything over the sudden roaring in his ears. It kind of sounded like Eren when he was tearing apart other Titans in his Titan form, except Levi knew that this sound was produced by the blood of his own body—blood that seemed to be pounding out Erwin’s name with every motion of his heart.

“You have?”

Levi realized that the questions he was asking were stupid and redundant, but his mouth didn’t seem to be under his control anymore. He watched helplessly as Erwin let go of his arm, and crossed the room to swipe at the leftover cream on his face with a small towel.

Erwin dropped the towel back onto his dresser as he turned once more to face Levi, smile still firmly in place.

“That’s right.”  He said, and then his smile lessened slightly as his voice took on a more serious tone, “I apologize for my reaction last night. I should have remained in control.  I was emotionally compromised, and because of that I risked losing you. I should have handed control of your retrieval to Hanji or Mike. Their heads were better placed on their shoulders last night, but that thought didn’t cross my mind. I was too consumed with the idea of getting you back safely within the walls, and for that, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

The slight tremor in Levi’s fingers increased to a more pronounced shaking.

_What the hell is he apologizing for?_ Levi wondered _I was the one who acted rashly. I was the one who betrayed everyone and caused them to worry. What the ever living fuck is this beautiful bastard trying to do to me_?

Because it was quite clear that the man’s words were doing _something_ to Levi. The captain stared at the blonde and wasn’t sure if he wanted to smack him or attack him with his mouth. Probably both.

Levi took in the expression of worry and recalcitrance on the man’s face, and felt his stomach twist and buck.

Definitely both.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Levi answered gruffly, “I did a stupid thing. That isn’t your fault.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Erwin replied, taking several steps forward, and stopping in front of Levi. It was interesting to see two different sides to his face—one with stubble, and one clean shaven. Levi couldn’t decide which was sexier, and the piercing blue eyes Erwin was fixing him with weren’t helping him come to a decision on the matter. “It is my fault,” Erwin continued, “It’s because I wasn’t doing my full duty that you were forced to carry the burden that’s been troubling you. If I’d taken care of it before you wouldn’t have been driven to that sort of action. If I’d put your anxiety at ease it would never have happened.”

Erwin reached forward and grabbed Levi’s forearm. Levi could feel his skin burn and his hair prickle directly beneath and on all the skin surrounding Erwin’s fingers. He’d never been more aware of someone’s touch in his life. He wanted to look down, because he knew the expression on his face had to be an embarrassing one, but he felt arrested by the man’s gaze.

“But I’m going to fix it now Levi, I’ve found the perfect way to fix it. I’m not going to run away from reality anymore Levi. This is something I should have done years ago.”

Erwin took another step closer to Levi, and now they were so close that the toes of Levi’s boots were touching Erwin’s bare ones. So close that Levi could count the number of eyelashes framing those striking blue eyes. Close enough that if he just pushed himself up a little he could close the distance between them and take from Erwin’s mouth what he’d been dying to take for too long already.

_Holy shit. This is actually happening_ Levi thought, the words appearing in his mind as a shout, _I’m not the only one. This is it. And I didn’t even have to embarrass the living crap out of myself._

“Levi,” Erwin breathed, his eyes lighting up with excitement, “I was so excited to tell you.”

Levi couldn’t help getting caught up in the man’s excitement, and he felt his breath begin to come quicker in his chest. It was worth it. All the wait and confusion and testiness he’d experienced was all worth it for this moment—this one anticipatory moment where Erwin shone more perfectly than he ever had before, because in his eyes were a sense of peace and rightness, and seeing it, Levi knew he never wanted to see any other expression on the man’s face.

He was sure now. He’d been wavering before, but he was absolutely sure now. He wouldn’t be afraid to speak the words, and when he did, he’d be able to say them clearly, without any hesitation or trembling. He loved Erwin. He’d never felt this before, but even so he wouldn’t doubt it now. Not when it was this strong. Not when every cell in his body was screaming to wrap itself around _him_. Around Erwin.

Levi’s body was already leaning in, his lips stretching into the kind of disbelieving smile no one but his childhood friends had ever seen. It was filled with a sense of wonder that the world could do this. Could bring this man to him. To bring him this kind of happiness.

“I wanted to tell you first.”

Levi’s brow crinkled at Erwin’s words, but only slightly, well of course he would tell him first? Who else would he tell? A titan corpse? But that was of no matter. He would—

“I knew this news would make you so happy, because it ensures the safety of the survey corps.”

This time Levi’s body stopped its trajectory, and genuine confusion appeared on his face. Wait. Survey corps? What the hell did that have anything to do with…

Erwin clapped his hands onto Levi’s shoulders and grinned down at him. And it was a companionable grin. Something beautiful, but something Erwin had previously shared with him before. It wasn’t a different smile. It hadn’t changed.

It hadn’t changed…

Levi’s smile began to falter. Wait…

“I’m surprised by how quickly I was able to arrange things,” Erwin continued, so excited that he didn’t notice the change in Levi’s expression, “I never expected the head of the council to be so accommodating where his daughter was concerned.”

_Hold on…_ Levi thought, reaching up toward Erwin as panic began to shoot through his chest.

But there was no holding on. There was no chance to prepare himself. And the worst part was, that when Erwin delivered the news, his smile was as wide as Levi had ever seen it.

He beamed down at the captain and then shrugged before delivering the words without any sort of preamble.

“I’m engaged, Levi.”

Erwin slapped Levi on the back and let out a bark of laughter, “The wedding’s in one month’s time.”

The impossible words, unable to be comprehended, still shattered every trace of the hope coursing through Levi’s heart. And as his smile blew out into desolated horror, and the initial surge of pain slammed into him in a cold hard gush, Levi couldn’t help wondering what on earth he’d been thinking to ever allow himself to hope in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I really am sincerely sorry for what I've done to Levi. Feel free to launch any rotten fruit you may have at me now. Also, sorry that the chapter's so short. I will try to make up for it by getting the next one up as early as possible. This story still has a good amount of it left, so sit tight if you can bear to keep going. I swear i live and breathe your encouragement guys, thanks for all the kudos and comments.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Levi stared and stared, but no matter how hard he looked, or how deeply he dug into Erwin’s expression, he just couldn’t match up the man’s words with the smile Erwin was wearing. Because how the hell could Erwin look so damn happy when Levi felt like he’d just been punted clear over the wall by the colossal titan right into a massive pile of fresh steaming shit.

“You’ll have a drink with me, won’t you, Levi?” Erwin said brightly, releasing the captain’s shoulders, and heading toward his writing table. He yanked open the top drawer with a sharp snappy motion and snagged the bottle and glasses within. “I know I shouldn’t touch the stuff after the affair I put you through several weeks ago, but I think we can make an exception for this occasion, right?”

Levi tried to swallow, but his throat felt like it had been attacked by many hordes of very determined and very vicious hornets. The resulting lump was so large he didn’t think he’d ever get a word past it again.

_Not mine._

_He’s not mine and he never will be mine._

The pain was everywhere. He hadn’t known this kind of pain existed. He’d once fractured 4 ribs at the same time when a horse kicked him in the chest during an expedition (and one had even pierced through the skin), but that had been nothing compared to this. Because this pain robbed him of his senses. He’d always been in control of it before. His pain threshold had been through the roof. But this was uncontainable. He wasn’t able to box it up and retreat into his mind—because the pain was _in_ his mind. It exploded from there into everything else, and now it hurt to move and to breathe, even to blink. So he only stood there—unmoving, unbreathing, and unblinking—and took it. Because there was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. He couldn’t hide from himself, and he couldn’t hide from the words.

_You took too long. You screwed up. And now you have nothing._

He wanted to crumple to the floor and curl up into as small a ball as possible because maybe that would make it hurt less. But he couldn’t fall to the floor. He wasn’t given even that small comfort, because Erwin insisted in drilling into him more of those horrible words.

He hadn’t seen Levi. He was too busy arranging the glasses on the table, and un-stoppering the bottle with those beautiful and capable hands. “It’s really all thanks to you, Levi,” the man said with a generous tone, “Your words really inspired me to move forward. I realized that I wasn’t doing all I could do for the corps--for you. You made me wrack my brain for solutions, but even then I couldn’t come up with any. It was only after you went outside the wall that the idea occurred to me. After you left...I kept thinking that I’d find your mangled corpse lying on the ground out there. Yes, I know you’re the best fighter we have, but you’re not invincible, and so in my head I was already trying to figure out how the hell I would manage to handle your loss, and honestly, cursing you to the fullest extent of my ability for your stupidity. But it did get me to thinking.”

_Thanks to…me?_ Levi thought. The idea was strange enough to get through to his brain. Was Erwin really implying that all this was his fault? That it had all occurred because Levi had been a moron and gone outside the walls? Could he really be saying that? Because if that were the truth, then Levi was really lost. He couldn’t stand the possibility that he had brought this all on himself. His hand reached out instinctively to try and grab ahold of something—because he felt like he was about to collapse. But there was nothing to grab, no way for him to find even a modicum of stability. He was forced to stand there and take it.

The amber liquid sloshed into the glasses as Erwin poured a generous amount into each.

“After you were safely back, my mind was able to become somewhat useful again, and I started to think about who would suffer if any of us were to die. You and I, Levi...we don’t have families. And that means that we are unlikely to be missed by anyone but our fellow corps members.”

Erwin set the glass bottle down on the table and lifted his head, and despite his sobering words, he was still wearing the smile.

“And then I realized that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The fact that I don’t have a wife or children allows me to serve the corps to my fullest ability. I’m not afraid to take risks because I know no one is dependent on my survival. And then…” Erwin let out a little chuckle. “And then the stroke of genius really hit me, because I realized my bachelorhood was actually an opportunity. Marriages have forever been used as political tools, and why should I be an exception to that?”

_Wait…_

A very small, barely noticeable blot of interest pushed itself into Levi’s brain amidst all the god awful pain.

_A political tool…?_

“The leader of the council has a daughter of marriageable age, and I am not an entirely repulsive man, so I decided I might as well give it a go. I went to the councilman and gave him my proposal, and I could visibly observe his sudden pique in interest. No doubt he thinks my marriage to his daughter will put me even further under his control, but everyone else knows that that’s not the case. The man’s daughter, Cordelia, is a member of the council herself, and one of the more reasonable ones to boot. I know that partnering myself with her can only--Levi, are you all right?”

As Erwin interrupted himself, his smile seemed to slide off his face like he’d applied grease to it. He circled the desk and crossed the distance between the two of them. But as he reached out a hand to touch Levi’s arm, the captain’s paralysis finally cracked, and he jumped back a little.

“Fine,” he mumbled robotically, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked, eyes lighting up with concern, “You don’t look fine. In fact, you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Of course I’m fine!” he snapped out, putting a little life into his voice, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

_Great,_ Levi thought, _Now you sound defensive. Stop being so damn obvious._

Erwin took a step closer. “You’re awfully pale Levi. Do you want to sit down?”

“I said I’m fine!”

_At this rate you’re not going to need to confess because it’s written all over your damn stupid face_ Levi inwardly seethed. His brain was still a jumbled mess of pain and horror, and was therefore unreliable. He no longer knew what was stupid to say and what was normal. Because nothing was normal to him now. It was all horror. He knew he had to leave. If he stayed here he would do something--something bad. He wasn’t sure what yet, but it probably involved barging in to the council building and stabbing the whole lot of them with dull rusty blades. But he couldn’t do that right now, because he needed to ask him something...if he didn’t ask he would go crazy from the not knowing.

“So you don’t...you don’t love her?”

He hated the weakness in his voice, but if Erwin detected it, it wasn’t reflected in his reaction.

He laughed. “Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. She doesn’t even have a titan kill record.”

“Be serious Erwin.”

“I am serious!” the man said with a grin, turning back to the table, “If I loved her, I wouldn’t be using her like this. Though it’s a mutual using, so I’m not allowing guilt to be an important concern here.”

He picked up the glasses, and thrust one into Levi’s hands. Once more Levi found himself staring down into the hated liquid and scowling. Didn’t any of them drink anything else anymore?

Erwin raised his glass and said, “To bigger budgets!” and knocked back the glass.

Levi watched the man’s throat muscles work as he swallowed, and felt that helpless twisting in his gut once more. Political or not, a marriage would mean that he would be bound to someone else. It meant that Erwin would have a new addition to his bed. It meant that someone else would see Erwin in all his private moments--when he woke, and when he bathed. When he slept and when he ate. And it also meant that those toes would probably become the exclusive viewing pleasure of someone else.

_No!_ Levi’s mind protested. Though it wasn’t just his mind, his whole body seemed to be vibrating from the injustice of it. Erwin was his. He had to be. The world didn’t make any sense otherwise.

“After meeting Cordelia last night, we agreed to reveal the news to the public at the officer’s party next week. You will be going, won’t you Levi? Don’t make me attend that stuffy function all by myself.”

Next week… That meant the entire world would know of Levi’s shame--of his hurt and his failure. And that also meant...if the world knew then that meant it was real. It meant that Levi really wouldn’t be able to hide from it because it would smack itself in his face and demand to be addressed. And that was cruel. Levi couldn’t handle that level of cruelty, and he was unable to comprehend that the person responsible for it was the treasured person in front of him.

He hadn’t meant to throw it. Hadn’t even been aware he had the effort in him. But when his glass hit the floor, the sharpness of the explosion, and the height the amber liquid splashed made it clear that it _had_ been thrown, and rather violently too. The smell of alcohol was overwhelming, and by the way it immediately seeped into the rug, it was obvious that the smell would be lingering for some time.

“Go with your fucking fiancé!” Levi snapped, turning on his heel. The last thing he saw as he launched himself from the room was the obvious shock painted across Erwin’s face.

_Good_ he thought bitterly as he stormed down the hall _Let the man know what he’s done._

His blood was rushing in his ears once more, but this time it was because of his fury. He was glad for it. Anger was power. If he could just hold onto his anger he’d be able to keep it together long enough to reach a place of safety. Because he could feel the cracks growing wider. Shock had held the full affect away, and now anger was doing the job, but Levi wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d keep the oncoming explosion away forever. He only had minutes now, and he knew that after that he’d be hit with a pain so crippling that his entire reality would go white from it.

Anger and urgency fueled his steps, and then he was running, shoving past bodies there was no way he could identify in this state. He didn’t know where his body was taking him, but he could do nothing but trust it as his heart pounded and screamed and his teeth nearly ground themselves down to chalk dust in his mouth.

The word echoed through his mind like the dirtiest thing he’d ever laid his hands on.

The word was an abomination. A death sentence. The living embodiment of horror.

_Fucking married._

Maybe if he repeated the word enough times it would lose its meaning and then he’d be able to face it, but right now it looked like that possibility was a long ways away.

He kept moving, determined to do so until he dropped dead from exhaustion. But then there was another body in his way, and this one wasn’t moving. In fact, it was reaching around him to pull him closer, to pull him right into the pocket of her body, and when Levi’s overburdened brain finally realized it was Hanji, he stopped fighting, and collapsed entirely.

“ _Why?_ ”

The demand was issued from his own throat, but it was raspy, desperate, and altogether unrecognizable.

His hands scrambled to find purchase on Hanji’s shirt. He needed to hold onto something, and Hanji was the best for that. She may have been flighty in other circumstances, but when he needed her, Hanji was always there, and right now he needed that _thereness_ more than he could say.

“ _How could he_?”

Once more his voice didn’t sound like his own, and that was good, because it meant that he’d be able to say the words and pretend it wasn’t himself speaking them.

“How could he be _marrying_ her?”

His voice cracked a bit on the word “married,” but he was in no fit state to reprimand himself over it.

“What? Who’s getting married? What are you talking about Levi? Tell me everything--right from the beginning!”

He felt warmth, and he realized it was because Hanji was wrapping a blanket around them both. He’d stumbled back into her room unconsciously, and now she was attempting to do her best at damage control. She pressed his head to her chest and began to rock with him in a pace too quick and anxiety ridden to be soothing. “Tell me Levi,” she begged.

So he did. He found the words somehow, and as they tumbled from his lips, Hanji went rigid with shock. But by the time he finished, her whole body was vibrating with anger.

“That blonde ass piece of horseshit!” she yelled, pounding on Levi’s back for emphasis, “That no good hair-parting, whiskey-swilling, heart-breaking--”

“Hanji…”

“Ego-destroying, eyebrow-growing, life-ruining--”

“Hanji!”

“Political-scheming, over-muscled, impossibly-blind--”

“Damn it Hanji!”

“Grossly-old Commander Motherfucking Jackass!” She finished with great aplomb.

“He’s only a few years older than me,” Levi informed her. Hanji’s anger had had a positive effect on his ability to function, and he was glad to turn his attention to irrelevant details rather than focus on the real issue at hand.

“I’m going to kill him!”

“I already called dibs.”

“Well then what the hell are you waiting for?” She demanded.

“My sense of purpose and general body mobility to return,” he answered with a weary sigh. It wasn’t regular tiredness that gripped him. It was a bone deep ache that made all movement seem like an impossible reach.

“Screw that, I’m going to march right over there and--oh Nanaba baby, what the hell happened?”

Levi, despite the fact that he really couldn’t manage anyone else’s issues right now, glanced up at the sudden change in Hanji’s voice. And when he took in Nanaba’s pale face and the way her bottom lip trembled very slightly from her position over by the doorway, he felt the same sympathy that coated all the way through Hanji’s voice.

“He…” her voice was a rough croak, “He wouldn’t…”

Hanji spread one of her arms wide, and with the blanket hanging over it, she gave off the impression of a mama owl inviting her offspring to her feathery breast. Nanaba didn’t even pretend to hesitate as she ran full pelt toward the other woman and launched herself at her chest. It was a testament to Hanji’s strength that they all weren’t knocked flat onto the floor. Instead, Hanji wrapped her two broken babies securely under her arms, and in a soothing voice that promised infinite pain to all her children’s aggressors, she asked, “What happened Naba?”

Levi usually disapproved of any nicknames that seemed to insult the intelligence of the person in question, but he let it slide this time because of the extremeness of the circumstances. Also he was finding it very hard to care about anything besides the blown out hole punched through his chest.

“I found him in the cafeteria sniffing at the sausages,” she began, and Levi mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “Typical dog behavior.”

Thankfully Nanaba was too upset to hear it.

“But when he saw me, he was instantly alarmed. I asked him if we could go somewhere private to talk, but all he wanted to know was why I smelled like alcohol when I never smelled like alcohol. And I tried to tell him that the alcohol thing didn’t matter, and that what I had to talk to him about was so much more important. But he wouldn’t let it go. He kept asking me what was wrong, and if he could help me, because he was convinced that if I had touched alcohol that meant that someone in my family had died or something. And he wouldn’t let me change the subject or lead him anywhere. And then I just snapped and shouted, ‘Just forget the fucking alcohol thing damn it!’ and then he looked at me with those hurt puppy eyes like I’d just spit on his face, and I couldn’t handle that, so I ran away like a damn coward, and now...and now…”

“Shh, it’s okay sweetie. That wasn’t cowardly. You just didn’t know what to do…”

“I’m just so damn frustrated!” Nanaba snapped, letting her head thunk down onto Hanji’s shoulder as the other woman attempted to console her, “I really meant to tell him, but I got so flustered, and then he wouldn’t shut up about the alcohol, and everyone was looking at me and ugh! I just really need to kill a Titan.”

“I know the feeling,” Levi muttered.

“Yes, but don’t even think about pulling a stunt like this idiot did yesterday,” Hanji warned, assaulting Levi with her most powerful death glare, even as she stroked the hair of his undercut comfortingly.

Nanaba sighed and poked Levi’s cheek. “You look awful,” she said bluntly, “What happened to you?”

“Erwin’s getting married to this council person Chlamydia, or whatever the hell her name is.”

“That’s fucking ridiculous.”

Levi found that in his current state of broken heartedness he could appreciate this foulmouthed Nanaba far more than he had before.

“It’s a political thing,” Hanji assured her.

“Did you tell him you’re going to politically kick his ass?” She asked.

“Apparently he can’t work up the energy for the endeavor.”

“Wow. That’s embarrassing. I feel better about myself already.”

“Glad I could help,” Levi growled, feeling his newfound appreciation for her take a dip.

“Save your feelings of aggression for something worthwhile,” Hanji advised, “Say this lame ass function thing coming up.”

“Not going,” Levi stated, his tone daring anyone to argue with him.

Hanji took him up on it.

“What? But you have to!”

“Why? Because I need one more reason to hate my life and everything in it? The last thing I need is to see Commander Douchebag toting around his little council bimbo.”

“Yes,” Hanji agreed, “But how else are you going to gain an opportunity to make him seethe with jealously?”

Levi briefly wondered if all her mothering had knocked something loose in her head. “What the hell are you spewing?”

“Simple. If you don’t like the idea of him dragging a woman around, just think of what he would feel if the roles were reversed. It’s simple. We got to get you a woman.”

Levi’s suspicions were confirmed. Hanji had probably gotten hit on the head with a coconut since the last time he’d seen her.

“What?” he barked.

“I volunteer for the position,” Nanaba stated, as if he hadn’t spoken.

“Brilliant!” Hanji exclaimed, clapping them both on the back, “That way we can make them both jealous at once.”

That was so ridiculous he didn’t even know where to begin. First of all, there was no way he could make Erwin jealous, because he had proven that he was no more in love with Levi than he was with the last Titan he’d killed. If he had been, Levi reasoned, then Erwin wouldn’t have been so eager to get his hands on the first political marriage he could arrange. Second of all, even if he agreed to this nonsense, which he definitely wasn’t doing, there was no way he could pull this off. He was usually good at hiding his feelings behind a scowl, but right now he had no confidence in his ability to do so. Erwin did something to him--something that ruined all his attempts at deception, and revealed all the horrible vulnerability he was experiencing. And third of all--he was _not_ going to this damn function, so they could all just pack up their bags and go the fuck home because it wasn’t going to happen, and it was _never_ going to work.

“This is totally going to work!” Hanji cried, standing up and squeezing them both so hard Levi could feel his ribs curse at him fluently. “We’ll show those tall assholes. They’ll rue the day they ever dared to be this oblivious!”

Levi dragged his hand across his face. No. no. no. This wasn’t supposed to be what was happening. He was _supposed_ to be drowning himself in the bath, preferably with several dozen liters of black tea at his side as he screamed and cursed the day he ever laid eyes on his gorgeous commander and his stupid ass toes. But his bathtub was so far away, and the nearest kettle was even farther, and he was so damn tired. So as Hanji and Nanaba talked fervently about revealing dress designs, Levi stumbled over to Hanji’s bed and collapsed upon it. He curled into a tight little ball, trying to shield the gnarled knot of pain in his stomach as effectively as possible. A hand appeared then, stroking his forehead even as the women continued to talk, and, realizing it belonged to Hanji, he allowed himself to drift off into a fitful and miserable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right guys--as i promised I put this chapter up as quickly as I could. This one is also pretty short, but the next one should be longer.  
> I brought mama Hanji to the rescue, so maybe you'll hate me a little less now. Also they have a revenge plot--and everyone loves revenge plots (don't they?)  
> also, author confessions: I may have fallen a little bit in love with Nanaba.  
> (I've got some school papers i need to finish so i'm not sure when i'll be able to post the next chapter, but it shouldn't be more than a week)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

For the rest of that week, Levi was more of an asshole than he’d ever been in his life. It got so bad, that even Eren, who never balked from a challenge, took to peering into rooms before he entered them to ensure that the little captain was nowhere in sight. Levi noticed this, and he couldn’t really blame the kid. The last time he’d seen him, the boy had been hanging the squad’s laundry. Naturally, Levi’s foul mood had ensured that he’d found some insignificant flaw with the boy’s work, and in return, he’d yanked the boy up and left him hanging from the line by the back of his underwear, as all the spectators were seized with both fear and appreciation for the quality of the squad’s rope, because it somehow managed to hold up a nearly fully grown boy as he struggled mightily to free himself.

The thing that terrified the recruits most, was the fact that they didn’t know what had caused Levi’s transformation. Each of them cowered with a niggling fear that they were the reason for his rage, and as such, they all trembled whenever Levi addressed them with a bark. Only Hanji and Nanaba knew, and Levi planned to keep it that way. He was okay with people thinking he’d gone round the bend. He was _not_ okay with people thinking he’d gone round the bend because of _Erwin Smith_ , least of all the stupidly handsome man himself. That’s why Levi was nastiest to Erwin most of all. He was terrified that Erwin would find out. It was one thing to have a bad dose of unrequited love, but it was quite another to have the object of your affection pity you for that love. Levi was a proud man, so he could handle anger and hurt, but he couldn’t handle pity. The bottom of his stomach dropped out when he thought of seeing that on Erwin’s face. So he tried to keep as much distance between them as possible. But Erwin was persistent. He insisted on trying to intercept Levi at every moment possible, and Levi, fast as he was, couldn’t always avoid him. And because of that he was often forced to adopt unsavory methods of dealing with him--methods that had Erwin’s face cracking with pain and confusion.

Levi hated that. The pain in his body always spiked to unimaginable levels when he saw Erwin’s expression shatter into one of misery.

_That just goes to show that you don’t belong with him_ Levi thought, angrily scouring his boots with polish. He’d been at the task for more than an hour now, and there wasn’t a spot on his hands that wasn’t black with the stuff, but he didn’t stop--he didn’t feel like he could. Because whenever his hands were empty they began to shake, and Levi couldn’t stand it.

He could have done something else, but if he put down the brush then he would have to get dressed, and once he was dressed, he would have to go to the damn officers’ party. And he wasn’t fucking going to the party goddamnit.

Except he was. Everybody knew it, and Levi couldn’t even fool himself anymore. Everyone went to the officers’ party. It was important, especially for the survey corps members, who were on shaky ground as it was, to make a showing. As terribly as Erwin had destroyed him, Levi still loved the man (which was the whole problem in the first place) and because of that, he couldn’t do anything to endanger all the hard work the man was putting in, and that meant going to this stupid party.

He was tempted to keep polishing until he rubbed his fingers down to little nubs, but then there was a knock on the door, and his unidirectional attention was interrupted.

He glanced up just as the door swung open--he must have left it unlocked in his distraction--and came face to face with Nanaba.

“I thought I was supposed to come to you,” he muttered, letting the brush drop from his hands to the floor.

Nanaba looked down at him (he was sitting cross legged on the floor) and gave him a very small indulgent smile. “I got tired of waiting.” she said before crossing the room, her dress making soft swishing sounds as she did. She stopped when she was before him and crouched down to his level. “I think this is the dirtiest I’ve ever seen you.”

Her voice was laced with amusement, and the way she was looking at him couldn’t be described as anything but fond. He didn’t deserve it, he knew. He’d been unbearable this week. He’d been so awful that he’d only been able to stomach himself by pretending that the words leaving his mouth had belonged to somebody else. He wasn’t sure exactly what time it was, but it was late. Levi was never late, and he was never dirty--and yet here he was, settling thoroughly into both categories. He couldn’t have chosen a worse time to switch things up this way. IF he were Nanaba, he’d have been thoroughly pissed with himself. And yet here she was, smiling and patient. Like an angel.

“You look beautiful,” he said, and it was the truth. Her dress was a shimmering emerald that hung off her shoulders and exposed her creamy skin. It hugged her torso and then fell in long curtains of fabric to the floor. Her Hair was swept up, giving her an easy elegance, and her eyes were bright and shining.

“Aren’t I though?” she said lightly, her smile growing wider as she leaned down and brushed her lips across his forehead.

Levi was startled by the gesture, but Nanaba wasn’t. She grabbed his forearm and easily tugged him to his feet. “You, on the other hand, are a disaster. Were you hoping that if you were messy enough that the party would just cease to exist?”

He shrugged, a slightly sheepish expression on his face, “Something like that.”

She laughed, and it was a lovely sound. Levi considered telling her so, but that might have earned him another kiss, and the idea of that kind of scared him a little bit, so he declined.

Nanaba tugged him toward the bathroom with an impressive amount of strength despite the 4 inch heels she was wearing (which made her far taller than the little captain), and shoved him inside. “All right, get to work. We’ve got to get you sexied up and out of here in the next fifteen minutes, or Hanji will have my head on a platter.”

Levi snorted, but crossed toward the water basin and began to scrub at his hands with soap. “At least you’ll warrant a platter. She already warned me long ago that if I ever annoyed her she’d just run me straight through with a sword”

“Well that doesn’t sound so bad,” Nanaba commented, “At least it would be quick and painle—“

“Without cleaning off the Titan blood first,” Levi finished.

She laughed again, “Well that’s an entirely different matter.”

Levi had a feeling that she was teasing him, and he was about to protest, when she grabbed his arm and marched him back out of the room.

“Wait!” Levi exclaimed, “I haven’t properly scrubbed under the nails yet!”

“It’s good enough.”

“See, that’s exactly the kind of half-assed thinking that gets people killed on expeditions!”

“We’re not on an expedition Levi,” Nanaba reminded him, looking entirely too gleeful, “We’re going to a boring ass party.”

Levi paused. For the last few moments with Nanaba he’d actually forgotten about that fact, but then it all came rushing back, and as he thought about Erwin, and his fiancé, and all the other crap in the world, he slumped—totally defeated. He let out a groan.

“Oh come on, it won’t be that bad.”

“You’re right. It’ll be _worse_.”

“Am I that bad of a date?”

“Don’t fish for compliments when I’m in my weakest state.”

“You are such a cheapskate.”

“Insult me all you like. You’re still not getting anything out of me.”

“You seem to be forgetting I’m wearing especially spiky heels.” She reminded him, “One could say _deadly_ spiky.”

The corners of his mouth twitched up a bit, and then he capitulated.  “Fine. You’re an awesome date. Now where are my clothes?”

It had seemed a rather harmless question to him, but by the sudden evil plotting look on the woman’s face, Levi grew very, very afraid.

“I’m so glad you asked, Levi.”

Make that terrified.

She let go of his arm, and with swift clicking footsteps she crossed the room to his bed and picked up the package wrapped in brown paper that lay across it. Hanji had handed it to him earlier in the day, saying it was his outfit for the function, so naturally he’d treated it like a leprosy victim and stayed the bleeding hell away from it. But now it seemed the moment of truth had come.

Nanaba held up the package and allowed several moments of anticipation to build. But when she saw that Levi was less than impressed, she gave up and simply tore the paper away. “All right stud, put these on.”

She tossed the pile of clothes at Levi, who reached out to catch them instinctively. But the moment he actually realized what he was expected to wear, he dropped the clothes to the floor as if he’d been burned.

“What the fuck!” he shouted with approximately zero dignity.

Nanaba couldn’t have been more thrilled with his reaction even had she had 6 months to plan it.

“I’m so glad I decided to go with Hanji’s ‘slut’ idea in the end. Formalwear is nice, but nothing can really top this.”

If by “nothing could top this” she meant nothing could beat it in ridiculousness, then he was inclined to agree. But nevertheless—

“There is no way in hell I’m wearing this.”

“Of course you are,” Nanaba said dismissively, bending to pick up the clothes pile.

He found her absolute confidence offensive.

“Well how come you get to dress normally?” he fumed.

She smiled and tossed her head back a bit. “Because Mike isn’t actually taken, which means I don’t have to work as hard. You on the other hand…”

Levi grit his teeth tightly and then stalked over to the woman, ripping the clothes from her hands. He really didn’t need anyone reminding him of how desperate his situation was. He’d just put on the damn clothes, and then tell them all to grow screw themselves with a toilet plunger.

Only when it actually came down to the logistics of getting the damn things on, he was completely at a loss.

He had stripped down to his underwear, and now held up the exceedingly tight, and exceedingly ridiculous black leather pants before him as if he would be able to figure them out if he stared at them long enough.

“These aren’t going to fit,” he said without a trace of doubt.

“Nonsense,” Nanaba said, waving her hand, “We’ll make ‘em fit.”

She hadn’t batted an eye when he’d begun to strip down, and she certainly wasn’t batting one as she walked over to him, took the pants, and began to ease them onto him.

“Dammit,” she grunted as she attempted to tug them over his thighs, “Your thighs are like tree trunks. You’re only five-three, what the hell is this?”

Levi sniffed, and debated whether or not to be offended, “My height has nothing to do with it. If I want to be a wall of muscle, I’m going to be a damn wall of muscle.”

“Well at least try and suck it in.”

“You don’t seem to have a working idea about what is, and what is not possible when it comes to—“

“Just suck it in, asstits.” She growled, giving one mighty tug, and managing to yank the pants up over his thighs and butt in one smooth motion.

“What on earth did you call me?”

“There!” Nanaba said, ignoring him, and yanking the fly closed so that she could zip it up, “Now that wasn’t so bad.”

Her cheeks were slightly pink from the exertion, and her eyes were shining even more brightly than before.

“I can’t breathe,” he informed her, totally and utterly convinced that any hope of future children had been crushed by the tightness of the pants he was now wearing.

“Oh hush, you’re doing just fine.”

“In a minute I won’t be able to feel my legs.”

“Yeah, but on the plus side your ass looks terrific,” she pointed out.

“My ass _always_ looks terrific,” he huffed, though inwardly he was slightly mollified.

Nanaba had him practice walking around the room in them, and bending to pick things up. He was pretty successful, except on his last attempt, he bent down and got stuck that way. Nanaba rushed to help him up, and assured him that if something like that happened at the actual party it would be okay because that kind of position allowed everyone a great view.

“Erwin is going to shit himself,” was her professional opinion.

After that announcement, she turned to the next item on the list—his shirt. Or what was supposed to pass for one in this case.

Levi held up the flowing piece of black fabric and announced, “This damn thing is completely see through.”

“Of course,” Nanaba said, her tone making it clear that it was the most obvious thing in the world, “How else is Erwin supposed to appreciate your gorgeous abs?”

Levi spluttered a bit at that, because the thought of Erwin appreciating his _anything_ was enough to make him begin hyperventilating. “Aren’t we going to leave anything up to the imagination?” he asked, making a blind attempt to save himself.

He needn’t have bothered.

“Imagination is overrated,” she assured him, and slipped his hands into the garment.

She did up about three quarters of the buttons, and then smacked his hands away when he tried to do up the rest.

“Oh come on!” he complained, “It’s see through anyway—what does it matter if I do up the buttons?”

“Just trust me on this one Levi.”

“You’re making that more and more difficult.”

Nanaba wasn’t bothered by that opinion in the slightest.

“Hmmm…could you try and turn that pout into more of a smolder?” she asked him, taking a step back to analyze him better, “It’d be sexier that way.”

“I’m going to chuck you off of wall Maria in a minute,” he threatened.

“Not until after I fix your hair,” she answered.

“What the hell is wrong with my hair?” he demanded.

“Nothing,” she replied, pulling a small jar of something out seemingly from nowhere.

“Where the hell did that come from?” he challenged.

“Cleavage is a great pocket for storage,” she answered, and opened the jar, rubbing a good amount of the substance between her hands before moving to attack his hair. He raised his hands half –heartedly in defense, but she swatted them away as if he were an annoying fly. He let out a surrendering sigh and allowed her to rub the gunk into his hair. And, if he was going to be honest, he found that if he let go of the fact that his hair was being defiled, it actually felt pretty good. Nanaba’s fingers were gentle as they combed through his hair, and she was biting at her bottom lip a bit as she concentrated. He watched her face and wondered how he could have ever found her expressionless. The better he got to know her, the more he was able to see. He wondered if Mike saw it all--and if he did, Levi wondered why the hell he didn’t get a move on it.

Nanaba pulled back, an expression of satisfaction on her face. “All right, you’re free to freak out now.”

Levi didn’t need to be told twice. He raced toward the mirror in the bathroom and allowed himself to inspect the damage.

He scowled. “I look like some damn punk kid.”

“A _hot_ punk kid,” she corrected, coming up behind him and grinning into her reflection.

His hair had been greased back, leaving just a few artfully placed strands hanging over his forehead. With his hair off of his face he looked younger, and it gave him a sort of wide eyed innocence that horrified him. He scowled even harder to make up for it.

She squeezed his shoulders. “Hey, you’re my first date with a member of the Survey corps. You can at least pretend not to be miserable.”

“This isn’t a date,” he growled, shrugging her off of him, “It’s a highly precise tactical operation.”

She laughed, and pulled something else out of her cleavage. This time it was a sharpened piece of charcoal. “Call it what you like, but it wouldn’t kill you to smile.”

Then, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, she raised the charcoal to his face. Levi leapt back with the kind of alacrity he usually reserved for abnormal Titan encounters. “Whoa! What the hell is that, and what are you going to do with it?” he demanded.

She grabbed ahold of his chin and raised it up into the light to get a better view and angle. “Relax, I’m just going to give you a bit of smoky eye. It’ll make you look sexy and mysterious. Guys totally dig mysterious.”

_All right, new rule,_ Levi decided, _never trust anything Nanaba removes from her breasts._

“I wouldn’t let you get near my eyes with a ten foot pole,” he exploded, attempting to yank himself back, but Nanaba had a really good hold on him. She wasn’t fooling around.

“Stop being melodramatic. You’re going to look gorgeous.”

“If you cause me to go blind…”

The woman only rolled her eyes at his implied threat, and then brought the black pencil of sorts to his eyes. “Look up at the ceiling,” she directed.

Levi held utterly still as she worked because of his fear of getting his eye viciously stabbed, but Nanaba’s hands, moving in sure even strokes, never slipped once. He found it difficult to refrain from blinking, and wondered how some women did this every day. He couldn’t imagine the effort being worth it.

Nanaba brushed her thumbs over his eyelids, and he found himself starting to sweat at the thought of having something so reminiscent of dirt being smeared into his skin. In a show of real bravery he kept silent, and soon he was rewarded for his efforts.

“All done!” Nanaba exclaimed, excitedly spinning him around to show him his reflection.

He squinted at his expression, unsure about how he felt about the transformation. On the one hand, the black that ringed his eyes helped him regain some of the years that had been taken off his face after his hair had been pushed back. But on the other, he was unused to the sight, and couldn’t help feeling foreign and distant from his own reflection.

He did acknowledge that Nanaba’s efforts were artful. Both eyes were perfectly symmetrical, and the way she made the black fade to grey had a kind of beautiful pattern to it.

“Not bad,” he finally decided grudgingly, though the way Nanaba lit up at the words indicated that she considered this high praise, and, coming from Levi, that was indeed the case.

He turned away from the mirror and stomped back into his room and reached for his boots.

“Uh uh,” Nanaba admonished, scrambling to rip them away from him, “Put on your dress shoes.”

“But those pinch my toes,” he said, in a tone so close to a whine that he winced. Nanaba looked like she was trying not to laugh. He reached for the damn dress shoes.

As he struggled to shove his poor feet into their tight confines, he grunted, “That little box on top of the dresser is for you if you want it.”

He tried to say the words as casually as possible, but the slight flush of his cheeks gave him away. Nanaba’s eyes widened. “Did you--”

“Don’t say anything,” he interrupted, “Don’t make it more embarrassing than it has to be.”

Nanaba hid her smile behind her hand, but she couldn’t hide the way her eyes sparkled. Wordlessly she picked up the small box. When she opened it, she took in a sharp breath.

“Oh Levi...it’s beautiful,” she whispered.

Levi attempted to fight the urge to bury his head in his hands, failed, and slapped his hands over his face, trying to cover as much skin as possible. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he said, his voice begging her to believe him, “I just thought you should have _some_ sort of compensation for the horrible date I’m going to give you.”

“I thought it wasn’t a date,” she teased, though her tone was gentle, and her eyes were soft. Carefully, she lifted the beautiful object from where it was nestled in the box. It was a hair pin covered in brightly sparkling crystals that happened to be a deep emerald color to match her dress.

“I love it,” she murmured, holding it up and watching how the light danced as it reflected off the stones, “Will you put it in for me?”

“Do it yourself,” he muttered, shoving his feet the rest of the way in.

“God forbid you do anything that could be misconstrued as romantic,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“I don’t want to ruin your hair,” he admitted, “it looks like you worked hard on it.”

She laughed. “Just get over here asshole,”

She held out the pin, and just stood there, making it clear that she wasn’t going to move until he did her bidding. With a beleaguered sigh he stood up made his way over to her, plucking the sparkling pin from her hand and standing behind her.

“Need a stepstool?” she called back, struggling to keep the laughter out of her voice, “I could go fetch one.”

“Just bend the fuck down,” Levi ground out through gritted teeth.

Naturally, she exaggerated the movement, and swept into such a low curtsy that the top of her head was level with his chest, “Better?”

“I’m going to carve your face off.”

“You know I have a pair of black pumps that would go well with your outfit--they could help.”

“Do you really think your comments are wise considering you’re addressing a confirmed killer?”

“You’re right. It may be overkill. We don’t actually want to give Erwin a heart attack when he sees you” she muttered, wincing as Levi purposely stabbed her scalp with the pin. Levi realized she was almost as good at ignoring his threats as Hanji and Erwin were. Maybe he was going soft in his old age.

Levi, knowing nothing about hair, just placed the pin where he thought it looked good. And yet despite that, Nanaba didn’t even bother to check up on his work, implicitly trusting his judgment. It was _almost_ even to remove his scowl completely.

“Ready?” She asked, spinning around and taking his arm.

“No.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Just as they were able to exit the room, a very harried, and very panicked brown haired man appeared in the doorway. Neither Nanaba nor Levi were surprised, as this seemed to be his constant state of being.

“What did she do now, Moblit?” Levi sighed, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

“It’s Squad leader Hanji!”

Of course it was.

“She got bored of waiting for you two, and decided to experiment.”

What else was new?

“What did she do?” Levi repeated, a little louder.

Moblit began to wring his hands, his eyes shooting from Levi’s to Nanaba’s at a speed that was dizzying. “She decided to spike the punch.”

Levi visibly relaxed. He was almost disappointed. It sounded so ordinary.

“Well that’s doesn’t sound so--”

“With an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac.” Moblit finished.

“Goddamnit!” Levi shouted.

That was bad. That was very, very bad.

He grabbed Moblit’s arm, forcing him forward at a run, as they all raced down the hall.

“How many people were affected?” Levi demanded as they raced down the steps.

Moblit looked like he was ready to pass out.

“As soon as I realized, I removed the punch from the party--”

“Good job,” Nanaba said encouragingly in an attempt to counteract Levi’s glare that looked like it would set Moblit’s eyebrows on fire.

Levi sent her an annoyed and highly predictable “Tch…”

“But unfortunately people had already drunk from it…”

Levi could already feel his fingers itching to get around Hanji’s neck. But he also wondered if this was somehow his fault. He’d complained so much about the boring ass party…maybe Hanji had taken it into her own hands to liven it up for him. And then a terrible thought occurred to him.

“Oh shit—did Erwin…”

“No,” Moblit said hurriedly, “But some of the kids had some.”

Levi felt the blood drain from his face, because he knew—he fucking knew. Because there was one kid who always managed to land himself into trouble and annoy the crap out of him.

“Eren—“

“That shitty brat!” Levi snarled.

_Fucking jaeger_ he thought, almost soothed by how familiar the thought was.

“It wasn’t just him sir,” Moblit said, bravely carrying on.

“Of course it wasn’t!” Levi shouted, ready to rip all the hair from his head, “Because this was obviously meant to be the stupidest most unbearable day in the history of stupid and unbearable days. Now who the fuck else was affected?”

They reached the heavy oak doors at the front of the building, and Levi threw them open with all the rage his little body could muster. The doors slammed against the outer walls so hard trickles of brick dust rained down over their heads. Moblit trembled a little more. Without stopping, Levi pushed forward, hard eyes latched onto the government building the party would be housed in. The other two hurried after him, while Moblit opened his mouth to speak.

“Well, uh, Reiner also--”

“Oh _fuck_.”

“Yeah, it’s not pretty.”

“I bet Bertholt thinks it’s interesting,” Nanaba snickered.

Levi couldn’t possibly see what could be funny about having a 6 foot, 200 pound wall of gay running loose while amped up on lethal doses of horny drugs, but then again, people had always found problems with his sense of humor.

“Also Christa…”

Levi wasn’t sure whether to laugh or groan at that one.

“And jean…”

Okay, that one wasn’t as funny.

“As for the adults…”

_Oh god,_ Levi thought, _just please don’t let it be him. If it was him then Levi would have nightmares for--_

“Commander Pixis.”

“Fucking hell,” Levi hissed as his worst suspicions were confirmed, knowing this couldn’t possibly get any worse.

It got worse.

“And Commander Nile Dok.”

“No!” Levi protested, wanting to stamp his foot like a child, “I refuse to believe that two of the most powerful men in the entire army have been reduced to--”

“Well we’ll just have to find some way to deal with it, because we’re here, Levi,” Nanaba pointed out.

And so they were. Levi stopped in front of the officious doors and let out a very long, very arduous sigh.

“Can’t we go kill Titans instead?” he pleaded.

“Maybe later,” Nanaba said in a tone that definitely meant no. He knew this because Erwin oftentimes tried to trick him the same way. But he wasn’t falling for it this time.

“Just a quick little Titan kill. I promise not to mess up my hair or smudge the eye stuff.”

“No. There are horndogs that need your help. Plus I’m not leaving until Mike sees how much I slay in this dress.”

Levi was pretty sure her second reason was the only real reason. And while he contemplated the sad state of his situation and the choices that had led up to this moment, Nanaba grabbed hold of his shoulders and steered him through the door.

He heard the music right away--which meant that it was too loud because the actual party was still three floors above them. People were milling in the halls even down here though. Nanaba kept a tight hold of Levi’s shoulders as she led him to the staircase, and urged him to climb. It looked like she wasn’t taking any chances, which Levi supposed was wise of her, because his eyes were darting all over the place looking for escape options. It was just a perfunctory exercise though, because he knew that if he bailed after all of the women’s efforts, they would skin him alive, and then string up his corpse as a warning for others.

The music got louder and louder, and the halls more and more crowded. According to the title, this was supposed to be an officers’ party, but year after year it always became a free for all for anyone and everyone in any branch of the three corps. And this year it really did look like everyone and their grandma and dead cat had showed up.

They reached the third floor, and as they pushed through the entrance of the party hall, Levi wondered how long he had to make an appearance before he could get Nanaba to take pity on him and allow him to go home. She wasn’t looking particularly charitable at the moment, but maybe if he whined enough…

“Captain.”

Levi looked away from Nanaba and found himself face to face with a certain dark haired super soldier.

“I need your help,” Mikasa said, her usual calm demeanor looking unsteady.

Levi was getting real tired of all these changes in everybody. He just wanted everything to be normal—and Mikasa Ackerman asking anyone for help was well outside the realm of normal.

“What is it?” he asked, crossing his fingers and praying that the problem was Titan related.

“ _That_.”

And in so saying, she turned her body and stabbed her finger out, pointing toward the spectacle playing out against the far wall.

Levi took one look at the scene and promptly lost it.

“No. This isn’t happening. This is total bullshit.”

“Ha! I totally called it. I always knew that horse face had a thing for the Titan shifter!” Nanaba exclaimed, looking just as smug as Levi looked nauseous, “There was no way all that animosity wasn’t buried in sexual tension.”

Levi just stared. It was like watching a midair collision with a wall--he couldn’t drag his eyes away, no matter how gruesome it was.

What he was seeing was a human sandwich of sorts. Eren was pressed up against the wall, and instead of his usual Titan induced scowl, his forehead was tightened in quite obvious ardor. He was making obscene little lustful sounds that were most probably the result of Jean’s current actions--which were mainly attacking Eren’s mouth as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks and had just been presented with the most savory feast the mind could imagine. It was difficult to see Eren’s body, because of how tightly Armin was pressed up against him. The small blonde’s back was to Eren, so it was quite easy for Levi to see the boy’s expression as he cried out Eren’s name in little soft moans that Eren was drawing from him, because he’d stuffed his hand down the blonde’s pants, and seemed to be exploring the contents rather thoroughly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jean was shoved up against Armin’s front, pressing him back even tighter against Eren so that it was difficult to imagine how Eren had gotten his hand between them in the first place. Jean had his thigh shoved between Armin’s legs, and was rocking his hips erratically against Armin’s, his hands clenched tightly in Eren’s hair as he bit and sucked at the boy’s lips from over Armin’s shoulder. Eren’s fingers of his other hand were digging deep grooves into Jean’s hip, and it was Eren’s motion with this hand that was responsible for the erratic nature of Jean’s movements.

Altogether they were a big gasping mess of limbs, and it was all utterly intolerable to the short captain. He was dearly missing the blades in his maneuver gear, and he couldn’t imagine why he had thought it had been a good idea to come to the party without them.

“What the hell is this? I thought only Eren and jean had taken the drug--what’s with the little princess?”

“Oh please,” Nanaba snorted, “If you had two sex crazed hotties rubbing against you I hardly think you’d be reacting very differently.”

Levi couldn’t have asked for a more useless comment at that moment, but instead of snapping at her for it, he turned to Mikasa, who seemed to have finally noticed his outfit, and was openly staring at him.

If his appearance was enough to distract her in the current situation, then he knew he looked even more ridiculous than he thought he had.

“What happened?” he demanded, snapping Mikasa back to the moment.

“Eren had the punch first.”

“And it took a few minutes to be absorbed, and by that time…”

Levi didn’t need her to finish the sentence. That’s when the others had tried the damned stuff.

“Eren was talking to me when it happened,” Mikasa continued, “He just stopped talking, and his eyes glazed over a bit, and when I asked him what was wrong he said, ‘Armin. I need Armin.’ And then he didn’t even wait for me to answer, he just shoved past me and crashed through the crowd, looking for Armin. He found him talking to Hanji and then he just… Well...he threw himself at him and started going at it, and Armin was caught off guard, but he was attempting to regain control, but then there was a crash, and it was Jean dropping his glass, and his pupils were blown out and glazed over like Eren’s. And then he took one look at Eren and shouted, “I’m going to fuck you till you die,” and then he attacked him, and, well, you see what it is now…”

He did see, though he wished he didn’t. For perhaps the millionth time he wondered what he had ever done to deserve the constant ailment that was Eren jaeger.

“Well why didn’t you get them out of here then?” he demanded.

She blanched, “Well I’m not getting anywhere near Jean in this state. You have realized he has a thing for me, right? I thought it was rather obvious.”

Levi only allowed the disrespect in her voice because one, she was the best recruit they had, and actually attempted to reign Eren in, and two, she was a bit distraught.

“Oh come on, the boy can’t be _that_ bad.” Levi said in an attempt to reason. He _really_ didn’t want to have to go over there. Convincing Mikasa to deal with it on her own would have been far preferable to him.

“He has a horse face.”

Levi could almost hear Eren in her voice.

“And besides, I’m saving myself for Eren.”

“Er...hate to break it to you Ackerman, but it looks like Eren is nearly as gay as Reiner.” Levi answered. This was his version of breaking the news to her gently.

“ _No one_ is as gay as Reiner,” Nanaba said with confidence.

“He’s just confused,” Mikasa answered, crossing her arms over her chest in denial of the intense all male make out session going on directly across from her.

Levi sighed, because he realized that Eren could have gotten up on the table and sung 100 stanzas about how much he loved dick, and Mikasa would’ve held onto her belief with an ironclad grip. And that meant...well that meant he actually had to get involved.

He gritted his teeth and stormed across the room, his scowl looking even more demonic than usual because of the black ringing his eyes, as he reached out and speared his hand through the mess of recruits, he grabbed fast to Eren’s disheveled shirt, and yanked. It was a testament to Levi’s immense strength that he was able to pop the boy out despite the clinging limbs of two very desperate horny boys.

Levi knew he looked terrifying. It was almost like he’d prepared all his life to be able to build his rage to this level. Any normal boy probably would have crapped his pants--they would have, at the very least, let out a high pitched scream of terror.

Eren, when he caught sight of the captain’s face, did neither of those things. Instead, his eyes widened a little, and then he grabbed a hold of Levi’s poor excuse for a shirt, “Damn, Levi, you look so fucking hot. Want to screw me in the ass?”

Out of all the things Eren had ever said that Levi had found offensive—this was by far the first.

“I promised Jean first dibs, but I bet you could fight him for it.” Eren continued, digging himself deeper. It was sometimes funny how people could arrange their demise for themselves.

“Eren.” The word, when Levi spat it from his lips, was controlled and so tightly packed with anger it was a miracle his head stayed on his shoulders, “I do not care that you are Humanity’s hope. You are about to die because I’m going to kill you. Say goodbye to your friends.”

Rather than look terrified, Eren looked mildly put out. “Can’t we at least fuck first?” he whined.

The words were like Levi’s release. He held Eren up by his shirt tightly with one hand and then drew his fist as far back as it would go. He wanted to achieve maximum damage to the little brat, and that would require all the force that he could muster. But before he could launch his fist forward, it was caught and tugged away by two hands.

“No!” Hanji cried out, yanking Levi into her arms, “Don’t interfere while I’m gathering data!”

Levi whipped his face around and stared disbelievingly at Hanji’s bright expression.

“You!” His tone was murderous. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I was just trying to make your life easier,” she explained, beaming down at him, “But unfortunately Moblit took the punch away before Erwin could have any.”

“You…” Levi was so angry he didn’t even know how to articulate it.

“You damn…”

Rage was making little black flashing lights appear in his vision and he wanted to throttle something, anything. And then he thought of Erwin. He thought of Erwin with those blown out pupils and glazed over eyes. He thought of Erwin grabbing him, and smashing him up against the wall. Erwin’s hands scrambling over him in a lustful frenzy, Erwin rocking against him and attacking his mouth and raking his fingers through his hair…

Great. Now he was furious _and_ horny. Which only made him more furious.

“Just stop trying to make my life easier!” he snarled, shoving at her chest, but she was gripping his arm too tightly to be bowled over.

“Like that’s ever going to happen…”

Levi wondered how much longer he’d be able to resist pulling all his hair out. He was pretty sure that if he started now, he wouldn’t be left with any eyebrows either. He’d become Humanity’s baldest.

He decided to give up on the topic for his own safety. “Fine, just…just fix them,” he sighed, indicating the three horny little brats beside him. (After he’d dropped Eren, the boy had gone right back to his makeout session. Only this time, Armin was trying to reign him in a little, his cheeks burning pink from the embarrassment of being witnessed by the captain.

“But I haven’t gotten all the data I want yet,” she said with a pout.

“Data? DATA? What have you been doing, standing over in the corner watching all this and taking notes?” he shouted.

She lifted her other hand and waved a small notepad in the air, “Precisely.”

Levi blinked, and then he lunged for the notepad like it had been personally responsible for killing all their ancestors. “You asshole! Were you just going to stand there if the Jaeger brat had tried to make a move on me?”

“Of course,” she replied, dancing out of his path and holding the notepad high above her head out of his reach, “Sexual interactions between a captain and his subordinate are always interesting after all.”

“How the fuck would you know that?” he snapped, scrabbling at her arm.

“Deep seated instinct.”

“I’m going to take your damn instinct and shove it so far up your ass that—“

His threat was interrupted by an almighty tug. It was Nanaba, and her face was alight with excitement. “Shh! Gorgeous Commander at 2 o’clock.”

All three of their heads swiveled in the direction indicated. (Moblit was trying to help Armin deal with the two randy teenagers, and only got a sloppy kiss from Eren for his trouble.)

All the blood drained from his face as he caught a look at the familiar back of his commander. And then his heart began to pound in an unrelenting rhythm. Because he was beautiful. Erwin Smith was, to Levi, such aching perfection that his hands came up to reach out for the man instinctively. They were shaking.

“Damn…” Hanji whistled, raking her eyes over the man’s form.

Levi was way ahead of her. He could do nothing but drink in the image in front of him endlessly. Erwin was in full dress uniform despite the lack of other uniforms around him—and there was no word good enough to describe him, expect for maybe “edible”. Erwin seemed to have bulked up a bit more since the last time he’d put it on, and Levi wasn’t complaining. The white pants looked like they’d been molded for him, riding atop taught thighs and the godliest ass this world had ever seen. Levi could feel a vessel throbbing in his temple as he put in a massive effort to prevent himself from sprinting over there and putting his hands all over it. The beautiful blue Jacket looked magnificent with the man’s hair and eyes – hair that had been styled to an even higher level of perfection than usual. Levi could see the man’s muscles through the back of his jacket, and he let out a little unconscious whimper when the man reached over to snag a bottle of sparkling water, causing his muscles to flex beautifully.

“If I go now I can mix up another batch of punch and be back in 10 minutes…” Hanji muttered, glancing at both Levi and Erwin knowingly. But before Levi could protest, he was being dragged forward by a determined looking Nanaba.

“Wait!” he hissed, as the woman drew him closer to the glorious man, “I’m not ready! I haven’t even thought of what I’m going to—“

“Of course you’re ready. You’ve got smoky eyes remember? You’re ready for anything.”

“That is flawed logic and you know--”

“Hello Commander,” Nanaba called out loudly, cutting Levi off and causing him to go into maximum overdrive levels of panic.

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_ he internally screamed, but quickly schooled his features into his usual haughty mask, even though the cool exterior couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Oh, Nanaba,” Erwin answered, swiveling around as he poured his drink, “Have you seen--”

If Levi hadn’t been freaking out so much he would have found the split second transformation of Erwin’s face hilarious.

The man went from tastefully polite, to gaping like a fish. His mouth fell open mid-sentence, and lay slack as if frozen. His eyes, glued as they were to Levi, widened so far they were in danger of falling out of his head.

He stared, and Levi stared back, going hot under the man’s intense gaze.

Erwin was far hotter from the front. The double line of golden buttons gleamed brightly against his blue Jacket--a jacket that fit the man so well Levi could have wept from it. The man’s face really looked like it had been chiseled by god himself, and Levi was pretty sure Erwin could have killed a Titan with his jawline alone. And his eyebrows...Levi didn’t even know where to start with those damn furry powerhouses. Had they gotten even fiercer since he’d last seen them? All he knew was that he was in love with them. He wanted to bury his face of them. He wanted to--

_Stop right there before you descend into the realm of profoundly creepy_ He thought, wondering if it was already too late for him.

Because he couldn’t look away. His eyes were locked with Erwin’s. He didn’t even _want_ to look away. He felt something crackle between them--something in the air that sharpened and snapped. Something that made his breath jump and his pulse deviate erratically.

“Levi…”

Erwin’s voice was a rasp, but it was better than anything Levi could have managed at that moment. His voice was locked. So he was impressed with Erwin’s effort, even though there was something wrong with the voice, because it made him shudder, and be overwhelmed by a flood of heat that entered his stomach even as little bumps erupted all over his arms, as though experiencing a chill.

He may have stood there, staring forever, had not the water, that Erwin had continued to pour when he’d been frozen by Levi, finally reached the top of the tall glass, and spilled like a waterfall over the glass and splashed down in a wave over Erwin’s dress shoes.

Erwin jumped, breaking the spell between them, and quickly righting the bottle--too late.

“ _Shit!”_ He muttered, in a rare show of profanity.

Levi blinked, as though waking from a dream. But if he was waking from a dream, then he only seemed to have been dropped into another one, because holy crap on a decomposing Titan he had _not_ been prepared for see-through pants.

Because that’s what had happened. The liquid had splashed down onto Erwin’s crotch and thighs as well as onto his shoes, and if Levi had thought the man’s pants had been clinging to him _before_... well, now they were a second translucent skin. And now it felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room.

_Shit. Crap. He’s too hot_. Levi could feel his brain turning to mush and evaporating.

Hanji, who had appeared beside him, sprang into action, pulling a handkerchief from her cleavage and handing it to Erwin with a light, “A bit distracted, are we?”

It seemed that Levi wasn’t completely lost, because a small bit of him was still able to vaguely wonder if all women used their breasts as a storage pocket, or if it was just the women he knew. He also knew that blatantly staring at another man’s crotch was right at the top of his do-not-under-any-circumstances-do list, but really, he couldn’t be blamed. Not when Erwin was patting at it uselessly with the handkerchief.

_It won’t work_ Levi thought with a dizzying kind of glee as he continued to watch Erwin and his useless endeavor, enjoying the idea of Erwin touching himself even if it was just an attempt to clean himself off. _Damn nicest view I’ve ever seen._

Levi would have happily been entertained by the sight for hours, but only a few moments after it began, a lilting laugh filled the air. It was so different than the laughs he usually heard (either Hanji’s brash all-consuming laughter or Erwin’s deep chuckles) that he automatically looked up, though he immediately regretted the decision. The woman was pretty enough. She had Auburn hair that had been swept up in an elegant kind of twist, grey eyes, and a midnight blue dress that swept the floor. But it didn’t matter, because she wasn’t Erwin Smith, and that made her not even worth looking at. He jerked his eyes back down to continue his crotch watching, but already Erwin was turning from him, obscuring his view, and turning toward the new arrival, making Levi want to curse her in the deepest most explosive way he knew how.

“When I asked for some water, Erwin, I hadn’t expected to have to suck it from your clothes.” she said, a note of teasing laughter still in her voice.

“I’m still not sure how it happened,” Erwin said, voice full of apology, “If you want I can go back and change and meet you back here, Cordelia, --”

“Wait! _That’s_ Cordelia?” Levi exclaimed, feeling like he’d just been hit in the face by a high velocity brick. Everyone turned to look at him, and Levi realized that he’d said the words aloud instead of just in his head where they belonged.

“Um, er, right, Levi, this is Cordelia,” Erwin said, gesturing toward the pretty woman, the damp handkerchief flapping in his hand. He was flustered, his eyes darting everywhere, and looking, for the first time Levi had ever seen him, completely out of his element. “Cordelia, this is--”

“Levi,” she said, walking forward and holding out her hand, “I’ve heard so much about you already. Erwin talks about you constantly, and you’ve had him really worried about you this past week.”

Levi stared at her, and her outstretched hand, and felt his anger and jealousy flare up like a fireworks display. It wasn’t until Nanaba elbowed him in the side, did he grudgingly stick out his hand and shake hers (rather more hard than was actually called for). As he was pulling away, many evil thoughts crossed his mind, all of them having to do with how easy it would be to get this woman into a headlock and ensure that she never stood by Erwin’s side again, but with another not so subtle nudge from Nanaba, he let go and treated the world to his angstiest expression to date. But meanwhile his mind was whirring. Erwin had been worried about him? He felt an instinctual blip of happiness about that before reality washed over him. Of course Erwin had been worried. Levi had basically thrown a glass at him, cursed him out, and stormed off to ignore him for the rest of the week. Erwin probably thought he’d had a psychotic breakdown and was worried about what he was going to do now that his strongest soldier had apparently become a crackpot. It wasn’t a positive kind of worry at all.

“Your, um, choice of dress is certainly…interesting, Levi,” Cordelia put forth, when several seconds had ticked by and no one had said anything, “Decided to try something out just for kicks?”

It didn’t matter that she was just scrambling to find something to say in the ensuing awkwardness, or the fact that she was probably a pretty decent human being—Levi vehemently hated her, and all she stood for, and because of that, he was prepared to take on any opinion so long as it was the opposite of hers.

“No,” he said with cool dislike, “I’m going to start dressing like this all the time.”

Erwin let out a choking kind of wheeze that had Hanji snickering behind her hand. But Levi wasn’t able to enjoy his momentary victory, because a large dark haired man appeared out of nowhere, threw his arm over Erwin’s shoulders, threw his head back, and let out a bellowing laugh.

Levi could only stare as he wondered what on earth could have hit Nile on the head hard enough to make a man, who considered even a vague smile the greatest affront to propriety, to let loose a laugh that shook the very walls around them.

“Erwin!” He roared, pounding the man on the back so hard that the overly full glass in Erwin’s hands sloshed even further down his front, “You’re an old fucking geezer, you’re not allowed to be this damn hot!”

For once in his life, Levi found himself agreeing with the head of the military police.

“Nile, what on earth—“

“Holy shiiiiit!” Nile shouted, drawing out the word and ignoring Erwin’s look of alarm, “You’ve finally released your inner slut, huh? I always knew you had it in you!”

The man leapt forward and grabbed Levi around the neck and spun him around grandly, “Don’t worry little man, you’ll get into his pants in no time!” And in so saying he gave Levi a lascivious wink and a double thumbs up, releasing him and then letting out a roar of laughter even louder than before.

“What the fucking hell, Hanji?” Levi growled, reaching out and snatching Hanji by the front of her black mini dress. He didn’t even have to look to see where she was standing—it was like Hanji let out a signal of constant annoyance that Levi’s rage could detect anytime and anywhere so that he could always find her, and push her off the nearest tallest building. Just call it a talent of his.

“Hmmm…it appears that the aphrodisiac can have other effects as well, such as notions of grandiosity and increased energy. Fascinating.”

“It is _not_ fascinating!” Levi snarled, giving her a shake, “Now you find a way to change them all back right fucking now or I’ll—“

He faltered as he was shoved aside by a sudden motion. Nile’s shoulder, as it collided with Levi’s, was so unexpected, that he was torn free from the woman and made to stumble several steps to the side. But rather than do something like apologize or explain himself, Nile simply grabbed hold of Hanji’s hands and yanked her closer. The long fingers of one of his hands circled both of her wrists, and he raised the other to touch her cheek, “Good god,” he muttered, cradling her face in his hand, “How did I ever find you infuriating and ridiculous, when you’re obviously an unearthly goddess trapped inside the confines of a beautiful human body?”

“Wait, what?” Levi blurted, finding this statement the most ridiculous one he’d yet heard this evening. There was no one— _no one_ —Nile found more bothersome than Hanji. She always went out of her way to annoy him whenever the opportunity presented itself. There was no way this was happening.

But it was happening.

Now both his hands were cradling her face, “My darling angel—let me ravish you senseless.”

“What? No! You can’t just---It’s _Hanji_ for fuck’s sake! She steals your things on a regular basis.”

It was the most compelling argument Levi had ever made, and it was utterly ignored.

“As long as she enjoys them,” He murmured, and leaned his face in closer to hers.

Hanji, who had a look of mild interest on her face, didn’t look like she was going to do anything to stop whatever it was that was happening, from happening.

_Of course she won’t_ Levi groaned internally _It’s all just experiment data to her._

Levi prepared to launch himself between his dumb best friend and the dark haired commander—but somebody beat him there.

“Don’t even think about it Commander,” a very enraged and clearly shaking Moblit said as he pushed himself between the two bodies. He’d drawn himself up to his full height, so now there was only about 2 inches separating their eyes from being level, “You’re compromised. You’re not thinking clearly.”

Levi’s eyes shot from Moblit, to the space behind him where he’d emerged. He’d been distracted by the whole Erwin-pants spectacle that he hadn’t realized that Moblit had finished taking care of the recruits. They weren’t present anymore. All four—Eren, Armin, Jean, and Mikasa, were gone, and now it was just Moblit.

“Out of my way, Berner,” Nile growled, pressing his hand to the man’s shoulder and pushing, but Moblit ground his feet into the ground, and refused to move. “You need to back off Commander.” He growled back.

Levi was shocked, and that was an extremely difficult thing to do to him. He’d forgotten about Moblit—something that he had a tendency to do. But now he wondered why. It wasn’t because the man wasn’t capable. He was. In his own quiet way. Moblit was the type of man to see something that needed to be done, and do it, without saying a word. And Levi liked that. He really did. There were far too many people in the army these days who were all talk. Levi didn’t like talk. He preferred to let his blades speak for him on the battlefield. He supposed he and Moblit had that silence in common. And they had another thing in common as well: Hanji. As much as Levi bluffed with his gruff exterior, Hanji was incredibly precious to him. She and Erwin had the strongest clamps on his heart, and if anything ever happened to either of them, it would destroy him. He knew that. He’d had too many close shaves with Titans to know how he would feel if one of those close shaves had come _too_ close. Losing Petra had been the hardest blow he’d had to sustain so far, but he’d survived—he’d been irrevocably scarred, and he’d lost something of himself that day, but he had survived. If he lost Hanji or Erwin he would not survive. Sure, he might be able to shuffle along afterward, mindlessly killing titans, but he’d be dead inside. And he would probably go silent forever. His scowl might even leave, replaced with something that was just…a lack of anything. An empty face. And Levi knew Moblit would be the same way. He didn’t know why. Hanji seemed to rack up the man’s anxiety like no one else could. It was a running joke in the survey corps that Moblit wouldn’t die by Titan—he’d die by heart attack, and one induced by Hanji Zoe. She was a difficult one to love, he supposed, because she had a faulty sense of self preservation, too much of a love of dangerous activities, and…was just absolutely bonkers all around. And Moblit…he cared _so_ much. Levi had long ago wondered why the man hadn’t given up and just cut his heart off from her in order to spare himself. But now, looking at the man, Levi knew why.

Because Moblit was in love with her.

It was obvious. The man was afraid. Levi could see that, and he couldn’t blame him. Nile Dok didn’t have the steadiest temper in the world, and he wasn’t a forgiving man. He’d been known to hang recruits up on the flagpole by their gear straps on the coldest nights of the year for something as simple as having a uniform violation.

And what Moblit was doing wasn’t a minor uniform violation—it was directly opposing the highest level commanding officer after being issued a direct order. And that took some serious balls—balls Levi hadn’t known Moblit possessed. But apparently he did—for Hanji, he did.

Both of Nile’s hands were now gripping Moblit’s shoulders. “I said _stand down,_ Berner.”

“No Sir,” Moblit answered, his voice strong despite the slight tremble in it, “You can do what you want to me, but you’re not touching Squad leader Hanji.”

“Moblit…” Hanji murmured, and pressed the pads of her fingers to the man’s back, “It’s okay…”

“It’s not okay!” he shouted, jerking around part way in order to face her, “He—“

“I’m only going to say this one last time, Berner,” Nile hissed, wrenching at the man’s shoulder, “You better back down or—“

“NO!” Moblit roared, twisting around and swatting the man’s hand away with a sharp slap, “ _You_ better back the fuck down, _Nile_!”

A collective gasp went up from all of them, Levi included. It was a small one, but it was undeniably there. He just couldn’t believe it. Moblit had never addressed any of them without including their proper title. It was unheard of. No matter how upset he got, or how dire the circumstances, the titles remained.

But now there was no title, and Moblit was looking at Nile like he was prepared for a full on brawl if it came down to it.

There were several moments of shocked silence. Even Nile was temporarily stunned into inaction despite the drugs in his system. But then the glaze came back down over his eyes, and his lips pulled back over his canines with a snarl—and…it was time to stop this.

Levi stepped forward at the same time that Erwin did.

“Nile…” Erwin called out in a warning, reaching out for him with a well-muscled arm. But then there was another voice, loud, authoritative, and familiar.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Mike called out, stepping into the fray, “I’m smelling virtual craploads of aggression and pheromones.”

Levi groaned. Great. Now the tree was here. _That_ was sure to go a long way in fixing the situation… (Levi sometimes wondered how he could house all that sarcasm in such a small body—but he supposed he wasn’t humanity’s strongest for nothing.)

“Can he really smell pheromones?” Hanji murmured, interest, of course, piqued by all the wrong things.

“Erwin,” Mike continued, eyes resting on the man he deemed most likely to give him a coherent explanation, “What happened? Why is—“

“Come and dance with me,” Nanaba snapped out, grabbing Levi’s arm, seemingly out of nowhere.

But Levi, uneducated as he was in these matters, understood.

She had come here—with him—for the sole purpose of making a certain oblivious man jealous, and…well that man was being oblivious, as per usual, and he hadn’t noticed her at all in the ensuing hubbub—and Levi could sense her frustration like a physical force.

And though he supposed it wasn’t really Mike’s fault in this case, it was one too many strikes against him.

Even had Levi wanted to, he probably wouldn’t have been able to get away, because Nanaba’s grip on his arm was tighter than the pants he was wearing. But he wasn’t trying to get away, even though the thought of dancing nauseated him, because he had a bone to pick with a particular someone as well.

He cast a glare toward Cordelia, and then toward Erwin, who still looked wide eyed, confused, and overwhelmed (and still quite wet in a certain area), before letting out a terse, “Why not?” which had the man looking even more wide eyed, confused, and overwhelmed (though unfortunately not any wetter.)

Levi also cast a glance toward Mike, who had, too late, noticed Nanaba, and was consequently blinking quite a lot. He’d even pushed his bangs back off of his face to get a better look at the beautiful woman.

_For a dog, it’s kind of pathetic how he didn’t smell this reaction coming from a mile away_ Levi thought, as Nanaba stormed her way over to the dance floor. He supposed he should have felt guilty for abandoning the whole situation for Moblit to take care of--he was also abandoning Erwin and Mike to it, but he wasn’t feeling particularly sympathetic toward their plights.

He cast one last glace backward and caught Hanji’s grin and subtle thumbs up. He had no idea what she was referring to, but then again, he rarely did. He was forced to pay attention however, when Nanaba took his hand and guided it to her waist. He turned fully toward her, and began to dance, but couldn’t help feeling like he had the weight of several scrutinizing eyes trained on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all right guys--i got it up, a little later than i expected, but dumb life stuff sometimes delays things. (This chapter is pretty darn long so i'll use that as my excuse) Hope you liked slutty levi, he's my present to you. Also I realized I kind of perved out in this chapter, but you can blame Hanji and her darn (awesome) experiments.  
> You guys are all invited to my wedding this week -- i realized i must marry Nanaba, and that i will not rest until i do.  
> Also Moblit feels! (He's such a cutie. Hanji really runs the poor thing ragged.)  
> Thanks for all the encouragement and wonderful comments guys *bakes you all cookies*  
> (Lastly I didn't edit as well as i should have probably because i wanted to get this up already--if there are any glaring errors i apologize, and if you point them out to me I'll fix them)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

They had been dancing for perhaps two seconds when Nanaba exploded—as he knew she would.

“What the hell, Levi?” she whined (quietly of course, because they were supposed to be the vision of the perfect date in progress) “He was _supposed_ to be knocked off his feet.”

“He’s an idiot,” Levi said quickly, and with absolute confidence.

“Yeah, but he’s not supposed to be _blind_ ,” she continued, “I look hot, damn it!”

“You do,” he assured her, as one would a five year old whose pet fish just died, “He’ll notice.”

“He’d _better_ ,” she growled, “I didn’t skip out on dessert for an entire week to fit in this dress just so he could keep his head up his ass.”

“Wait—even the apple strudel they served after dinner on Wednesday?”

She let out a snarl that would have terrified Levi had the aggression been directed toward him. “Yes.”

Never had he heard such an acerbic tone to a reply. But he could understand it. The apple strudel the chef prepared was only a four times a year occasion that was highly anticipated by every corps member they had. Levi inwardly bid Mike goodbye. He doubted the man had more than an hour left to live on this planet.

Levi felt Nanaba’s grip on his shoulder tighten, though she took a deep forced breath in an effort to calm down. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” she said in a tone that made it very clear that it _did_ matter, “You’re more important right now. And I can’t _believe_ how great Erwin’s reaction was. Better than I expected even. That engagement is as good as dissolved.”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up. “Look, I know you’re a bit addled by the mike thing, but don’t start seeing things that aren’t even there.”

Nanaba snorted so hard and so derisively Levi was impressed she didn’t snort all her nose’s contents up into her brain.

“Levi, he lost all control of his body’s facilities. I’m not imagining anything.”

“But—“

“When’s the last time you ever saw him spill _anything_?”

“Well I _did_ look really ridiculous.”

“That’s it. I can’t talk to you.”

“Nanaba—“

“No! If you’re going to be in denial about how much Erwin wants to get into your obscenely tight pants then I’m not going to—“

Something huge, blonde, and madder than a rabid pmsing bull, shot past them at approximately the speed of light, causing both Levi and Nanaba—as well as everyone else on the dance floor—to shut up and take notice.

“What the ever living _fuck_ do you think you’re doing to _my_ boyfriend you bald cross dressing piece of shit Commander?” Reiner roared as he violently shoved people out of his way as he continued his rampage.

The music ground to a halt as everyone turned to take in the scene. He didn’t want to look. Levi knew that everything he saw tonight was going to come back to haunt him. But his eyes traveled just like everyone else’s. And when his eyes landed on the drugged out Commander Pixis, he let out a soundless scream.

_Who the fuck ever thought it was okay to let this man develop a taste for dresses_? Levi despaired, wishing he could voluntarily blind himself at that moment, but he didn’t have anything sharp enough handy.

Levi had seen the man out of his uniform before, but this time…this time it was going too far. Because _nothing_ could have prepared Levi for the sight of Dot Pixis in a floor length sparkling red dress with a plunging neckline and a slit that went all the way to his hip.

_Oh god_ … Levi thought as he forcibly tried to keep down the contents of his stomach. He doubted he’d ever sleep again—not after seeing all that wrinkly and liver-spotted flesh. Hell, he’d even prefer to have Eren back than to have to go through another moment of seeing this.

He had a feeling he wasn’t the only one who felt like this, but nobody was tearing their eyes away—because what was happening was too unexpected. Pixis had Bertholdt pinned up against one of the drink tables, and he was leaning up into him with the kind of all-consuming lecherous expression one could only master after many decades of perversion. If that man had ever looked at _him_ that way, Levi probably would have jumped screaming into Hanji’s arms. But Bertholdt didn’t seem to have any escape routes, trapped as he was, and he looked like he was about to fall over in a dead faint. He was sweating at an unprecedented level—his shirt becoming soaked with it—so much so that Levi was surprised Pixis didn’t slide right off. (He must have been holding onto him very tightly.)

But thankfully for the sweaty prince, his knight in gay armor was stampeding forward to the rescue. Reiner reached the two, grabbed hold of Pixis’s dress, and wrenched it forward so violently that there was a sharp tearing sound.

_Please for the love of all that is sacred and unknowable please do not let me see—_

An anguished scream cut off his train of thought, and shockingly it turned out to be Ymir, who he’d never seen lose even an ounce of her coolness.

“Wrinkly dick!” she screamed, as though experiencing the blackest torture, “My poor lesbian eyes!”

But apparently you didn’t need to be a lesbian to have your eyes melt out of your head, because Levi caught one look at the apparently underwear-less commander, revealed by the dress tear, and felt like his retinas had just been assaulted with the strongest bleach. Despite his incapacitation, he reached up and slapped his hand over Nanaba’s eyes—trying desperately to screen her from the horrid sight of Pixis’ spotty genitals.

“Forget it Levi, I’m already emotionally scarred,” she mumbled from beneath his hands, sounding far healthier than he himself felt. Maybe he should have been getting _her_ to protect _his_ virgin eyes.

“Don’t worry, my princess!” shouted a high pitched voice, “I’ll rescue you!”

The voice struck Levi as familiar, and when he swiveled his head to take in the source, he realized why.

_Oh god_ he thought, for perhaps the hundredth time that minute. Because there was Christa, standing atop an adjacent food table, looking fierce and warrior like, as her hair came loose from its fastenings and fell over her face in wild disarray.

“Christa…” Ymir murmured, shock and the usual revering expression she wore around the girl spread across her face, “What are you--”

Christa leapt from the table with a war cry of sorts, and Ymir’s face immediately grew panicked. She raced forward and caught the small blonde while she was still flying through the air with her arms spread. Levi supposed that in addition to the horniness, and feelings of grandiosity, the drug also gave the user an inhibited sense of self-preservation, leading to greater risks and danger. Then he caught himself voluntarily gathering data for Hanji, and made a mental note to shove his head in the oven later.

Ymir pulled the small girl upright in her arms with hurried concern, brushing the hair from the small face with quick yet gentle motions, “Christa, baby, are you okay? What are you--”

Ymir couldn’t have spoken then even had she wanted to--and she definitely didn’t want to. Because at that moment, Christa launched herself upward, threw her arms around the other woman, and glued her mouth to Ymir’s.

No one aside from Ymir was surprised, but it was really Ymir’s reaction that counted here. She let out a muffled gasp, her eyes widening hugely. She seemed to have lost control of her body, because it seemed frozen in time. As much as she’d bragged, and made her intentions for Christa clear, she’d never actually thought she’d be lucky enough to ever get anywhere with any of it. But then Christa knotted her hands in Ymir’s hair, her eyes falling shut as she deepened the kiss, and then Ymir was lost, her hands, coming back to life as she regained the use of her body, tightened in the back of Christa’s purple dress, and pulled her immeasurably closer. With an almost feral growl, Ymir attacked Christa back, not bothering to find out or care about what had brought on the sudden change, and merely determined to consume as much of the small blonde as possible.

But while this happy little horny scene was taking place, a far more furious horny scene was also unfolding.

With a roar, Reiner lifting Pixis clear off the ground and tossed him onto the drinks table. As the older man sprawled across it, glass and liquid went crashing and splashing to the floor. And then, with a juddering moan, the rivets of the table gave out, and with a tremendous crash, the whole thing collapsed, taking the cross dressing commander with it. Bertholdt would have gone down as well, had Reiner not reached forward and grabbed the boy’s arm in the nick of time. The huge blonde wrenched Bertholdt forward so that the tall boy collapsed against his chest.

“Bertl,” Reiner rasped, pulling the boy’s chin down with strong fingers, “Did that bastard geezer touch you? Because if he did I’m going to fucking grab that piece of shit and--”

“N-no,” Bertholdt stammered, blushing bright. It didn’t look like his sweating was going to slow down anytime soon. But that fact didn’t seem to bother Reiner. In fact, he didn’t even seem to notice it. Regardless of the wetness of the boy’s shirt, Reiner’s arm snaked tightly around Bertholdt’s waist and pulled him even closer.

“You sure?” He growled, pushing his hand up from Bertholdt’s chin back up into his hair, and twisting his fingers in it tightly, “Tell me. I know it’s not your fault.”

Bertholdt was now the approximate color of a sunburned eggplant, “I-I um really Reiner, he didn’t--”

“Then you’re still all mine?” Reiner gasped, pulling Bertholdt’s face closer. He was breathing hard because of the drug, and a muscle was pulsing in his jaw. Levi could tell that the boy was holding himself back because of his worry for the other boy, but he could see it was an incredibly difficult thing for him.

Despite his annoyance at the commander, Levi glanced sideways to check up on him. The man was lying on his side and pulling the small flask he brought with him everywhere from the front of his dress.

_No_ the small captain thought _No I refuse to accept it. He doesn’t even have cleavage for god’s sake--where the hell had he been storing it?_

It would probably be a mystery that plagued him for the rest of his days. Catching his eye, Pixis raised the flask over his head as if saluting him, and took a long swig. Levi rolled his eyes. The old geezer was fine.

Bertholdt on the other hand looked like he didn’t have long for this world. He’d somehow managed to become an even deeper shade of maroon in the intervening seconds, and looked like he was about to pass out--either from heart failure or dehydration due to excessive sweat output.

“Bertl,” Reiner gasped, pushing his hips very obviously up into the sweaty boy’s, “Bertl I need…”

“R-Reiner, we’re in public,” Bertholdt protested, though Levi couldn’t see even the barest hint of a struggle on the boy’s part.

“Don’t care,” Reiner rasped, nipping at the boy’s jaw, “I need you so damn badly.”

The blonde’s hands were scrambling to get beneath the other boy’s shirt, and Bertholdt let out a gasp when the boy’s fingers met the skin of his back.

“We should at least go back to the--” Bertholdt let out a sharp moan as Reiner finally snapped, and sank his teeth into Bertholdt’s jaw, “Not gonna make it,” he growled, pushing at the boy’s shoulders so that he fell back onto the collapsed table, “You have no idea what you do to me, Bertl.”

Levi’s silent screaming had been going on for so long he was seriously missing his lack of breathing (though he hoped that this meant he’d pass out soon and would no longer have to experience any of this.)

Because despite Reiner’s words, he knew _exactly_ what Bertholdt did to the boy, because Reiner’s pants didn’t hide a crapping thing, and Bertholdt wasn’t exactly trying too hard to disguise the boy’s effect on him either.

Levi inwardly cursed himself, and any of the choices that had lead him to experiencing this moment. He didn’t know about what his exact sexual orientation was, and he didn’t care. He just knew that he did not enjoy watching his recruits hopelessly slobber all over each other.

Seeing one horny couple would have been bad enough, but this was so far above his tolerable threshold that he found himself saying the words he never thought would leave his mouth.

“I really need a fucking drink.”

He didn’t even care what it was at this point--even if it was that damn whiskey they all seemed to be trying to stuff down his throat these days. He’d take it. So when Pixis pulled a second flask from his dress and waved it over at the small captain, Levi reached forward and snatched it.

He hesitated for a moment, wary of all the rumors he’d heard about the strength of Pixis’s stash, but when Bertholdt let out another breathy moan, Levi wasted no time in screwing off the top and taking a large swallow.

The stuff burned. It lit a fire down his throat as he swallowed, but Levi forced himself not to cough, though he felt his eyes water instinctively, and for that there was nothing he could do. The stuff lived up to the rumors.

Levi turned resolutely away from the pair, so that when Reiner scrambled to pull off Bertholdt’s belt, Levi was blissfully unaware of the fact.

“Shit Levi. They’re gonna do it right on the table,” Nanaba hissed, poking at his stubbornly turned back.

“Not my problem,” he said, taking another swig. This time he knew what was coming, causing it to taste even worse. He shuddered.

Nanaba sighed, but raced forward just as Reiner was pushing Bertholdt’s pants to his knees. She’d take care of it, Levi knew, which left him free to mope over his fate.

He realized that it wasn’t just disgust that Levi was feeling toward his recruits. It was something bitter--sharper. It was jealousy.

It wasn’t that Levi wanted some mindless drug induced sex. He wanted what went deeper than that. He wanted the man that would cause his whole world to fall away like it had for Armin and Bertholdt and Ymir. They hadn’t been affected by the drug. It had been their partners themselves that had done it. And it wasn’t because they were weak. Because Levi knew he wasn’t weak, but he also knew that if Erwin had confronted him as the others had their respective partners, he’d have been just as lost as they had been. Maybe even more so.

The wave of want that hit him at that moment was so strong it made him gasp and clutch at his stomach.

“I know, good stuff, right?” Pixis muttered, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

Levi was seized by the urge to toss the flask at the man’s face. Instead, he said, “Why do you wear dresses when you’re ridiculed for it?”

Pixis let out a gruff laugh and took another swig from his flask. “Ha! You think I’d ever have done anything that I’ve done if I’d worried about what other people thought of me?”

He was still chuckling as he waved his hand forward, “Come here boy.”

Levi knew he should have bristled at the address, but he couldn’t raise enough effort to care. Instead, he took another swig. He could feel the stuff like a liquid dragon in his stomach. It seemed to lick his insides with tongues of flame.

“Come on Levi, I’m not going to touch you, no matter what was in that punch. Haven’t been able to get it up since that gear accident over twenty years ago. And besides, I tend to go for people who are, er, taller.”

Levi snorted, and now he knew he was feeling the alcohol, because the height comment failed to get a rise out of him. “You and me both, old man.”

Pixis patted the spot beside him, so Levi let himself plop down onto the indicated space on the table.

“You know Levi, if you don’t chase after your own happiness, then you’ll never get it. Nothing gets handed to you in this world of ours.”

Levi shrugged, “Happiness doesn’t exist in a world where there is always death. There’s nothing to chase.”

Pixis laughed again, but this time it bothered Levi, because now he felt like he was the one who was the butt of the joke. “And you believe that, do you?”

Levi felt himself bristle indignantly. The man was definitely mocking his position, and that of course made Levi cling to it harder. “Yes.”

When Pixis laughed again, Levi wondered if he would also find it funny after he stuffed the man’s flask down one of his lungs.

“Levi If there’s really nothing to chase, then why are you after him so strongly?”

Levi froze, and the liquid in his stomach turned to ice.

“After who?” He demanded, but he knew, and by Pixis’s knowing wink, the man knew that he knew.

“Don’t worry Levi, love makes fools of us all.”

Levi’s skin was bothering him in a way that wasn’t an itch, but wasn’t quite a burn either. Why did Pixis know? Levi had never said anything--never done anything that the man could have picked up on...and yet the man’s eyes glowed with the weight of a thousand secrets, and the way he was looking at him made the captain think that they were all Levi’s.

“We’re all fools in the end,” Pixis continued, “Only some of us don’t realize it. The trick is to not let it bother you.”

“You spew a lot of crap when you’re drunk,” Levi pointed out.

“On the contrary,” Pixis said with another smile and a swig, “It’s when I’m most coherent.”

The man got to his feet. He wobbled a bit, but he righted himself with a little effort. He smoothed down his dress so it was at least minimally decent once more.

“You have to decide what’s more important, Levi. Either you think with your pride or with your heart.”

“I actually prefer to think with my brain,” Levi muttered, a contrary pout on his lips.

Pixis leaned down, and pushed his finger into Levi’s chest, nearly causing himself to keel over in the process. “Sometimes things are so simple that our brains don’t recognize them. You don’t put store by romance? That’s fine. But every soldier has a gut feeling. You have to realize what your gut is telling you.”

And then he swayed backward and straightened up. He raised his flask one more time and took a long swig in Levi’s honor. Levi raised his own flask to follow suit, and by the time he finished swallowing, the commander was gone.

_Probably off to bother someone else with his drunken drivel,_ Levi thought, sounding moody even in his own head. He wanted to dismiss everything that the man had said, because his head was feeling a bit cloudy, and he could feel a kind of depression settling over him that made him not want to think too hard. But the man’s words bothered him. He didn’t like the way Pixis had been looking at him--as if he _knew_ him. Because Levi didn’t know if he even knew himself that well, and he didn’t like being the stupid one in the room.

_Your gut doesn’t always have to be saying something_ Levi inwardly huffed _Not everything is some giant cosmic message in the universe._

Besides, he thought, he didn’t want to think about his gut or happiness or whatever. He wanted to solve this stupid thing with Erwin--mainly by trying to get him out of his head. Yes, Hanji and Nanaba still thought he had a chance, and that’s why they were both trying so hard to try and get him somewhere. But Levi knew better than them. He knew of Erwin’s sense of duty--had seen it in action countless times before--and he knew there was nothing Erwin placed higher than his duty. The man lived and breathed the survey corps, and shouldered all of humanity’s hopes and dreams. And since his marriage to Cordelia would lead him further down on the road to success, there was no question of his changing his mind. There was nothing to discuss. This was Erwin’s best chance. This was what Erwin would do.

That’s what Levi’s brain told him.

But he was finding it hard to focus on his brain. Because even though all that was what he knew to be true, Levi’s mind kept providing him with an endless stream of images.

Erwin’s arms wrapped around him the night he had been drunk.

Erwin’s smile when he brought him back from the hospital wing.

Erwin saying “I love watching you.”

Erwin handing him a cup of black tea.

But then the images turned darker.

Erwin saying “I wanted to tell you first.”

Erwin’s face crumpling as Levi dashed his glass to the ground.

Erwin’s blazing white anger after he’d gone over the wall.

Erwin introducing him to Cordelia.

Erwin smiling at Levi as he broke his heart.

His mind was an entire procession of endless Erwins, and Levi had no idea how to make it stop--wasn’t sure that there _was_ a way to make it stop. And, scariest of all, he wasn’t sure he _wanted_ to make it stop. Because even though the pain that had pounded through him this entire week had been enough to rob him of his breath and leave him digging shallow graves with his nails into his scalp in an attempt to get some of the hurt out, he didn’t really know what he’d be without it--without _him_. Because even though he knew he had to let go of these thoughts of Erwin, he didn’t know how to do that without letting go of Erwin altogether. And that was unthinkable. Because Erwin was his cornerstone. He was the person Levi leaned most heavily on. There was no one more reliable than Erwin. He loved Hanji like a beloved sister, but if he had to leave his life in one person’s hand, he wouldn’t hesitate to leave it with Erwin.

He didn’t even know where else to turn if it wasn’t to Erwin--it was where he instinctively turned whenever he--

Levi stopped.

The world continued to spin around him. People continued to chatter, some even screamed with laughter. Bodies whirled by in formal dresses and suits, with sparkling jewelry, and wit. But Levi’s world didn’t move. It had ground to a standstill with his revelation.

Erwin was where he instinctively turned.

It was where his mind went when it wasn’t reigned in. It was where his body automatically oriented itself when the beautiful blonde walked into a room. And it was where he would always find himself moving no matter how he was feeling --sad or cheerful, giddy or tired, placid or furious. Levi wanted to share it all with Erwin, and as that thought passed through his mind, he felt everything deep and important inside of him sing with agreement.

_Son of a fuck_ Levi internally swore, feeling both amazed and pissed off, _He’s what my gut fucking wants. What a load of stinking shit._

He jumped up, only his body didn’t like that very much, and attempted to take him back down through the use of gravity. But Levi pursued, steadying himself with reflexes that had saved his life hundreds of times by now.

He understood his brain. He understood how he was supposed to act, or rather, how he was not supposed to act. He _wasn’t_ supposed to go after Erwin. He _wasn’t_ supposed to be letting his feelings for Erwin dictate his life. But that was exactly what he was going to do, and as he realized it, he felt his lungs expand wider than they had in weeks as he realized that the wonderful taste on his tongue was freedom.

He’d thought he was a slave to these feelings for Erwin, but it was quite the opposite. It had been his denial of those feelings that had been like shackles around his wrists and ankles. But loving Erwin wasn’t like that. Allowing himself to love Erwin, despite what his brain and the rest of the world might think, was the greatest gift he could have given himself.

Because admitting and accept loving Erwin was allowing himself to finally accept a huge part of himself--a part that held all his insecurities as well as his hopes.

He hadn’t allowed himself to hope in so long. It was too dangerous. Hope was vulnerability. Hope was a window that life could use to reach in and stab you through the heart. Hope was inviting the death of your friends. Hope was inviting pain.

But now he was reminded of why hope was worth risking that, because hope also shone bright enough to illuminate beauty and truth he couldn’t see without it. And even the ugly or scary things had their edges smoothed over by hope.

Levi’s legs slid forward, and even with the flask by his side and the powerful alcohol in his system, his steps felt steadier than they had in a long time.

He felt strong, even though he knew how miniscule his chances were. He would tell him. He would tell Erwin. And if Erwin rejected him, then he rejected him. He knew it would hurt. He wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d just be able to pick himself up and walk away from a fall like that. And just the thought of it made him tremble a bit. But it didn’t stop him. It didn’t even slow him.

As he walked, he passed by smiling and laughing people. And he didn’t begrudge them their happiness. He didn’t try to deny that it existed. Some of the people he recognized, more of them he didn’t, but he didn’t stop to speak to any of them until he came across one man in particular.

Levi came to a stop beside Mike, who was speaking to another man from the corps that Levi vaguely recognized. Levi reached out and tugged on Levi’s sleeve. The man was wearing a crisp white shirt tucked into a pair of grey slacks.

“Stop stalling already and go after her,” Levi said. His words were terse, but there was no animosity in them, “She’s waiting for you, you know.”

Mike’s eyes widened, and he seemed to forget about the other person beside him entirely when he answered, “But she is so much _more_ than I am.”

And that gave him pause. Because even though that shouldn’t have made sense, it did. Because he felt the same way. Erwin was so much more than Levi himself was. Yes, Levi had more titan kills than the man had, but that had nothing to do with anything. Everything that made up Erwin--all his thoughts, his morals, his ideas--they were all greater than Levi’s. Levi knew there wasn’t much that made him up. He was 40% titan killing machine, 40% protector for his friends and recruits, and 20% OCD clean freak. He wasn’t complicated, and there was nothing about him that he could use to make Erwin love him, but he did have one thing going for him-and that was the fact that every little insignificant bit that made up that 100% was in love with Erwin smith.

“It doesn’t matter if she’s better,” he said, realizing how much he meant the words only as he said them, “Because she wants you.”

It wouldn’t matter if Levi himself was unworthy--if he’d somehow managed to catch Erwin’s heart than that was enough. He didn’t need any other qualifications than that.

“Go,” Levi directed, “Tell her.”

Mike smiled. He pushed his sleeves up, clapped Levi on the back, and smiled. “I will,” he said, his eyes lighting up behind the blonde of his bangs, “I fucking will.”

Levi offered up his flask, and with a thankful nod, Mike took it, knocked it back, and took a long swallow.

Then, wiping his mouth with a gleeful grin that took years off of his face, the gigantic man handed Levi back the flask and practically knocked over everyone in his path as he made his way back across the room.

Levi shook his head, “Stupid mutt,” he murmured, but he was smiling. Levi realized he probably should have let Mike know that Nanaba had gone to aid a horny recruit couple, but he had a feeling Mike would be able to find her even without his help. That nose of his was a terrifying weapon after all.

Levi stared at Mike until the tree of a man disappeared from view, and then, blinking, he remembered that he was a man on his own mission. So, steeling his shoulders, he turned back around and continued his hunt. If Erwin was here (and he had to be) then Levi would find him. The man’s eyebrows were like a beacon that called to him. Besides, Levi had learned from his years of experience that Erwin was always there when he needed him.

He pushed through the crowds, which seemed to get denser by the minute, and for the ten thousandth time wished he were taller. It must have been so easy for men like Erwin and Mike, he thought, as he skirted around yet another schmoozing couple. Levi made an entire circle of the room, but didn’t see the man, so he went in deeper, past the food and drink tables, back onto the dance floor that he’d left only recently—and stopped.

He’d found Erwin all right. Except it looked like he had an unfortunate growth attached to his arm. Levi felt his teeth grind together with unhealthy force as he took in the form that was Cordelia. The woman was like a living reminder of all the ways he had failed in his life. She was beautiful, elegant and educated, where Levi felt puny, coarse, and clueless. Basically, Erwin couldn’t have picked a worse candidate where Levi’s self-esteem was concerned.

Levi felt a stab of pain lance through his chest as he took in the hand that Erwin was resting on the small of the woman’s back as he spun her around in slow circles on the dance floor. They moved together in the kind of flowing synchronicity that one accumulated after participating in many, many such functions. Levi didn’t have that. Sure, for the most part he had been guilted into coming to the most major of events, but he usually spent the time moping in the corner and discussing Titan killing strategies with Hanji—not dancing the night away. Though now he was starting to wish he had. Because though dancing had always seemed like an abominable waste of time to him, looking at the way Erwin’s hands gripped the woman’s back and hand, Levi couldn’t help imagining the man’s hands on him as well. He felt a light shiver go through him as he thought of Erwin gently leading him through the steps, the warmth of Erwin’s fingers making its way through Levi’s clothes and radiating deep within him…

Levi sucked in a breath, and as he did, he opened his eyes, which he hadn’t realized had closed in the intervening moments. He was aching everywhere inside, and everything was tight and hot.

“Is it true?”

Levi turned to the side to take in the new voice, and then, surprisingly, tilted his head just the slighted bit down. It was such a small movement—most wouldn’t have noticed it—but for someone of Levi’s stature, he was always aware of when he was talking to a male that was shorter than him.

Levi looked at Connie, whose suit was slightly rumpled, and stared. “Is what true, Springer?” he barked, voice snapping out unusually harshly because of his tightly wound nerves.

But Connie didn’t jump. He looked…sympathetic.

“About the commander and the councilwoman. Is it true they’re getting married?”

Levi didn’t know why it hurt to hear the words. He’d repeated them to himself often enough over the past week. But they hurt. They tore through his chest, and went right to wounds that were waiting, open, to receive them.

Levi turned his face away and stared straight ahead. “Yes, it’s true.”

Unfortunately, facing forward meant facing the handsome couple once more. Levi decided that he hated everything.

“I’m so sorry, Captain.”

The boy’s tone, more even than his words, conveyed the level of genuine feeling the boy was trying to reflect. And Levi heard it. It’s what made him turn back toward the boy, and look at him—really look at him—for maybe the first time.

_First Pixis, and now Springer,_ he thought, letting a smile bitter smile taint his lips, _When did you start wearing your heart on your sleeve?_

If everyone knew, and to Levi it really was starting to look like they did, then hiding things was only going to make him look like even more of an idiot.

“Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault,” Levi snapped, but it sounded tired. There was no bite to his words.

He wanted to leave it at that, but there was something prompting him to speak. Maybe it was because he knew what the pain of waiting too long could do. Maybe it was the remembrance of the boy’s worry for the potato girl that day Erwin had made them all play that flag game. Or maybe it was simply his desire to look out for one of his recruits. Whatever it was, it made Levi look the boy in the eye and say, “Don’t wait until she goes and gets herself a fucking fiancé Springer. You don’t need that fucking headache.”

Connie blinked, and then, as if by magic, became as red as the flowers that made up the insignia of the garrison. “S-sir?”

“Don’t bother with stupid inanities. You know who I’m referring too.  Tell the Braus girl. You’re both idiots, and far more trouble then you’re worth, but you’re good for each other. So don’t just wait until one of you is either dead or taken. Trust an old man on this one.”

Connie stared up at him, and, to Levi’s surprise, didn’t break that eye contact, even though his embarrassment seemed to have reached critical levels.

“She’s the best friend I ever had,” Connie stated, with the kind of surety few adults could even manage, “I can’t ruin that.”

Levi lifted the flask up to his mouth and took another swig. Sometime between receiving the thing, and making his way over here, he seemed to have lost the flask’s cap. “I don’t know much about people, Springer, but if you’re as good friends as you think you are, then something like this can’t ruin it. Would you toss her aside if the roles were reversed?”

“Of course not! I—“

“Well there you go. Now off you get before I vomit from all this cheesy crap,” Levi said, without even snapping this time.

Connie stopped, considered the words, and then smiled.

“You really think I have a chance with her, captain?”

Levi couldn’t believe he was actually having this conversation. “Well, you’re bald, short, and a little on the annoying side, so you don’t really have all that much going for you, but you make her laugh, and keep her safe, and those things are more important anyway.”

Connie looked like he didn’t know whether to smile or to cry. “Thanks captain,” he said a little unsteadily.

“Don’t thank me for such crappy compliments,” he growled, feeling the faintest of blushes appear on his cheeks (so faint you really wouldn’t have been able to see it if you weren’t looking for it in particular). “Anyway I think I saw her over by the food table so—“

“You know it’s not too late for you either, Captain,” Connie said, interrupting the man’s dismissal. “He’s not married yet. You still have a chance.”

“Springer, if the day ever comes that I want your advice—and believe me, that’s about as likely as Titans putting on Tutus and learning interpretive dance—then I’ll fucking ask for it.”

Levi could feel his words beginning to slur, but he was trying to keep them as tight and clipped as possible. It wouldn’t due to appear like some slovenly drunk in front of the recruits

Connie grinned, and now Levi really did feel put off, because it seemed that his tough exterior really was crumbling to tatters around him. “Well, that’s why I’m volunteering the information, Sir. I wasn’t going to wait around until I was a thousand years old and you gave me your permission.”

Honestly, the recruits these days were _way_ cheekier then they had been when he’d first joined. He’d have to get Erwin to do something about the matter.

“Yeah, well, I was already going to talk to him _anyway_ shpringer,” Levi blurted, going a little wonky on his last s, “So you’re not really tellin’ me anything new.”

“That’s great, Captain. You’re very important to him you know. I bet as soon as you tell him he’ll—oh for the love of potatoes and every other decent thing in the world, what the hell does that crap fuck think he’s doing?”

Levi felt the sight before him spear him right through his chest, come back around, and then stab him through his throat. He couldn’t have made an articulate sound at that moment had all of humanity depended on it.

He hadn’t even heard the last part of Connie’s sentence, and even if he had, he wouldn’t have had the coherence of thought to remember that calling the Commander of the Survey Corps a crap fuck was possibly the most disrespectful thing the recruit could have done. The fogginess that had been encroaching on his mind from the alcohol was temporarily blasted away as fury, disbelief and a sharp, unrelenting pain ripped straight down his sternum and sliced through his internal organs.

_He wouldn’t…_ Levi thought, mind becoming sludge _It was just a political thing…he told me…_

But to Levi there was nothing political about a kiss—a kiss that Erwin was very much giving to Cordelia at that moment. And as Erwin leaned in to brush his lips gently against the woman’s, Levi had a prime seat to view the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I realize I've gone a little ship crazy, but I can't seem to help myself. And yes, I realize that I have once more done something horrible to Levi, and should probably be strung up by my ankles for it. But don't despair guys--this fic is drawing to a close, for better or for worse, so whatever happens at least you won't have to experience the roller coaster of emotions for too much longer (at my estimate there are 3 chapters left, but i might split it up a bit more if the chapters get too long)  
> As always, you guys have been amazing with your support *hugs all of you*  
> I'm afraid my editing is a bit lazy, so once again if there's any glaring mistakes, please let me know so i can fix them (and THEN you can harpoon me)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

“No!”

The word, as it left Levi, had barely any volume, and still it felt like it was choking him. This couldn’t be happening to him. He couldn’t bear to have it happen after he’d opened up enough to allow himself to hope.

“No!”

A little louder now, a little worse. Levi could feel hurt, like a feral monster, clawing its way up his throat. He wanted to dig his nails into his eyes, and scrape the image off violently, and with no regard to himself. But his hands were clenched too tightly into fists for anything of the sort.

“NO!”

And finally it was a raging shout loud enough to tear at everyone’s ears. Faces sprang up to stare at him, but he didn’t see any of them. His mind was too focused on that one terrible image that was attempting to beat his brain into submission—to pummel him until there was nothing left—to ruin him and blacken everything in its path so that all that was left was scar tissue and emptiness.

But Levi wasn’t going to allow that. Because he’d been taught to fight. He’d been taught to fight even when the endeavor was completely useless. Even if it did nothing but hurt him more.

But now he had another goal in mind.

_Hurt him,_ his brain hissed, as a sound like a tortured animal escaped his lips, _make him pay._

His throat was burning, and he realized it was because he’d lifted the flask back up to his mouth and drained the rest of it in one long swallow. He tossed the empty vessel over his shoulder, and cracked his neck. Now he knew why people drank alcohol. It was like liquid strength. He could do anything while he was on it. Even hurt the man his heart sang for.

By the time the flask hit the ground with a clang, Levi had already shot forward. There must have been something akin to murder in his eyes, because people scrambled desperately to get out of his way.

His pace was unsteady, and with every step he took, the world lurched. But that wasn’t going to stop him now. Nothing would.

“Captain—“

Levi shoved Connie off of himself so hard that the recruit crashed into the floor. He kept moving as if there hadn’t been an interruption.

“You!” He shouted with so much venom it shredded his voice, “You fucking _bastard_!”

Erwin was looking straight at him, his face full of confusion and concern. “Levi, what—“

The man managed to disengage himself from Cordelia, and take only a single step before Levi’s fist smashed into his face with the resounding crack of knuckle on bone.

The violent motion snapped Erwin’s head back, and split the skin on Levi’s knuckles. He didn’t care. He wanted to keep going, but the momentum of his first attack had overbalanced him, and with his equilibrium so impaired by the alcohol, he hadn’t a hope of righting himself. He fell forward, but a strong arm caught him around his middle before he could hit the floor.

It was Erwin. Despite the fact that he’d just been decked in the face, the man’s reflexes were still astounding. “Levi, what happened? Tell me what happened! Are you okay?” the man’s words tumbled over themselves as they came out in a rush. He began to turn Levi over in his arms, “You reek of alcohol. You never drink alcohol. What—“

Levi flipped over and backhanded Erwin so hard across the face that they both stumbled and fell over in a heap, with Levi sprawled atop of Erwin. He wasted no time in using his superior position to lay into the man.

“You fucking pig! You disgusting shit for brains fuck! You lying, crap eating—“

Erwin caught Levi’s hands as they beat against his chest. The small captain hadn’t been doing that much damage anyway. He was too upset to be concentrating on aiming careful blows.

“Levi,” Erwin exclaimed, struggling to sit up beneath the irate and squirming captain, “Levi, calm down.”

“FUCK YOU!” Levi screamed, shoving at Erwin despite his lack of available hands, “Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down! Don’t you ever fucking tell me to do anything again!”

Erwin twisted Levi’s hands above his head, and jerked up, managing in one swift motion to reverse their positions as he pinned Levi to the floor beneath him. The man had always had astounding hand to hand combat skills, and Levi was no match for him in his terribly inebriated state. “Levi, please,” Erwin begged, leaning down close—closer—until he had his forehead pressed to Levi’s, “Just tell me what it  is and I’ll fix it, I swear. However I hurt you, I—“

Levi, unable to deal with Erwin’s proximity, dealt with the situation in the only way he could with his hands tied as they were: he gathered ammunition, and then spit, as hard and as abominable as he could, directly into Erwin’s beautiful face.

It was repulsive. Levi loved that body so much. All he wanted to do was care for it, and hold it, and keep it as clean and pure as the cravat he painstakingly put on every morning. He wanted to sob as he watched the spit drip down Erwin’s astonished face. He wanted to scream and howl at everything in existence, but if he did that he would break apart. If he allowed himself to feel the hate he housed for himself at this action, he wouldn’t make it. So he held onto the choking anger, because now it was all he had.

“I hate you! I hate you more than I’ve ever fucking hated anyone else! More than the military police! More than the titans! More than whatever shitty god could have created this awful world! I hate you so much it makes me bleed! I—what the fuck do you think you’re doing you shitty piss drinking fuck!”

“I don’t need anyone else seeing this,” Erwin murmured, pulling Levi into his arms, gently, despite the shaking of his hands, “I don’t need any of these fucking people judging you while you’re this upset.”

“Put me the fuck down, you condescending crap whore!” Levi screamed, pounding against Erwin’s back as the commander lifted him up over his shoulder.

“No Levi,” Erwin answered, getting to his feet, and shifting Levi as if he were a sack of flour, “Not until I get you somewhere safe--away from these people and their eyes and their ginormous mouths.”

“I don’t want you touching me, you filthy--”

“I’m sorry Levi, but I can’t see any other way of doing this seeing as you don’t look like you’ll be fit to cooperate any time soon.”

“I’ll cooperatively shove my foot up your ass!”

“Yeah...that’s not exactly what I meant.”

“Put me down!”

But Erwin didn’t put him down. Instead, he began to push through the huddled crowd with Levi slung over his shoulder, kicking and screaming like a 5 year old--though with far more colorful language than held by any ordinary child.

This experience was, by far, the most humiliating Levi had yet to suffer in his time down on earth. And it killed him that it was unfolding like this when he was _supposed_ to be murdering Erwin. None of this was panning out like he’d thought. He wanted to punch and kick and just _destroy_ until this giant weeping wound in his chest was full of it, but he couldn’t do that, not in this position. Not against Erwin’s back--that well-muscled expanse of canvas that shifted and roiled beneath him with every step that Erwin took, like some incredibly formed machine...But No! Levi was not going to be distracted by this terrible man, no matter how beautiful he was, or how much alcohol Levi had consumed. He was here for a reason. He would tell the son of a bitch _exactly_ what he thought of him and--

“What the hell happened to him, Erwin?”

The new voice, so familiar and wanted in that moment, was enough to make Levi’s eyes wet.

_Yes. She’ll take care of this._ He thought, a momentary blip of comfort flashing through his mind amid all the hurt and anger.

“Wait, you don’t know either?” Erwin asked Hani, as Levi continued to rake his hands across the man’s back.

“What did you do?” She demanded, trying to reach for Levi, but was rebuffed by his kicking feet. It was of course only Erwin he was aiming for (mainly his shins) but anyone who got too close would suffer collateral damage.

“I don’t know,” Erwin answered, wincing as a particularly vicious kick caught him in the knee, “And he won’t tell me. He’s too busy insisting that I’m the scum of the earth.”

“You ARE the scum of the earth!” Levi insisted, twisting back and wrenching at the man’s hair. His breath caught in his throat when he felt its softness.

_Perfection_ Levi thought, feeling tingles shoot through his hand as he twisted his fingers through the strands _why are you so perfect, you hugely assholic bag of dicks._

Now he hated his position, not because it was embarrassing, but because he couldn’t reach around and bury his other hand amidst the beautiful strands as well. But it wasn’t just his hair. Despite his anger, Levi was becoming more and more aware of Erwin’s body beneath him. Its hardness and its expansiveness… Erwin was _huge_ and Levi wanted it all. He wanted just Erwin’s body, and none of his clothes, despite the sexiness of the uniform he was wearing. And he wanted to have him, to taste him--because going by the man’s smell alone, Levi was sure Erwin would be the tastiest meal he’d ever lay his hands on.

But no. No Erwin was a huge fuck head, and Levi was going to kill him. He’d kill him so thoroughly that the man would never be able to look at him with those gentle lying eyes, or speak to him in that smooth deep voice ever again.

Erwin was still moving despite Levi’s varied abuses, but when he reached the door of the huge room he stopped. “You stay here,” he directed Hanji. “You need to do damage control. Levi has too many enemies to prevent some sort of backlash, but you have to do what you can. Tell them it’s my fault. Tell them that _none_ of the blame rests on--”

“What? No! I can’t do that!” Hanji protested, “Your reputation can’t afford that. We’re on such thin ground as it is with the council.”

“Fuck the council,” Erwin snapped, far too loudly to be safe when so many officials were wandering around, “I don’t care. We’ll manage somehow.”

Levi was so surprised by Erwin’s vehement response that he forgot about attacking the man with his fists for a moment.

“No Erwin. I can’t do that. You know I can’t. I love Levi, but I won’t do that. Your standing with the council is far more important than his--than any of ours. If this blows out into some sort of scandal that you refuse to deny because you’re trying to protect Levi, then you’ll be tossed out and replaced--that is, if they don’t just decide to shut down our entire division. Levi would tell you the same thing if he were sober, you can’t---”

“I know exactly how the situation stands, Hanji, I’m not a stupid man,” Erwin replied, his words threaded with spikes, “And despite that I’m still going to insist that you--”

“No! We can’t afford to lose you. No matter what the cost.”

“And I can’t afford to lose him!” Erwin roared.

They all froze. None of them had ever heard Erwin speak that loudly. Hanji openly stared at him while Erwin attempted to collect himself. Still breathing hard, he continued. “I’m sorry, I’m just…Levi, he...He’s so upset and I--I can’t handle it. It’s like…” He raked his hand, the one that wasn’t being used to hold Levi, forcefully through his hair. And as he did so, the man’s fingers brushed past Levi’s and send unbearable tingles zinging through the small captain’s body. “Look. I don’t have a good excuse, but just do it. We’ll think of our angle later. I just...I don’t have any other viable options right now. It’s Levi, Hanji,” he said, as if this explained everything, “It’s _Levi_.”

That was the poorest explanation for anything that Levi had ever heard the man utter, but apparently Hanji understood.

_Because they’re both weirdoes_ Levi thought _they speak the same language._

But Levi didn’t speak that language. He had no idea what any of this was. He guessed Hanji was right. As much as Levi wanted to kill him, he knew he couldn’t actually afford to do so. He needed Erwin. They all did. But Erwin’s favorite thing to do was sacrifice himself, even when it made no sense. So even though Levi watched Hanji open her mouth to continue arguing, he already knew she was making a wasted effort.

“Erwin, if you do this now, all of your efforts for god knows how long will have been for _nothing_. Your political clout will take a huge hit. You’re risking everything for one statement. You can’t. I won’t let you.”

“Damn it Hanji! It’s not about political clout now!” he shouted, jostling Levi as he gestured with his hands, “I can’t be commander all the time, okay? Not in every situation. Sometimes, just once in a fucking lifetime, I have to be allowed to be human. I have to be able to have a human response. I’m not a machine Hanji, I can’t be perfectly logical all the time. Not now. Not when it comes to him.”

With that, Levi’s anger, that had been shuffled slightly back, came roaring back to the forefront of his mind. And this time, it flared out even larger than it had before.

Because Erwin wasn’t allowed to be human now. Levi couldn’t afford to see Human Erwin now. Not when he was skirting the line this finely. Not when it was taking all he had to just keep this collapsing version of himself together.

And that’s why Levi forced himself back into action. He tore his hand from the warmth and comfort of Erwin’s hair, and used it to grab Erwin’s neck instead. Pushing it aside, he lowered his mouth and sank his teeth as deeply as he could into the meat of Erwin’s shoulder, through the material of his jacket.

He heard Erwin’s sharp cry of pain as he tasted copper on his tongue, the material beneath his mouth becoming spotted with blood. And as his teeth broke through the skin, twin trails of tears spurted from Levi’s eyes, because he hadn’t wanted to hurt him. He didn’t know how his body could have done that--could have hurt Erwin--could have drawn blood. It was an impossible reality, and yet it was the one he was in. And even as his mind screamed at him to stop--screamed with a boiling intensity--his teeth sank down until they came to a halt, and then they refused to move.

Erwin’s breath left him in a painful hiss, but instead of knocking Levi to the ground—instead of having any kind of normal instinctual reaction—he raised his free hand, and brought it to rest on top of Levi’s hair. He didn’t move it, just allowed it to rest there, letting the warmth from his calm send comfort into Levi even as his teeth were still sunk in his shoulder.

Maybe it was the pain, or maybe it was his hold on Levi, but when Erwin once again addressed Hanji, his voice was full of that inarguable authority he’d mastered in his time as the commander of the survey corps. “Tell them Hanji. Don’t make me give it as an order. Because you know I will, and I don’t want to pull rank with you.”

“Erwin…” this time when she said his name her voice was soft with sympathy.

“It _is_ my fault,” Erwin stated, his voice defensive, “It won’t be a lie. If Levi says it is, then it is. I know him, okay? I know him better than I know myself sometimes, and if he says—“

Hanji grasped his arm tightly causing him to abruptly stop talking.

“Okay,” she said simply, “I’ll tell them.”

Erwin relaxed. Levi could tell because he felt the tense muscle between his teeth lose some of its tenseness. “Thank you.”

Hanji reached up and shifted Erwin’s hand away so that she could swat Levi’s head, “No biting, Levi, you’re not a dog.”

Levi growled at her. Then he tightened the hold of his teeth, because his motto in life was to always fuck with the system as much as possible. In response, Erwin’s breath hitched up just the slightest amount.

Hanji hurried back into the room, looking determined, and then Erwin was able to focus all his attention back to dragging Levi around like a sleeping puppy. Only _this_ particular puppy was wide awake, furious, and very uncooperative.

“If you don’t put me down this instant, you giant oaf, I’m going to—“

“I preferred it when you were biting me, you know,” Erwin said, trying to push some humor into his voice, but it was very strained.

“I don’t give a festering crap about your preferences right now, _assface_ ,” Levi spat, poking viciously at the wounded spot on Erwin’s shoulder, and wondering if the stains would come out in the wash. It would be a real pity if they didn’t. It was a stunning uniform.

“Yes, I did gather that much when you attempted to knock me out.”

“Actually, I was trying to kill you.”

“Oh. My mistake,” Erwin said, reaching back up to rest his hand on Levi’s head again. Levi detected the motion, and swatted the hand away before it could make contact. He didn’t want Erwin touching him. Or rather, he wanted to not want Erwin touching him. (These two things were actually so different that Levi secretly despaired.)

“Don’t touch me! I hate you,” Levi growled, crossing his arms over Erwin’s back. Erwin couldn’t see the gesture, but Levi figured it was the principle of the thing.

Erwin flinched, and the motion was greater than the one he’d made after Levi had bitten him.

“And why do you hate me, Levi?”

Levi wanted to smack the man for the sorrow in his tone, so he did, and quite enthusiastically.

“You know damn well why, Commander overgrown eyebrows.”

That last bit was a lie. Levi didn’t think the man’s eyebrows were overgrown at all. They were the single most beautiful pair of things in the whole known universe, and, according to Levi, it was the most heinous crime that they had ever been put on such a bastard.

The sigh Erwin let out made him sound older than he ever had before. “I actually don’t know Levi, and it’s causing me almost an infinite amount of anxiety, so if you could just enlighten me, then—“

“It’s because you’re the shittiest most putrid lying bastard I ever had the displeasure of meeting!” Levi snapped, pounding on Erwin’s back for emphasis, “And let me remind you that I’ve met some really shitty, putrid liars in my—“

“I have never lied to you Levi, and I don’t plan on starting anytime soon,” Erwin interrupted, taking the stairs as if he _didn’t_ have a 140 pound weight slung over his shoulder.

“That’s something a shitty liar would say!” Levi announced, the effect of his dramatic statement slightly ruined by the slight vibrations that being carried down the stairs gave his voice.

“That still doesn’t mean I’m lying Levi, so please—“

Erwin’s statement was interrupted as Levi put in a stupendous effort to gain a bid for freedom just as Erwin was placing his foot on the last step. Because Erwin wasn’t expecting it, Levi was actually successful in his attempt. He sprang free from the man’s grip as a cat would from a perilous trip to the bath. Although instead of landing on his feet, as cats, and sober levis, were bound to do, the man stumbled upon landing, causing his legs to crumple beneath him.

“Levi, for god’s sake!” Erwin snapped, snagging the small captain around his waist, and wrenching him back into his arms, princess style, “You can’t walk right now, okay? Just accept it already, damn it, before you hurt yourself!”

_Oh god no_ Levi thought, face already burning with more embarrassment and failure than the human form should ever have been forced to carry _This position is even worse._

And it was—for so many reasons. One, because Levi was being carried like some bride on her wedding night. Two, because he could actually see Erwin’s face this way, and he didn’t have the strength to see that now, or probably ever. And three, because now he was touching even _more_ of Erwin with his body, and that was a very, very bad idea right now.

So he began to squirm. Very, very erratically, and very, very purposefully.

“Levi!”

“I don’t want a fucker like you touching me! Not after what you said to me! You can’t just go and say something like that and then just kiss some fucking councilwoman like it meant nothing. You can’t just—“

“Levi, I don’t understand, what did I say? What—“

“It won’t mean anything if I fucking have to tell you! God! Don’t you understand _anything_?”

He was so angry and so frustrated with the beautiful man holding him that he was vibrating with it. And for whatever stupid fucked up reason the only thing on his mind right now was that stupid night that had started everything, and those three little words that had haunted him ever since.

“I’m trying to Levi, I really am, but you’re not being coherent and—“

“I’m going to break your nose again. I swear I will. I fucking hate you. You think you can just say things like that to me, and then just never mention it again? You think it’s okay to just flip someone’s entire world around, and then pretend like nothing ever happened?”

“Of course not, but I swear Levi, I’m not lying, and I’m not trying to be difficult.” Erwin said as he pushed through the front doors of the government building, “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s even worse!” Levi exploded, “Because if you genuinely forgot about it, then that means it meant _nothing_ to you. That you think it’s just okay to say whatever the hell you want because I’m just going to put up with it. But that’s _not_ true. I’m _not_ going to put up with it. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve what you did to me!”

Levi felt cold hard brick against his back as Erwin pushed him up against the outer brick wall of the building. “Just tell me Levi,” the man begged, pressing himself up against Levi’s front and assaulting him with a pleading look, “Tell me what I did. _Please_. It’s killing me to see you like this without knowing why.”

Levi raised his hand and forced it into Erwin’s face, pushing his fingers against the man’s cheek, and forcing distance between them. “Suffer,” Levi directed, feeling the world around him sway and spin, “Suffer as I’ve suffered. Suffer with not knowing. You deserve it. You fucking do, Erwin. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks. I don’t care that you’re the most incredible man I know, you’re also a shitty stinking crapface for what you did to me. Because I was fine. I was okay as I was. I was surviving. But then _you_ had to come, and in one night you ruined _everything_. Ever since then everything has been miserable. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Even bathing is a frustrating experience now. Everything that I found pleasure in before seems bland and worthless. And it’s _your_ fault. You did this to me.”

Erwin’s hand came out just in time to catch himself as he collapsed partway against the wall, and partway onto Levi. It looked like he’d been punched in the gut so hard that he’d forgotten how to breathe. For several moments the muscles in his face moved, but no sounds came out. Finally, he managed a question.

“Was this the night that I got drunk, Levi?”

Levi was silent. Refusing to give Erwin anything but a frigid glare.

“It was, wasn’t it? Everything changed after that. I felt it. You started acting differently. You started avoiding me, and snapping more.”

“Shut up.”

“It was something I said, wasn’t it? Something that I shouldn’t have. It’s why you broke my nose.”

“I said shut up!”

Erwin sprang up, his energy returning to him as he began to piece things together. It was almost as if he was sapping the energy directly from Levi, because at the same time, Levi felt himself slide down the wall, feeling completely drained.

Erwin caught him and pulled him to his chest. But that made Levi panic. His heart rate sped up dangerously, and the world began to whip around at horrific speeds, and it even felt like the earth was tilting up to greet him. He began pushing at Erwin’s chest with pathetic panicked force.

“It’s okay, Levi,” Erwin said quickly, pulling back and giving Levi some space to breathe, “It’s okay, I’m not going to—“

“Go away! Stop touching me!”

“I just want to get you home Levi. You want that, right? We can wash your face, get that gunk out of your hair—“

“No! Just leave me alone!”

His vision was even starting to blur now. The words were so heavy in his mouth. Forcing each one out was a monumental effort. He didn’t even know if they were coming out like words. For all he knew he was babbling incoherently, and Erwin hadn’t a clue what he was saying. If only everything would stop spinning, he’d be able to focus just a bit, he thought. But the spinning only got worse, and everything was tilting back, making his feet slide out from under him.  And now Erwin was supporting all his weight, and lifting him up once again, and Levi wanted to pound his fists against the man, but his arms were so heavy. He tried, but he could only lift them a few inches before they thudded down. His eyes felt so heavy…

The earth spun crazily, and Levi let out a cry. “I’m just taking us back to the dorms,” Erwin assured him, as it turned out he had begun walking again, “Try and rest. You’ve got so much alcohol in your system that I’m surprised you’ve managed to remain partly upright for this long.”

Erwin was trying to keep himself as steady as possible as he carried the small captain, but every dip, however small, caused Levi’s head to spin crazily. Little lights danced across his vision, and everything seemed so big, and yet, so constricted at the same time.

“Nooo,” Levi moaned, the word stretching out like taffy in his mouth, “I hatechu. I don’t want you touching me. Stop fuckin’ touching me.”

“Just bear with it for a little while longer, Levi. We’re almost there,” Erwin assured him.

And they were. Erwin crossed the rest of the distance, and soon he was pushing the door to the housing building open with his shoulder. He stepped into the large atrium and headed straight for the stairs, Levi moaning all the while.

“I’m serioushly gonna fuck you up with my broom Erwin,” Levi threatened, slashing his arm up so that it smacked Erwin in the face by accident, “I can wield it like a pro. You should run for your fucking life. I‘ll show you no mercy. I don’t care how nice your face it, I will end you, Erwin.”

If Erwin hadn’t been so concerned, he would have been laughing his ass off. As it was, he was still struggling to keep the smile on his face. “Levi—“

“What? You don’t believe me? I’ll fucking take you right here, old man! Just put me down—nice and easy mind you—my head feels like it’s full of lead marbles. Oi! I said put me down! I’m gonna rearrange your face so badly you’re going to have to eat out of your forehead for the rest of your life.”

“That sounds unpleasant.”

“You’re damn right it’ll be unpleasant—worse than spending time with that old guy that looks like Santa—whass his name again? You know, the one with the grumpy face that you made me beat up Eren in front of.”

“Darius Zackly?” Erwin choked out, suffocating with the effort not to laugh.

Levi brightened considerably, “Yeah, that one!” But then he remembered he was supposed to be scowling, and hurried to put the expression back on his face. Levi saw Erwin’s eyes soften as he did so, and he decided that that was entirely the _wrong_ expression he was supposed to be garnering. Nothing was working for him today, damn it.

“I’m gonna rip that dumbass smile off your face and shove it down your wiener hole,” Levi harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing. The exhaled breath caused the wisps of hair lying over his forward to flutter up. And, seeing that, Levi was entranced, and couldn’t help making it happen again, and then again.

Erwin let out a sound like a choked off squeak, causing Levi to abandon his efforts and stare up at him with squinting eyes. “What the hell is up with you?”

Erwin could only shake his head. He’d paused right at the top of the landing, and he had his hand slapped over his mouth, apparently to prevent any other sounds from escaping. It was the weirdest thing Levi had ever seen him do.

“You’re so…I _can’t_ anymore Levi. What the hell am I supposed to do with you?”

“Put me down—like I’ve been telling you for the last thousand billion years!” he shouted.

But he didn’t want Erwin to put him down anymore. Not because he wouldn’t be able to walk—which he knew would be totally impossible right now—but because Erwin’s hands were the only things that felt steady in his world right now. And they were so warm. Even though a lot of him felt slightly numb and tingly, where Erwin had his hands placed felt alive and blazing. Levi curled into the feeling instinctively, pressing the side of his face to Erwin’s chest.

This time Erwin didn’t let out a sound, but his next breath was sucked in far too sharply to be natural. Levi was about to ask him if he was dying because he was a crotchety old man, when a door a little down the hall opened, and a familiar dark haired boy stumbled out in nothing but his underwear.

Every single one of Levi’s limbs spazzed out at the moment he realized just _who_ it was, and _whose_ room he had just stepped out of.

“What the bleeding shitting dung heap were you doing in _my_ room you clusterfucking nutwad?” he screeched at the approximate frequency of a bat using echolocation techniques. A tiny part—like an absolutely miniscule part of him—was impressed that he was able to reach such a note without needing to have his balls crushed first. The rest of him was consumed with rage.

Eren glanced up, took in the two old men, and put a finger to his lips in the universal gesture of “Shut the hell up.”

Naturally, this caused Levi’s anger to grow to bonfire levels.

“Don’t you tell me to shut up when you’ve just snuck out of _my_ room!” he roared.

“I didn’t sneak in, you left the door wide open,” Eren pointed out, “Oh, and if you wake Armin I’m going to have to go Titan on your ass. Jean you can wake though. He’s still a dick, even if he has a nice ass.”

“What did you say about me, jaeger?” another voice roared, this time coming from the confines of Levi’s bedroom. The voice was slightly horse like in nature, or at least, that’s what Levi thought as he identified the voice as Jean’s.

Levi’s face drained of all color—even the light red on the apples of his cheeks that had been induced by the alcohol. “Oh don’t tell me…Don’t you fucking dare tell me that you, that you…”

A vague sort of shuffling sound was heard, and then a small blonde appeared, rubbing his eyes and looking distinctly disheveled and confused. He had tufts of his hair sticking up in all directions, and all he was wearing was Jean’s dark shirt. “Eren,” he called out in a muffled way, reaching out his hands for the boy, “Who were you talking—“

He froze, like Annie in her crystal form, as he took in the irate looking captain who was hanging halfway out of Erwin’s arms with a look of supreme horror and fury on his face.

“If you little shits did the frickadoodle in my bed…” Levi couldn’t allow himself to go further. He was too choked up on his need to scream.

Armin, at least, had the decency to look terrified. Eren, on the other hand, was just as much of a little shit as always. He pushed Armin behind his back and puffed out his chest. “Hanji said we could use it.”

“What?” Levi howled, shoving back on Erwin’s chest so hard that he flopped out of the man’s arms. He scrambled to his feet, using his rage to force himself across the space despite the way the ground tried to seesaw beneath his feet. He launched himself at the boy and grabbed his shoulders, “On what fucking grounds?”

Eren met his eyes directly and said, “On the grounds of you-need-to-chill-the-hell-out. I’ll wash the sheets or whatever.”

A slash of red actually crossed his visual field for a moment as the anger let out a sudden bright pulse. “Chill? How bout I _chill_ by fucking shaving off your pubes and stuffing them down your throat you little shit for brains—“

“Levi!” Erwin called, wrapping his arms up and over Levi’s shoulders and pulling him back in a locked position, “What’s done is done. Now breathe before you get so angry you forget how.”

Armin too was yanking Eren back before Levi could shove his foot, dress shoe and all, so far up his ass that the boy would have an appreciation for fine leather for the rest of his days.

“I’m sorry sir! He’s not completely himself yet. The drug is still in his system, please don’t judge him based on it. It’s not his fault,” Armin pleaded, this time shoving the titan shifter behind himself, and looking up at Levi with a quiet acceptance of his death that he knew was sure to follow, “Hanji felt that it was best we not go back to the boys dorm, but jean and Eren were, um, really enthusiastic, so she needed to find a room really quickly because Jean had already managed to get Eren’s pants open, and we were out in the hall, and your room was closest, and, and...Please just let me say goodbye to Eren before you slaughter us all.”

Levi’s face muscles spasmed as they tried and failed to settle on a single expression. He just didn’t know whether he should be furious, or horrified, or, as his alcohol addled mind was attempting to suggest, highly entertained.

But no. He couldn’t possibly be entertained by the idea of 3 moldy recruits jerking around in _his_ bed, in the sheets he’d only just cleaned _yesterday_ with their cooties and their bodily fluids and their--

Levi let out a horrified moan and, unable to cover his face with his hands, chose to turn his head and bury it in Erwin’s chest instead. “Erwin, they...in my bed, all their gross teenage pheromones, and...Oh god...I’m gonna be sick.”

Erwin released Levi’s shoulders, and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist instead as he began to collapse. “It’s okay Levi. I’ll strip the sheets and then--”

“No! The whole place needs to be fumigated! I need to scrub down everything--who knows what they’ve touched. I’ve got to go get the most concentrated bleach solution I can get my hands on, and then--”

“Whoa now, you’re not scrubbing _anything_ in your condition,” Erwin protested as Levi attempted to stumble forward and do who knows what. (He was making a vaguely grabbing motion with his hands as if he was trying to get his hands on his favorite broom.)

Erwin tightened his hold around Levi’s middle as the man flailed around.

“What’s _wrong_ with him?” Armin asked, his tone full of awe, “Did he have the punch?”

“He had _something,”_ Erwin muttered, grunting now with effort as Levi’s limbs grew more erratic.

“I must clean!” Levi roared, a crazed gleam in his eyes, “I must eradicate Jaeger’s shitty presence right the fuck now!”

“Levi, please, try and calm--”

“Erwin if you tell me to calm down one more time, I’m going to rip your eyebrows off your face! I don’t fucking care that they’re the most beautiful things this world holds, I will fucking do it! Don’t you fucking dare--Eren’s spunk is on _my_ sheets. My beautiful, now wholly defiled, sheets! Never has so great an atrocity ever been completed by a member of our--No! Put me down! Put me the fuck down you giant blonde bullcrapper!”

Erwin had once more thrown a kicking and screaming Levi over his shoulder, obviously having given up on the man’s ability to reason at the moment. He needed to get Levi out of the caustic situation before the man lost it completely. And, of course, the quickest way to do that was by going by the ol’ sack of flour route.

  


“I won’t be subjected to this!” Levi howled, clawing at the back of Erwin’s jacket, “I am perfectly in the right, and if I strangle him with his own dong it’ll be poetic justice. 30 seconds! That’s all I need! Just give me thirty damn seconds with the shitty--”

“All of you back to your beds,” Erwin called out with authority, just as Jean stumbled out of the room and hooked his arm around Eren’s neck. “Awww..but this guy still has another round in him,” he whined.

Levi twisted his head around just in time to see Erwin pin the horse boy with the full weight of his commander status. It was quite possibly the hottest thing Levi had ever seen, and he feared that the slight implosion in his abdomen was his gallbladder exploding. “Now, Kirschstein,” Erwin barked.

Jean jumped and nearly fell over in his haste to get away, dragging both Eren and Armin behind him.

“But Reiner and Bertl are in there,” Eren complained as Jean tugged him toward their dorm.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Jean muttered, his hand already snaking down the back of Eren’s underwear “Have you ever seen Reiner’s abs? Fuck. They’re almost as hardcore as Mikasa’s.”

“Ew. Don’t bring girls into it Jean, you’ll kill my boner.”

“You’re already hard _again_?” Armin squeaked.

“Always,” Eren said with a wink.

Levi decided he would drink boiling lead as soon as he could get his hands on it, and put himself out of his misery. But thankfully, he was wrenched out of hearing range as Erwin swung him down the hall. Though having his ears cleared of the recruits voices also allowed him to focus (or semi-focus, for the alcohol only settled deeper into him as the minutes passed and it was absorbed) on the fact that he was once again being swept away by the gorgeous commander.

“God damn it Erwin, where the hell are you taking me?” He demanded, hands full of Erwin’s crumpled Jacket. The commander really was looking thoroughly rumpled at this point. both his uniform and hair had been assaulted by Levi, and the little captain didn’t look like he was going to stop anytime soon.

Erwin didn’t answer him. This wasn’t because he was trying to ignore the howling man, but because he literally had his hands full of someone who was beyond handling.

But Erwin didn’t have to say anything, because when they turned down the hallway where his quarters were housed, Levi realized _exactly_ where they were headed, and promptly shat a cow.

“No! No fucking way! I am _not_ going anywhere _near_ your room--do you hear me? I refuse! You can’t fucking make me! I’ll slice your goddamn ears off. I’ll--”

Erwin slung Levi onto his opposite shoulder, and then reached into the pocket of his overly tight pants to retrieve his room key. “Please get ahold of yourself Levi, your face is a terrifying shade of red.”

“I will shit on everything you love!” Levi howled, kicking at Erwin violently as the taller man shoved his key into the keyhole, and threw the door open with enough force to have it slam up against the inner wall, rattling every object in the room.

Levi’s heart was hammering far harder than it ever had--and it had certainly never been this _loud._ He couldn’t hear anything over the roaring blood in his ears. But everything got worse--about 10000 times worse--when his eyes whipped up to take in the room, and landed on the huge king sized bed in the inner chamber.

“No!” he shouted as Erwin moved toward the room, “No! I refuse! Don’t you dare fucking touch me! I’ll remove every one of your fingers! I’ll--”

“Levi! Just take a damn breath before you pass out!” Erwin shouted, sounding completely frazzled and ready to put himself out of his own misery.

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck--”

Levi’s voice cut off with a yelp as Erwin pulled him from his shoulder and lowered him onto the edge of the bed.

“Levi, please, I’m not going to--”

“Don’t you fucking touch me you foul, lying--”

“I told you Levi, I’ve never lied to--”

“Get your fucking hands off of me this--”

“Levi…”

“Don’t you fucking ‘Levi’ me! Fucking taking liberties, just dragging me around like a sack of coal, violating my personal space and making me look like a complete ass!”

“Levi--”

“And no, you _can’t_ just get away with it because you’re commander fucking handsome! And I am so damn sick of you, you miserable horrible man, who just does whatever he wants with no regard to anyone else’s feelings--”

“Levi!”

Erwin’s shout was enough to wrench Levi out of his miserable thoughts of betrayal and hurt long enough to hear the man’s next words.

“If you just looked around for one damn second, you’d realize that I haven’t been touching you for quite some time now.”

Levi blinked, and did indeed look around, and found, to his complete surprise, that Erwin was right. Levi was sprawled out on the middle of the bed, head spinning several thousand miles a second, but there was no one else touching him.

He couldn’t lift himself up. It felt like his limbs had been shackled to the bed, but in reality they were simply too heavy and clumsy from alcohol to have control over. As Levi tried, and failed, to roll over and get to his feet, he wondered what the hell had ever happened to Pixis that had convinced the man to consume this stuff on a regular basis. He also wondered if the man was even human, because he could think of no other way Pixis could function so well while under the influence of a substance that had left Levi feeling like he’d been hit by a carriage the size of a house.

Erwin let out a sigh and ran a hand through his wildly mussed hair while Levi allowed himself to feel distinctly embarrassed. “Oh,” was all he managed to say.

But though he could feel the burn of humiliation in his cheeks, he still felt cold, and he knew it was because he no longer had Erwin’s hands burning against his skin. He also felt vaguely...empty. So that when Erwin turned away from the bed and headed back toward the door, Levi let out an instinctive protest. “Wait, where are you going, asshole!”

Erwin twisted his head around and looked at Levi in confusion. “I’m just going to get you some…” But then he smiled, not bothering to finish his sentence as genuine pleasure crossed his face, “Does this mean you don’t want me to go?”

Levi snapped his teeth together and refused to answer. But if he thought that this would get Erwin to drop the subject, he was mortally mistaken.

“I thought you hated me, Levi,” Erwin continued, cocking his head to the side so that one lock of blonde hair fell across his forehead, “How many times in the last ten minutes have you told me to go away?”

The man was openly smiling now and it made Levi furious. He wanted to slap some especially vicious insults onto the man, but his brain was like sludge, and no part of himself was participating.

“Shut up.”

_Great one Levi._ The captain thought to himself bitterly _So fucking original._

“It’s like you’re talking in opposites,” Erwin observed, “And if that’s the case, I wonder what you meant when you kept insisting that I stop touching you...”

“I said shut up!” Levi shouted, hating himself for losing his cool when Erwin still managed to look perfectly composed despite the state of his appearance. And that damn smile… Levi wanted to throw everything in range at that stupid smile, and he would’ve too, if he’d had the necessary control of his hands. Because that smile was so much more damaging than any other expression Erwin could make, and Levi could feel his already useless brain become an even messier glob of slop.

With an infuriatingly satisfied expression, Erwin passed through the doorway of his bedroom and disappeared from sight. If Levi sat up and craned his head, he’d have been able to see Erwin as he moved to the apartment’s small kitchen area, but Levi couldn’t sit up. Even keeping his eyes open at this point was beginning to become too much of an effort.

Levi knew he has to stay awake. He couldn’t fall asleep here. Not in Erwin’s bed. It was unquestionable. Levi had to get out of here somehow. Had to make it to Hanji who would take of him. Because Erwin was an engaged man, and it was only a matter of time before his fiancé came looking for him. And Levi wouldn’t be able to stomach that in his state. That kiss had destroyed him, no matter how shallow or brief it had been, so if Cordelia showed her face, Levi knew that he would find a way to end her despite the fact that he couldn’t find in himself the strength to move.

But the bed was so large, and Levi’s small frame sunk into it so easily. All his insides ached and he just wanted to let go of it all for a little while. He longed for the oblivion that sleep would bring--even if it was just for just a few hours. But he couldn’t have it. Not here.

He repeated that to himself over and over but slowly his mind seemed to expand into vapor, and everything grew softer and strechier. His resolve began to disappear without his even realizing it, so when the bed dipped down beside him, and Erwin touched his arm, he barely reacted. His conscious defenses were all gone as he skirted the edges of sleep, so that when he felt the man’s touch, he reacted as he desperately wanted to--by leaning into it.

“Erwin…” he mumbled, his heart letting out a happy little blip as his body attempted to turn itself toward the man. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t seem to move, but he just hoped that Erwin would draw closer, Because Levi wanted to be in those arms so badly…

As if hearing his wish, Levi was being lifted and pulled up--up into those strong warm arms. He let out a delighted little sigh and snuggled his face into the man’s chest.

Levi felt the arms jump a bit at his motion, but he didn’t allow it to bother him. Erwin smelled so good...Levi wanted to have that smell with him always. It was better than soap. Better than the orange grove they had near Wall Maria.

“Levi…”

Levi felt a vague note of curiosity lazily float through his brain at the unexpected shakiness in Erwin’s voice. Erwin’s voice was always so strong, commanding. Levi had always wondered if the man had ever been unsure of anything in his life, and he supposed that now the question was answered for him. Because with just those two uttered syllables, Erwin somehow managed to convey more unsurety than Levi thought the man capable of possessing

“Levi, I have…” Erwin stopped to clear his throat, though when he continued his voice was still just as raspy, “You need water or you’ll suffer tomorrow.”

Levi let out a low contented hum, “Smell so nice…” he mumbled in a barely coherent voice, “Like the tree...the big one, but better.”

“Levi, the water…”

“Don’t want it,” Levi mumbled, and then, with a significant effort, he wrenched one of his hands up and let it flop onto Erwin’s arm. He was enormously pleased with these results, and the smile on his face reflected that. Erwin’s arms had to be the nicest ones in the world, he thought, becoming even sleepier and more at peace as he felt the familiar warmth they exuded.

_Soooo nice_ he thought _Love you sooooo much._

The smile on his face was entering into the realm of goofy, and Levi wouldn’t have cared even if he had been aware of it--which he wasn’t. He felt so happy, and it was such a new feeling that it awed him. He couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel like this all the time, though. How could he possibly be sad when a man like Erwin existed in the world? He didn’t care enough to try and answer it. He wanted to dedicate whatever little consciousness he had on admiring Erwin’s smell and touch and voice, even if it sounded a little strange right now.

“Levi please…” Erwin sounded distinctly distressed, and that made Levi’s heart clench painfully. He couldn’t stand to hear Erwin sound anything but happy. So upset was he, that he immediately cracked his eyes open to investigate, despite how draining the effort was for him.

Erwin’s face was closer than he’d expected it to be, so that when he opened his eyes, he was able to see every pore of the man’s skin. _Nobody should be this flawless close up_ Levi thought, eyes widening to take as much of the man in as possible _Everyone should have blemishes. But where are yours?_

“Levi…”

_Hmm…Erwin really seems to be fond of my name today_ Levi thought with a light kind of happiness _It always sounds best when he says it—he makes my name sound like something beautiful._

But Erwin wouldn’t let Levi spend the next few hours lazily thinking about the sound of his voice, because he was already pushing something into his face—a glass of water.

“Drink Levi, you need it,” he commanded. It wasn’t just his voice that was shaking. His hands were trembling too.

Levi frowned (it was more of a pout really) “Don’t wanna.” He said simply.

Erwin’s mouth twitched, and Levi felt his eyes drawn to it. _Such pretty lips_ he thought _want them_.

The fingers he had on Erwin’s arm flexed, and then he was lifting them, lips pursed in concentration as he forced them to go where he wanted. He missed, but just a little though. He pushed too forcefully and one of his fingers pushed itself between Erwin’s lips instead of simply brushing across them as he’d intended. But it was one of the best miscalculations he’d ever made. Erwin’s lips were slack with surprise. They were achingly soft, but that wasn’t the best part. Because inside his mouth it was _wet_. He didn’t know why something like that seemed significant, but it was the most important knowledge he had ever discovered. Levi stopped breathing as his finger was engulfed by the hot wet space. His heart thudded so hard he was sure he would be dead in seconds, because no way could the small organ keep up with that kind of pace for long. But then a moment later Erwin drew his head back, “Levi! What…?”

And Levi let out a small whimper because he wanted that mouth—wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything else in his miserable life, and he would have traded anything in for it—even half a foot of his already meager height—in order to get just a few more moments with that mouth.

Levi reached out again, but Erwin pushed the glass into his hand instead, “Drink,” he commanded, holding onto the glass with him (because he wasn’t stupid enough to think Levi could hold anything by himself in this state). Even with the glass in the way, the tips of their fingers were intertwined, and that made Levi suck in his breath because of how magical it seemed to him. The fact that Erwin could touch him, could hold him…

He’d never been happier that he hadn’t gotten eaten by a Titan yet.

Erwin shifted Levi so that he was leaning against his shoulder, and therefore had both hands free. Then, with one hand, he pushed back Levi’s hair. The warm pads of his fingers were slightly roughened by calluses, and caught on wisps of his hair. It was wonderful, but also terrifically embarrassing,(no matter how much alcohol was in his system) and Levi flushed bright under the touch.

But Erwin wasn’t rendered useless like Levi was. He pushed down gently on Levi’s forehead, tilting his head back, and then raised the glass to Levi’s lips with the other.

“Please,” he said simply, looking directly into Levi’s eyes, “For me.”

_Shit,_ Levi thought, feeling his cheeks grow even redder. Because he realized at that moment that he would never be able to refuse Erwin anything ever again. His powerlessness would have scared him, but he was too busy appreciating the miracle that was Erwin Smith.

The man’s forehead was knotted with anxiety, and Levi felt bad for thinking he looked sexy that way. He felt worried of course, because the look on the man’s face could have been described as _pained_ , but Levi had always appreciated the man’s “Working” face. Maybe because he so valued the ability to face problems without losing your head, no matter what it happened to be.

And suddenly he had the overwhelming urge to share that.

“I admire you,” he blurted against the lip of the glass, “More than I do anyone else.”

Erwin’s eyes snapped all the way open, causing Levi to be proud of himself. Because of what he’d said he could now see a lot more of Erwin’s beautiful blue eyes. _Oh yeah_ he thought, giving himself a drunken congratulatory medal, _I am the shit._

But then he felt another strum of worry because it didn’t look like Erwin thought he was the shit. Because Erwin then squeezed his eyes very tightly—so tightly that sharp lines appeared all over his face, “Don’t,” he groaned, “You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I was thinking right now.”

Levi frowned. He didn’t like being told he was wrong. Not even by Erwin.

Actually, especially not by Erwin.

“Don’t tell me what I would or would not say,” Levi muttered around a mouthful of the glass that was pressed annoyingly to his lips.

Erwin’s face took on a little more pain, and despite his annoyance, Levi regretted his words. All he seemed to be doing was making it worse.

“Levi, please, just drink your water. Don’t look at me like that. Not when you’re so vulnerable. Not when it would be a veritable crime if I—“

He cut himself off and sucked in a breath. His hands shaking increased. Levi felt the glass clink against his teeth. He was confused. How was he looking at Erwin? And did that mean Erwin’s pain really _was_ his fault? He desperately wanted to fix the situation, but was afraid to say anything for fear of making it even worse. So he finally decided to do what he was being told—he drank the damn water.

He didn’t want it. Even the smallest motion was annoying, and forcing his mouth to work in a coordinated enough way to allow swallowing was the biggest pain in his ass since Eren Jaeger was invented. But he did it.  For Erwin. Or more like he mostly did it. After three quarters of the glass, he couldn’t anymore. The water was starting to physically repulse him.

“No more,” he gasped, shoving at the glass.

“Please Levi, you need—“

“No. I-I can’t, okay? Don’t make me, Erwin.”

More pain across his face, and this time Levi really was going to despair, because he couldn’t keep doing this. Couldn’t keep hurting this precious person. But before he could work up a good and proper depression, Erwin set the glass down on the floor, causing Levi’s body to shift downward slightly at the motion. And then Erwin was wrapping his arms around him—tight—tighter than he’d ever held him. Tight enough to make Levi gasp and set his heart racing like he was being catapulted directly into a Titan’s mouth.

He felt instantly alive. His mind zooming straight out of the sleepy foggy place he’d been for the last few minutes, and going right back to the crazy spinning world he’d been in before. His blood pounding through him in a rhythm so fast it could never be music. And everywhere was Erwin. Levi’s face was pressed into his neck, and they were chest to chest, but Erwin’s chest was so much larger. And those arms. Erwin’s arms held him securely enough that Levi knew there was no danger he could be placed in at that moment that would worry him. It was the kind of hold he’d wanted all his life, and yet never knew he had been searching for. Erwin’s arms, constricting as they were, squeezed some pieces of him back together. Pieces he was sure had been broken last week when Erwin announced his engagement—pieces he’d thought had been ground down to a fine powder when he’d seen Erwin kiss that woman.  But he’d underestimated the power of Erwin’s healing touch. And even though he knew having _this_ would make it even harder to deal with the world after—because everything would just feel _that_ much emptier once those wonderful arms were gone—he couldn’t help but give himself this moment right now, just a small moment. Just a tiny shred of infinite wholeness here with Erwin before he had to face reality once more.

He would take one more moment and then he would let go. Just one more.

Just one—

And then Erwin pulled away. And Levi wasn’t ready. Truth was, he probably never would have been ready, but he still felt the greatest injustice, and his bitterness was a sharp rusty thing in his chest. Because he had only been borrowing Erwin for that moment. It hadn’t been real. Because Erwin still belonged to Cordelia. And that bitterness—that pain that came from the sadness of that truth turned very quickly to blinding anger.

Though Erwin pulled back, his hand was still on Levi’s shoulder, and it was that hand that Levi directed his anger toward as he slapped it aside with ringing force.

“You--!” he growled, teeth bared in a feral grimace, “how many fucking times do I have to tell you not to touch me in one shitty night?”

The pain was exploding through him, and it had no end. It wouldn’t have an end. Because if there was one thing he’d learned, it was that pain didn’t have to have a limit. It could stretch on forever—and no one had taught him that lesson better than Erwin Smith had. And unless he did something about it, he would be trapped in this searing pain forever. And he couldn’t do that. He didn’t care what that made him. He didn’t care if it made people call him selfish or a coward. He knew that having this pain for a week had nearly killed him, and just thinking of it compounding over months and then years—it made his mind shrivel into a tiny incomprehensible space that left him gasping for air.

No. He had to do something. Even if that thing would make every single person hate him forever.

“Levi, I—“

“Go!” he screamed, drawing his hands to his abdomen as if to keep his guts from falling out, “I don’t want to see your fucking face! I don’t want to see it ever again! I quit! I quit the fucking squad, I quit the fucking corps. I quit being Humanity’s strongest! I fucking quit!”

Erwin went completely white, and reached for Levi. But that was the worst thing he could have done. Levi leapt to his feet, trying to get as far away from the man as possible. His fear propelling him backward. But what he hadn’t counted on was the landing. Levi was normally the most sure footed soldier in the entire army, but right now he was worse than a toddler learning to walk. If he had been on solid ground, he may have had a chance, but he was on a bed. So that when his feet touched down on it, he could get no traction, so he continued to keel backwards—straight off of the bed.

He hit the floor with a crash that knocked all the breath from him. His head hit only an instant after his back did, and the collision was enough to set bright lights flashing across his eyelids. Erwin, of course, was there in an instant, and Levi, for the moment, was too disoriented to evade him.

“Levi!” he called out, for a moment sounding distant before his voice seemed to expand back out to a normal shout, “Levi, are you—“

“I’m fine,” he snapped out—or, at least attempted to snap out. What actually came out was a sort of gasp, “Now get the fuck away from me, I’m serious.”

But Erwin ignored him completely, gently tilting Levi over to inspect for any visible damage. Levi shot his hand out to smack the commander, but Erwin caught his wrist in a steel grip, and refused to let go.

“I’m not going,” he said, catching Levi’s second wrist as well when that was used in an attempt to assault him. “Say what you want, quit what you want, I have no right to stop you, but I’m not going to leave you now. Not when you’ve had this much alcohol. You could choke to death on your own vomit and I am _not_ letting a man of your character suffer such an ignoble and ill-timed death. Forget it. Hate me, hurt me, curse me in the deepest and blackest ways you know how, but I’m staying right here. And if you want to be an idiot about it, go right ahead, but don’t expect anything to work. You’re not getting rid of me.”

Whatever reply Levi thought he might have had before choked and died in his throat. His heart crapped out on him, and everything was silent for just one moment as he realized how madly and utterly he was lost to the man before him.

_Why are you taken? Why can’t you be mine when I love you so fucking terribly? When I would do anything to protect you. When I would rip up every stone in the earth to accomplish your goals for you. Why can’t you make me yours?_

Levi knew there was no point in trying to fight anymore. He would only be ripping the wounds more deeply if he tried. He was lost, and he would never be okay, and that knowledge made him more exhausted than he could ever remember being. And so he allowed Erwin to lift him up and lay him gently back down on the bed. He threw his arm over his face because he knew he couldn’t hide that pain anymore, and even if he was lost, he could at least cling to a shred of his dignity (since there was already so little of it remaining).

Erwin didn’t attempt to remove Levi’s hand. He didn’t try to do anything for a minute. Levi didn’t know what he was doing, because he had his hand over his face, but the prickling of his skin made him feel like Erwin was looking at him—almost burning him with his stare.

“I’ll be right back,” Erwin murmured. And then there was the sound of his receding footsteps, and Levi wanted to sob at him not to go. Not to ever leave him. To stay and hold him, and never open his arms for anyone else, but he didn’t. He could only lay on his back, too exhausted to move, almost too exhausted to breathe, and definitely too exhausted to cry, even though the lump in his throat demanded that he do so. He just couldn’t. Even crying took the tiniest sliver of hope. People cried when they were miserable, but they didn’t cry when they thought they would _always_ be miserable. In that case you could only lie there and conserve your strength. Because it took strength to suffer. It consumed your energy like nothing else.

Erwin did return, and he returned less than a minute later, and when he did, he sat back down on the bed. Only this time, he _did_ try and move Levi’s hand.

“Leave me be, Erwin,” Levi pleaded, his voice shredded in his misery, “I really have nothing left, so just leave me be.”

Levi didn’t resist the second time Erwin reached for his hand. He let him peel it off, but then stared straight at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at Erwin right now or he’d jump him. He really would and he wouldn’t care that he was engaged, he would rip off his clothes and have him in every way he wanted.

That was the thing about misery. It made it so much harder to be a good person.

But Erwin wouldn’t even allow him that much distance, because then the man leaned over him, replacing Levi’s view of the ceiling with his beautiful face, and Levi snapped his eyes closed, because he didn’t want to ruin Erwin’s life. He didn’t. He didn’t want to mess things up for him and Cordelia. Because he loved Erwin Smith more than he loved himself, and that meant that Erwin’s happiness came first.

Levi felt the softest of touches on his face and he was grateful for his exhaustion, because he would have wept then. It was funny how something so precious, like the touch of the man he loved, could become like ripping spikes when he knew it was forbidden to him.

And then he felt a warm wetness by his eyes as a warm cloth drew over them in a gentle movement, removing the coal from his face with slightly uneven strokes.

Levi flinched, because he wasn’t prepared for something to ever feel that good, but Erwin continued despite that, working the warm wet cloth not just over his eyes, but over Levi’s whole face. Levi had to bite down, hard, on his lip to prevent any sound from escaping—because he knew that it would be far too embarrassing and revealing. Guilt and bitter pleasure pulsed through him at Erwin’s gentle ministrations. But then when Erwin’s hand went to move to his neck, Levi snagged the man’s wrist.

“Let me,” Erwin murmured, voice low and deep and ruinous.

“Don’t,” Levi begged, not caring how it sounded anymore, but needing it to stop. He could only be pushed so far. He was only human.

And Erwin must have heard it, because he stopped, setting aside the washcloth, and Levi opened his eyes, because not looking was almost worse than looking because every touch felt so much stronger without sight.

“Do you think you could sleep now?” Erwin asked the clearly exhausted Levi.

Levi felt the corners of his mouth give the barest twitch. He felt like he could sleep forever, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Because as painful as this time he was sharing with Erwin was, it was also one of the most intense and raw experiences of his life.

He hadn’t a hope of ever putting that into words though, so he simply nodded.

Erwin’s expression softened. He opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it, and shut it again. Levi stared at Erwin’s face, not bothering to hide whatever decided to appear on it, and Erwin stared back at him. It was both exquisite and exquisitely painful. And Levi knew that even if he had a chance to fall for someone else—someone available—he wouldn’t. He would never choose anyone but Erwin.

Erwin slid closer to him, and Levi felt his heart rate increase in direct proportion with the distance separating them. “I’m going to touch you,” the commander said in a calm voice that was meant to reassure him, “I know that you don’t want that right now, but it will only for a moment, so try and put up with the unpleasantness for that long, okay?”

Levi stared at him, blinked, and then stared at him some more.

_Is this guy serious?_ Levi thought, disbelief like a bucket of wet fish _Unpleasant? That is so beyond laughable. He can’t really think…_

But apparently Erwin _did_ think that, and it wasn’t really any wonder. There was only so many times you could tell someone their touch was repulsive before they started to believe it. Levi thought the whole thing was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, and hated himself a little more for it.

He turned his face away from Erwin. “Whatever,” he muttered.

He felt the mattress rise back up as Erwin got off the bed. And Levi couldn’t help feeling a hitch of disappointment in his chest as he did so. But a moment later Levi felt one of those strong yet gentle hands wrap around his ankle, and he nearly kicked out in surprise.

“What the flying crap are you—“

“You can’t sleep like this,” Erwin answered, keeping his grip steady as he tugged the first of Levi’s shoes off.

Levi was so shocked by this development, so unexpected by his alcohol addled mind, that his first response was vehement opposition.

“Yes I can!” he yelped, yanking back his second foot. It only moved about six inches before flopping back onto the bed. Levi cursed his body’s current weakness.

Erwin rolls his eyes and grabbed Levi’s other ankle, “Don’t be ridiculous. It’ll be over in just a second and you’ll be a hell of a lot more comfortable afterward.”

Off came the second shoe.

The second response Levi chose from his arsenal was anger.

“Get the hell off of me!”

Erwin ignored this, and kept Levi’s legs steady as he pulled off his socks. Levi had to visibly concentrate on not dying as Erwin’s fingers brushed down his legs. He wouldn’t survive this. He knew that, so he desperately turned to the next weapon he had available—logic.

“I can do it myself,” he protested, trying to muster the most competent expression he could.

Apparently, he failed miserably, because Erwin merely chuckled as he climbed up onto the bed and hovered over Levi. “Sure you can, because those floppy arms of yours are oh so useful at precise tasks like buttons and buckles at the moment, right?”

Levi wanted to scowl so hard that he burned the man’s beautiful face off, but he couldn’t do it, because his heart was pounding _way_ too hard due to the sexy as hell expression Erwin was making at him, what with his cocked brow and his smirk and his—oh god—his _everything_. Even his eyebrows seemed to be whispering _bedroom_ to him. It was supremely unfair, but Levi had no idea who to complain about it to.

In short, Levi was terrified.

Erwin took advantage of that moment of frozen fear to reach down and begin attacking the buttons on his shirt.

“I can sleep in the damn shirt!” Levi shouted, trying to turn away, but Erwin was so damn skillful, he just twisted with Levi and continued his motions. “Of course you can’t. This shirt doesn’t breathe. You’re already bathed in sweat, look.”

Levi didn’t want to look. He wanted to live in his world of denial for as long as he could physically stand it.

“You’re taking off the damn shirt,” Erwin said with way too much humor in his voice to be acceptable.

“I fucking hate you!” he barked when his mind was really screaming _I love you more than my stupid human body can stand and if you don’t rip off the rest of my clothes this instant and lay waste to my body, I will never forgive you for the remainder of my miserable life you abominably precious life ruiner._

“You’re still taking off the shirt,” Erwin said, his voice more clipped now, the humor gone. And if Levi’s alcohol laden eyes didn’t deceive him, Erwin’s hands had also increased their trembling again.

_Because you managed to fucking hurt him again. Great job, idiot_.

Levi spent the next few moments inwardly berating himself, and didn’t snap back to the actual situation on hand until he was tilted up as Erwin slid the shirt from his shoulders.

Levi forced his breath to stay at a relatively normal pace, but it was hard because Erwin’s chest was nearly bumped up against his own, and he could feel Erwin’s warm breath on his scalp and that was probably the most distracting thing Levi had ever had to experience, but none of that could possibly measure up to the level of heart attack inspired as when Erwin reached down and settled his hand on the fly of Levi’s pants.

“Just where the fuck are you touching, old man?” Levi yowled, sounding like a rabid cat strung out on crack.

“Oh come on—you can’t have actually been planning to sleep in these as well. I’m surprised you can still feel your legs. Wait? Can you feel your legs? Crap. I really should have asked you earlier. I was…kind of distracted with everything that was happening, but that was really irresponsible of me. I can’t believe—“

“Shut up about my damn legs and get off of me!” Levi growled, shoving at Erwin’s chest.

It was the least effective shove in his life. He’d put more force into things when he was still an infant. He looked down at his jelly arms and felt genuine pity for them. It seems his shove had been so gentle that Erwin’s giant body hadn’t registered it. Levi wondered if it was actually possible to die from embarrassment. Going by the way his heart was attempting to stab itself, he supposed it was.

“Just as soon as I remove these horrible things,” Erwin assured him, and wrenched at the zipper. The effort did absolutely nothing. In fact, the pants, if possible, seemed to have gotten even tighter.

“Damn it, Erwin!” Levi hissed, feeling deprived of oxygen.

“Whoops,” he muttered, trying again, and getting the same results.

But then Levi thought of a reason why the pants could be appearing to be getting tighter, and that idea was so horrific he couldn’t stand to think of it for another moment. There was no way he’d ever live down getting an erection in front of his gorgeous commanding officer. No way in hell.

But wait. Levi seized on the one grain of hope his situation provided for him.

He was drunk as hell. Like, drunker than the council must have been to allow such an idiot to take the throne. There was no way he could get a boner under those conditions. Male anatomy didn’t work that way. He was safe.

A relieved smile cracked across his face. He had sunk low tonight, abysmally low, but he had still to hit rock fucking bottom.

“Shit, Levi…” Erwin huffed, sounding far too out of breath for several moments of exertion. Erwin’s hands drew back, and Levi tried to crane his neck to see them and caught a flash of them. They were shaking.

Levi felt hot dread curl in his stomach _Please don’t be hard. Please don’t be fucking hard._

Because he couldn’t tell. His entire body was on fire due to Erwin’s proximity, and the world was still doing its crazy spinning routine and Levi’s mind was fogged with alcohol as well as lust, so everything was even less coherent than it had been before. His poor heart really was on the verge of giving out. He was actually in the process of saying goodbye to it, when Erwin did something that stopped it abruptly and made all goodbyes suddenly too late.

The man lifted his leg up onto the trunk at the foot of his bed, reached into his boot, and pulled out a hidden knife lodged within it.

The proper level of Levi’s Erwin induced insanity could be properly viewed by his next reaction, because instead of growing incredibly wary, and maybe even terrified, Levi felt heat pour into his stomach, and his mouth go slack with desire, as he saw Erwin’s body posed that way before him.

_He never looks hotter than when he’s holding a weapon,_ Levi decided, raking his eyes helplessly over Erwin’s determined face, heaving torso, and poised hand _Take me Erwin. Take me right the fuck now._

In Levi’s defense, it was obvious that Erwin would never hurt him. The man had saved his life countless times, so there was no way that a knife wielding Erwin should logically have scared him at all. But even the most trusting of friends would usually show a dose of fear when the man before them pointed his knife at their crotch. Not Levi. Well, not for the same reasons anyway.

“Erwin…” he began warningly, about to shout thousands of demands that the man stay away from him with those damn magical hands of his, but he never got that far, because Erwin swooped in for the kill.

“We have to get them off Levi,” Erwin said with his fullest voice of authority, “Backing down is not an option.”

“Stop treating this like a Titan kill, you lunatic geezer!” he shouted, trying to slither upward. He gained about two inches of distance, if even.

Erwin gripped one of his thighs and prepared for the pants surgery. “Don’t worry, I’ll buy you a new pair.”

“God damn you to the deepest depths of hell!”

“I was already heading there anyway,” was Erwin’s last response. And then he pushed the blade beneath the waistband of the pants, so that for one moment the cold metal was sandwiched between the leather and Levi’s skin, and then he jerked the knife up and in surprisingly few movements, sawed through the garment.

Erwin was silent as he utilized the blade, concentrating on his work so that he wouldn’t harm Levi in any way. He worked smoothly and without pause. But then when it came time to peel the pants off, Erwin stopped.

“I…Levi, I’ll just…” his hands gripped the edges of the two pieces of leather, and Levi could feel the slight vibrations through his legs caused by the minor tremor in Erwin’s hands.

“Just fuck off and let me sleep,” Levi begged, hating every single thing had had created a world where Erwin removing his pants was a completely non sexual affair.

Erwin nodded, and seemed to find resolve somewhere, because he yanked Levi’s pants off in one smooth motion and then tossed them to the floor.

Levi used the last of his energy to roll to the side, at least partially screening himself from Erwin as his hair fell across his face.

“Do you need…” Erwin trailed off as if he didn’t even know which words were meant to follow.

Levi didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He was hopelessly drained and he didn’t have a word left inside of him.

His eyes had already closed, and even though he could feel his heart thump in response to Erwin’s presence, the rest of his body was already shutting down.

He felt Erwin drag the blanket over him, but he was already drifting off. His body felt like a lead weight now and he felt like he was sinking—sinking deep, right through the mattress, and through the floor, all the way to the center of the earth.

But just he was sinking past the last stream of consciousness, he felt Erwin’s breath, like a warm breeze, fan across his face. And then there was something soft, with all the comfort and pleasure that Levi had needed, pressing against his forehead, just for a second. Almost like a whisper of skin against skin—so short and light he almost could have imagined it.

And then he was gone, his mind claimed by that final mercy he called sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god. I feel DEAD, (I have been writing non stop for far too many hours) but here it is guys--here's the chapter. I promised i would have it up by tonight, and it's here. It is far longer than any of the chapters in the fic so far, so happy reading. (I might split it up later, but you can just have the whole thing as it is now) I'm praying it's coherent, my editing was done as my eyes were glazing over. And for all of you who were ready to murder Erwin in his bed, I give you this chapter's Erwin. Hopefully he has redeemed himself a little. Next chapter will be very important, guys. Not exactly sure when I'll be able to get it up, but I never let you wait TOO long. I can't believe how long this fic has gotten, and I congratulate all of you for putting up with it for this long. Love you all, and I just want you to know that I couldn't have worked this fast without all of your encouragement. *hugs all of you simultaneously*


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

The thudding pain in Levi’s temples slowly yanked him back up through the depths of sleep toward a semi state of wakeful consciousness.

But he resisted it. The pain wasn’t unbearable--just annoying--and it wasn’t worth moving. Because he was so damn comfortable. His body was completely cocooned in a thick down quilt, and the mattress beneath him made it clear that it was prepared to hold and embrace him forever.

Levi’s face was a serene mask, though his faint smile was partially obscured with how his head was buried in the pillow. If he never moved again, he would be content. He wouldn’t even need food or drink. He would survive on his comfort alone.

Hmm… but maybe he would lift the ban on drink, because the more awake he became, the more he realized that his mouth tasted like a cesspool. It was like something had crawled in and died in it. Something that had been filthy and half dead to begin with.

He flicked his tongue through his mouth and recoiled in horror. He had never, not in all his life, been so repulsed by his own body. And his mouth was so dry. His tongue was like sandpaper as it scraped along the inside of his mouth. He couldn’t’ take it anymore. He could take pain, and he could take dryness, but he could not take the idea that something of his wasn’t spotless. So with the power of his own revulsion, he finally forced himself to crank his eyes open.

And then he froze.

This wasn’t his bed.

He should have known that, because his bed was _never_ this comfy, but it still came as a complete shock to him. He wasn’t in his bed. This had never happened to him before. He had no idea what was supposed to come next, but he knew what _needed_ to come next: water.

So he sat up, letting the blanket fall from him. And then he realized that things were even worse than he’d thought. Because not only was he in someone else’s bed, but he was in someone else’s bed and very nearly as naked as the day he was born.

He had a brief moment of flat out panic when he’d thought he was _actually_ naked, but a swift yank at the covers revealed that he was at least wearing a pair of underwear. So then the question became: Where were the rest of his clothes?

Well, he thought that was the question of the moment, but that was completely forgotten when he looked up to begin his search, and finally recognized the space around him. A very familiar space. A space he had seen hundreds of times, but hadn’t recognized at first because he’d never seen it from this particular perspective before.

He was in Erwin’s room. And more specifically, in Erwin’s bed.

And then his brain broke.

“Holy shit!” he whispered. And those seemed to be the magic words, because just like that, the floodgates of his memory burst open, and it all came rushing back like one never ending horror show.

He remembered the pain, and the warmth. The kiss with Cordelia, his total loss of control, Erwin’s perfect hands, his inability to move, and all those words--those horrifically damaging words--that he’d poured viciously onto Erwin without end.

Levi let out a groan so deep and so guttural that he sounded like a dying moose. He felt like one too.

_No. No I can’t have fucked up this badly. This isn’t my life. I refuse to believe that this god awful mess is my life_.

But despite his denial, he could believe it, because all the shitty things that had happened to him the past few weeks made it clear that his life wasn’t going to lead to baskets of bunnies and roses.

Levi wanted to pull the blanket back over his head and bury himself as deeply as possible into the depths of that beautiful mattress. But he wouldn’t’ find comfort that way, because already his heart was pounding like a stampeding Titan at the thought that he was in _Erwin’s_ bed. A bed Erwin had slept in, dreamt in, maybe even jerked off in.

_Oh no_ he thought, clapping his hand over his eyes _Don’t you dare go there. Don’t you dare think about--_

Too late. Levi’s breath sputtered out of him as he thought of a naked and glistening Erwin, the man’s hand wrapped around his erection as he pulled roughly along his length. Erwin wouldn’t be gentle with himself, Levi thought, he’d be even and thorough, but not as mechanical as Levi had always been.

Though Levi hadn’t been mechanical at all lately. The last week Levi had allowed himself to masturbate several times to the thought of Erwin, and each time he had been left a gasping desperate mess. He’d limited it to three times though. He’d always felt too guilty to look Erwin in the face afterwards to afford to do it too often. But hell, the experience when Erwin was in the picture was so different than it always had been that it was like he was doing something totally different.

Levi wondered who Erwin thought of when he masturbated. Maybe he was like Levi had been, and didn’t think of anyone.

_God, what if he thinks of Cordelia now_? Levi thought, feeling nauseous at the thought. But he had to consider it. The woman was very pretty. Levi knew that the marriage was meant to be political, but Levi highly doubted it would be some chaste, purely political thing. Levi wondered if Erwin had slept with her yet. He felt his stomach react violently to that thought, and his intestines weren’t too happy with it either. Suddenly the bed became something repulsive, and he began to scramble out of it. He couldn’t be in a bed Cordelia had been in. That was too damn much.

Thankfully he could move his limbs once more. He’d never thought he’d be thankful for such a thing, but he was now. He tossed the blanket aside and leapt to his feet, his body going exactly where he wanted it to. His head throbbed as he landed, but he didn’t care. Getting out of here was more important. But before he could take a step, his eyes fell on the nightstand and the jug of water and empty glass that sat there. He didn’t remember seeing the pitcher there before, and by the condensation on the glass he could see the water was fresh, and still cold.

Had Erwin brought it for him?

That thought sparked another one--mainly, where the hell was Erwin? This was his room, but there was no indication that he’d spent the night here.

Levi didn’t understand why he hadn’t, but he was grateful. If he’d woken up to find Erwin in the same bed as him, he never would have been able to force himself to leave.

And he had to go. That much was clear. He couldn’t stay anywhere Erwin was anymore.

He hadn’t been kidding last night when he had quit. He knew that he couldn’t stay this way. If he stayed, then he’d end up attacking Erwin.

Levi sighed as he poured himself a glass of water.

Hanji would be devastated. He wasn’t so clueless that he didn’t know what he meant to the woman. For whatever reason, she loved both him, and his terrifically crude and grumpy personality. He’d carried out so many expeditions and Titan kills by her side. He trusted her implicitly to guard his back, and he’d always made it one of his innermost duties to guard hers.

But he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. Hanji would continue to go outside the wall, and she would do it without Levi’s anxious eyes glued to her body. Despite the risks she took on expeditions for her research, she was an extraordinarily capable fighter, so that should have appeased Levi’s anxiety by a bit. But it didn’t. He knew that if he concentrated on the idea of allowing Erwin and Hanji to go outside the walls without him that he would have a full blown panic attack. He had to protect them—not because they necessarily needed it, but because he himself needed it. He couldn’t allow his friends to walk into death’s hands if he wasn’t there. God knew that his presence didn’t necessarily help. Petra and the others’ quick deaths had proved that. But Levi also knew that if either of those precious people died, and he wasn’t there, his remaining days would be wracked with a guilt so intense that his ability to breathe might even be affected.

But he couldn’t think those thoughts now, because they would prevent him from leaving—and he really needed to leave. If he stayed he would ruin everything for Erwin, and therefore, the entire survey corps. He was selfish—but not _that_ selfish. He wouldn’t risk everyone else’s happiness for his own.

Levi drained the glass in his hand and set it down with a definite thud.

Right. He could do this. He turned away from the nightstand and headed toward his pile of clothes. With a distasteful grimace he picked them up between his thumb and forefinger. Useless. He’d forgotten that his pants had been shorn open like wrapping paper for a moment, but he was remembering it now.

Levi felt his face color as he recalled the way Erwin’s hands had shaken as they’d gripped his thighs as he prepared to slice the leather open. That was a bad image. A very distracting and easily misinterpreted image. Because with Erwin like that, flushing and breathing slightly raggedly, Levi could almost convince himself that the man wanted him. And that was very dangerous territory—territory that had the power to undo him completely and forever.

_He doesn’t want you, idiot_ Levi berated himself _So get the fuck out of here before he comes back and you have the opportunity to make an ass out of yourself again._

He dropped the clothes and headed toward Erwin’s closet. The clothes there would never fit him, but Levi preferred to make his way toward his room in an oversized uniform shirt than one that left less to the imagination than a candid photo.

He pulled the closet door open and paused. Erwin’s clothes. Erwin’s things. Erwin’s life. He reached out and ran a tentative hand along the line of shirts. How was he supposed to leave this man when his heart thudded this hard just from taking a look at some damn shirts?

Shakily, he pulled one from its hanger, and brought it to his face, breathing it in. For the first time in his life he was disappointed to be smelling fresh detergent. He desperately wanted Erwin’s smell. He wanted it at least one more damn time before he’d have to leave it forever. He hadn’t appreciated it enough last night. He’d been too busy panicking and feeling angsty—and what a mistake that had been.

_If I could do it over I wouldn’t have said those things. I would have said thank you. I would have said_ something _after all that he’s done for me. But I gave him nothing. After all these years all I’ve left him is a pile of dead Titan bodies and endless stress._

Because he knew he’d been a nightmare to work with. He knew that Erwin had needed to almost constantly appease the council when it came to Levi’s attitude and behavior. Levi had never tried actively to work with others, and he didn’t know how many lives that stupidity had cost. It had been his stupid pride. If he hadn’t had that than maybe things would have been different. Maybe Petra would have been alive. Maybe their budget would have been expanded. Maybe Erwin would have had less sleepless nights, and maybe that beautiful man would have known how miserably Levi loved him.

But now all Levi had left was his pride, so with a sigh, he pulled the shirt from his face, and slipped it over his shoulders, getting a small thrill from the fact that it had been worn previously by the commander. As he slipped several of the buttons closed, he crossed the room toward the bathroom to take care of some business. He used the tooth powder and scrubbed at his teeth, mouth, and tongue until it felt reasonably cleansed again, but he couldn’t get rid of the sick feeling of dread housed there. He spit into the sink and then began to wash his face and mouth with cold handfuls of water. He didn’t have much to wash. Erwin had done a very good job at cleaning him up last night.

Levi bit his lip, and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted. He wanted so strongly that his whole body sang with it. He wanted to go find Erwin and throw himself at the man, to beg him to choose him instead. To cry and wail until Erwin pulled him into his arms and touched him as gently and assuredly as he had last night. To feel Erwin’s touch again was all he longed for in the whole world and it was the one thing he would deny himself.

Levi opened his eyes when the ache in his hands became unbearable. He realized it was because he’d been gripping the porcelain bowl so tightly his knuckles had turned bone white. He released it and drew away. There was a small mirror above the sink, but Levi avoided its surface, knowing already what he would see. Sunken haunted eyes—eyes full of old images of Erwin. And that was the last thing he needed right now.

He pushed out of the bathroom, hands reaching for the bottom buttons of the shirt he had yet to do up, when he froze. His eyes were locked onto the figure leaning casually against the doorpost. He looked like the kind of man whose entire world _wasn’t_ hanging in the balance, as was the case with Levi. And even as Levi’s eyes helplessly traced the beloved contours of the beautiful man, he seethed inwardly with jealousy, anger, and a very deep need he would have to find some way to control.

_Shit!_ Levi thought, as Erwin’s eyes snared his, and then refused to let go. This hadn’t been part of the plan. He was supposed to have made his escape before anyone could realize so that he could get far enough away that no one would come for him. He’d been planning on heading toward the inner city within Wall Sina. He detested the place with its stuffy council members, and veritable flood of pompous military brigade members, but he knew it would be the best choice to effectively avoid Erwin. While he was there he could find some sort of work, even if it was only manual labor. He wouldn’t stoop to his old kind of thievery. It wasn’t his safety or reputation he cared about—he just couldn’t do that to Erwin. He couldn’t tarnish a reputation Erwin had risked so much for. It would reflect badly on the man.

But right now, as Levi looked at Erwin, he almost wanted to do something that would endanger the man, because he was _so damn infuriating_.

_Two more minutes. If he’d been gone for two more damn blasted minutes I would have been out of here, and free of his stupid face._

He couldn’t help thinking that Erwin’s timing was nothing short of a giant collaboration of the universe to give him the ultimate “fuck you.” If there was a god, then Levi knew the guy was rolling around laughing his ass off at him.

Naturally Levi’s surprise and fury left him tongue tied, and it was Erwin who spoke first.

“Of course it’s in the couple of minutes I leave that you decide to wake up,” the commander said with a tired smile. He was holding a steaming mug, and Levi, being a tea connoisseur of sorts was able to recognize that it was his favorite brew of black tea.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin continued, not taking a step to move either closer or further away. His eyes were still stuck on Levi as if glued there, and the short captain wondered just how much of that look he could endure before the intense gaze set his shirt on fire.

His shirt…

Levi felt color flood his face as he realized that Erwin had caught him putting on the too large shirt--and nothing else. A few weeks ago this wouldn’t have bothered him, but a few weeks ago everything had been different. And now Levi felt his near nakedness like a physical burn. All his exposed bits of skin felt like they would spontaneously combust under that gaze.

“I’m fine,” Levi grunted, hastily moving to slip the last few buttons closed, fumbling at nearly every attempt.

“You can stay and rest if you want. I can take care of whatever responsibilities you might have on the agenda for--”

“I said I was fine!” Levi snapped, ripping his face away and tearing his eyes around the room in search of...something. He couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing, or what he was searching for. And he could still feel Erwin’s eyes like hooks in his skin, and it was distracting as hell, and--

“Levi.”

The difference in Erwin’s tone for that one word was sharp enough to make Levi draw in a quick breath. But he wasn’t going to look at Erwin. He couldn’t. Because if he did then he would lose his resolve and he wouldn’t be able to leave. And he had to leave. He had to. If he didn’t…

“Levi, look at me.”

Nope. No way. Wasn’t gonna happen. Levi forcibly made himself focus, and he snapped his attention back to the closet. None of Erwin’s pants would fit him. There was nearly a full foot that separated them height wise. But that didn’t matter. He would just have to make due by rolling up the cuffs several thousand times.

“Levi, where are you going?” Erwin asked, voice still in that problematic tone.

It was problematic because it was making Levi’s hands shake so much he still couldn’t do up that last damn button even as he forced himself to move toward the closet. Erwin’s voice was smooth and low, and so damn important to Levi that he wanted to scream from it. Levi paused at the closet doors, and grabbed the small knobs tight enough to leave deep grooves in his palms. He mentally scrambled to find a response, his mind vacillating between making something up and telling Erwin the real story.

He settled on the truth.

“Away,” he muttered, barely loud enough for the blonde to hear him, “I have to get away.”

There was a small silence that seemed to say a hell of a lot of things to him--things he didn’t want to hear--but then Erwin made it worse.

“Why?”

_Fuck you_ Levi thought, his forehead knotting up so tightly that for once he actually looked his age _I don’t owe you any explanations. I’m not giving you a fucking thing._

“Because I can’t fucking be around you anymore.”

Well there went that idea… Levi mentally slammed his head against a wall. Apparently his resolve when it came to Erwin was absolutely nil.

Another pause, even smaller this time, but far more unbearable. Levi’s jaw was beginning to ache from how tightly he was clenching it.

“Why?”

That word again. A stupidly simple word that had too many answers he couldn’t give the man.

Levi said nothing.

“Why, Levi?” Louder, more insistent, but still soft enough to rip gashes through Levi’s innards, and now he was more dangerously close to breaking than he’d ever been.

But no. _Don’t you dare. You’ll ruin everything. Just leave. Just pick yourself up and leave._

He wanted to. He really wanted to turn around and march himself out of the room, past Erwin, and passed everything he cared about, because a small naive part of himself still thought that he’d be able to just to walk away from it all and leave his heart there where it could no longer hurt him. But the rest of him must have known the reality, because when he tried to remove his hands from the knobs, he felt like they’d fused there, and they wouldn’t move no matter how much he inwardly swore at them.

_Move. Stop this fucking sappy nonsense and move. I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want later, you stupid body. Hell you can even fucking cry afterward for all I care, just move now before you ruin absolutely everything._

But his body wouldn’t listen to reason. It didn’t seem capable of listening to anything but the beautiful man’s voice behind him.

“Tell me, Levi.”

The persuasion of the man’s words was far more powerful than it had any right to be, and it would have pissed Levi off if he hadn’t been gripped by sudden fear.

Because now he was afraid. He was very, very afraid that he wouldn’t be able to do this. Because he was thinking about how much of his happiness in this world had been Erwin-induced, and without him all he could see in front of him was misery.

He had nothing to look forward to. No more boring budget meetings with Erwin nudging him in the side to keep him awake. No more old man maneuver gear races. No more watching Erwin struggle to keep his smile off his face whenever Levi mouthed off to the other superior offices.

_Oh god. His smile. What the fuck am I going to do without that stupid old man’s sappy faces?_ It was a problem. It was a ginormous fucking problem because he suddenly felt like he hadn’t gotten enough of those smiles to last him the rest of his lifetime, and he wasn’t going to make it. He needed another smile. If he just got one, a real one, right now, he’d be okay. He’d be able to take that smile and etch it as deeply as he could into his brain--burn it there permanently.

Levi, who couldn’t move his body forward, still managed to twist his head around to look at the man in hopes that he would see one, but Erwin wasn’t smiling. Not even close. His eyebrows (those ridiculously gorgeous creatures) were furrowed so tightly that they almost appeared to be one, and he was boring his eyes into Levi’s, and, had those eyes gotten even bluer since he’d last seen them? Because they were unfairly blue now. A blue that would have gone so incredibly well with his uniform jacket--had he been wearing it. But sometime between when Levi had gone unconscious last night, and now, Erwin had lost the jacket, and had on only his devastatingly fitted uniform pants, and a crumpled white button down. Levi had never been a fan of crumpled attire. Wrinkles were possibly his worst nemesis after dirt itself. But the short captain also had to admit that Erwin looked very, very good in those creases. Levi had never seen the man walking about in such relaxed dress. His shirt sleeves were rolled up past the elbows and that revealed heart attack inducing forearms that immediately caused Levi to wonder how those arms would look, let’s say, pushing him down onto a mattress and fucking him senseless. But no, he needed to banish that dangerous mental image immediately because he needed clear thought. But how could he possibly have clear thoughts when Erwin had pulled his bolo tie loose and popped open the first two buttons of his shirt? Levi could feel his breath quickening at the sight. He was starting to sound like some asthmatic marathon racer, but he didn’t care, because those collar bones were so inherently perfect that he needed-- _needed_ \--to taste them right the fuck now, and if he didn’t, his liver would probably explode. But he didn’t care about that now either. Nothing mattered. Nothing in the world mattered aside from that man with his collarbones and his forearms, and his motherfucking eyebrows.

Things like the words of spoken language were probably at the very bottom of Levi’s list of priorities right now, so he said nothing, feeling his mouth drop open as his heart thundered like the stampede of horses’ hooves in pursuit of a Titan. But Erwin, damn him, did not share the same problem. He chose to reiterate his last words.

“Tell me, _Levi_.”

It was immediately obvious to Levi that he would have to ban Erwin from saying his name like that ever again. It was obscene. It was horrific.

It was all Levi wanted in the entire fucking world. His heart jumped into his throat and stayed there. At least that’s what it felt like. What else would explain the ginormous lump that felt like it was choking him? His face was burning, and that was bad, because it meant that Levi had lost control of his facial expressions, and that meant that Erwin would be able to see every thought on his face. He attempted to school his features, but he only felt himself grow more flustered, and now his ears were burning as well.

Something about either his silence or his burning face must have sparked something in Erwin, because the man finally chose to unwind himself from the doorway, like a leopard preparing to stalk its prey.

“I think I know why, Levi.”

_No. No he can’t know_. Levi’s mind stuttered with panic. _It’s impossible. I said nothing. I was horrific to him. There’s no way he knows. I’m safe. I’m—_

“I didn’t for the longest time,” Erwin continued, taking two languid steps into the room and setting the steaming mug down on the night stand, “I was confused as hell. I had no idea what had happened to make you change your behavior towards me. And you have no idea how much anxiety that caused me.”

Erwin withdrew his hand from the mug and swiveled slowly to face Levi. “I thought I’d hurt you. I thought I’d done or said something horrific. That was what your actions told me. And Levi, it killed me to know that I’d done something like that to you, but what killed me even more was the fact that I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it could have been. It seemed impossible to me that I could have hurt you. Because there isn’t a single negative thing I could have said to you—no matter how much I was provoked. Not because I’m some sort of saint, but because I can’t think of you that way Levi. I try to keep my head straight, try to see you as the others see you, try and keep the kind of objective distance that’s expected of me. But I can’t. I’ve been failing more and more everyday despite the ways you rebuff me.”

_What the hell is he talking about? He couldn’t think of me what way?_ Levi knew he wasn’t in his optimal mental condition, but he felt like Erwin’s words should have come out a little less like gibberish to him.

“I was resolved to try and fix it somehow. Whatever hurt it was, I would overcome it through exemplary behavior. It occurred to me that I might have breached boundaries between us that I shouldn’t have, and so I tried to do my best to set those boundaries straight again. But it wasn’t working. I found myself wanting to break those boundaries again and again and I feared that I wouldn’t have what it took within me to control myself for my own sake.”

_Boundaries? What the hell? What boundaries?_ At that moment, Levi couldn’t help but think that Erwin sounded vaguer than those budget contracts those damn councilmen made them read endlessly.

“But then you went over the wall, and Levi, I still want to fucking kill you for that. You don’t know what you did to me that day. You don’t—“ Erwin forced himself to take a deep breath, and raked both his hands through his hair—hair that was so sexily mussed Levi was pretty sure the wet patch on his shirt was a drool spot. “After you came back I…I knew that even though you were safe, you could have just as easily been killed, and it would have been all my fault, because I had somehow driven you to that action even though I had not a single damn clue what it had been. But it seemed that it was my presence that was hurting you. But I couldn’t pull back from you—not completely. You meant too much to me for that, Levi. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to treat you as any other fellow soldier. So I did something that I knew would make me appear less threatening. I tied myself down to somebody else. And yes, I know, that sounds creepy, but it was meant to reestablish the boundaries. I couldn’t afford to push you to extreme measures again. I had to do _something_. And before you chew me out for being an idiot, I did pick Cordelia because of the positive outcomes that it would have for our legion. It seemed like a brilliant strategy to battle our budget restraints and the constant threats we face to be shut down. I thought I was doing well by you. I thought that would appease you a little. I was hoping you would relax, and whatever hurt I had done you would be soothed somewhat.”

Erwin let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “Boy, was I wrong.”

Levi’s mind was quickly and effectively shutting down. He couldn’t handle the thought that the whole marriage-Cordelia thing had been even more explicitly his fault than he had thought before. That was too much horror one man alone should have been expected to handle all by his lonesome. He needed some time to process all this. All these words were gushing out of Erwin, and Levi needed time to gather them all. But he wasn’t being given time. He just kept getting assaulted by them.

“Looking back now I realize I’ve handled this entire situation like a total moron. I caused so much unnecessary hurt. I just wish I’d somehow managed to talk to you sooner. But you wouldn’t give me that, Levi. Every time I tried to have a conversation with you, you rebuffed me and ran away. I’m not blaming you for this—I know it’s my fault—but you did make it extraordinarily difficult. Because you gave me nothing. _Nothing,_ Levi. I’ve spent so many sleepless nights worrying over the nothing you’ve given me.”

Erwin’s tone was changing, cracking with a vein of hurt. And that distracted Levi immensely. He’d put the hurt in there. He always did, and he knew it would keep happening until he forced himself to leave. Erwin’s words drew him in, his brain reached out to grab every one of them, but he knew he had to push forward and leave Erwin—leave all those tantalizing words. But then, as if sensing his intentions, Erwin took a step toward him.

“Don’t leave, Levi.”

Levi balled his hands into fists by his sides, “I have to.” The words came out bizarre sounding to his own ears. Stretched out and thin like it had been dragged in the dirt.

“Why?”

Levi’s mind immediately put forth a volley of responses—any of which could do.

_Because you have a fucking fiancé. Because I can’t stand to be around you without wanting to tackle you to the ground. Because when I’m supposed to be focusing on those recruits sometimes all I can think about is what your lips would taste like. Because your smile does terribly irrevocable things to my heart. Because I vibrate like a goddamn puppy at the thought of seeing you every morning, and I can’t stand being the only one like that. Because I love you way too fucking much to see you with anyone else but me._

But he chose none of them. He remained silent. Because every one of those responses would have ruined the plan. But Erwin, apparently, didn’t give a flying hoot about the plan (even though it was done for his sake) and, lacking an answer, he merely changed to an even more dangerous attack route.

“What did I tell you that night, Levi?”

Levi had been through many nights in his life time, but he was under no delusions as to which one Erwin was referring to. And the question terrified him. It was too bare, too inescapable. Usually he appreciated the blunt truth, but right now he couldn’t--because even now, after all the time he’d given himself, he still couldn’t be sure of the veracity of the answer. The words Erwin had told him...Levi doubted he’d ever be able to speak them louder than a whisper. The words had tortured him, even though he was convinced they had just been drunken ramblings. But now Erwin was dragging the subject under the harsh light of day. And he was sober, and he was serious, and so now Levi was terrified. Because rejection now would be real. He’d never be able to pretend it never happened. His heart was now a thundering wreck, as if it knew it was about to be destroyed--as if it was trying to get as many beats as it could in before it was shattered.

The urge to run was so powerful that Levi found himself digging his nails into his palms until he broke the skin, and tiny wounds shaped like crescents leaked blood that seemed so much redder than it normally did because his skin had paled so significantly at that moment. But he couldn’t run, because Erwin had just taken a second step closer, and he seemed even bigger to Levi then. Big enough to become his whole world. And he could see no way around him because no way existed for him. Levi’s life had wound itself so tightly around Erwin’s that it was almost as if they had become one entity. Levi hadn’t realized it had been happening either, so he hadn’t been able to prepare himself for it. Somehow his love for Erwin had crept up on him, and now he had to figure out how the hell he was going to deal with that.

“Levi…” Erwin’s voice, when he spoke now, was raised, had more power, and Levi knew it was coming. Knew what Erwin would say just from looking at the man’s eyes alone, but he was powerless to stop the words.

Erwin speared him with eyes that burned with sureness and truth and then he said the words that Levi had both been hoping for and dreading since that fateful night that now felt like so long ago.

“Levi, did I tell you that I love you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I end the chapter right there, you say? Simple. Because I am the most evil writer to have ever graced the planet.  
> but evilness notwithstanding, I'm sorry it took a while to get that chapter up. I won't do that to you again. I want to give you the rest of the fic quickly so i can move onto other things (you have no idea how many fic ideas I have jumbling around inside of my brain)  
> thanks for your helpful encouragement and pushing guys, i doubt this fic would have happened as quickly without it. As always, i love you all even if it doesn't seem that way from the amount I torture you.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut, and lots of it. You've been warned. Turn away now if that isn't to your liking.

Chapter 12:

Levi stared at Erwin rather more aghast than he would have been had the man suddenly sprouted an extra head and begun shooting fire from his nipples.

He wished that Erwin had asked him something else—anything else, really. Because Levi knew he would have to answer the truth. The most important aspect of their relationship had always been their trust in one another, and because of that Levi wouldn’t be able to lie. Not about this. Not about something so important.

“Yes.” His voice was a bit hoarse as he said it, but it was relatively steady, and because of that he was proud. He deserved an award for that, he thought, not that anyone was handing out any prizes—Erwin certainly wasn’t. The man’s eyes widened, and, if Levi was seeing correctly, Erwin’s breath caught a bit as well. But he didn’t break eye contact with Levi, and he didn’t run from the news. In fact, after a steeling breath, he took another step toward the short captain. And, as if that wasn’t galling enough, the man also had the audacity to ram Levi with yet another question.

“And my relationship with Cordelia bothers you?”

_Fucking damn it!_ Levi internally screamed. None of his training had prepared him for an interrogation of this sort. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want Erwin to pity him. He didn’t want Erwin sending him awkward looks whenever Levi caught the man and his fiancé together. He didn’t want any of it. And yet…he found himself spewing the stupid truth regardless.

“Yes.”

Levi had meant to snap the word out in an angry bite, but instead it came out as more of a reluctant whisper. He knew that wouldn’t help the situation at hand. He knew it. And he couldn’t stand to see everything go to shit around him. So he looked down, his hands still clenched into tight painful fists. He felt the red wetness coating the inside of his palms that smelled faintly of copper, and he tried to focus on that instead of the situation at hand. But he couldn’t, because at that moment Erwin took the last step that separated them, and then he was there, right there in Levi’s space. And now Levi’s senses were full of him. The man smelled incredible. Levi wanted to cry out from it. He’d missed it so much, and he hadn’t thought he’d ever have it again. But that wasn’t all, because now Erwin was so close that Levi could feel the air between them move. So close that Levi found it difficult to breathe even though his heart pounded enough to keep a much larger man than he supplied with oxygen.

And it was under those extremely difficult circumstances that Erwin delivered the final blow—and as to be expected, it was in the form of a question.

“Levi…”

That voice. Levi would die a thousand times over for that stupid terrible voice.

“Levi, are you in love with me?”

Levi stopped breathing, and then he went white as a corpse. It was the stupidest most telling reaction on the planet. But he couldn’t have helped it. No amount of practice at hiding his expressions would have allowed him to control his features at that moment.

He stopped moving, blinking, and clenching his fists.  In fact, he stopped everything except the raging hammering of his heart. That was still going strong, and with each beat it pounded out the truth that Levi couldn’t answer—wouldn’t answer. Because that answer would be everything. And he couldn’t afford to have his everything mean nothing to Erwin. He had to prevent that from happening at all costs. Because then his heart would stop with the rest of everything, and then nothing would have a point.

He had to be strong. He had to deny it somehow even though doing so would wreck a hole in him so big he’d never be able to repair it.

He had to.

But then Erwin did the intolerable.

He reached out and touched Levi’s face.

And just like that, every single one of Levi’s inhibitions exploded away into nothing. Because Erwin’s fingers, as they gently drew Levi’s chin up, were so warm and so perfect that Levi could feel no regret or premonitions. And so the truth—and it was the most empirical of truths to him—raced up his throat and exploded out of his mouth.

“Yes! Fuck yes! Fucking fuck, YES FUCK—

Levi’s words turned up sharply into a moan as Erwin’s fingers curled tightly around his face while the other hand grabbed tight hold of his wrist and yanked Levi in a sharp sudden motion that tugged him through the last few inches separating them, and straight into his chest.

“Levi…”

Erwin’s rasp hurt Levi, it made something bright and hot flair up in his chest that burned every irrelevant thought that wasn’t directly related to the man holding him—grabbing him. Because Erwin’s hands were vicelike now. The hand that was gripping his face slid back to clench tightly at his hair, and the gesture would have seemed like one of anger had Levi not been staring right up into the man’s face. A face that held everything but anger. It held shock and need and craziness and love and so many other things that Levi couldn’t process right now, because his confession had broken something free inside him, and now he didn’t care about any barriers. He didn’t care about political power, or social issues, or anything aside from his one clear goal which was to taste Erwin right the fuck now.

Levi lunged forward, trying desperately to close the last few inches that separated their faces. Had he been a starving man on his last day he wouldn’t have wanted to taste anything more than the lips right above his. But Erwin stopped him, the tight hold on his hair keeping Levi back. Keeping him mere millimeters away from what he needed most.

“Levi, you—“

“No. Now. Need it now. Need it right the fuck now.”

His breath was huffing out raggedly across Erwin’s face, and he felt the blonde returning the favor. Erwin’s pupils were blown out, lust seizing him so strongly that his whole body shook against Levi’s. Levi knew it was lust, had to be lust, because his own body was vibrating in exactly the same way, and he’d never felt desire this strong—hadn’t even known it existed. Hadn’t known that it was possible for one body to store so much need while remaining conscious.

“Wait, I want you to be sure. I need you to—“

Levi refused to blame himself for what happened next. Erwin had taken a man with absolutely zero patience and attempted to reason with him. He should have expected what came next. It was totally predictable. And Levi didn’t care.

With an animal ferocity, he yanked Erwin down by his shirt, no doubt giving it even more wrinkles than it already had, and growled with pure base instinct. But the sound was only half formed, because he’d already erased the last remaining space between them and slammed his mouth against that forever lusted after man’s lips with enough force to knock them both backward. But Erwin wasn’t waylaid long, in fact, his unbalance didn’t even last long enough for Levi to move his mouth. Erwin, words and restraint completely forgotten, seized hold of Levi’s face with both his hands and kissed him with the sort of ferocious intent that only came to the starved. Those hands were iron clamps on his face, holding Levi there, preventing him from leaving. But Levi had no desire to leave. He had already, in that single moment, decided that he wouldn’t leave those glorious lips until he died. He hissed loudly and furiously into the man’s mouth as he slid his mouth open and kissed Erwin deeper, forcing their lips to move and giving Erwin all the invitation he needed.

The commander didn’t waste a second. He tugged his hands out of Levi’s hair, and the short captain moaned at the separation, but it didn’t last long. Erwin’s hands grabbed his back tightly, digging his fingers into the flesh there beneath the shirt, but then he was sliding his hands over onto Levi’s shoulders, and then down his arms until both hands held his wrists.

The hands burned where they touched, but nothing could have been hotter than Erwin’s mouth, because that was like scorching metal, white hot against him. Erwin’s lips were furious, punishing, and Levi needed it—needed it even stronger, in fact, because he couldn’t hold tight enough, couldn’t kiss him hard or deeply enough. Levi’s teeth dragged across Erwin’s lips, scraping and bruising them and tearing at layers of thin delicate skin. He didn’t want to hurt Erwin, but not kissing him would have hurt them both more, and so Levi didn’t stop, even as Erwin shoved him back until his back rammed into the closet door. Levi roared his approval as his wrists were slammed over his head in a similar fashion, and his head shoved back from the force of Erwin’s mouth. Because Erwin wasn’t any gentler than him. The man’s tongue thrust itself deep into Levi’s mouth, and that was the greatest miracle he’d ever experienced because it was so damn wet and hot with their lips and breathe and spit intermingling. It should have grossed him out. There were germs and cooties and who the fuck knew what else, but none of it was dirty. It was fantastic. It was beyond fantastic. It was stupidly beyond the limits of Levi’s vocabulary and Levi didn’t give a shit about describing it because he was in ecstasy. There was nothing else that mattered now but the wall of muscle and need pushing against his body. His own tongue pushed into Erwin’s mouth, and he moaned at the newness and perfection of that orifice. He, of course, set to memorizing it at once, but there was too much to remember, too much that he was feeling right now, and Levi was drowning in it, and it was so hard to move in any kind of coordinated fashion because every part of him was burning, making everything hard to distinguish. He couldn’t tell where his body ended and Erwin’s began. But that didn’t matter, because who needed separation? Definitely not Levi. He bucked his hips up in an attempt to meet Erwin’s, because of course the moment Erwin had snagged his face and kissed him back, Levi had become harder than the exam given to the chief engineers after rigorous years of training. But his desperation was making him clumsy, and his aim was shot. Erwin wasn’t making things easier of course because he had Levi’s wrists in a hold so tight Levi was pretty sure his heart had given up trying to get blood to circulate to his hands. But someone could amputate them both for all he cared, just as long as no one took away this man’s lips from him for the next eternity.

Though Levi did want his hands. He wanted to use them to yank at Erwin’s body, to grab the man’s hips and tug them down on his own. Erwin was too tall. None of the right parts lined up, and Levi had never regretted his height more, because he wanted so damn much. But Erwin was pressing up against him now, and, feeling something hot, hard, and ginormous against his torso, Levi’s breath stuttered out in a series of peppered gasps. Because he’d been so overcome with how much he wanted Erwin that he hadn’t stopped to think about whether Erwin wanted him as well. He hadn’t wondered why Erwin had kissed him, or why he’d shoved him up against the closet. He hadn’t thought at all. But now this throbbing poker against his stomach forced him to think, because despite it’s currently clothed status, it was still the hottest damn thing Levi had ever experienced, and it tore a narrow rent in desperate need in order to get one question across---why the hell was this happening?

It was such a shocking thought that Levi’s hands shoved against Erwin’s chest before he could realize what a mistake that was. The air that rushed between them then in place of Erwin’s pulsing heat caused a veritable flood of regret to drown Levi, but with a slick pop, Levi’s lips came free from Erwin’s, and before he could remind himself of how bad of an opportunity he was wasting, he was speaking, or rather, yelling.

“Wait! Cordelia! What about—“

“Taken care of,” Erwin growled, grabbing both of Levi’s wrists in just one of his huge hands, and using the other to grab Levi’s hips and yank him up a good foot and a half before shoving his thigh up between Levi’s legs and holding him up in that elevated position. Levi gasped, his mouth falling open at the new rush of heart stopping feeling that accompanied the pressure Erwin’s granite thigh was pushing against his crotch. Erwin took advantage of that opening, and bent over with a hiss to reclaim Levi’s mouth once more. But despite the ginormous fucking level of distraction that provided him, Levi used the last of his self-restraint to keep his hands on Erwin’s huge and heaving chest, managing to barely hold those few inches between them.

“No! Explain. What about the marriage, and saving the corps—“

Erwin’s groan was so deep and tortured that Levi nearly gave in to allow Erwin whatever the hell he wanted. But he had waited too long for an explanation, and he would have it, no matter what kind of sounds the commander made. “Please Levi, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for—“

“Don’t you fucking dare start with that. Waited so long my stupid virgin ass—I saw how desperately you were waiting for me when you fucking kissed that man-stealing, council grubbing little—“

“Oh fuck Levi, you’re still a virgin?” Erwin crooned torturously, “You mean I might be the first too—“

“Get your fucking head out of the gutter for one second, you piece of shit, and answer me!” Levi thundered, though the red on his face wasn’t entirely due to anger. The thought of Erwin taking him, being the first and only to ever lay waste to his body—to allow the man to spread him wide and plunder him until—

Erwin sucked in a breath through clenched teeth and drew his head back as if the motion took him more effort than he’d ever expended. “Come on Levi, of course I didn’t want to kiss her, and if I’d known you would have objected, I’d never have done it in the first place. It was just a publicity thing. It was her suggestion. She wanted our union to look a little more…real. Or at least a little bit less than a dreadful political cover up between two gay as hell adults who would rather pull out their own teeth with a rusty pair of pliers than do anything remotely intimate with each other.”

_Wait. Hold the frickety frack up. Gay? Erwin was gay? Okay maybe that one’s not such a surprise at the moment, but Cordelia…Cordelia’s gay too?_ More than confusion, Levi felt a frightful annoyance at not having been informed of these facts at the dawn of time. He couldn’t understand how this had been hidden from him, or why. He wasn’t _that_ bad of a person. Sure he’d destroyed several people’s egos entirely, and hopelessly offended multitudes of others, but surely he didn’t deserve the level of anguish he’d experienced from not knowing this small yet huge fact.

“But you…getting married…”

“Nope. Not anymore. Can I get back to kissing you now? because I’m not going to pretend otherwise, Levi, you’re the best fucking thing I’ve ever tasted, and if I don’t get more now I’m afraid I won’t be able to—“

“WHAT? Wait, no, stop looking so hot for a minute and tell me _exactly_ what happened, because I’m confused as hell and—“

“Can’t you wait just a little bit longer? I want to grope you a little.”

“Erwin!”

“Okay, a lot. I’m a damn sinful liar.”

“Erwin Motherfucking Smith!”

Erwin threw his head back and groaned like he’d just suffered a mortal stab wound, “God! Fine!”

He let his head fall back down, closing his eyes as his forehead came down atop of Levi’s, and let out a labored exhale. Levi just hoped his stupid hammering heart would keep the volume down for the duration of the explanation, because even though his whole body was screaming at him to tackle Erwin to the ground and hump the living crap out of him, his mind needed Erwin’s words even more.

“Like I said, I was never interested in her, it was all a political arrangement. And I did mean to go through with it Levi—for you. I wanted to save the Survey Corps for you. Because I knew you trusted me to do it, and I couldn’t let you down, but Levi…after last night. God you were so fucking amazing my heart was ready to give out, and when I was carrying you up to bed, and holding you, and looking into your damn beautiful eyes, I knew I’d never be able to go through with it. Because I was way too fucking in love with you to ever give myself over to someone else, no matter how fake it would be. And even though logically I knew I had less than a millionth of a chance with you, I couldn’t give that chance up no matter how small it was by being with someone else. Because it has to be you, Levi. It’s always had to be you. Ever since I first chased your snotty punk ass all over the underground that very first time I saw you. The way you’d looked at me then—like you would _never_ fall for any of my shit. And the challenge in your eyes, the level of disdain…At that first moment I knew I would be spending the rest of my life to earn your respect. Because you were the first one to see me for what I really was, and the first one not to be all that impressed by it. I was just a man to you—a man who needed to prove himself. And I tried so hard to do so Levi. I tried a hundred times harder after you joined the Survey Corps. And then when you began to fight beside me…I’d never felt that level of instinctive connection with anyone before. I didn’t have to work at falling for you, Levi. My heart sought yours on its own. It recognized something in you, and wanted it. It was something that couldn’t be concealed by anything else. Yes, not even by your scathing commentary or your endless poop jokes. And I loved it—I loved you, and it was stronger than anything else I’d ever felt. Stronger than any old man had a right to feel. Stronger than was decent for someone who needed to think only of the progress of humanity. I’ve made selfish decisions based on that love, but despite that, my love for you has made me a better man. Because as sick as this position makes me at times, and as appalled as I am at myself for all the countless deaths and suffering my actions have wrought, I still plodded on with you at the forefront of my mind. Because I was going to take steps toward a light for humanity, and I was going to do it with you.”

Erwin took deep desperate pulls of breath in through his nose after the words spilled out of him. Levi, who was shocked into a daze because of the unbelievable words, couldn’t even feel how Erwin’s hands now dug into his shoulders. He didn’t even realize he now had his hands free. He could only stare up at the man’s face—so familiar and so much _his_ that he knew he had to touch it—had to hold it close.

He reached up and pushed his fingers against the man’s cheeks, and at the light touch, Erwin’s eyes opened, shocking Levi with wet blueness.

_He’s about to cry_. The thought seemed like an impossible one to him. _But Erwin has never cried._

“Erwin…” he whispered, the man’s words and eyes having stolen all his anger.

Erwin’s mouth softened into the gentlest of smiles. He lifted his forehead off of Levi’s, but reached up to hold Levi’s hands to his face, “don’t look at me like that. I _am_ entitled to human emotions, contrary to popular belief.”

The words jolted Levi, not because he doubted them, but because they brought him instantly back to last night.

Oh god last night… The things he’d said to the man. The way he’d treated him…

“Erwin, I—“

The blonde dropped one of his hands and covered Levi’s mouth lightly. “Let me finish,” he pleaded.

Levi jerked his head beneath the man’s hand in a nod of assent. He was vibrating again—with impatience this time. He needed to tell Erwin things too. He needed to beg the man for forgiveness, and he also needed to warn him that if any of his words had been in jest, then he really was going to kill him, because the words Erwin had just spoken were the ones Levi had been breaking to hear, and he still couldn’t fully process them, or believe that this all wasn’t some sort of dream. But then Erwin was speaking again, and Levi had to pay attention, even though it was so hard, because the man was so beautiful, and his thigh was still pressed to Levi’s crotch, and the man’s confession had caused the fire in his chest to roar to life in a stunning blaze.

“After you fell asleep, I watched you for a while. Creepy, I know, but I’m nothing but an old pervert after all. And you were so beautiful, Levi. I couldn’t stand being tied down to anyone else anymore. It made me sick. I wanted to scream from it. So then I got up, forcing myself to leave you, and went to Cordelia and called it all off. She understood. In fact, she was pretty relieved. She’d been willing to go through with it because she understands the importance of our legion, but she said, and I quote, ‘man parts give me the willies.’ So it’s done. I ended it. I’m yours if you want me. I swear I’ll be yours for as long as you want, if you’ll have me, of course, which I shouldn’t assume after all the crap I’ve put you through, but—“

As determined as Erwin appeared to be at that moment, Levi doubted he would have been able to continue his little speech, even had he been trying as hard as he could. Which he wasn’t. Because when Levi snapped and lunged forward once more to capture the man’s addictive set of lips, the only thing Erwin seemed to be interested in was devouring Levi whole.

“Such. An idiot,” Levi growled between vicious kisses. His hands had finally found Erwin’s hair, and the way he was tugging at it made his enthusiasm for the golden stuff very clear.

“I’m not. The only. One.” Erwin grunted, just as preoccupied with Levi’s mouth as the short captain was with his. But it wasn’t just the commander’s mouth or hands that were busy. Erwin pushed up with his hips and ground down on Levi, eliciting a moan from Levi that would no doubt embarrass the man endlessly later when he had calmed down. But right now all Levi could do was push back and give as much as he took, needing to feel more of Erwin and that body he’d kept at a distance from himself for so long. How he’d resisted the man for so long, he’d never know. But now it seemed that all his efforts had been wasted. Because Erwin loved him too. Had been interested in him already for very many years. And yet he had never said anything of it to Levi. Never. Well, not until the alcohol had changed that several weeks ago. And that made him furious—almost as angry as he was horny (and that was a huge goddamn amount.)

“You should have told me, jackass,” Levi spat, when Erwin’s mouth left his more a moment in order to scrape his teeth across the man’s jaw.

“And you should have read the signs,” Erwin called back, his voice a near purr as his tongue flicked out to get a taste of Levi’s pale, slender neck.

“Signs? What signs?” To Levi’s horror the words came out as a gasp. It wasn’t his fault, he thought defensively, Erwin was doing rottenly sinful things to his neck—and just where the hell did that man think he was putting his hands?

Levi let out a throaty groan as Erwin grabbed hold of a handful of his ass, and _squeezed._

_That should be illegal. His hands should be illegal. His stupid voice should be illegal. Everything of his should be announced as Illegal and then locked away because the world will never be safe as long as he’s out in it, and OH GOD that feels so fucking good I’m going to--SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!_

“Erwin!” Levi cried, cracking his head back against the closet door, the pain of the motion not even registering because he was too damn distracted. There was no way he wouldn’t be. Erwin had his hand on a particularly sensitive piece of his anatomy after all.

Levi bucked up instinctively and hissed when Erwin rewarded him with even more friction. The larger man had slid his hand down between Levi’s legs and was rubbing along his length in a very purposeful manner. It was almost as if he was _trying_ to get Levi to lose it faster than any other of the male species had before. And he was going to succeed, Levi realized, because he was already so close to the edge. It wasn’t fair that one man could have this much power over him. it didn’t seem right that a few well-placed touches could have the captain writhing beneath him and calling out his name in short breathless moans. He wanted to kill the man for making him this way, for making him a total and utter moron when it came to the blonde commander. But he also wanted to grab hold of him in a death grip and never let go. Because, god, Erwin was so damn important and it was so stupidly clear to him and shit—Erwin was speaking to him, murmuring words that Levi couldn’t help but take in, even in his current state.

_“_ Love you Levi, love you so much, always have. So beautiful. The most precious being I’ve ever seen. I adore you. I revere you. Hell, I’d fucking worship you if I was a god fearing man. Levi. My Levi. My gorgeous treasure. My life. My everything.”

A cry that was nowhere near human escaped Levi’s mouth, and he clapped his hand over it, refusing to let out another of the same kind. Because that cry had been pure emotion. His ragged overwhelming feelings had produced it, but it was Erwin’s words that had drawn it out. He was the only one who could have ever pulled a sound like that out of him. Was the only one Levi would have allowed to hear it. Because it was so vulnerable, and telling that Levi didn’t have to say anything else. He didn’t have to say what he felt. And Erwin knew that, because despite his misunderstanding over the past few weeks, Erwin was still the most perceptive when it came to Levi’s feelings. And now he knew. And the knowledge wasn’t light or simple, or even entirely healthy. And Erwin sank down under the knowledge, letting out a low groan as he pulled Levi’s head onto his shoulder.

But no. Levi couldn’t just lose it like this. Not without a fight. Because this was a fight to him. A challenge. Because if Erwin’s words were true, and after so many years of implicit trust, Levi had no reason to doubt that they weren’t, then that meant Erwin wanted this at least half as much as Levi himself did. And if that was the case, then Erwin was definitely experiencing a mega attack of the ultimate horny variety.

Levi was used to being Humanity’s best at a lot of things. Humanity’s strongest. Humanity’s shortest. Humanity’s snarkiest. And, according to Hanji these past few weeks, Humanity’s angstiest. So it really would have been no surprise to anyone to find out that Levi also wanted to be Humanity’s most sexually satisfying, notwithstanding his total lack of experience in the area. And that meant he had to give Erwin more pleasure than the man gave him. This was pretty daunting to Levi, as he wasn’t sure greater pleasure than that was possible considering that any more pleasure would cause Levi to blow his load. However, he’d overcome a lot of great obstacles in his time and faced a lot of challenges before. Levi felt his brows furrow in both concentration and determination. He could do this. But first, he needed to get rid of the ginormous distraction in the room.

With a snarl, Levi reached down and batted away Erwin’s hand from its mission to obtain Humanity’s shortest sexual experience. The sharp smack caused Erwin to jump slightly. “Levi, what—“

Levi shoved at Erwin’s chest and let out another growl, “Get off, it’s my turn.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Erwin’s forehead crumpled as confusion and worry became the dominant emotions on his face. “Wait—did I hurt you? Show me where. I’m sorry, I’m finding it so hard to reign myself in. I’m stupidly overwhelmed right now, I—“

“God, you sound like my dead grandma, just shut up and get off me already.”

Erwin immediately began to retract his arms, but the confusion remained, and maybe it was because of his bewilderment that Levi found it almost easy to shove the man backward in an effort to push him back across the room, or maybe his strength had increased under the influence of a dramatic surge in arousal. Whatever it was, it was successful, because Levi was able to push Erwin off of him and all the way to the large bed in the center of the room. When the back of Erwin’s knees hit the edge, Levi kept pushing, causing Erwin to keel over backwards with Levi quickly following suit. The short captain landed sprawled out atop the commander, his hands clutching the man’s strong chest, pressing him down as he lifted his torso.

“Levi--”

“Shut up and let me make you feel good,” Levi said gruffly, scrambling to sit up, and straddling Erwin’s hips as he did so. But Erwin was far from compliant. Instead of laying back like a good commander, he struggled to sit up as well. Levi wouldn’t even pretend to be upset at that. Once again the gorgeous man’s chest was pressed to his, and all was right with the world. But it _did_ interfere with his plans. However, before he could voice this aloud, Erwin wrapped his hands tightly around Levi, tugged him as close as anatomically possible, and hugged him with everything he had. The hold was so full of pure clear love that Levi was left breathless from it. It was already a familiar hold. He’d felt the same emotions from Erwin last night when the man had held him, only Levi hadn’t been smart enough to put a label to those emotions then--or maybe he had just been afraid to do so. Whatever the case, he was definitely labeling them now.

“Silly Levi,” Erwin whispered, burying his head in the smaller man’s neck, “You don’t have to do anything special to make me feel good. As long as I have you like this,” and in saying so, he gave Levi an extra squeeze, “Then I will know no greater feeling in the world. You’re my happiness Levi.”

“What bullshit,” Levi grumbled, but a bright blush appeared across his cheeks regardless, and he buried his face in Erwin’s chest to hide it.

Erwin rested one large warm hand atop Levi’s head, and began to stroke his hair in a slightly out of rhythm way. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

“That’s not saying much, you know,” Levi replied grumpily, though inside his insides were thrumming with happiness, “The world we live in is pretty crappy.” Though he didn’t feel very crappy right about now. Levi realized that he would have been thrilled to just stay in that position, in the safety of Erwin’s arms, forever. However, his body had other plans. Levi felt sharp tendrils of pleasure race through him, and he realized it was because he’d unconsciously started rocking against Erwin’s hips. Seated as he was on Erwin’s lap, they were now nearly the same height. It was a _very_ good position, and they both realized it.

Erwin let out a low groan that rumbled through his chest, and Levi felt every vibration of it against his own chest. He was beginning to breathe raggedly again.

Erwin reached down and grabbed tight hold of Levi’s hips, holding them securely, and grinding them down on his own. Levi saw bright spots of light flash in his field of vision. He was pretty sure his body hadn’t been built to withstand this level of pleasure, but like usual he wasn’t going to listen to the limits his body supposedly asked of him. He wasn’t about to give up this feeling for anything.

Levi grabbed hold of Erwin’s shoulder to steady himself, and then added the strength of his own hips, rolling them as Erwin bucked up to meet him with every motion. The large commander was whispering small encouragements to him as well. “Yes, like that, god that’s perfect Levi, I--ugh--want you. Want you so bad.”

Levi would never, not for as long as he lived, admit to anyone the level of effect Erwin’s voice had on his body. He wouldn’t even admit it to himself. That’s why he seized a handful of Erwin’s hair and rammed his mouth back down on his gorgeous superior officer’s.

Erwin reacted enthusiastically, kissing Levi like all of humanity depended on it. He was an enormously talented man. He was somehow managing to have his hands on every part of Levi at once--clutching his hair, back, and hips as if he’d grown extra hands. Levi had no idea how he was doing it, and yet still wished for more. He himself was finding it very difficult to hold as much as he wanted. He was using his hands to tug at Erwin’s shirt, wanting it off. His need to experience Erwin flesh to flesh was suddenly so overwhelming he couldn’t get his hands to work, his fingers slipping on the buttons on every attempt.

His frustrated cry flooded Erwin’s mouth, causing the larger man to shudder, and kiss him even harder. Levi’s back was arching backwards with the strength of Erwin’s passion. If the man kissed him any harder, Levi’s spine was going to snap in half. Not that he cared. The safety of his body had never seemed less important to him than it did at that moment.

Erwin’s hands were getting desperate and clumsy too. “Can’t anymore,” he gasped, pushing Levi’s shirt up and plastering his burning hot palms all over the skin of Levi’s back, “Need you too much.”

“Well then what the fuck are you waiting for?” Levi snapped, his own uncontrollable want making him beyond impatient.

Erwin hissed as he slipped his fingers beneath the band of Levi’s underwear, feeling the tight perfect skin there. “You would...you would let me. Here, you would--”

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” Levi growled, grinding down on Erwin’s hips particularly viciously, “Just get the hell on with it, old man, before I die of old age.” And with that, he reached back and shoved Erwin’s hand farther down, so that now the larger man had a complete handful of Humanity’s tightest ass. And that, it seemed, proved to be his breaking point.

With a roar, Erwin lifted Levi fully off of him and threw him down onto the bed. After bouncing once, Levi scrambled to roll over, desperate to know why the hell Erwin would ever think it allowable to stop touching him for even a moment. But when he did get an eyeful of Erwin, he found his answer. He felt his eyes glaze over with lust as he watched Erwin attack his belt, yanking the leather strap from his waist with so much force that it snapped sharply through the air before Erwin flung it clear across the room, the metal buckle clanging loudly as it hit the wall.

The second it left his hand, Erwin reached down and wrenched Levi toward the edge of the bed by his ankles. “No more waiting,” he growled.

A full body shudder passed through Levi. He’d known Erwin was capable of anything. Had seen the man borderline brutal on some of their expeditions. But he’d never thought he’d see Erwin snap like this--like he’d lost total control.

Erwin reached down and effectively removed Levi’s shirt by taking hold of two handfuls, and yanking outward. There were several small pops as Buttons pinged off in every direction and a loud tearing sound as the shirt material split beneath Erwin’s fingers. With a careless motion, Erwin tossed the mangled pieces of shirt aside, and set his hands back to work, digging his fingers beneath the waistband of Levi’s underwear, and tugging the garment down to the man’s knees in one swift motion. Levi’s erection sprang free, and he groaned with relief as the confined feeling disappeared. He couldn’t spare any thought for embarrassment. It didn’t matter that Erwin was staring down at him with a predatory hunger in his eyes. It didn’t matter that he was being more closely analyzed than he’d ever been before. He didn’t even flinch as Erwin grabbed hold of his ankles once more, and spread Levi’s legs in order to grant himself a view better than he could have ever wished for. All Levi could do was shudder as the waves of fierce want crashed inside of him. He wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of this. Not his pride, not his weird clean freak issues. Nothing. He just prayed that he’d be able to remain conscious throughout the whole thing, because already he was feeling dizzy beneath Erwin’s intense stare. But he knew he’d never forgive himself if he allowed himself to miss even a moment of this. So he forced his eyes open, staring up at Erwin as his breath shuddered out of him erratically.

“I could weep from this,” Erwin told him, voice unsteady as his eyes raked over Levi’s naked form, “I will never see anything more beautiful. Not even if I live to be a thousand years old.”

“Erwin…” Levi groaned, bucking his hips, and drawing Erwin’s eyes to his glistening need, “Erwin please…”

The word slipped out of him before he could consider it, but Levi realized he didn’t care. If the supplication got Erwin to take him even a second faster than it would be well worth the embarrassment.

Erwin let out a groan, but pulled Levi a little closer--gentler this time. “I don’t...I’m afraid that if I allow myself this...that I’ll ruin it. That everything I have with you…”

Levi swung the top half of his body upward and grabbed a hold of Erwin’s face. It was an incredible feat of flexibility considering his legs were still being held up in the air, and by the way Erwin’s breath huffed out of his chest like he’d been hit by a 15 meter class Titan, it seemed that he was appreciating it rather a lot.

“Stop,” Levi said, trying to keep the breathlessness out of his voice, “Don’t do that. I’m here. We both are. And no one’s going anywhere. I’ve been such an idiot, and I know I’ve run away a few times and forcibly kept myself in the dark. But I’m not going to do that anymore. I don’t hate myself enough to keep that happiness away anymore.”

A spasm of pain that was pleasure cracked across Erwin’s face at the words. He couldn’t seem to bring himself to speak, so instead he kissed Levi, pulling the man’s bottom lip into his mouth and gently scraping his teeth across its surface.

Levi whimpered as the tenderness of the kiss increased. Erwin’s lips were achingly gentle as they eased Levi’s open, and slipped his tongue inside to meet his. Levi gripped Erwin’s face tightly as he kissed him, knowing that if he let go he might break apart. He’d been okay with the roughness. Had Erwin ripped off his remained clothes and then pushed right into Levi, he felt like he would have handled that better. He was used to pain and harshness. Could deal it out as well as receive it. But this gentleness...this gentleness would kill him.

“Erwin, I can’t…” Levi murmured against the man’s lips, “Not like this. Everything hurts this way. I…”

“I love you,” Erwin whispered, slipping his hand down from Levi’s ankle to fall to his thigh, “I want you to know it. I want you to feel it.”

But that was the problem. Levi was feeling it too strongly. He felt Erwin’s love like a giant ocean of feeling, and it was affecting him in awful ways. He could feel his eyes prickling with unshed tears-- _that’s_ how awful it all was.

He didn’t want to cry now. He wanted to enjoy this--enjoy Erwin. But he was started to think it would be unavoidable. He was feeling too much… Unless of course he did something to change that. Gave himself something else to focus on.

His hands were still trembling as he pulled them from Erwin’s face, but this time when his fingers reached for the buttons on the man’s shirt he was able to slip them open. One by one the things came free, and each time they did some more of Erwin’s beautiful skin was revealed. It was flawless, just as it always was, but this time it was affecting Levi more than it ever had.

“Old men like you aren’t supposed to be this beautiful,” he muttered, refusing to look Erwin in the eye, choosing instead to put all his focus into removing the man’s clothes.

“Old men aren’t supposed to be so damn flexible either, but I don’t see that stopping you,” Erwin countered, breathing heavier the longer he looked at the way Levi was displayed to him.

“Shut up and fuck me,” Levi commanded, using his usual delicate means of expression to get his point across, “Unless of course your advanced years prevent you from getting it up at all.”

Erwin’s smile was wicked and radiant. “Oh believe me, that issue has never been less of a problem than it is at the moment.” And in so saying, he leaned a bit closer and pressed himself against Levi’s open thigh. Levi could feel the pulsing of Erwin’s arousal even through the material of the man’s pants, and he let out a choked out moan as his hands instinctively reached for it. But Erwin stopped him, grabbing his hand and pushing it back above his head as he leaned down over Levi. The man’s arms were approximately the length of an entire calendar year, so Erwin had no problem holding Levi’s hand there while bringing his head all the way down to Levi’s waist. The man’s warm breath huffed out over Levi’s erection and it was driving the little captain absolutely off the wall bonkers.

“Erwin…” Levi warned, “You better not--”

Levi’s words cut off with a strangled cry as Erwin took him into his mouth, swallowing the length down as if he’d been doing that in all his time rather than leading the survey corps. The sheer talent of Erwin’s mouth and tongue would have made Levi weep with heavenly song had he been the singing type. Instead, he chose a method of expression he was more familiar with--witch was mainly cursing like it was an Olympic sport.

“Fucking _shit_ Erwin!” Levi cried, his hands tangling in the man’s hair in clear opposition with what his brain was telling them to do, “God fucking dammit, who the shit said you could--oh _fuck_. They said you had a silver tongue but I never thought they meant--sweet merciful fuck, Erwin, If you don’t get the fuck off of me this instant I’m going to--OH GOD YES, right there, shit, shit, shit. Where the fuck did you learn to--no, don’t you dare, where the fuck do you think you’re--fuuuuuuuuck that’s gotta be illegal. You fucking shitfaced piss for brains dickwad, I’m going to--no, god, yes, shit, fuck-- _Erwin!”_

With a slick gasp, Erwin pulled his mouth from Levi. His lips were red and swollen, and, looking at him, Levi couldn’t help feeling that the man would blind him with his beauty.

With a groan, Levi’s head flopped back onto the mattress. He was so close to the edge, and Erwin must have felt it and pulled away, and Levi wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

The insistent part of himself had wanted to grip Erwin hard, and fuck the man’s face until he exploded from it (no matter how selfish that sounded.) But the more important part of himself needed all of Erwin. Needed the man to be holding him, to be inside of him. He needed that sense of completion more than anything else right now. Erwin needed to be his. But once again it looked like Erwin was going to torture him some more. Because instead of throwing himself at Levi and attacking him with all the ferocity he’d stored up inside of himself over the years, he...walked away.

“Where the crap eating fuck do you think you’re going?” Levi shouted, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, and failing.

Erwin chuckled, deep and obscene, as he circled the bed to his nightstand and pulled open the top drawer, “Like I’d be able to leave you if I tried…”

He reached into the drawer and pulled out a small bottle of oil, already moving back to Levi’s side, leaving the drawer hanging open, forgotten.

“Don’t bother,” Levi muttered, trying to nonchalantly look at Erwin without staring too strongly at the bottle. It was so small, but it signified so much. It meant that it was going to happen--what Levi’s mind had consumed itself with for seemingly forever already. There would be no need for the small bottle otherwise. Levi found himself needing to remind himself to breath. “I’ve tried a thousand times already. It doesn’t work.”

Erwin cackled again, but this time he brought the bottle to his lips as he did so. Casually, as if he did it every day, he ripped off the cap with his teeth. Levi found himself shuddering at the inherently powerful gesture. If there was only one certain thing in this world, it was that Erwin was the hottest fucking thing ever to grace this desolated planet. “Believe me, I know,” Erwin agreed, nudging Levi toward the center of the bed, and then climbing atop to join him, “I’ve tried far many more times than that, and yet after which attempt, my body always finds yours, and then it’s more sure than ever that that’s where it belongs.”

Levi sat up and pushed Erwin’s shirt off of his shoulders (he’d managed to undo all the buttons after all) and the anticipation of the action was like opening a present--an amazing present. A naked present that had gorgeous abs and a killer smile and the smoothest voice to ever reach human comprehension.

“You’re such a sap,” Levi muttered, smoothing his hands down Erwin’s muscular arms. They were like tree trunks, except they were so smooth they’d never be mistaken as such.  If Levi weren’t so busy admiring them he would have been frothing with jealousy.

“Yes, but I’m _your_ sap,” Erwin answered, as if this was an important point. And Levi supposed it was. Especially if the hammering of his heart was anything to go by.

What Levi was tempted to say was _Damn it, I’m your sap too, I never think of dumb shit around anyone else, but somehow whenever I’m around you, flowers and sparkles seem to hover everywhere. And I think all these stupid weak thoughts. Like how much I just want to take your hand in mine, and how I want to trace over every inch of your with my fingertips, just memorizing you that way. When I’m with you dirt seems to lose its power over me and I can imagine rolling around in the mud as long as it’s with you. I want to stop running, stop searching, because I’ve found everything I want in you and everything else seems excessive. I want to spend the rest of my time in this world on just you. You’re more than enough to take up that time. There’s so much I want to say to you, so much of my life and memories I haven’t shared with anyone else. Even the things I want to forget I want to share with you just so that the picture you have of me is complete. Because I want you to see me. I want to be your whole view. I’m selfish and crude and hopelessly fail to stand out beside you, but I’ll still chase you, will still go after you, because no matter what happens, or how I change, you’ll still be all I want in this world._

And Levi did say this, just not using these words. He was very bad at using conventional methods of expression, but Erwin understood that of course. So when Levi gruffly barked out, “Hurry up and take off the rest of your clothes, dammit,” Erwin Colored as if Levi had just showered him with the deepest, most poetic love confession ever uttered.

Levi attacked the leather straps of Erwin’s uniform with a ferocity that was meant to cover up his burning cheeks. It didn’t work. Both he and Erwin were terrifically aware of the dangerously sappy thoughts in his mind, and no amount of naked Erwin flesh was going to change that. But that didn’t mean Levi wasn’t appreciative of the unwrapping of his commander. On the contrary, he couldn’t remember any time in history when he’d been more excited. So excited was he, that when he finally undid a buckle that had the rest of the straps collapsing down Erwin’s hips, he muttered the word “Jackpot!’ under his breath.

Erwin tried hard not to kill himself laughing, but he always found control difficult around Levi. And now, when his heart was full of the man, and the consequent happiness that brought him, he lost entirely to the urge.

His laugh, when it rumbled out of him was completely free from bitterness. It was whole, and Levi realized that the sound had the possibly to heal his many and varied wounds. He drew strength from the sound, knowing that he was the one who’d inspired it (no matter what the means) and used that strength to continue his important work. His goal of course was to make Erwin as naked as the day he was born.

The next victim of his attack were Erwin’s atrociously tight pants--pants that seemed to have gotten even tighter with Erwin’s arousal. And seeing that, Levi couldn’t remember a different pair of ridiculously tight pants.

“Now you can see how difficult it is,” Erwin commented, half laugh and half groan as Levi attempted to unbutton his fly, “These damn erections make everything impossible. Maybe we should have considered that before we began exclusively wearing pants to cover our nakedness.”

Though Erwin’s tone was light and playful, Levi still froze.

_Oh god_ Levi thought, stiffening with horror. Because the way Erwin was talking...as if he already knew about the difficulties Levi was presented with now.

“Last night…” Levi breathed, his fingers frozen on Erwin’s fly, “So you mean last night I was--”

“Harder than the armored titan’s skin plates?” Erwin finished, treating Levi to that wide, open smile, “Don’t even get me started on what that did to me last night. Apparently I’m a wretched, evil man because despite how vulnerable and trusting you were all I wanted to do was strip you bare and lay waste to your body. And god, you didn’t make it easy at all...I--”

“But I was plastered,” Levi whined, feeling the world’s unfairness descend onto him, “There’s no way I should’ve been able to--”

Levi’s words cut off with a gasp as Erwin reached down and grasped Levi around the base of his length. “As hard as this,” Erwin assured him, giving him a squeeze, “If not harder.”

Levi looked down at the way his erection was standing at attention. He could’ve hung the survey corps emblem from the thing because he’d yet to see something straighter or steadier for use as a flagpole.

He was harder than he’d ever been in his life. So much of his blood was currently housed in his nether regions that if someone were to cut into his wrist at that moment, Levi wasn’t even sure he would bleed. And he was expected to believe that last night, beneath Erwin’s hands when he’d been vehemently trying to push the man away…

“I wasn’t prepared for it,” Erwin murmured, more serious as he pulled along Levi’s length with long, smooth tugs, “You don’t know. When I felt it...I never felt my self-control tested more in my entire life. It was the blackest kind of torture, and yet, it was also the first time I’d ever felt hope for us. I couldn't be sure that it was my effect that had made you that way, but I did come to the conclusion that my touch would at least not wilt your arousal. And that was so much more than I could have hoped for. I was positively giddy from that knowledge alone. Might even have skipped out of here when I left. It would make sense considering some of the looks I received. Though then again it might have been my facial expression that did it, because that was downright creepy too. I was probably wearing my rape face...”

Erwin was babbling. That fact alone was enough to clear Levi of most of his embarrassment. Because, even though he wasn’t an expert in these matters, Levi was pretty sure that was the most adorable thing anyone in the army had ever done. But then he scowled because adorable Erwin was making him fall even more in love, and god knows that was the very last thing he needed right now. So obviously he needed to put a stop to that nervous babbling. But the words his mouth chose to share were probably not the best he couldn’t’ve gone for.

“Wilt my fucking arousal?” Levi spat, voice thick with disbelief, “You idiot. Don’t you know that I’ve had to deal with these damn erections all the fucking time thanks to you? It’s all your fault. I was perfectly satisfied in that department just taking care of the plumbing occasionally, but then _you_ have to come along and toss out those stupid smiles and flash those damn eyebrows at me, and suddenly this damn piece of shit is popping up like flowers in the spring forcing me to go and take care of it all the fucking time. You think I’ve been bailing on those damn meetings because I’m bored? No. I wish I could just be bored. Because I’d rather fall asleep than vibrate like an idiot every time you waltz into a meeting room with your damn tight pants and your bulging sleeves and that _look_. You know the one. Don’t pretend you haven’t been looking at me differently. _Hungrily_. So of course I’m gonna pop a boner. My damn body won’t be able to help it if all I can think of in those meetings is you lifting me up onto the table by my straps and fucking me to within the inch of my life. But taking care of this stupid dick is a fucking full time job. Because nothing helps. I’m horny all the fucking time. I’ve pictured us in every damn position imaginable--some of which I’m not even capable of--and it hasn’t done a damn thing because I’ll never be satiated, I’ll never grow bored of it--and the proof of that is that even when I’m so damn furious at you, and carrying more alcohol than blood in my veins, all it takes from you is one lousy touch and my body fucking loses it. So yeah, pardon me if I don’t empathize with your theories of my damn arousal, because apparently my issues are a lot fucking bigger than that brain of yours can imagine.”

At that moment, if Levi had so desired, he could have counted every single one of Erwin’s teeth--even the farthest molars, because Erwin’s mouth had fallen open so wide it seemed unhinged. But Levi didn’t want to count Erwin’s teeth--no matter how nice they were (because even his damn teeth were beautiful) because he had to focus on what the hell he’d just admitted to the one man he didn’t want to appear a fool in front of. He probably would have allowed himself to dissolve into a full blown panic had Erwin’s reaction not distracted him. Because it was really friggen over the top.

Erwin clapped his hand over his mouth, and then allowed the hand to fall, as if he couldn’t decide to do with himself. His eyes too were going haywire, blinking a lot more quickly than Levi was used to seeing on the man. And then finally there was the sound coming from Erwin’s mouth: a kind of stuttering choke that was a mix between having your nuts trampled by a Titan shifter, and the sound you make when you can’t open a jar. Basically, it was horrific, and it distracted Levi from his own mental anguish long enough to actually get Erwin’s fly open. With a triumphant hiss, he peeled the pants down over the commander’s booty. He’d have loved to gaze at it for a while, maybe even waxed poetic about its perfect shape, musculature, and…was it…sparkling? _No,_ he thought, giving his head a quick shake, _don’t get distracted. You’ve got a job to do, remember?_

So while Erwin was still spluttering and choking, Levi reached forward once more, and without a thought of what he was getting into, grabbed tight hold of Erwin’s waistband, like he was finally strangling Eren as he’d always wanted to, and _yanked_.

Maybe, if Erwin hadn’t completely ruined his ability to reason, Levi would have put two and two together. Maybe if he hadn’t been quite as horny as he was, he would have remembered the approximate length of the burning heat Erwin had pressed against him. Maybe if Levi hadn’t been crazed for quite this long he would have mentally prepared himself for the shock that now faced him. But he was reasonless, hornier than his body could handle, and had been pushed over the edge with his crazed need, so that when he looked down at Erwin in his complete nakedness, he was totally and utterly unprepared.

“What. The everliving _fuck._ Is this _?”_ Levi roared, staring down at the weeping, pulsing pole that the most senior members of the army had lovingly dubbed “the mighty scouting staff.”

Erwin, who had been fully occupied with his choking fit, twisted his head down to take in the snarling, and clearly enraged member of his corps. “Levi, are you—“

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” Levi shrieked, losing complete control of his voice for what had to be the first time in years.

“Levi, what is it? Was it something I—“

“How the shitting fuck did you ever expect to get this monstrous fucking salami into my ridiculously puny body you clearly delusional, hopelessly crappy, motherfucking shit excuse for the bearer of those eyebrows!”

There was only one possible reality that could have ever convinced Levi to admit to his midget status, and it was staring him shamelessly in the face.

And it was huge. Levi hadn’t even been aware that those things came in that size. He stared down at it, completely disbelieving. Not sure if he should be legitimately terrified, or in awe of it.

When he finally managed to tear his eyes from the blinding sight, he glared up at Erwin with all the anger and betrayal in the world. “I thought you said Titans didn’t have genitals!” he shouted accusingly.

Even had Erwin been in full capacity of his wits at that moment, he wouldn’t have been able to come up with a legitimate answer to that one.

“I--I mean--they don’t--so--”

“Don’t you fucking lie to me you ass for brains pumpkin fister! Were you just going to ram that foot long meat stick up into me without so much as a warning?”

“Don’t exaggerate Levi, it can’t be any more than 10 inches.”

“Fuck you!” Levi shouted, finding himself pushing backward instinctively, “That thing should come with a choking hazard label on it!”

“Levi, it’s okay--”

“No! It’s NOT! Who the fuck thought arming you with that thing was a good idea? Shit, Erwin, no wonder you’re so damn built, needing to drag that thing around all day. It’s a good thing you’re so damn tall or people would probably be stepping on it right and left--”

“Levi!” Erwin’s voice rang out through the room, cutting through Levi’s ranting that had distinctly entered the full-blown-panic arena.

Levi stopped shouting abruptly and snapped his mouth closed.

Erwin looked at the man’s unexpected complacency, and couldn’t help but crack a smile, he reached out, closing the distance that had appeared between the two of them, and rested his fingers against Levi’s cheek. “It’s okay,” he said again, though his voice was swollen with gentleness now, “We don’t have to do anything, i swear. You’re already perfect the way you are--this, what we have now, is perfect. I don’t need anymore. I don’t even want anything more if you’re not comfortable with it. I never expected that you’d give this much of your heart to me. I’ve already been blessed with so much… So don’t you worry about doing anything. I can get dressed and--”

Levi lunged forward, and snagged tight hold of Erwin’s shoulders, his old panic forgotten in the light of his new, even greater panic. “Idiot! If you dare put on any clothes now you will not leave this room alive!”

Erwin looked at Levi with craploads of confusion exploding across his face. Levi felt his heart thrum from the way Erwin’s eyebrows crumpled together. He was pretty sure he could cream his pants if he just looked at those eyebrows for long enough. Actually, he was pretty damn sure he would lose it if he looked at _any_ bit of Erwin for long enough.

“But...you said…”

“Oh my _god_ , I didn’t mean…” Levi smacked himself in the face with one small outraged hand, “Obviously this isn’t going to stop anything. The moment you told me you loved me I was going to get you to fuck me no matter what was happening, who was watching, or what you had to say about it. I’m just super fucking pissed off that apparently I’m going to have to forever exchange my ability to walk for this moment.” He let out an aggrieved sigh, “I really didn’t want to have to give Mike back his title as Humanity’s Strongest, but so be it. With dead legs there’s no way I’ll be able to effectively use the maneuver gear. Mind you, I’ll still probably be twice as good as all those useless recruits. Especially that Jaeger brat…Oh well, I suppose I’ll hang onto that thought while you’re ripping out all my internal organs with that death scythe of yours.” Levi glared up at a bewildered Erwin and stabbed him in his gorgeous chest with one accusing finger, “You better realize how damn lucky you are. I’d never cripple myself for anyone else.”

And that, it seemed, was more than Erwin could handle.

The next moment he began to shake. And, worried, Levi reached for him, thinking the man hurt or damaged in some way by his words. But then the laugh exploded out of Erwin in a giant wall of sound, and any worry or sympathy Levi might have dredged up for him was instantly transformed to fury.

“What the fuck, Erwin?” he demanded, as the man continued to shake with mirth, “After all these years have you finally lost it?”

Levi waited impatiently for a response, and then he realized that some of the sounds Erwin was making were attempts at communication, so he strained his brain in order to make sense of them.

“You...do you even...Levi who the hell ever taught you...what kind of sex have you been exposed...oh god, Levi, why would you think...shit...i can’t...it was mike, wasn’t it?... Oh god I’m going to kill him...that ass. I--oh Levi, I’m not going to...your legs, they’ll...fine. Your leg’s will be--”

Levi couldn’t be completely sure of Erwin’s entire intention with his words, but he got the gist of it, and realized he was being laughed at. And he hated being laughed at. more than he hated hearing the horse and the brat arguing at 3 am over stupid shit like who touched the others toothbrush. So he took the only self-respecting route open to him--he tackled Erwin to the bed.

“Shut up!” he growled, sliding onto the man’s lap and grabbing tight hold of the man’s base, “I’m not an idiot. I know what I want.”

Well that had an effect. The moment Levi’s fingers closed around him, Erwin’s laugh cut off in an abrupt gasp. That was more like it.

Levi slid forward a little more until they were both lined up, and then did something he’d fantasized about in his dream only last night. He stretched his fingers to their greatest capacity and wrapped them around both their lengths.

Erwin’s resulting moan robbed Levi of his breath. Or maybe it had been the feeling of that pulsing heat against his own that had done it. He wasn’t sure. Either way he had no air in his lungs to huff out Erwin’s name even though it was on his tongue. He was pretty damn overwhelmed, but he still had just the slightest bit of space in his mind to feel resentment over the fact that Erwin’s erection was very noticeably longer than his. The bastard. And it wasn’t just his length either. Erwin was huge all around. The reason Levi’s fingers were straining was because the man was thicker than Eren’s idiot skull. Just the thought of it inside him, ripping him to shreds, utterly ruining him...aaaand, Levi was drooling again.

His fantasy was interrupted when hot gorgeous heat seized him as Erwin’s much larger hand enveloped their twin lengths as well. “Levi…” he groaned, his breath huffing out of him in ragged needy spurts.

_Shit…_ Levi thought, unable to manage anything more eloquent. Because all of his brain was currently consumed with the view in front of him.

Erwin was radiant. Both his chest and cheeks were flushed with his want, and his mouth was slack with the same desire. His heaving breath was making his chest rise and fall with juddering speed and beads of sweat already glistened along the expanse of his muscles. His hair was mussed from Levi’s hands, and their tumble on the bed, and his eyes looked almost silver in this lighting with bright fragments of crystal blue. Levi couldn’t handle the man’s beauty, and it was ridiculously clear to him how out of this man’s league he was.

But if Erwin wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it, than Levi would try not to either. He had to focus on something now anyway--on making Erwin feel good. He had some ulterior motives here as well. Because it seemed that the more aroused he became, the more the man’s beauty shone. And even if he couldn’t handle any more, he was still going to look, because damn, Erwin would always be more than he could handle, so he might as well just lose himself in him.

He did realize that if he was going to focus on Erwin he would have to stop distracting himself. But he hadn’t yet found a way to do so. He let go of their lengths and then slid forward even more. Now he was sitting on Erwin’s stomach (and what a glorious stomach it was) with Erwin’s erection fitted snugly into the crack of his ass. He hadn’t planned that setup, but now he was so glad it had happened, because the sound Erwin let out then was animalistic, and glorious, and completely bereft of control.

This was it, he realized, this was an Erwin with every one of his inhibitions stripped away. This was the man in his purest most open form, and Levi had revealed it. And he was so damn proud of himself for that.

He rocked back, lifting his hips so that he could slide Erwin up and down his crack, keeping the man’s length as close and snug as possible.

And Erwin was losing it, his hips snapping up to chase Levi’s wanting more, wanting his skin, wanting his body, wanting _him_.

Levi was awed by that fact, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it. Erwin wanted him. There was no way to fake it at this point. Erwin was coming undone, his head thrown back and his jaw clenched tightly in ecstasy. He looked almost tortured. The veins in his neck were standing out and the sounds emanating from him were a mix of gasps, grunts, and moans.

Forget being proud, Levi was going to award himself with every fucking medal in existence. Erwin’s current state was easily the crowning achievement of his life. Levi only wished that he could do this better. But it was difficult, because Levi was finding it very hard to work his body in smooth even motions. Because he was losing it too. He felt Erwin’s erection burning him like a brand against his skin, but then everything was made ten times worse when Erwin wrapped his hand around Levi’s erection and began to pump it.

Now it was Levi’s turn to make the noises. Only his, he felt, were a lot more embarrassing. Erwin’s were undoubtedly hot. The man was a machine of raw power and his gasps and moans were something to be venerated. But Levi couldn’t help but think that his own noises were something to be hidden, covered up and smothered. It was weakness. Vulnerability. But even though it was all embarrassing as shit, he still let his voice out. One, because he doubted he could shut up if he tried. And two, because maybe, as long as it was only in front of Erwin, it was okay.

Levi could feel tight heat curling in his abdomen, and he knew what this signaled. It was tighter, and brighter than usual, but this was the feeling he got before he was about to climax.

And god, how he wanted that. His motions were getting jagged, and his breathing had no pattern to it whatsoever, but his mind was still able to cling to one thought: Erwin was here. This time it would be different. He actually had the man of his literal dreams here in bed with him, and that was so much better than doing this alone. This time, when his climax would come, it would be--

That thought came to a jolting stop when twin hands, like clamps, grabbed hold of his hips and jerked him to a standstill

“Wait,” Erwin gasped, “I’m gonna come.”

A jolt like lightning raced up Levi’s spine. “Me too,” he groaned, his hips straining to keep moving, to get just one more step closer, and then he’d be flying over the edge. And he needed it. Needed it more than ever because now he knew he could take Erwin over the edge with him. The thought was a ruinous one. Climaxing together with Erwin...He couldn’t think of anything better than that. There couldn’t be--

“No,” Erwin grunted, using his superior strength to lift Levi up, so that their body’s separated, and Erwin’s erection fell back down onto his stomach with a muted thump, “Want it to last. Want to be joined with you. I don’t care how. If you don’t want me inside you, then you can have me. I really don’t fucking care, I just need--”

“Of course you’re going the fuck inside of me,” Levi growled, tiny bits of his reasoning coming back now that the immediate danger of climaxing had receded when Erwin had lifted him away, “That has literally been the only thought in my head for weeks now.”

“Only weeks?” Erwin managed, despite the emotion thick in his voice. He had a devastating smile on his face that was full of far too much understanding for Levi’s comfort.

And just like that, layers and layers of deeply entrenched denial fell away and the truth--as stupid and annoying as it was--was revealed to Levi.

It hadn’t been weeks. Hadn’t been months either. They were talking a seriously heavy amount of years here. And, if Levi was taking the time to finally be honest with himself, he’d admit that he’d been intrigued by Erwin since that first day he’d seen him. So yes, if on that first day Erwin had offered his body up to Levi, the little man was not stubborn enough to insist that he would have refused him. It hadn’t been his hotness either, which Levi couldn’t help but notice right away. It was the way the man had held himself, and the way he’d looked at Levi. With that sharp interest piercing through Levi’s growling exterior to determine his possible worth. No one had ever looked at him like that. He had been used to wariness and outright disgust where he was concerned. But Erwin hadn’t been like that. Not at all. He’d pushed Levi, forcing him to show him what he was made of. And when Levi had...Erwin had made it clear that he’d liked what he’d seen.

Levi had spent years trying to pretend he didn’t notice when Erwin was watching him, because he’d known that had he focused on it, he would have gone crazy. Because he was positive that there was no way he would have been able to see the man clearly as he was, and held out for as long as he had.

So no. Not weeks. Levi had always wanted Erwin. Had felt that want instinctively, as if no matter what circumstances they were in they would have found each other and wanted each other. Were meant to want each other.

And now Levi was far too tired to fight it. Had never really wanted to fight it in the first place. He’d just been afraid. Because he hadn’t wanted to lose Erwin--still didn’t. And that’s what made it so difficult. It was so hard to move, to speak, when everything had so much weight. Had he cared less, he would have acted so much earlier. But because his love for the man ran so deeply, he stood to lose so much more. And that made the world a terrifying place to live in.

But now, for the first time, some of those fears were falling away. Because despite Erwin’s knowledge of Levi’s feelings, the man wasn’t running. He was looking at Levi as if he was something wondrous. And there was still a good amount of surprise on the beautiful man’s face, as if he couldn’t’ believe his luck. That he was amazed Levi was choosing to be there.

And because of that, Levi now found it impossible to look at the man. Because he couldn’t bear to disappoint Erwin with what he thought was the truth: that he wasn’t something wondrous. That the man was sure to realize he’d been cheated--had wasted his time on a hood rat--and an old one at that.

Erwin noticed. Of course he had. He saw and knew everything when it came to Levi, and though that was embarrassing and scary, it was also a tremendous relief, because it meant that there was one person in this world that Levi could always rely on to know his thoughts, and needs. So when Erwin’s arms wrapped tightly around Levi, the small captain let out a sharp cry and buried his face in the man’s neck, his own hands grabbing desperately to pull the other closer.

Levi knew he was being selfish, knew he didn’t deserve Erwin, but knew he would dig his small and desperate fingers into Erwin for as long as he possibly could, because he wasn’t going to give him up for anything.

“I don’t have anything to give you,” Levi muttered into Erwin’s neck, breathing in the man’s smell deeply as he did so.

“Well that’s funny,” Erwin answered, resting his cheek atop Levi’s head, “Because I was always of the opinion that you could give me everything I ever wanted in the world.”

Levi bit his lip. “Which is what? Ridiculously immaculate sheets?”

“Fuck no,” Erwin chuckled, twisting suddenly and throwing Levi down onto the mattress. The motion jarred the small captain, and tore a gasp from him. Within a second, Erwin was on top of him and leaning into his face with a distinctly wicked smile drawn across it, “Quite the opposite, in fact. I wish to soil them terribly—with your help, of course.”

Levi blinked, and then he knew he must have flushed horrifically because suddenly all the skin on his face and neck felt like it was on fire. It didn’t help that the commander was currently straddling him. Erwin let out yet another laugh. Levi noted that the man seemed to be doing that a lot in the last few minutes.

A little more of Levi became irrepressibly flustered when Erwin leaned down still farther. Levi’s erection was trapped between their stomachs, and Erwin was well aware of that fact, it seemed, going by the precise pressure he seemed to be applying to it. One of Erwin’s hands came up and pushed Levi’s hair off of his face, “Gorgeous,” the blonde whispered, lowering his head and brushing his lips across Levi’s earlobe.

That shouldn’t have turned him on as much as it did. His brain reminded him that his lobe was just a fleshy piece of cartilage. Nothing to get excited over. Certainly not to nearly lose his shit over (which he was currently in the process of doing.)

“Erwin…” Levi gasped. He had meant for it to come out as a warning, but his body seemed intent on making him sound like a blushing maiden.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want to wait either,” Erwin replied, doing the thing where he understood Levi better than he did himself.

Levi scowled, but it didn’t last long. It disappeared the moment Erwin hiked Levi’s legs over his shoulders.

“Damn, that’s a nice view,” Erwin whistled, lifting the small bottle of oil up and overturning it over one of his palms.

_Wait. Was he seriously holding onto that thing all of this time?_ Levi quickly rifled over his memories of the last few minutes, but it was hopeless. He’d been far too distracted to keep track of the little bottle. He was ready to throw something. Why did everyone he knew have a knack for pulling things seemingly out of nowhere?

Erwin poured a generous amount of the stuff onto his palm and fingers so that several drops of it ran down his forearm and dripped onto Levi’s stomach.

“If I do anything at all that makes you uncomfortable—“

“Oh god, here we go again.” Levi grumbled.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay with things, you little grump,” Erwin countered, his smile still in place (Levi doubted he’d ever be able to faze the man again, much to his disappointment.) “We can stop whenever you—“

“Just get the fuck on with it, _please_ , preferably _before_ I have grandchildren,” Levi snapped. This time his “please” was totally sarcastic, but it might as well not have been for all the difference it made to Erwin.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of that word.”

“That’s because you’re a weirdo.”

“If I do this well, could I convince you to say it again?” Erwin asked, flashing him his killer smile.

“And a pervert to boot,” Levi added, trying and failing not to be affected by the man’s knockout expression.

“Oh that I am, Levi,” Erwin agreed, lowering his slick and dripping hand to Levi’s stomach, causing the captain to shiver. “Do you want to hear about my last fantasy of you? I remember it well considering it was only a few hours ago.”

“Wait—what?” Levi demanded, tensing up beneath the man’s hand, “You were thinking of—“

“Of course I was,” Erwin interrupted, trailing his fingers down Levi’s abdomen, and leaving a wet path behind them, “You drove me to madness last night. I’ve had to go take of the, er, problem, three times since then.”

“T-three times?” Levi hadn’t meant to stutter, but the thought of Erwin thinking of him, of _jerking off_ to the thought of him, was enough to ensure that he never breathed easily again.

“You should be impressed that I limited it to that number too,” Erwin assured him, “After that fucking outfit…damn it…I thought I was going to pass out. When you showed up like that, and then waltzed off to go dancing with Nanaba I was pissed as hell, as well as horny as a damn rabbit in heat. God Levi, you don’t even know… You _wreck_ me.”

“And you wrecked my pants,” Levi reminded him. Babbling nonsense since he didn’t know how to respond to these terribly embarrassing words.

Erwin responded with his most evil looking grin yet. The scarier part was that his eyes glazed over at the memory and a hooded predatory look overtook his face. “I remember…” His voice was deeper too. It was making Levi’s heart rise back to its previously lethal levels. “Such a shame. I would have loved to see you in them again. Though I will admit, I do prefer them…off.”

Levi shuddered as Erwin traced his fingers down the inner crease of his thigh. Every inch of him felt ridiculously sensitive to the man’s touch. He’d never felt like this from anyone else’s hands before. Nowhere even close. The sensations were startling in their newness, and far too powerful to even begin resisting.

Erwin’s fingers took Levi’s shivers as encouragement, and continued to stroke the inside of his thighs, taking care to avoid touching Levi where the captain _really_ wanted him. Levi could feel his forgotten erection pulsing against his stomach. There was fluid leaking from the tip, making a tiny pool on his stomach that was mingling with some of the oil Erwin had left behind there.

Levi was trying to suck air into his lungs in an embarrassingly bad attempt to supply his brain with oxygen (it seemed that whatever he _was_ managing to get into his system was being shunted straight to his erection, leaving his brain to atrophy.) But then Erwin’s hot, wet fingers swept lightly across Levi’s entrance, and the small captain gasped aloud, his hands instinctively clutching the sheets around him in an attempt to ground himself.

“You’re quivering,” Erwin noted, shit heaps of pride evident in his voice, “And I haven’t even done anything yet.”

Levi was sorely tempted to kick Erwin in the face for that smug comment—so he did, lifting one of his legs from over Erwin’s shoulder and pushing it onto the man’s face, toes curling around one perfect cheekbone. “Less talking, more fucking. I don’t need your damn commentary,” Levi growled.

Erwin didn’t pause the motions of his fingers for a second. The index finger of his slick hand was now circling Levi’s hole. “But you like my voice,” Erwin murmured, words dripping with confidence.

And Levi knew there was no way to deny it. His body was too damn obvious in its preferences. He was practically vibrating now.

Erwin used his other hand to grab Levi’s raised foot around the ankle. But instead of pushing it away, he brought Levi’s foot down to his mouth, and then licked a long stripe across the bottom of it.

This time when Levi jumped he almost _really_ kicked Erwin in the face. “Erwin!” Levi exploded, aghast, “I—that’s dirty.  I was wearing shoes and I haven’t yet washed them since!”

But Erwin wasn’t listening.  Or maybe he was, and just purposely taunting Levi, because now he was flicking his talented tongue between the webbing of Levi’s toes. “Levi, if you think this is dirty, well, I’m not sure I want to see your reaction to the rest of what I’m planning to do to you.”

But Erwin’s face, as he said those words, looked like he was _very_ sure about how much he wanted to see Levi’s reaction to said dirty things. Erwin pulled Levi’s big toe into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, exactly imitating the motions of his finger down where it was playing with Levi below.

Levi couldn’t hold it in anymore. He let out a wet sounding moan.

“Hmmm… you like that, Levi?” Erwin queried popping Levi’s toe out of his mouth and using his hand instead to tug Levi’s hips even closer.

“Fuck you,” Levi gasped, bucking up into Erwin’s touch. He was sure the man already knew _exactly_ how much Levi liked it. His question was therefore solely meant to embarrass the hell out of him.

“Oh, I intend to,” Erwin said smoothly, and then, without further ado, he slipped the first knuckle of his finger inside Levi.

Levi gasped, and Erwin froze. “Is it—“

“It’s fine,” Levi breathed, squeezing his eyes shut, “Just not…I’ve never felt anything up there before.”

The intrusion did feel a bit strange to him, but not foreign. He was still able to recognize that touch as Erwin’s. And so he trusted it. The bigger issue, he realized, was the fact that Erwin was currently wiggling around in his poop chute, and, granted, Levi knew he kept the area meticulously clean, but still—no matter how often he washed himself, he was still self-conscious that Erwin would be repulsed. Would find him dirty and disgusting.

But Erwin showed no signs of aversion. Quite the opposite. His breathing had sped up and become audible once more. “So tight…” he groaned, as Levi bucked up into his hand, forcing Erwin’s finger in further. “Just thinking about…being inside of you is… I’m so sorry Levi, I’m just…god I’m overwhelmed. I never thought…” Erwin squeezed Levi’s thigh tightly and then pressed a kiss to the spot. Levi felt himself melt at the gesture.

“I know,” Levi answered. He slid his hips upward until the entirety of Erwin’s finger was inside of him. That already felt large to him. God only knew how it was going to feel to have something approximately 4000 times that size shoved up into him, but he knew he’d manage it somehow. Because he wanted this. They both did. It was painfully obvious.

“Please,” Levi muttered, turning his head to the side to face the wall. Because he _knew_ what the word meant to Erwin, and he was embarrassed as fuck to be saying it anyway. “I want you, so please…”

Erwin groaned so loudly that Levi could feel the vibrations of it through his legs. Then Erwin grabbed hold of Levi’s arm and wrenched him up to slam his mouth back down on his. Levi’s legs slid down Erwin’s arms, but it didn’t seem to impede Erwin’s range of motion at all, because then he began to move his finger inside of Levi, in and out like rhythmically horny clockwork.

Levi could feel his insides clenching at Erwin’s finger, trying to keep it inside of him, wanting more of Erwin—wanting everything. He kissed Erwin with gnawing hunger, his teeth tearing small wounds in the man’s lips in his desperation. But Erwin didn’t seem to mind, if his moans were anything to go by. He’d managed to bring one of his hands up, and was grasping Levi’s face tightly in an attempt to kiss him more deeply.

“You need to relax,” Erwin groaned, hot breath flooding Levi’s mouth with the words, “Or it’ll hurt. Can you relax for me, Levi?”

The only sounds Levi was capable of at the moment were moans—so he gave Erwin one of the extra loud ones.

“So fucking sexy— _god_ ,” Erwin groaned, “those _sounds_. Are you trying to slay me with them?”

“Want you,” Levi repeated, though louder this time, and with a good amount of moaning, “Want more.”

“I’ll give you more,” Erwin promised, “As much as you want, but you’ve got to relax for me. Please Levi. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Levi could have cried from the words. He didn’t want to have to do anything as difficult as relaxing. He wanted to shove up onto Erwin as tight and hard as he wanted. He could feel a slight burning inside of him, but so what. It was worth it. It was so damn worth it to be able to feel Erwin touching him _from the inside_.

But Erwin had sounded so desperate when he’d made his request—his voice a plea. Levi knew he’d never be able to resist anything from Erwin, so with a groan, he forced some of the walls of muscle inside of him to unclench. It took a crap ton of self-control, but he did it, and the moment Erwin felt it, he let out a sigh of relief. “Good, Levi, that’s perfect. You’re perfect. Your body is such a gift.”

Erwin laid Levi back down on the bed, his touches tender and gentle once more. He brushed his thumb across Levi’s cheekbone. “Since the moment I saw you I never wanted anyone else, you know that? I never slept with anyone else after that day, had no desire to. No one else’s body felt right. It had to be yours.”

“That is fucking pathetic,” Levi muttered, but he needed to throw his arm over his eyes as he said it, because he couldn’t look at Erwin and lie. Because he didn’t think it was pathetic. His stomach was actually attempting to strangle itself now because of how touched and loved he felt by the statement.

“No need to tell me,” Erwin said with a chuckle, “Mike and Hanji regularly reminded me of the fact. And that particular comment was nearly always followed with the directive ‘just go fucking sleep with him already.’”

Levi lifted his arm to look at Erwin in clear surprise. “They…they both knew? You told them?”

“They guessed,” Erwin said, slipping his finger from Levi, “And I wasn’t surprised. I was ridiculously obvious.”

Levi let out an instinctive whimper as he felt the emptiness inside of him. He’d never thought of his entrance as something empty—but now he was feeling it. He was going to protest, but then he saw that Erwin had only removed his finger in order to coat his hand with even more oil. “There’s only so much you can ogle another man’s ass before people start asking questions,” Erwin continued, tossing the bottle to the bedspread once again.

“More fingers,” Levi blurted as Erwin approached his entrance again. His face was burning now as the thought _Erwin thinks I have a nice ass_ ran endlessly through his head, but he wasn’t going to allow that to keep him from hurrying Erwin the fuck up. (Because the man seemed to be taking his merry time about the whole thing.)

“Yes,” Erwin breathed, and pushed two of his fingers into Levi, this time pushing them all the way in with one smooth motion.

“How’s that?” he asked, leaning down into Levi’s body and pressing kisses to his neck.

Levi just nodded. His teeth were clenched too tightly for a response. He realized he was panting, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Erwin began to slide his fingers in and out of Levi, and as he did so, he continuously made comments, elaborating quite enthusiastically, and at great length, about just how much he loved him, and how fucking gorgeous his body was.

Levi burned all over throughout this. Both his body and mind were overwhelmed by the sensations running through him. But despite that, he was reasonably optimistic that he would survive the ordeal—that is, until the moment when his vision suddenly went white. Bright foreign pleasure swept through him like wildfire as Erwin hooked his fingers within Levi and pressed something inside of him that had Levi throwing his head back, and crying out as if a Titan was gnawing at his limbs.

“Oh my fucking— _Erwin!_ That—I’m—shit, Erwin, I’m gonna, that’s—“

“Looks like I found your prostate,” was all Erwin said in response, though his tone was so warm and so happy as he said it that Levi couldn’t help thinking that it sounded like it had been Levi that had just found _his_ prostate.

Erwin, being a smart, and highly precise sort of man, pinpointed the spot inside of Levi exactly, and then proceeded to hit it with god like accuracy. This of course did nothing for Levi’s coherency.

“Oh god. Oh shitting fucking god. You can’t—Erwin if you keep doing that I’ll—oh god oh shit yes! Yes! Yes! _yes!_ Right fucking—ugh! Erwin. Fuck. I—I can’t. You have to—No. Erwin no, stop.”

The second the word “no” passed through Levi’s lips, Erwin was already slipping his fingers from the other man’s body, so by the time the word “stop” arrived, Erwin was looking down at the man he loved with concern and worry plastered over every inch of him.

Levi cracked his eyes open, determined to investigate why the hell Erwin thought it was okay to stop touching him, and then, seeing the man’s face, quickly realized his mistake. “I’m not… I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t look at me like that! Honestly, like you’d ever hurt me…”

Levi chanced another glance at Erwin’s expression and found it just as tortured as before. He was doing a terrible job at explaining this. He knew he’d just have to come out and say it. “If you keep pressing that spot I’ll come for sure, and I don’t want to do that until you’re inside of me, okay? Now stop looking like a kicked puppy.” And in so saying, he grabbed Erwin’s slicked up hand by the wrist, and then shoved three of the man’s fingers right back into his entrance.

Erwin gasped, and instinctively tried to retract his fingers, but Levi didn’t let him. “Just finish with this damn stretching business and get the fuck inside of me already. But don’t you dare touch that spot or I’ll blow my damn load and I will make you very very sorry about it afterward.”

Levi expected Erwin to say something in his defense, or complain about Levi’s rushing, but he did neither. Instead he seized Levi by the hair and kissed him like he would die if he didn’t. Just seconds into the kiss, Levi was already overwhelmed and gasping. He was moaning Erwin’s name, and scrambling to hold him all while pushing down on the fingers inside of him.

Even though it was clear Erwin wasn’t trying to reach his prostate, the man’s fingers rubbed up against it every few strokes or so, and that was bad because it was making Levi crazy with need. And he just wanted to say to hell with this damn preparation and shove Erwin inside of him. But he didn’t do that. He knew how important this part was to Erwin. He knew Erwin wanted to make this as pleasant as possible. But what the man didn’t understand, and what Levi didn’t currently have the focus to convince him of, was that Levi was extraordinarily desperate, and would take on whatever consequences his actions received just as long as Erwin took him right the fuck now.

“Please Erwin, I’m fucking begging you over here, okay? What more do you want? I need it. I fucking need you Erwin. So please please god fucking please get your fucking dick inside of me before I rip the eyebrows right off your face, you stupidly patient man, and force them up your glorious ass.”

Erwin’s forehead thunked down atop Levi’s, and now the commander was gasping, just as loud as his partner. He had his erection pressed up against Levi’s thigh as he pushed his fingers in and out of the captain at an increasingly jagged pace, and he was rocking against him instinctively, obviously needing the connection just as much as Levi did. “Yes. Want you too. So badly. But need to…ugh…need you to be fully relaxed or it’ll hurt and—“

“For the love of…Erwin, sometimes I think that you got your beauty in exchange for your brains. Can’t you see I’m way beyond caring about that at this point? I’m as relaxed as I’m going to get so just—“

“No. Not yet. I can still—“

“Oh for fuck’s sake, do I have to do absolutely everything around here?” Levi shouted, taking the reins once more as he reached down between his legs, grabbed tight hold of Erwin’s slippery hand and rammed a fourth finger into himself.

Erwin’s fingers were thick—a lot thicker than Levi’s reed thin digits, so the adjustment the small captain needed to make wasn’t a small one. But he did make it, and almost immediately too.

“There,” Levi gasped, pushing down decisively on Erwin’s fingers, “All done. Now hurry up and fuck me before I knock you out and simply ride you myself.”

“Honestly, I knew you were a bit of a weirdo, but you’re kinkier than I expected,” Erwin said in a weak attempt at humor. He was trying, for Levi’s sake, to appear composed, but the captain could tell by the way the man’s voice shook that he was a lot less in control than he appeared to be.

“And you’re infuriating,” Levi shot back, linking his arms around Erwin’s neck and then twisting them into a roll so that their positions were reversed. Levi scrambled to sit atop Erwin (his new perch) before adding, “Oh, and also old. Dreadfully old. Probably too old for this sort of thing, so if you have a heart attack and poop out halfway through I’ll try and be understanding.”

His plan to goad Erwin worked splendidly, because at his words, Erwin grabbed tight hold of Levi’s hips and yanked him down until he was hovering at the captain’s entrance. “I know what you’re trying to do, you know,” Erwin growled.

“And yet It’s working like a charm,” Levi countered, gifting the man with a smug smile before rocking back on the other man’s arousal, “It’s even easier to rile you up than it is to get at the cadets.”

“Most of the cadets don’t want to get into your pants as badly as I do,” Erwin said, his words slightly mangled by the motions of Levi’s torturous hip movements.

That tripped Levi up. “Most?” he asked, unsure if it was wise to even enter into this territory.

Erwin was getting entirely too much practice with his evil smile. “Eren looks at your ass almost as much as I do.”

Levi sincerely hoped that the commander was joking, but the deep pit of dread that had opened up in his stomach told him to let those hopes die. Erwin looked entirely too convincing at the moment.

“I suppose I can’t really hold it against the boy. Objectively speaking, your ass is a magnificent one, with universal appeal, but I still can’t help that raging spark of jealousy that occasionally manifests itself in me by ordering the boy to randomly drop and give me a hundred pushups.”

Levi felt the dread pit become slightly less deep at this comment. Erwin was jealous. Over him. And he took it out on Jaeger. This was entirely too much good news for one clean-freak captain to handle in one day.

“How occasionally?” Levi urged the man.

“Oh, not too often,” Erwin said vaguely, darting his eyes away.

“Erwin…” Levi said in a tone that promised swift disembowelment were he to continue to avoid the question.

“Okay, pretty much every time I see him,” Erwin admitted.

“But you see him every day.”

“And your point is?”

Levi felt a bright flush of happiness spread itself through his chest. Erwin loved him. He loved him enough to resort to juvenile bouts of power play over him. That was it, he decided, he was definitely fucking the man now.

Without consulting Erwin, Levi reached down and grabbed Erwin’s arousal around the base. It hadn’t flagged any throughout the time Erwin had spent preparing Levi. And then, hoping his aim was true, Levi pushed down onto the throbbing thing faster than you could shout “Geronimo!”

“Wait, Levi, you—

Their twin groans as Erwin’s flesh sank into Levi’s were both so deep and loud that it was impossible to tell which one belonged to each man. Neither of them could speak for several moments, but when Levi sank to a stop around Erwin’s base, the commander tightened his grip on Levi’s waist, holding him steady.

“Levi!” Erwin gasped, voice more of a moan than anything else, “Are you okay?”

“So…full,” Levi groaned, “Feels like…everything is _more_. I’m _more_. You’re _more._ And this goddamn cock of yours sure is _more_ because I could swear it’s grown another 2 inches in the past five minutes.”

Erwin let out a strangled laugh and let his hands rub soothing circles into Levi’s thighs, “Take as long as you need. If it’s too much—“

Erwin shut up when he realized that Levi wasn’t going to take any time at all to adjust—because he was already moving, making the rest of his speech useless. Levi approved of his wordlessness whole heartedly because it left Erwin free to make more of those glorious sounds Levi had already become addicted to.

Levi used his knees to push off on the bed and raise his body, sliding up Erwin’s length and moaning loudly at the sensations the movement awakened inside of him. Because even though he’d felt Erwin’s fingers pressing inside of him, that could never have replaced the feeling he was experiencing now. There were nothing empty left anymore. Erwin was filling all the available space, and then some. Levi wanted to be able to explain it, but his brain failed him. Instead, he focused on solidifying the moment in his mind. He let the rhythmic rocking of their bodies take over his senses, along with the shooting sparks of bright pleasure, their ragged breathing, the deep ache Erwin was setting off inside him with everywhere he touched, and the commander’s voice as he murmured Levi’s name over and over again.

They were both wrapped so tightly around each other that it was difficult to determine who’s pieces were whose. But it didn’t matter because they were always meant to be one entity anyway. That knowledge was explicitly clear to Levi, because why else would he be feeling an overwhelming relief and sense of homecoming now that he was joined with the man, as if he was finally where he was supposed to be? He was Erwin’s, and Erwin was his, and there wasn’t a simpler or more beautiful concept to Levi in the universe. He would have wanted to have this feeling forever, sinking and rising with Erwin, because for once he felt like he had every hope and dream of his in his hands.

But it couldn’t stay that way, because already their movements were becoming jerky as both he and Erwin became consumed by a feeling larger than themselves. Levi wanted to give to Erwin, to make him feel as amazing as he himself was feeling, but the pleasure that held him in its grip was controlling his movements. He found himself rising and falling with greater urgency, grinding down into Erwin as though he was trying to shatter his pelvis. Erwin had grabbed hold of Levi’s erection with one hand, and was angling Levi’s hips with the other, so that now with every stroke that Erwin pushed into him he was hitting Levi’s prostate, and the resulting explosions of pleasure in Levi’s body were making his vision blur and his breath explode out of him in short desperate blasts. The heat was like something alive in his abdomen, and it was actively trying to claw its way out of him, and Levi could feel it building, fast approaching critical mass. He tried to call out to Erwin, to warn him, but by then the feeling was already upon him. So he braced himself against Erwin, holding the man’s shoulders desperately, and digging his nails so deeply into the skin there that it tore--but it wasn’t tight enough, could never be tight enough.

“Erwin! Erwin I can’t—I’m going to come—I’m going to, shit, shit, god you’re amazing. Feel so fucking good—god Erwin—I’m—I’m—“

And then he was climaxing, his entire body consumed by the roar of pleasure that exploded outward from his center and ravaged all that there was to claim inside of him. He pulsed and he pulsed, seemingly endlessly, coating Erwin’s hand, and stomach and chest, and, seeing it, Erwin couldn’t help being pulled along. Levi had felt the man trying to hold back before, keeping himself reigned in until Levi went over the edge, but now there was no holding back. Because as Levi climaxed, and screamed out the man’s name like the word itself was enough to save all of humanity, his muscles and the walls inside of him all clenched down hard on Erwin’s length, milking him, and clinging to him desperately. And that feeling, combined with all the rest of it, proved too much for the beautiful commander. Levi had one second’s warning as Erwin tensed up inside of him, and then Levi was being flooded, Erwin pulling all of Levi into the heat and love of his arms as he fired jet after jet into Levi. Each was accompanied by Levi’s name—cried, shouted, and wrung out of Erwin with all the desperation and need that had been housed in the man for so many years. Erwin’s climax served to further launch Levi’s own, all the sensations so new and overwhelming that he let out a sob—just one—as he came to the realization that this was it for him. That he had found the pinnacle for all his hope and truth in the world, and it was Erwin, and would always be Erwin.

When the last of the quakes of pleasure had passed through him, Levi realized his utter exhaustion. His eyes closed, and he nuzzled deeper into the safety of Erwin’s arms, a sound that was almost a purr escaping him as small bubbles of happiness leaked out of him.

So happy and content was he that he didn’t even realize the kind of mess he was lying in until Erwin shifted slightly to hold him tighter, and some of the liquids between them oozed and dribbled down their sides. _That_ was when Levi’s horror finally awakened.

“For the love of all that is holy and disinfected, please tell me I am not currently lying in my own bodily fluids,” Levi whimpered, genuinely terrified of the truth.

“Afraid so,” Erwin murmured, nuzzling the top of Levi’s head, “Though I don’t see what you’re complaining about. Being drowned in your spunk is probably my most preferable method of spending a lazy afternoon.”

There were occasional moments where Levi could be moved to admit that his superior officer had a sense of humor— _this_ was not one of them.

“Goddamn it Erwin!” he shouted, feeling a trickle of his energy come back to him along with his comforting feelings of irritation.

“Hmm…I love you too. Let’s do it again,” Erwin offered, rolling atop of Levi and pressing his body into the mattress with his weight.

“No! Don’t fucking move you damn—fuck! Now it’s everywhere! Shit! Oh god it’s dripping down my sides. Erwin you fucking asshole! I will burn every single one of your shirts so help me—fuck! What the hell do you think you’re doing with that hand you just had in my ass!” Levi cried, flinching back as Erwin attempted to touch his face.

But Erwin knew better. He stopped, and drew his hand back, allowing it to fall to the sheets. Levi, despite the horror of his current situation (he was now clearly dirtier than he’d ever been in his life) was also feeling nauseatingly in love with the man on top of him, so he rewarded Erwin’s performance with a kiss, snagging the man’s bottom lip between his teeth, and plying his mouth open with all the cunning at his disposal. Which happened to be a lot, because the results were phenomenal. Erwin and Levi were content then to suck at each other’s faces like a pair of teenagers running on the most powerful concentration of Hanji’s aphrodisiac. Reason dictated that at their age they shouldn’t have felt a need for each other that ran this deep, strong, or urgent, but reason wasn’t in charge of the way Erwin made Levi’s blood sing in his veins, so the captain continued to attack his face to his  heart’s content. Erwin too didn’t look like he wanted to throw the towel in anytime soon, which raised the curious question of whether this could possibly go on forever. Because neither one of them were anywhere close to tiring from the activity, and both had rather a lot of time to make up for.

But alas, the speculation was all interrupted when the door to the room banged open with a sharp crack, revealing both Erwin’s and Levi’s favorite, and yet deeply unwanted at that moment, woman in all the known universe.

“All right you gross old perverts, enough is enough,” Hanji crowed, throwing both of her hands up in a familiar motion that Levi had labeled “the crazy lady stance” long ago. “Both of you get your arthritic asses up because everything is going to shit and the whole world wants to blame it on you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god guys, this chapter became way longer than i thought it would be (30 damn pages--what was i thinking?) My words tend to run away with me, making a chapter that was supposed to be some decent sex into one ginormous affair. If your eyes glaze over from the length of this chapter--I apologize. But more importantly--look! sex! I'm finally giving it to you guys! *showers you in smut*  
> I was determined to post this tonight, and that led me to staying up rather late--i just hope the writing is coherent (the editing is no doubt crappy).  
> School is going to be killer on me tomorrow, but at least I may please a couple of my readers *hugs you all*  
> Your comments and love have really kept me going through this, so thank you. I hope you enjoy reading this ridiculous fic as much as i do writing it.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Levi let out a groan and buried his face in Erwin’s neck. “If I can’t see her then she’s not here,” he said, astounded by his own genius.

“Maybe if we gross her out enough, she’ll leave,” Erwin added, proving himself to be the brilliant tactician he was known to be.

Levi liked the sound of that--mostly because he had a feeling that the “grossing out” part would involve Erwin’s mouth and hands. He liked Erwin’s mouth and hands.

“Don’t even bother,” Hanji said, kicking the door shut behind her and tossing a pile of clothes onto the edge of the bed, “Now put those on, Levi, there’s a good little midget. And you, Mr. perfect, you’d better throw something on as well. We don’t need everyone on the council going blind from an up close and personal meeting with your genitalia.”

“Council?” Erwin asked, finally tearing his gaze from Levi’s face.

“Ugh. You know I hate these pants Hanji,” Levi said, lifting one of the presented garments up with his toes, “Anything with snaps is clearly meant for children.”

“Well good, because you’re clearly a man-child considering that you’re in here having loud and obscene sex with your commander while the council is in the process of shutting down the survey corps.”

“Wait, _what_?” Erwin demanded, finally serious as he pushed himself off of Levi. Levi began to sit up as well, though he was still staring at his pants unhappily.

Hanji rolled her eyes, “Are you honestly surprised? I mean, that giant scene at the party last night was one thing, but what made you think it was a good idea to break Cordelia’s heart only hours afterward? You do realize that she’s the head councilman’s daughter, right? You know--the one who we depend on for _our entire budget.”_

Hanji didn’t usually go in for snark. She was usually annoyingly cheerful and ridiculously bouncy. So if she was being snappy…

Levi forgot about his pants for the moment.

“Break her heart? We were both relieved about--”

“That doesn’t matter,” Hanji said, interrupting Erwin. “It’s only the story the councilman spreads that will make any difference. He’s claiming that you’ve wrecked her heart and betrayed your promise to her. Needless to say, he’s not very happy about that, and it’s not like he needed any more reasons to hate us.”

Erwin raked his fingers through his hair, pushing it off his face and attempting to get it in some semblance of order after the job Levi had done on it. “What a nightmare,” he grumbled, his face already sliding into his thinking-commander expression.

Levi, though, was ready with a solution, “Go tell him to suck a dick. I’m not ready to volunteer Erwin up for this bullshit so early in the morning.”

“It’s 2 in the afternoon,” Hanji informed him.

“Like I said,” Levi reiterated, being the little shit he excelled at being, “So early in the morning. He can wait one more round.”

“Are you insinuating that I should go up to him and say, ‘Hey Armand ol’ buddy ol’ pal, I know you’re raging and wanting us to shut down and all, but could you just wait a few odd minutes or so while my gross friends play hide the salami for a while?’”

Now her voice was dripping with her rarely used sarcasm, but Levi pretended not to hear it. “Yeah, that sounds about right. I’m sure he’ll appreciate your openness.”

“The only thing he’s going to appreciate is ripping me a third nostril!” she exclaimed, picking up Levi’s clothes and tossing them in his face, “Now get dressed. I don’t care what time it is, but it’s _always_ too early to be exposed to your dangly bits.”

“Hey, I happen to like those dangly bits,” Erwin put in, swooping in to Levi’s rescue like the dazzling knight in shining armor that he was.

“Shut up,” Levi answered (his version of his undying gratitude.) He was already reaching for Erwin’s face again. Hanji walked up to the side of the bed and smacked him on the back of the head. “No. Clothes first.”

“But I wanna…” Levi whined, pulling out his ultimate argument.

“Too bad.”

“But he’s so _hot_.”

“Not my problem.”

“I’m just asking for a kiss.”

“Then you should have just done it years ago. Your desperation now is entirely your fault.”

“You’re a cruel woman, Hanji.”

“Thank you. You’re not too bad yourself,” she replied, partially mollified by what she believed to be a compliment.

“Who else have you informed?” Erwin queried, standing up and shamelessly walking over to the closet. Levi watched his ass all the way there. He could understand Erwin’s confidence now. Any man with a body that fine would never have a reason to feel subpar.

“Moblit, of course,” Hanji answered, tugging at Levi’s arm when the captain began to sink into a catatonic state induced by his staring. She grabbed the crisp white shirt she’d brought for Levi and began to slip his arm into one of the sleeves, apparently reasoning that this would be the fastest way to go about things now that Levi had been rendered functionally useless, “I stopped by Mike’s room on the way over here, but he and Naba were in middle of...things.”

Levi’s dedicated focus on Erwin’s back muscles was interrupted as he swelled with indignation. “Oh, so you let _them_ have as much fun as they want, but apparently all we can have is one measly round before--”

“Considering this whole problem happened because of you two morons, I don’t think you have a right to complain.”

“But they were probably going at it _all_ night. They’ve had plenty of--”

“Levi, you’re coming dangerously close to sounding like a bratty princess.”

“I’m humanity’s strongest, damn it, can’t that count for anything in your eyes?”

“I’m going to punch you in the dick.”

“Please don’t,” Erwin said, interrupting their squabbling, “I’m rather fond of that particular piece of his anatomy.

“Pardon me while I barf,” she muttered, not looking entirely as if she was joking.

Levi’s eyes went back to Erwin when he heard the man speak, but he was already too late. The man had already pulled on his pants, and was reaching for his shirt. Levi’s eyes narrowed with rage at this new terrible injustice that had been done to him. If he couldn’t even see Erwin’s ass as he bent to pull on his pants, than what was the point of anything in life?

He was rather overwhelmed with the horrible nature of his life but when Hanji attempted to push his other arm into the second sleeve, he recoiled.

“Wait! This is a clean shirt!” he exclaimed, voice full of horror.

“Of course it is. I know better than to hand you anything that was even touched by someone who--”

“No! But I’m filthy!” he shouted, looking down at the collage of fluids on his chest. Now that he was paying attention, he also became enormously aware of another feeling. Now that he was sitting up, gravity was doing its work, and he felt the oozing of Erwin’s ejaculate dripping from his hole and onto the sheets. That was it, he decided, he’d just have to set them on fire. There was no way to salvage these sheets.

“I’m covered in semen,” Levi wailed, holding his hands away from his body as if to try and contain the contamination.

“Yes, yes, the pure temple has been horrifically defiled,” Hanji said without a trace of sympathy, “And you loved every second of it, so can you just deal with it later and put on your clothes for now?”

“Erwin!” Levi cried out, feeling hopeless as he continued to drip. Some of the stuff on his chest was beginning to crust over.

“Oh my god you weenie little--”

“It’s okay, Levi,” Erwin murmured soothingly as he rushed to the man, swatting Hanji aside as he did so. “I’m here. I’ll take care of it.”

“Oh for the sake of the Titans and all else that’s interesting in this world, the last thing he needs is for you to baby him even more.” Hanji snapped, clapping her hand to her face when she saw the small basin of water and the wash cloth that Erwin had managed to fetch in something like 0.3 seconds.

“But he _needs_ me,” Erwin said sheepishly, setting the basin down on the nightstand before reaching for Levi, tender arms encircling the man and laying him gently down on the bed, “don’t you, Levi?”

Levi was too freaked out about his current state to be embarrassed. “Fix it,” he demanded.

Erwin shot him an indulgent smile before pressing the cloth to Levi’s chest, “I will. Always.”

Hanji was now choking as if she really was in immediate danger of vomiting, “Oh my god you guys are disgusting, I’m not sure which was worse--you both pining away, or this….this awfulness.”

Levi felt his cheeks burning again. All his life he had dismissed the sappy couples around him as so much garbage. It was beyond mortifying to find that he was now settled quite deeply into that category. “Well then don’t watch,” he growled, and then shivered as he felt warm water roll down the muscles of his stomach. But something even warmer pressed itself to his chest--Erwin’s hand.

“You’re blushing,” Erwin murmured, thereby sparking Levi’s embarrassment by at least 1000%. “It’s beautiful.”

“Okay. Okay! I get it! I’m out! Geez!” Hanji cried out, clapping her hands over her ears and moving toward the door, “But I’m going to wait just outside, and if you’re not out in 3 minutes I’m coming right back in to drag your moldy old asses out to get reamed by those bureaucratic doucheholes!”

And with that not very pleasant sentiment she swung the door closed behind her.

Erwin waited all of one second before his achingly tender expression transformed itself into one of cheeky mischief. “Excellent work, Levi. Mission accomplished.”

Levi looked up at Erwin’s transformation with surprise and confusion. _Mission? What miss...oh. Oh I’m going to fucking murder this bastard!_

Because with a snap of clarity he realized that Erwin’s excessive tenderness had been a show. His real motive had been to repulse Hanji until she left. All of it had been acting.

“You--you fucking--you were _joking_?” Levi growled, reaching up and pounding his hand against Erwin’s chest.

Erwin let out a laugh, and grabbed hold of Levi’s hand.

“Oh come on. You know Hanji’s right. Babying you is the last thing you need.”

“I--I thought you _loved_ me!” Levi shouted, feeling more betrayed than that time Mike had told him they’d gotten in a new shipment of black tea when it was actually green.

“Of course I love you,” Erwin said, still smiling far too widely, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t still laugh at your ridiculousness.”

“Wanting to be clean is _not_ ridiculous!” Levi snapped, huffily snatching the cloth from Erwin and turning away from him in a clear sulk. But Erwin didn’t let him make his escape. He grabbed Levi’s arm and twisted him back around before throwing him down on the bed, “No, no, Levi, I said I was going to clean you, and I meant it.”

“I don’t want your fake help,” Levi sniffed, knowing he sounded like a prissy pants, but not giving a shit.

“Oh, it’s not fake,” Erwin growled, pressing Levi’s shoulders to the bed and leaning in to him hungrily.

It was Erwin’s tone, more than anything that gave Levi pause. Because there was no reason that the idea of cleaning Levi should have made Erwin look like he wanted to eat him.

“Want to clean you,” Erwin breathed, his eyes flashing, “Want to clean you with my mouth.”

Levi sucked in a sharp breath, and then immediately regretted it. Because Erwin looked far too pleased with this reaction

“I-idiot,” Levi stammered, bringing the cloth close to his chest (as if that was any sort of protection) “That’s got to be the least efficient way of--”

The rest of Levi’s words were knocked out of him along with his breath as Erwin pushed Levi’s legs open and lowered his mouth to suck bruising kisses to the inside creases of Levi’s thighs.

“Erwin! I’m not… For fuck’s sake, you asshole, you are _not_ cleaning me!”

Erwin ignored him and moved lower, scraping his teeth along the swell of Levi’s ass.

“Damn it, Erwin! This is _not_ cleaning. You’re a flagrant liar.”

“Yes I am,” he rasped, lifting Levi’s ass up toward his face, “And I have absolutely zero shame about it, so don’t bother trying to reason with me. I’m a morally ambiguous bastard who will always put everything second to you, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”

Levi knew that shouldn’t have made him happy. He felt that if he was a true soldier than he should have wanted Erwin to put the army before everything. But he wasn’t a true soldier. As good as he was at the position, Levi hadn’t forgotten why he’d really stayed in the first place: because of Erwin. He may have been forced to join the corps, but he hadn’t been forced to stay--he had simply been compelled to do so by a particularly douchey blonde commander.

Levi sighed as he reached down and grabbed the man by the shirt he’d only just donned. “I must have terrible taste” he muttered with a sour expression on his face, but his arm, as he wrenched Erwin’s mouth toward his, was very enthusiastic in its endeavor.

“The worst,” Erwin agreed, and then he kissed him, angling Levi’s face so that he could press deeper and harder kisses to the man’s mouth, not caring in the slightest about Hanji as she pounded on the door and shouted, “I can hear you fuckers--and those are _not_ the sounds of dressing!”

It was Levi who ended it, pushing up against Erwin’s chest as he pulled away gasping and disoriented. “No...We should...the council. We need to take care of it. You know we do.”

“I know a lot of things that Idon’t necessarily let affect my behavior.”

“Erwin…”

“Yes, yes, I know,” he said with a sigh, stopping to press his lips to Levi’s forehead before drawing away.

Levi bit his lip, and allowed Erwin to take the cloth from him without a word. He could feel in the tenseness in the other man’s shoulders how much it was hurting him to pull away right now when it wasn’t yet enough.

But the many years Erwin had spent holding himself back from Levi had done wonders for his self-control, so without any more fuss he dipped the cloth back into the water, and gently and efficiently cleared away the mess.

He was only working for several seconds before he spoke again, his words a little hoarse from how much he meant them.

“Every day I struggled with the idea of my duty. I knew that because of how I felt for you I was unfit for the position of commander. But I was still appointed for the position, and it has gotten to the point where several people have dedicated their lives to ensuring that it. Hanji, for one. Do you know how many house she spends every week putting in budget requests, and refuting angry claims made by embittered families about my incompetence? Most of my predecessors have only lasted a few years in this position because the head of the survey corps incurs more of the people’s wrath than any other job opportunity in our world. But I’m not pigheaded enough to think that my own merit has kept me in the position. IT’s been the work of others--others like Hanji. And sometimes, especially after she’s put in an entire night’s work, I can’t even look her in the eye. Because how am I supposed to tell her that despite her sacrifice, this position will never hold first place in my mind because that space has already been usurped by you?”

Less than an hour ago Erwin had made the claim to be the luckiest man in the world. But he was wrong, Levi realized, because the person who held that title was Levi himself. Had anyone approached him that morning and told him Erwin’s words, he would have stabbed them in the mouth--because there would be no doubt in his mind that the words were lies.

But Erwin was looking Levi straight in the eye as he spoke, and there wasn’t a fraction of deceit in them.

Erwin really felt that way about him, and Levi knew that even if he lived his entire life from that moment as a complete saint, he would never be able to do enough good to deserve that level of love.

“Even now,” Erwin continued, as if he hadn’t just melted Levi’s heart into useless mush, “At this very moment she’s working to ensure the security of my position. And even though she’s the staunchest hearted person I know, I can see her anxiety now because she’s doubting her abilities to pull through for me this time. Because I’ve messed up. I’ve really done it this time. And she’s afraid. Has been since I began to unravel several weeks ago. Ever since that night we came back from the expedition…”

Levi’s heart stuttered briefly on the word expedition. That had been the night when everything had changed for Levi. But he had thought he was the only one that night had been significant to. After all, Erwin remembered nothing from it. It couldn’t have meant anything to him. But apparently it did.

Erwin set aside the cloth, having finished his work without Levi’s notice, and reached for Levi’s shirt.

“I’m sure you noticed, but I was a wreck after that expedition. I couldn’t even stay throughout the corps discussion of the events transpired. I was forced to retire to my room because I’d known that had I stayed I would have leapt over the table and grabbed tight hold of you and I would have cried--I would have sobbed my heart out because I’d been so scared, and…”

Erwin let his forehead fall onto Levi’s shoulders, his hands falling still from where they had been engaged with doing up Levi’s buttons. He took a deep breath. Levi’s body was nearly seized by paralysis, but he forced himself to raise his hand and rest it in Erwin’s hair. He still couldn’t speak though--couldn’t find his voice to comfort the man he loved.

But Erwin was strong, stronger than anyone he knew (and far stronger than Levi thought of himself, because even if Levi’s Titan kill record was higher, Erwin had the mental fortitude that could carry far more worries than Levi’s own mind would be able to hold.) So even without Levi’s verbal support, he was able to trudge on with his narrative.

“When that Titan grabbed your leg… I know you didn’t even think twice about it. Your instincts are so good that you reacted far faster than that beast could have. You severed its fingers and then proceeded to carry out one of your usual flawless kills. But Levi, even if my brain knows there are only a miniscule number of situations where you would be caught off guard, and that you’re the most likely to outlive all of us, in that one moment when you were caught, I...I thought I’d lost you. I remember seeing how far away you were, and feeling the wrenching panic from knowing that I would never make it in time. That there was no way, not even if I surpassed human boundaries in that moment would I have been able to save you from death. And that feeling… that was by far the worst feeling of my life. Worse than knowing I was responsible for my father’s death, and worse than the collective weight of all the soldiers I’d led to their deaths. Because If you had died… If you had been killed because _I_ was the one who brought you into the survey corps in the first place, I’d...I’d…”

Erwin had to stop. He’s voice had become so hoarse and taut with emotion that had he managed even a single word more he would have broken, and all of that remembered pain would release itself in a torrent, and he’d be inconsolable. Which he couldn’t afford to be right now--or ever. His position didn’t allow it.

So instead he recovered a little while his face was pressed to Levi’s shoulder, and his hands gripped Levi tightly.

_My life is not my own_ , Levi thought, a feeling of awe trickling through his body and settling into every crevice, _It’s not for me to do as I wish. It’s not for me to die as I wish. Because my life belongs to Erwin just as much as it belongs to me._

Levi had to take a minute to let that idea sink in, and as he did so his hand began to stroke Erwin’s head. Hesitantly at first, but then with greater confidence, as if his hand belonged there.

Levi had been saddled with the title “humanity’s strongest,” but he hadn’t allowed that to dictate his life. Yes, he had been determined to do a good job, to save as many of his comrades as he could, and to make Erwin proud. But he’d never assumed he had a duty to keep himself alive--to keep himself safe. In fact, as a soldier, he had been taught to put his comrades’ lives before his own. But now… Now Erwin was telling him that his life was a treasure, to be guarded at all costs. That even without his abilities to kill, his life was still worth something--still precious.

Most people understood this concept from birth. Loving parents and caretakers instilled into their children their inherent value. But Levi had never had that. So this idea, now hitting him for the first time, was something that gripped his entire mind in wonder.

“I...I understand.” The words left Levi’s mouth with some hesitation but with a lot of emotion. “I… for you too. If I ever lost...I mean, if I saw you in the same situation I would also…” Levi couldn’t keep it up. This spilling his guts crap was far more painful than titan inflicted wounds could be, so he gave up...somewhat. “But of course I wouldn’t be worried because I’d be able to save you; because I’m not as slow and useless as you, old man.”

The comment pulled a soft wry laugh from Erwin, “Why the hell do you think I can go outside the wall on every expedition? Because I know there’s a zero percent chance you’ll let me die. I’m not suicidal like the rest of you idiots.”

And now it was Levi’s turn to smile because Erwin was a filthy liar and Levi loved it. “Sure you aren’t,” he muttered. Because Erwin had been outside the walls far before Levi had joined him there, and he’d taken countless risks for his comrades. Levi was pretty sure Erwin was actually the most suicidal out of all of them--except for maybe that Jaeger brat.

Erwin turned his head to the side and brushed his lips across Levi’s jaw. It was just a light graze of contact, but it was enough to set off a blush across his cheeks. Levi thought his blushing mechanism might be broken, because after going so many years without a single incident, he now seemed to be blushing perpetually.

“Never thought I’d be able to do that,” Erwin murmured, pressing the pads of his fingers to the spot he’d just pressed his lips, “Never thought I’d be able to do a whole lot of things we’ve just done.”

Levi snorted, “If a man who looks like you despairs of bedding someone else, than what hope do the rest of us have?”

“I love you, Levi.”

Instead of the light dusty rose, Levi’s face was now full on scarlet. _You can’t just...fucking Erwin. Dropping those fucking words without warning. Who the hell does he think he is? Fucking assdouche. Making me a stupid ass moron with all these weak thoughts. All his fault that I want to fucking marry him and have his babies or some shit. Bastard. Such a damn bastard. The words weren’t even called for in this case._

“If you keep saying that, you’ll wear the phrase out.”

_He’ll never wear the phrase out._

“It’ll become meaningless.”

_It’ll never be meaningless. Even if he says it every moment of every day for the rest of my stinking life._

“By that time I’ll find a new phrase--one that can better express the depth of my feelings for you.”

Levi was going to die. He knew it for a fact, because humans couldn’t survive with this much of their body’s flood flooding their face. He dropped his head to Erwin’s chest, and felt something like steam leak out of his ears from his embarrassment.

This time it was Erwin’s hand on _his_ head. Seeing Levi looking vulnerable apparently forced some of the strength back into Erwin’s body because he was able to continue.

“After you were saved, Hanji found excuses to turn back soon after. The shock to my system was too great, and she knew I wouldn’t be making clear cut decisions for a while. So we returned to the safety of the walls. But if I’d thought I’d feel relieved after that, I was wrong. The image kept playing through my mind. I just kept picturing myself sobbing over your lifeless body, screaming your name and my love for you. But it would be too late. You wouldn’t be able to hear me. And I couldn’t handle that image. Couldn’t bear to think of it as a reality. So I had to drown it--at least for a little while. Until the pain of it wasn’t quite as fresh in my mind. So I left then, and turned to alcohol as my savior. You know I don’t touch the stuff for so many reasons--first and foremost because I’m needed to be at my full capacity in case of an emergency, but also because that kind of looseness of character isn’t acceptable for the position that Hanji works so hard to keep for me every day. But at that moment I needed it. Well, what I _really_ needed was to have you in my arms, so that I could reassure myself over and over again through your warmth and your breath that you were indeed alive. But I couldn’t give myself that, so I chose the bottle instead, trying to drink my way into oblivion. But sometimes alcohol doesn’t work in the ways you want it to. And I found that the more I drank, the more I thought of you, and the more unbearable it became not to have you. Until finally I couldn’t take it anymore, and standing up, I stumbled out of my quarters, my body already searching for yours. I didn’t know what I was going to say when I found you, or how I would explain my behavior, but I knew it didn’t matter. My need to see you, to hold you and ascertain that you were alive was too strong.”

With fingers as gentle as individual strands of silk, Erwin pulled Levi’s head back and cradled it in his hands. And now Levi was exposed to the man’s shining eyes as well as his words.

“But when I came to your room, it was empty. I was determined to wait for you. Despite my current altered mental state, I still knew it wasn’t a good idea to try wandering off to find you. I could barely stand as it was. But I knew I could wait--had to wait. So I stumbled inside, but all my eyes could see was your bed. And then my mind was assaulted with countless images, nearly all of them torrid, involving you coated in sweat, lips swollen and pupils blown out with lust as I pleasured you endlessly. And Levi, those thoughts made me weak. So weak. I don’t even remember falling to your bed, but I must have, because after that there was only one image I remember. It’s fuzzy. Your outline was blurred entirely, but I would always recognize you. Even without sight or sound I’d recognize you anywhere. I remember opening my eyes and seeing your face--remarkably familiar with its customary scowl. And I remember the happiness flooding me being so large and complete at that moment that the torture of seeing you in the titan’s grasp was temporarily obliterated, and my entire mind was just able to concentrate on how clean and beautiful my love for you felt to me. And that,” Erwin said, squeezing Levi’s face with the barest of pressures, “Is the last thing I remember of that night.”

Levi stared at Erwin. Stared and stared in an attempt to understand how they both could have been kept from each other for so long if their mutual feelings for the other had been so strong.

Levi reached up and touched the man’s lips. Erwin gave them an instinctive kiss that sent goose bumps racing up Levi’s arm.

“I forgive you,” the captain said, “For not remembering.”

The edges of Erwin’s mouth tugged up into a smile.

“I forgive you,” Levi continued, “Even though I’m convinced that had you remembered I would have been spared a hell of a lot of sexual frustration.”

“I’ll make up for it,” Erwin said with enough confidence to make Levi believe it, “I promise.”

Erwin gave Levi’s face one last squeeze and then reached for the pants still laid out on the bedspread. Noting Levi’s look of distaste, Erwin grinned. “Just a few minutes while we sort out this mess. I swear that the minute it’s all over, no matter what the outcome, I will personally rip them off of you the very first second I can get away with it.”

Levi had to admit that he did like the sound of that, so he allowed Erwin to pull the pants up his legs without complaint. It was embarrassing to be helped this way, but Levi realized that it did make things easier. His legs felt a little shaky after the workout Erwin had just put his body through. (Though he was surprised to note he still had any feeling left in them at all. Despite Erwin’s derision of the idea, Levi had been pretty convinced that after experiencing Erwin he would have had to bend over and kiss his legs goodbye.)

Erwin eased Levi up, and pulled him close as he slipped a belt through the loops of his pants. “You can borrow a set of my straps,” Erwin said, his fingers unnecessarily brushing against Levi’s stomach and setting off sparks of interest in the younger man. “We’ll have to adjust them a bit, but it should only take a--”

“Erwin.”

Erwin’s fingers paused, and he looked immediately to Levi’s face. “Yes, pumpkin?”

Levi’s face was shocked for only a moment before it splintered into an expression of absolute fury. He grabbed Erwin by the front of his shirt and shouted, “Call me that again and I’ll break every bone in your beautiful face!”

“I was just testing it out.”

“You’re the most infuriating man I’ve ever met!”

“So I take it that you don’t approve of that particular pet name.”

“I’m going to round up every one of your belongings and take one giant crap over all of it!”

“Shame. I really liked that one. Felt it suited you.”

Erwin was clearly taking great pleasure from Levi’s wrath because the smile he was wearing was dazzling. “So if not that, then what? Sweetheart? Darling? Love crumpet?”

“Absolutely not!”

Erwin wrenched Levi forward and pressed a kiss to his furious and squirming captain’s mouth. “How about, love, then?” he asked in a more serious tone, “Love, my love, each time I said it would certainly be the truth. Any variation of the word would be.”

Levi squeezed his eyes tightly shut because he had to shut out at least some of Erwin or he would become an awful bumbling wreck.

“Just call me by my name,” Levi said, unable to keep the pleading out of his voice. “Just my name.”

“Levi,” Erwin said. But the word, when he said it, was said in the same way he would have uttered the word “love.” There was no difference. There was no way for Levi to win. He would be stuck being overwhelmed by Erwin Smith for the rest of his life.

Levi gripped Erwin’s arms tightly for a long moment, trying to calm the racing of his heart.

“Will I always feel this flustered around you?” he asked, leaning his head against Erwin’s chest.

“I certainly hope so,” Erwin said, nudging Levi’s face up with his nose and pressing his lips to the very corner of Levi’s mouth.

Several seconds later, Levi was able to let go of Erwin, and when he did, the man went to his dresser and pulled out another set of straps.

“This set is from my cadet days,” Erwin set, crossing the room back toward Levi, “A different time. Before you. It makes me happy that now, in some small way, I’ll get to join those two parts of my life together.”

He allowed Levi to step into the harness, and then pulled the straps up the man’s legs. Levi felt his heart continue to pound as Erwin began to adjust the straps around his hips, but his heart pounded even harder after the man’s next words.

“Keep it, okay? And, if it fits you well, please continue to wear it. And every day you do--think of me, Levi.”

Levi’s knees felt weak. Something that wasn’t supposed to happen to Humanity’s strongest, but something he knew that Erwin, nonetheless, would be able to accomplish whenever the hell he pleased.

Levi reached down and grabbed one of the straps, feeling the worn leather in his hands, and thinking about a teenage Erwin in them instead. An Erwin Levi hadn’t known, but one, no doubt, he would have loved just as much had he known him.

_Idiot_ Levi thought with so much love that the world held no animosity _These straps, no matter how much I treasure them, won’t be able to change anything. Because, you bastard, I already think of you constantly. There isn’t room for any more. You’ve taken over everything you greedy, gorgeous man, and I was no match to resist you._

“I was about to chuck my old set anyway,” Levi lied, knowing he was fooling no one, especially not with the way he was gripping the straps as one would a loved one.

“How convenient,” Erwin said, doing up the last of the straps. If his voice was a bit raspy, neither of them mentioned it.

“Erwin.” Levi said again, in an attempt to get back to his original thought before he was derailed even more horribly by the other man.

“Yes, Levi?”

Levi looked back up at his commander--the man who was everything.

“What will we do if they do shut down the survey corps?” he asked, “Go rogue? Explore the outside anyway? We both know that neither of us will be able to rest forever within the walls.”

Erwin picked up the tan uniform jacket from the edge of the bed and slipped it over Levi’s shoulders. The bright emblem, the wings of freedom, looked back at the both of them.

“Whatever happens, it’ll be together,” Erwin assured him, “But I’m not giving up on this,” and so saying, he pressed his hand to the emblem above Levi’s heart. “Never mind humanity, or the crown, I know there’s one person who would never forgive me if I threw the towel in.”

Erwin jerked humanity’s treasures, his eyebrows, toward the door.

And just like that, the remembrance of just who was standing outside the door came back to Levi. If it had been anyone else outside, he would have been mortified that they had heard everything that had transpired. But it wasn’t anyone else. And so instead of melting into a pool of humiliation, he was able to smile warmly before saying, “For Hanji?”

Erwin’s answering smile was just as warm. “For Hanji.”

The door crashed open then, as they both knew it would. So neither of them jumped when the woman of the hour threw herself into the room and raced toward where they were standing.

Erwin was a huge wall of a muscle, and his reflexes had been honed to a razor sharp quality over the years, but even he was no match for the flying projectile, and as he caught her in his arms he stumbled back several steps.

“Stupid old geezers,” she wailed into Erwin’s chest, “The both of you.”

Erwin’s arms tightened around her as he steadied them both. “You’ll get no argument from me.”

“Useless,” she continued, wiping her nose on Erwin’s shirtfront (an action so vile to Levi, but one that didn’t even make the commander flinch.) “So damn useless.”

“We’re your family,” Erwin said in his defense, “We’re supposed to be useless.”

Hanji looked up. She’d only shed a few tears, but the tracts from them were still on her face.

A wave of fierce protection and love swept through Levi, making him walk up to the pair, and yank her face toward himself. “That’s right,” he said gruffly, “You’re weird, and dirty, and incomprehensible most of the time, but I suppose that’s what sisters are for. We won’t be replacing you anytime soon.”

Hanji’s lip began to wobble until she bit down on it. “Your sister…”

And Levi could understand, could feel some pretty powerful emotions rising up in himself as well. None of them had any biological family left. Each, before they had met the others, had been an unattached entity. But over the years they had been tugged together, each drawn fiercely to the others until they’d been left in the position they were in now: hopelessly entangled in a mess of bonds that could never be broken.

“Always,” Erwin promised, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, before reaching out to snag Levi into the hug as well.

“So...you guys aren’t just going to waltz off in some bubble of giant gay love and leave me to deal with these crapheads myself?”

“Well I wouldn’t say that,” Erwin teased, flicking the woman’s pony tail, “Giant gay bubbles seem pretty appealing now that--”

Levi smacked him upside the head, and Erwin grinned unrepentantly. “What? So she can eavesdrop but I’m not allowed to--”

Hanji swept her hair off of her face, and when she looked back up Levi felt relief and warmth flood his insides. Gone was every trace of anxiety, and in its place was her radiant and slightly kooky smile. Hanji was back.

“It wasn’t eavesdropping. It was tactical research,” she said smoothly, throwing her arm over Levi’s shoulder, “Tell him, shorty.”

“Hell no,” Levi shuddered, “I’ve used up all of my resources for nice behavior for the next three months.”

“Oh well, you were pretty crappy at being nice anyway. Plus it gave me the creeps.”

“I’m _supposed_ to give you the creeps. I’ve been working on that aura my entire life.”

“ _Both_ of you give me the creeps,” Erwin admitted as he reached for the last remaining part of Levi’s uniform and pulled it from the bed: It was Levi’s cravat.

“Let me?” Erwin asked, holding the material as if it were something precious.

Levi tried to keep his expression as impassive as possible even though he was sorely tempted to smile. He had a reputation to uphold after all. “You might as well. You’ve already gotten your grubby fingerprints all over it, after all.”

“God, you are _such_ a bad actor.”

“Shut up, shitty glasses.”

Erwin ignored them both, his forehead knotted with concentration as he completed the task of tying the cravat for the first time.

No one had ever done this for Levi before, and yet, Erwin’s hands, as he finished the knot, felt more at home there than Levi’s own did. He wondered if he’d be able to rope Erwin into doing the job again, say, as early as tomorrow morning.

Levi felt a bit of the familiar blush crossing his face as he looked down at Erwin’s work, feeling a concentrated blip of warmth.

“Passable,” he grunted.

“Not fooling anyone,” Hanji sing-songed, dodging out of the way before Levi could hit her.

Erwin laughed, reaching out with his ginormous grabby hands and gripping them both by the shoulders.

“All right, are you guys ready for--”

“Were you boneheads _really_ going to start the party without us?”

The door, that had already been thrown open by Hanji, was one less obstacle that stood between the assembled group, and the two figures lounging in the doorway. One appeared, Levi noted, even taller and therefore more treelike than he usually did. And the other, the woman who had spoken, looked so relaxed and so inherently happy that it forced a smile to the captain’s lips. Such were the improvements of good sex.

“Took you guys long enough,” Hanji said, light notes of laughter in her voice.

“I’ve got a lot of stamina,” Mike said proudly.

Every single one of them rolled their eyes.

“Moblit filled us in right before he raced off to stall the council,” Nanaba explained, “So just tell us how we’re moving forward. What’s the plan?”

All heads turned to Erwin--the man of the hour.

Levi noted the way Erwin’s eyebrows quirked upward as he faced them all, and nearly swooned at the sight.

“Simple. We’re going to do what we always do,” Erwin said, eyes glittering bright as sapphires, “Look gorgeous, and kick some fucking ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right guys. I've already got the next chapter for you. Apparently you can accomplish a lot while you're trying to procrastinate your school work. (and holy crap--did this thing really break 100k? how the frack did any of you slog through that many words?)  
> So yeah--now you've got the entire story of that night, plus i threw in some Hanji feels for ya as a little bonus (god Hanji--why haven't you married me yet? I don't understand...) Anyway, this fic keeps stretching out to more and more chapters because it takes me forever to get my point across, but we're really almost done. Not sure if it will end up having one or two more chapters, but stay tuned for the stunning conclusion.


	14. Chapter 14

chapter 14:

“Yeah, yeah, we all know how much you like fucking ass,” Mike muttered.

Nanaba smacked him.

“What?” he asked, looking like an overgrown puppy, “The secret’s out now, isn’t it?”

He glanced toward Levi. “Well if it isn’t, Erwin’s been in love with you for longer than the new recruits have been on this earth. And it’s pathetic and fuck you Erwin for torturing us with your one sided love affair.”

“What’s that?” Erwin asked, cupping his ear, “I can’t hear you over the sound of your own hypocrisy.”

“Hey, at least I confessed!”

“Actually, _I_ confessed,” Nanaba corrected him, leaning into his side.

“Yes, well, I was prepared to confess, and would have had you not beaten me to the punch,” Mike said defensively, “So I think I deserve some points for--”

“It wasn’t one sided,” Levi finally said, finding his voice. It was a little late, and wasn’t the sort of resounding show of feeling than Levi felt Erwin deserved, but it was what he was capable of, and it was embarrassing as hell.

But when everyone turned to look at him, it was Erwin’s face that made it worth it. Because all the muscles in the man’s face were spasming as if he wanted to speak, but couldn’t even make his mouth work.

It was silent for several seconds, Levi’s words ringing around the room before--

“Oh shiiiiiit,” Mike cried, slapping his thigh and then bursting out laughing.

Nanaba raced forward and threw her arms around Levi. “I; m so damn proud of you,” she whispered in a voice that was drowned out by Mike’s laughter for everyone but Levi.

“I had a lot of help,” he admitted, but felt a flush of pride regardless. Sometimes sappiness was its own reward.

“That’s right!” Hanji crowed, “I provided the pants!”

“And what a pair of pants,” Erwin muttered, also finding his voice and wrapping one strong arm around Levi’s waist, pulling him gently from Nanaba’s arms and into the pocket of his own body.

“Shut up, old man,” Levi huffed, nuzzling himself closer.

“What a hopeless romantic you are,” Erwin murmured, giving him a squeeze.

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll _make_ you shut up.” Levi warned, the words coming out a lot more suggestive than he’d intended, and Erwin’s wicked grin reflected that.

“God, they’re disgusting,” Mike noted with a shudder, “Thankfully we’re not like that.”

Nanaba rolled her eyes, “You spent thirty minutes last night describing how much my smell means to you. I don’t think you have a right to talk.”

“Yeah, but, _Erwin_ \--”

“Don’t worry, no one’s contesting that Erwin’s the worst,” Nanaba assured him.

“Oh come on, I’m not _that_ bed.”

“ _Disgusting_.” Every single voice including Levi’s chorused as one.

Erwin pouted sexily. “I get less crap from the council than I do from you guys.”

“That’s because they don’t love you as much as we do,” Hanji said, the only one to even attempt to comfort him. Levi was already pushing out of his arms.

“Can we go-- _before_ they tear Moblit a new craphole?” he growled, reassuring himself that he’d allow himself the pleasure of Erwin’s arms again as soon as they were done.

“No doubt they already have,” Hanji said, moving toward the door, “It wouldn’t be the first time, the poor dear. But he’s tough, and he’s never let me down before. He’ll hang in there until we arrive.” But Levi could see the way she instinctively increased her pace.

And then everyone was moving. Mike, with his ridiculous legs, reached the front of the pack, but Erwin stayed by Levi’s side.

“Er...no shoes?” he queried, glancing at Levi’s cute little feet as they marched down the hall.

Levi wiggled his toes a bit. “Guess not.”

“The council’s going to be thrilled.”

“The council can kiss my pasty white titan killing ass.”

“No way. Only I can do that.”

“Will you two quit flirting for maybe just long enough to take care of this?”

“No,” Erwin answered. Levi just crossed his arms over his chest and looked grumpy.

Hanji groaned. Erwin patted her on the back. “Don’t worry, you’ve got this.”

“I know for a fact you didn’t wash your hands,” was all she replied.

Erwin smiled the smile of the blatantly guilty. “Nope.”

At that moment they passed by a group of recruits, and Levi recognized the majority of them. But of course he zeroed in on just one of them.

“What the hell are you looking at, Jaeger?” he barked, “Ran out of people’s beds to soil?”

“Maybe,” Eren answered, his attitude not having improved from fantastic threesome sex, “But it looks like _you_ haven’t.”

Levi stared at him blankly for a second, finding the idea that he would soil _anything_ to be completely and utterly ridiculous. But his slightly throbbing ass provided him with a swift reminder, and images of Erwin’s bed returned to him in a flash.

Levi’s eyes widened and then, with the speed of his famous spinning technique, his face assumed a hue usually reserved for eggplants.

“You fucking brat!” He screamed, about to leap on the teen with the full intent to murder him. But Erwin caught him by the arm. His grip wasn’t very good though because he was roaring with laughter. “Oh _god_! Levi you have to admit--he got you really good.”

“I’m not admitting anything! This damn brat is going to resemble a titan’s anus by the time I’m through with--”

“Eren!” Hanji cooed, descending on the teen with greedy hands, “You have _got_ to share your aphrodisiac experience. And I want _every_ detail.”

“What? No!” Levi protested, “You can interrogate him _after_ I’ve killed him.”

“I don’t think you understand the idea of interrogation very well,” Hanji informed him in a pitying tone, “You see, you need them to be alive to--”

“It was hot!” Jean interrupted, seeming to appear out of nowhere to throw his arm over Eren’s shoulders.

“Beyond hot,” Eren agreed, turning to look at Jean with a hungry look in his eye.

Jean wasn’t far behind him in that department. “Damn right you were,” he agreed, sliding his hands down to the straps on Eren’s hips and tugging him closer.

“Wait! Guys, no! Shit!”

It was the first time any of them had heard Armin curse, and it was the reason they were all silent for the two seconds it took for the small blonde to hurry over to where they were.

“Damn it, Eren, where’s Mikasa?” Armin demanded, tugging at Eren’s hand where it had secured itself in Jean’s hair.

Eren completely ignored the question, and turned to the boy with bright burning eyes. “Armin,” he rasped, reaching out and clutching the boys arms tightly, “Armin, I missed you so much.”

Eren sounded tearful, a sound not unfamiliar to everyone present. He was an excellent soldier, and a damn good motivator most of the time, but no one could deny that he sprung tears faster than a teen slicing onions while receiving the news that their pet bunny, snuggles, had just died.

“I’ve only been gone for half an hour,” Armin said, attempting to reason with him.

“And that’s thirty minutes too long,” Eren sobbed, pulling the boy tightly into his arms, “Don’t you know my life is meaningless without you?”

At that moment a black blur swooped toward them, and then a distraught Mikasa latched onto Eren’s arm and tugged him backward. “Eren! How did you--?”

“Transformed my arm into a Titan’s and pulled off the restraints while you went to go shower,” Eren answered in one quick breath, “Now can I get back to Armin?”

Mikasa smacked herself in the face. Eren took this as a yes and reached for his little blonde once more.

“Fascinating,” Hanji murmured, reaching for the small notepad she stowed in her cleavage. That was bad enough, but when she reached back in to remove a pen as well, Levi nearly had a shit fit. “It appears that Eren’s drive to get to Armin was enough to successfully transform pieces of his anatomy.”

Armin, having noticed all those gathered, was trying frantically to lean away from Eren’s hungry mouth, “Hanji! Please, I need your help. I don’t understand what’s going on with these two. The aphrodisiac seemed to have been fading, but now it’s back at full force. I don’t know why. The others who took it are all back to normal. At first when I saw Eren I thought it was the result of him being a titan shifter but then when I saw Jean too I knew that wasn’t the case. If the original solution has mutated and become permanent then—“

“Oh no, it’s nothing as complicated as all that,” Hanji reassured him.

“But—but how could you possibly know that without running diagnostic tests and—“

“Simple, because I know the results that you see now are due to my tampering with the water jug you had beside the bed,” she answered.

Armin’s mouth fell open, his whole body sagging with disbelief.

Levi reached over and grabbed his best friend, who he very much wanted to kill at that moment, by the front of her shirt. “You gave them _more_?” He roared.

“Only a little bit,” she replied, smiling fearlessly, “I didn’t get all the data I wanted last night so I figured I’d top them off a little.”

She looked around at the blinking group around her, “What? No harm, no foul, right?”

“No…no harm?”

Armin looked like he was about to either pass out or skin a dead cat with his bare hands. His eye was beginning to twitch. He grabbed both Jean and Eren by the arms and thrust them forward to exhibit them. “No harm? No harm? Tell me, Hanji, have you ever had four extremely libidinous and well-endowed muscle trains attempting to spend every second of their time remaining on this earth assaulting your defenseless asshole? BECAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU DO!”

“Wait, four?” Levi muttered over the sound of Armin hulking out, “I thought there was only—“

“I _don’t_ want to talk about it,” Armin huffed.

“But aren’t you happy you got to contribute some data? It’s for _science,_ Armin,” Hanji said as if this was the ultimate argument, “ _Science_.”

Armin gripped his face and let out a strangled moan. Eren reacted in an instant.

“What the hell did you fuckers do to my precious mushroom?” he screamed, raising his hand to his mouth, “I’ll kill all of you bastards!”

“The antidote, Hanji,” Erwin called out as Mikasa grabbed Eren’s hand and tore it away from his mouth, “Give them the antidote. I know you have it.”

Hanji pouted. “Don’t wanna.”

Erwin put on his best commander face. It involved his eyebrows tilting downward into a V. Levi felt himself go hard in his pants.

“If you _don’t_ give it to them I’m going to hold you down and start comparing Levi’s body to the wonders of nature and I won’t stop until you’re screaming for mercy,” he warned.

It was no contest. Hanji was crazy, but not suicidal. She quickly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a small glass vial. “Fine. Be a boring old fogy.”

Levi knew that Hanji’s breasts were nowhere near big enough to be allowing for this much storage. He suspected that there was some cheating involved.

“Three drops into a glass of water should do it for each of them,” Hanji continued, regretfully handing Armin the vial. The small princess didn’t waste any time. The second the glass touched his hand he was off like a shot with two heartily aroused teenage boys behind them.

“Let me love you!” Eren shouted as they all screeched around the corner.

Erwin turned toward Hanji and continued to gaze at her sternly. Levi would have given anything in that moment to have that commander face all to himself. But sadly, the old man preferred to give him all the sappy faces at his disposal. Sometimes life was unfair.

“And when, pray tell, did you find time to mess with the recruits this morning?” Erwin demanded.

Hanji crossed her hands behind her head and continued to walk down the wall, forcing them all to move forward.

“Well, I saw my opportunity while Eren and Jean were both standing open mouthed watching you guys make out.”

Erwin’s composure slipped, but not as much as Levi’s. “WHAT?” he roared.

Hanji rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I can’t believe you guys expected anything different. You left the door open after all.”

Erwin and Levi turned to look at each other with matching expressions of horror. Because they were both recalling the same moment. When Erwin had first entered the room that morning… He’d walked over to Levi without closing the door. And that meant…

“I guess I got to hand it to you guys. For such old men you’re surprisingly kinky. I didn’t expect an exhibitionist streak in either of you. Not that I have any problem with it, but when I walked by and saw the boys, I decided that it might be better to close the door. I didn’t want anyone being traumatized for life and missing training after all.”

“When…” Levi groaned, burying his face in his hands, “When _exactly_ did you close the door?”

Hanji tapped her chin in a pretend struggle to recall. “I think it was about the time that you were screaming profanity while Erwin had your dick in his mouth.”

Many people experience horror in their lifetime, but Levi was pretty sure he’d won the gold medal of embarrassment for this one.

Nanaba, bless her, was actually trying to conceal her laughter. Mike took upon himself no such limitations.

“I hate all of you,” Levi muttered darkly as Mike collapsed against the wall as he struggled to breathe. Levi hoped the man would hit his head on the top of the next doorway. But he didn’t. After Mike finally regained his composure, they continued onward without a single incident except for the occasional escaped giggle as one of them recalled the truth. (And every time that happened Levi loudly and vehemently informed them of how much he regretted his birth because it had eventually led him to the prison of their company. But none of them believed a word of it. The bastards.)

Finally they arrived at a large set of oaken doors that marked the entrance to the council room. All of them could clearly hear a large amount of shouting going on within, and they recognized the voice of head councilman Armand Augustin.

“Do you think he knows about the concept of an indoor voice?” Nanaba asked, looking genuinely curious.

“I don’t know,” Erwin answered, rolling up his sleeves, “Why don’t we go and ask him.”

Without so much as a knock, Erwin pushed both doors open with a powerful shove, leaving the rest of the group to quickly assemble by his side.

“Good afternoon, council members, I hope you weren’t kept waiting for too long,” Erwin said in a breezy voice, taking large confident steps into the room until he reached the edge of the large mahogany table at the center of it.

Levi wasn’t sure whether to roll his eyes or applaud the man for his cheek. Though Armand didn’t seem to find anything praiseworthy about it.

“You!” he barked from his position at the head of the table, “Where have you been?”

“Spending some quality time with my corps members,” Erwin replied, straightening up to his full height. His face had formed itself into a cold and calculating mask. “I figured that was in order if indeed you were planning on disassembling my legion.”

“ _Your_ legion?” Armand demanded, “Listen up _Commander_ Smith. I’ll remind you of a small fact that seems to have been knocked loose after your many skirmishes with the titans. _You_ don’t control anything. You’re just sent out with your troops on your suicidal missions once you manage to weasel enough money out of us for an expedition. You’re nothing more than a babysitter for those soldiers, and a poor one at that given the number of casualties you regularly return with. The legion belongs to us, and you’ll do well to remember that from now on.”

Levi felt anger, cold and thick ooze through his chest and down his spine. But he didn’t open his mouth. He wasn’t a spokesman. All his life his fists had done the talking. He would put his trust in Erwin as he always had.

“And that’s where I’ll need to disagree with you, Head Councilman,” Erwin countered, keeping absolutely still aside from his mouth, “I am not a babysitter. Babysitters get to go home at the end of the day. Babysitters get to forget those they watch. I do not. There is no going home. These soldiers, every one of them, is my responsibility—my eternal responsibility. If I was a mere babysitter than I would allow you to do what you have planned. Babysitters aren’t tied down to a single family. Were I a babysitter, I would simply wash my hands of this legion, with relief, no doubt. I’m a capable man. Had I been a babysitter I could have, no doubt, found myself a new family. One without as much grief, or death, or heartbreak. But I am _not_ a babysitter. I am a parent. At the end of the day the responsibilities of every one of my soldiers falls to me, and me alone. There is no one here who will claim them. Aside from their families, which are few and far between, they have no one. And though I cannot promise to be the best parent, or even a mediocre one, I _can_ promise to be an ever present one.”

Erwin’s fist crashed forward into his chest in a salute. But he wasn’t saluting to any member of the council. His eyes made that clear. No. He was saluting to his soldiers. All of them. Those alive and those dead. Saluting to every person that had passed under his arm as he led them over the wall.

“I never promised to keep my soldiers happy, safe, or even alive. But I did promise them a chance—a chance to find a light out of this darkness. I promised that as long as I was alive I would keep searching for an answer—for something that would help free us from the prison of our walls. So that even if they were dying, even if they all lost hope, they would be able to lean on me, because that promise ensured that I would never give up on that chance. I would never give up on humanity.”

Levi realized he was breathing heavier—as if _he_ was the one shouting the passionate words. But he wasn’t. It was Erwin. It was all Erwin. He wanted to run to the man. To tell him something, _anything_ that would take away some of the burden in the man’s eyes. Because in them was the weight of every person—not just those in his legion. All of humanity was counting on Erwin to find the thing that would save them all.

“I know you’re upset. And you have reason to be. And I will gladly explain the situation to you in as much detail, and as many times as you like. But I will also tell you this.” The look in Erwin’s eyes was so strong and so direct that Levi couldn’t understand how Armand could withstand it. Though granted, he was looking a little pale. “You do not have the power to carry out your threat, and that is why I feel no fear. Because you cannot shut down the survey corps.”

Levi’s eyes widened, and whispers and gasps broke out all over the room.

_Erwin what are you saying? You can’t bluff your way out of this one._ Levi thought, his own mask cracking.

Erwin didn’t say things without meaning. Levi knew that. But maybe the desperateness of the situation was getting to him. Maybe…

“What are you talking about?” Armand spluttered, “I can have you shut down in the span of ten seconds. All I need is a majority council vote, and I will get that. I can—“

“You have the power to take away all our funding,” Erwin interrupted, “You can slash our budget to zero and strip us of our uniforms and quarters. But you cannot shut down the Survey corps. You cannot erase our name. You cannot control the soldiers’ lives that have dedicated themselves to this cause. You _cannot_.”

Levi’s breath left him in an exhale. Of course. _Of course_.

“What’s in a name?” the councilman demanded, “Nothing! Without money you can achieve nothing. You won’t need Titans to kill you off, you’ll starve to death first.”

“Money can be found,” Erwin said, “It might be difficult, and it might be long in coming. But any able bodied man can make money. And I will fund another expedition for my soldiers even if it means raising every penny by myself. Because you’re wrong. Names are important, and that applies to our legion as well. The Survey corps is synonymous with hope. The wings of freedom aren’t just a nice emblem you can wear on your back. Every one of my soldiers wears them whether their uniform is on, or not. There was only ever one man I forced to join the corps, but even he has now adopted the wings into his heart. We all chose this. As horrific as the situations we encounter are, my men face them head on. Because what they have isn’t something that can be controlled by money, or the decisions of men such as you. What they have is indestructible. What they have is the will of humanity. A will far stronger than you, or I, or even the king can control. So do what you will. If at the end of this meeting you wish to strip me of my rank and toss me out onto the streets, then I will have no power to oppose you. But that will not stop me. For as long as these soldiers choose me as their leader I will always be looking forward to the next step no matter how many obstacles stand in my way.”

Levi wished he was the one standing across from Erwin because he desperately wanted to see the man’s face. But even just staring at the man’s back—with its tense set of shoulders and intimately familiar muscles, Levi was hit with reality.

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or groan because he knew, that no matter what happened after this meeting, he would have to ask Erwin to marry him. Maybe it was sentimental, and he knew that the gesture didn’t inherently mean anything, but he wanted to do it anyway. Because at this point he wanted to do anything that would show the world, and more importantly, Erwin, that this was it. Levi was his, and he always would be. Because he was absolutely confident that there couldn’t be a man he’d be prouder to be attached to. He’d never felt the way he was feeling right now by looking at anyone else. Never. And he wasn’t so optimistic to think he’d ever feel it toward anyone else again. Levi had learned a lot about himself in his life, despite what others may have thought, and he had learned many things in just the last few weeks alone. Levi knew he’d never be a social butterfly, but he had found that when he did find somebody special, he held onto them for all he was worth. And he would hold onto Erwin. He’d hold onto him even if it made all his fingers break and bleed.

Levi found himself leaning forward to hear more of Erwin’s words, but surprisingly the commander chose that moment to turn away from Armand, and instead faced a familiar auburn haired woman that Levi recalled from last night.

“I’m so sorry about all this, Cordelia,” Erwin said in a repentant tone, “Your day has no doubt been a nightmare since I last saw you.”

Cordelia recovered very quickly considering the magnitude of Erwin’s speech before, and gave him a tired smile. “Yes, well, I’m still hoping we can bring some civility into all of this, though that hope keeps dwindling exponentially.”

Erwin’s chuckle was overlaid by Armand’s enraged shout. “Civility? How can you speak of such a thing to the man in front of you? He speaks of promises—his promise to humanity and all that. But what good are his promises if he cannot even keep them for a single woman?”

“Come on, dad, don’t—“

“I’ve told you that as long as we are in this room you are to address me by my proper title!”

So angry was he that the fat beneath his chin gave a furious jiggle. As engrossed as he was in the proceedings, Levi couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to poke it. Call it morbid fascination.

“ _Fine_ , Head Councilman Augustin,” she snapped, looking far less warm toward her father than she had toward the man who had supposedly broken her heart, “As I’ve already told you, Erwin hasn’t broken any promises to me. We were engaged, yes, but never took our vows. What he promised you was to take care of me for as long as he was involved with me, and he has. I have never met a more considerate or engaging man. And not once has he ever treated me with anything approaching disrespect.”

“He _abandoned_ you. He proposed marriage and then several days later just dropped you as one would an old loaf of bread. How is that not disrespectful? How—“

“He didn’t _abandon_ me, da—head councilman!” she cried, “And yes we did break it off, but we did it together. The idea of marrying him wasn’t any more appealing to me as it was to him. If anything, he did me a favor. Because though I’m sure he would be kind and polite to me all the days of my life, I wouldn’t want to be in a loveless marriage any more than he!”

“Loveless? But you said—“

“I lied,” she admitted, looking fierce, “I lied to you, father, because I couldn’t just stand here and watch your attempts to destroy a legion that is so integral to Humanity’s survival. Yes, they incur a lot of deaths, and yes, they haven’t succeeded yet in their mission, but I know that if we don’t support them than we might as well just go outside and lay down on the ground and wait for the titans to get us because it’ll all come down to the same conclusion.”

In the second that it took her to take a breath no one said a word—not even her father who seemed to have been caught off guard by the fact that anyone who he’d assumed to have been under his control could have done anything as preposterous as _lie_ to him.

“All my life I’ve lived within these walls,” she continued, “I’ve never seen the outside—not even from the top of the wall. I’ve lived a pampered life, and I knew that even if I just sat around and did nothing I’d be provided for. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to get a seat on the council by virtue of you. I didn’t want to be another self-centered politician that voted for the results that were most convenient for me. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to, in whatever way I could, give a tiny crack of light to humanity.”

She clenched her fist at her side while her face came together tightly in regret and distaste. “But I _was_ weak. I kept quiet because I was afraid. I didn’t stand up for the controversial issues, and if I did, then at the first sign of opposition I sat back down. I’ve been a coward and an embarrassment. And it killed me. More and more it hurt. And Erwin must have seen that. Say what you want about him, father, but he is an incredibly intelligent and observant man. And when he approached me, and proposed his idea, I jumped at it. Because I knew that even if I myself wasn’t strong, if I could allow Erwin to speak through me, to take my power here at this table, than I would be doing something—something important. Erwin would lend me his strength, and with that I would be able to finally sleep at night knowing I wasn’t just another person waiting to be saved.”

As Cordelia had been speaking, Levi had watched Armand’s face grow splotchy with anger. And now he released some of it.

“I am not even going to begin to start in with the problems of the ideals you’ve expressed. But I will challenge you with this.” Little flecks of spit flew from the man’s mouth as he spoke, and Levi shuddered, thankful that he was safely out of reach. “If Erwin here is so perfect and wonderful and strong than why would your marriage have been so loveless? If you can’t even bring yourself to love him, then why would you be sacrificing everything in your life to—“

“For god’s sake, dad, it’s because I’m fucking gay!” she shouted, her words blowing out into the room like hurricane level winds. “It’s not a phase, it’s not confusion, and it’s not whatever the hell else you tried to describe it as the few times I attempted to share this information with you. But you’re not right all the time, and this is one of those things that you can’t control. So yes, if I may take up that challenge you proposed, than I’d say that my willingness to marry someone—to dedicate my life to someone—who I could never be attracted to, just goes to show the level of importance I place in both him and his mission. I’ve known his name since I was a toddler, but it wasn’t until these last few weeks that I got to know some of the man. And I can tell you now, even more clearly than before that he is the one we should place our trust in. He is the one we should be giving as many recourses we can spare to. And he is the man we have the most chance surviving with.”

“But you broke it off!” Armand shouted, pounding the table with his fist, “Why are you spouting this nonsense now when your actions clearly show that you don’t have the courage to carry out your words?”

Levi saw Erwin step forward, with a sharp gleam in his eye, but as he opened his mouth, Cordelia slammed both of her hands flat on the table and shouted, “My actions and words as well as my thoughts and ideals will all be one now. Because I _have_ gained courage. I will be a more effective mouthpiece by standing up and speaking _myself_ than by allowing myself to be used as a puppet. I don’t have to marry Erwin to have his courage or to have his strength. He can be with his love, and later, when I find her, I’ll be able to be with mine. But I’m done with relying on others to say the things that need to be said. If I want to say something, then I’ll say it myself, and I’ll take whatever consequences that may bring me!”

Levi was impressed, and that didn’t happen very often. And now he also felt bad for his previous animosity toward the woman. She had never been trying to steal Erwin away from him. She had been doing her best to help humanity—and there wasn’t anything more that could’ve asked of anyone.

And so Levi then went and did what he would have done for anyone who earned his respect in that way. He stood up perfectly straight, clacked his shoeless feet together, and slammed his fist to his chest as he turned to face her, offering his salute, and future services should she need them, to her.

Without a word, all the other members of his legion turned to the woman, and saluted her as well, the only sound in the room that of their fists hitting their chests.

Cordelia looked at each of them in turn, and as she did her eyes grew wide and wet. Levi could see that she wanted to speak—wanted to express her gratitude for their support. But such things were difficult, as Levi himself was aware. But she would have found the words, he was sure of it, had not her father interrupted once again.

“No! This is all bullshit. All of it! You can make as many meaningless gestures as you want, but you won’t be able to cover up reality! He promised you a partner, he promised that he would provide protection for you. He still broke his promise. He—“

“Desperate.”

Hanji’s voice was one of clean judgment. She lowered her hand from her salute, and turned her head to face the large and furious man. “It’s clear that you don’t give a damn about the actual promise. And it’s also clear that you don’t care about your daughter either. Because if you did than you’d see that the situation as it stands is really the best for all involved.”

“Don’t you try and tell me—“

“But it’s okay,” Hanji continued, not allowing the man to butt in, “because even if you’re just trying to find more excuses to treat us poorly, it’s no more than any of us expected. But you may rest assured, head councilman, because even if your concerns are entirely fake, I’ll put them to rest.”

Hanji turned away from the man, and Levi caught just a moment’s glimpse of her face. She looked composed and steely. Levi felt a slight chill in his spine because he knew that Hanji only made that face when she was about to do something she’d regret.

She turned to Cordelia once more, and began to circle the table once more.

“Your father says that you were promised a partner, and if that is the case I’d be more than happy to provide myself for the position.”

She came to a stop in front of the other woman and took hold of her hand. “Unlike the commander, I have not promised my heart to another, so I can therefore offer myself to you without any weight on my conscience. Also unlike the commander, I happen to be female, which, I understand, is a little more in line with your preferences.”

Levi couldn’t believe what was taking place, and yet, he also had to admit that he needed to stop being surprised by anything Hanji tried to pull.

Cordelia’s eyes widened a little more, and she clapped the hand that Hanji _wasn’t_ holding over her mouth. “But…but you’re not like me. You’re—“

“I have no preference for either sex,” Hanji explained, raising the woman’s hand to her mouth and kissing it like some love interest from a shoujo manga. “And you’ll also find that I share some of the characteristics you so admired in the commander. I am strong, intelligent, and will be able to provide you with comfort and stimulating conversation. I will treat you respect and courtesy for all time, or until I get eaten by a Titan, and will provide you with all the mental, emotional, and physical support you need. So feel free to fall in love with me any time you wish. I offer myself up to you entirely.”

“Hanji, wait—there’s no need to—“

Erwin’s preliminary words of caution were cut off by an anguished, “No!”

Levi felt a jolt of remembrance, because he recognized that voice, even though, once again, he’d forgotten it was there.

Moblit, who’d been present the entire time—for longer than the rest of them had been—was now immobile with shock. One of his hands was stretched out in front of him and locked into position.

“Wait, no, you can’t just do that! You can’t!”

Levi looked with panic from Moblit to Hanji. Because the brown haired man was right. Hanji couldn’t do this. Not to Moblit. Not when the torture in his eyes was strong enough to make Levi flinch.

Hanji’s face, after Moblit spoke, lit up with false understanding.

“Of course,” she replied brightly, “How silly of me.”

Then, bizarrely, she reached up to the top of her shirt, and began to undo the buttons there.

“I shouldn’t expect you to make a decision before I’ve even shown you the goods,” she continued, moving her hands with crisp, unashamed motions, “That would be rather assuming and pretentious of me.”

She finished with her shirt and shucked it off of her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor to reveal an expanse of smooth and toned skin with a very impressive set of biceps and abdominal muscles. Her top half was now enclosed only in a black sports bra, and she didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. Her hands reached for the belt at her waist.

Levi watched this unfold like some kind of horrific nightmare. The _last_ thing this situation needed right now was more of Hanji’s flesh. His feelings for Hanji ran very deep, but they did _not_ extend to a desire to see her in her undergarments. His eyes instinctively reached for Erwin’s—the man he figured most capable to fix the current predicament. But before his eyes could reach the man’s, they caught on a different figure.

Moblit reached Hanji so fast, it looked like he’d used his maneuver gear to do so. And when he was beside her, his hands grabbed tight hold of hers before she could push her pants to the floor.

“Zoe, no, you can’t do this. You can’t.”

Had anyone moved past Levi at that moment they would have stepped on his jaw which had fallen open all the way to the floor. Her name… Even Levi had only called her by that name twice in his life and he’d known her for an ass long time. Never mind Moblit, who Levi had never heard address the woman without the requisite title "squad leader."

Hanji looked sharply up at Moblit, looking taken aback by the man for the first time.

“You can’t marry her. Not before I get the chance to have you fall in love with me. _Please_.”

It was the most direct address Levi had ever seen the man make, and the first time he had seen the man ask anything of anyone else.

“I…I know I’m not much to look at, and I’m not nearly as strong or clever as you, but…but I know that I have the capacity to care for you more than anyone else and I—“

He cut himself off and shook his head, as if annoyed at his own words. Then he reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a small item and placed it in a shocked Hanji’s hand. Finally he began to speak.

"No one ever expected much of me. I was the son of a craftsman, and was expected to follow in his footsteps. In fact, I had learned the rules of the trade for many years. As the oldest child I was expected to take over my father’s business even though my younger brother was more suited to the task than I, had the better business sense. But all that changed one day--one very specific day that has been lodged in my memory forever. Because it was the day that I met you."  
Moblit pulled Hanji’s hand to his chest. He was breathing heavily, as though each word took more courage than he thought he possessed, but his eyes shined bright with purpose.  
"You were returning from an expedition--a failure, like all the others as I was to come to know later. Commander Erwin was at the head of the procession, looking commanding and regal and wearing an expression even more forbidding than usual. But none of the soldiers following behind him had his composure. All of them were wearing expressions of deep set horror. Some of them had silent tears streaming down their faces, but most looked too weary for tears. The majority were slumped boneless over their horses, some barely clinging to them. But then--then there was YOU. It was impossible to miss you, because you were the only one in a sea of horror that was smiling.  
At first I couldn't believe it, thinking that you'd just cracked from the strain. But no. The smile was genuine. You were so happy you were shining from it.  
You were talking animatedly to Captain Levi who was making his usual face of chronic constipation."  
Levi felt a small spike of defensiveness at that. He was actually a very regular man in that department thank you get much.

“And I couldn't imagine what could make you that happy when everyone else was so dejected. But then you passed right by where I was standing in the crowd, and you were even more beautiful up close. But it was your words that made me choke, because you weren't talking of anything I could relate to. No. You were talking about Titan toenails."  
  
Moblit let out a chuckle and then lifted both of Hanji’s hands to his face and rested his forehead on them.  
"You were so excited that you'd found out their toenails were hard enough to break your blades, and you couldn't help expanding on that, developing theories about Titans that may have the same kind of hardness all over their bodies. And wouldn't it be fascinating to face one with no idea how to kill it?"  
  
He lifted his eyes then and looked directly at her with so much love that even Hanji, who had been oblivious to it for so long, could no longer fail to see it.  
"And at that moment I knew that you were crazy, impossible, and the one I knew I would be totally helpless to stay away from. Because you were the most magnetic and engaging person I had ever seen and I knew that I would have to follow you--would have to completely throw my current life away and adopt one that included you, because I knew that I would never meet anyone else like you. And I wasn't going to lose out on that--on you. And so that day I returned home and informed my father that I would be joining the army first thing the next morning in pursuit of a position in the survey corps. And I'm sure you can imagine just how well that went over."  
Levi could. Most members is the survey corps didn't have families. The position was like a death warrant and usually only those who stood nothing to lose or none to disappoint usually joined. But when they did have families, as Moblit did, it was never pretty.  
  
"And even then I could already feel your influence on my life because until that time I had never had the courage to stand up to my father. But I did that day. And I think it was because of strength that you had unknowingly lent me. So I made my excuses and left for military training. I’d like to say that I breezed through it, but I didn't. Training was hard for me. I'm not naturally adept at this sort of thing and having worked only with my hands for so long I lacked serious muscle mass. But I thought of you. Used you as a motivating factor, in fact. I just prayed that you'd survive until I was able to stand and fight by your side. Because that's what I wanted. If I could keep you alive for just five minutes more—to keep that smile in the world for just five more minutes—then I’d have done something real in my life. Because that smile of yours is so important. It has to be. Nothing trivial could have changed my life around so much.”

He seemed to feel himself going off track, and mentally bumped himself back on target. “And then I graduated, and Erwin came to speak at the time it was to choose a faction as he always does, and Hanji—you were there, and…and I wanted to go speak to you then, to tell you how much you had inspired me but…I couldn’t think of a way to do that without sounding creepy, so I didn’t. But I joined that day and was terrified to learn that the legion had an expedition scheduled to move out in only a week’s time. I thought I would die then. I had no experience fighting titans, and thought my new uniform was going to be spattered with my blood before it even had any time to become wrinkled. But I didn’t die, and I didn’t on the expedition after that either. It seemed like an incredible bout of luck, and yet despite my knowledge that I could die any day, I still didn’t work up the courage to speak to you. I would pass by your table in the mess hall three times a day, but each time I did it seemed to get harder to approach you. You were an elite soldier already and the more I saw you in action the more I was convinced you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me… But then on my third expedition I was finally forced to interact with you. I don’t know if you remember this since it was so many years ago, but that was the time that—“

“You saved my life,” Hanji cut in, finally finding her voice, “Of course I remember. How could I forget such a thing?”

Levi watched bright color bloom in Moblit’s face. His body looked like it was instinctively trying to curl up to hide his face from his embarrassment. “I…yes, well, I’m sure you would have survived without me. I’m not sure if I—“

“Moblit.”

Hanji’s voice sounded Hollow, and Levi knew it must have been because she’d finally looked down to examine the object Moblit had handed her.

Gently, she tugged her hands free to more carefully examine the object, and then let out a little gasp. It was a ring. A beautifully crafted thing. It had a thin gold band, and set atop it were a pair of wings—wings of freedom. Levi’s eagle eye sight, and close proximity to the pair, allowed him to see the delicate craftsmanship of the thing. The wings were so carefully and delicately wrought that they looked like they were about to take flight at any moment.

“Oh Moblit…how did you…?”

Moblit looked like he was ready to sink into the floor. He didn’t handle attention very well—especially not positive attention.

“I took it from one of the Titans we captured; Sonny. I know it might seem strange or gross, but, you know, I chose to carve it from the toenail since that was what you were talking about when I heard you for the first time. It seems that if they’re soaked for extensive periods I can use a drill bit to shear off pieces of it, and once the layers are made thin enough they can be shaved into whatever you choose, I suppose. I thought that what with your love of Titans and all it would be a--Of course It’s been heavily sanitized, I would never give you anything that was… God this was a really stupid idea, wasn’t it? I should have gotten you something normal. I’m an idiot. I knew I’d fuck this up. The time I finally decide to tell you and—unf!”

Moblit’s sudden incoherence was directly linked to the fact that Hanji had just yanked him down by the front of his shirt, and planted a kiss smack dab on his mouth right in front of the entire assembled council.

This action must have been far more embarrassing than the ones that had succeeded it, but instead of going completely red and possibly fainting from embarrassment as Levi had suspected he would, Moblit’s hands grabbed tight hold of Hanji’s face and hair and…kissed her back. He pulled her close into his body and kissed her with the kind of furious intensity that can only be expressed after holding onto an aching need for many years.

It seemed to be an instinctive reaction on his part, because as his hand moved to hold her back in order to pull her even closer, his hand met bare skin—and then he freaked out. His eyes shot open as his brain seemed to finally realize that he was on the edge of full on making out with his superior officer, who had far too few of her clothes on, in front of almost 30 people.

He pushed back on her shoulders and separated their mouths with a gasp. “Squad leader! Why did you—“

“I preferred it when you used my name. It was a nice change.”

“H-hanji,” he muttered, stumbling over the word, “Why would you—“

“Because never in my entire life has someone done something so sweet and perfect for me,” she answered simply, “How on earth did you have this made? I don’t think there’s anyone who specializes in Titan parts, or I would have found them long ago.”

“I made it,” he admitted, “It had to be me, or it wouldn’t have meant anything. I had to give something to you in return to all the strength you gave me.”

“But…but that’s incredible. I knew you had artistic skills, but how did you—“

“As I said, I was a craftsman for years before I joined the scouting legion. I had to try many times, but thankfully Titan toenails are rather large after all so I had plenty of materials. It wasn’t difficult when I got the hang of it, but I was never happy with the work. I wanted it to be perfect for you. I don’t even know why I put this in my pocket this morning. I was thinking of you, I guess. After last night I’ve been thinking about you even more than usual, and—“

Hanji kissed him again, and this time Moblit spluttered and nearly did the fainting thing Levi had originally thought of.

“S-squad leader!”

“My name, Moblit. You’re planning to marry me, after all. I assume that’s what the ring was for. Were you planning on calling me squad leader even after we tied the knot?”

Moblit was now shaking like a leaf and spluttering so bad Levi doubted that even had the man the capacity to form words they would have been utterly unintelligible.

Hanji smiled, and looked up at him far more indulgently than Levi thought she ever looked at _him_. Which seemed ridiculously unfair given that he’d saved her life too in the past. Though now that he came to think of it, he doubted he’d done it more than Moblit. Looking after Hanji was the man’s full time job after all, so it was no wonder he was good at it. Erwin had appointed him to her squad the day he’d saved her life, and he’d refused to move from her side since then.

Hanji curled her fingers over the ring, and then reached up to touch Moblit’s face with her other hand. “Can I keep it?” she murmured, “Until I decide I want to put it on forever?”

Levi’s eyes shot open. Oh, he would definitely be having a talk with Hanji about this. It practically sounded like she was promising to marry the guy—something which he _knew_ couldn’t be the case, because there was no way she’d decide on something so drastic without consulting her brother first. No way.

But even as he tried to convince himself of this, he remembered all the other times Hanji had done far riskier things without ever mentioning a word to him about it. Last night’s little fiasco with the punch being the first one that leapt into his mind. He supposed that at least he was hearing about it now, instead of later when she was already wearing a dress and walking down the aisle. Huh. Hanji in a white dress. He couldn’t think about that now because then he’d have to have _feelings_ and now was not the time for that. And he was just about to announce that it was time to wrap up this little scene in favor of turning to the pressing matter at hand, when Moblit burst into tears. His sobs wracked his entire body, and they were so great in their volume and intensity that Levi couldn’t figure out if it was explosive happiness, or the result of having a limb amputated without anesthesia.

“You would…you would consider…with me, you would—“

Hanji pulled Moblit’s head to her shoulder as his cries became too loud to allow for his speech. “You’re such a silly thing. Of course I would consider it. Seems strange that I haven’t until now considering how good our dynamic is. I suppose it’s because I never considered myself the marrying type. Too weird, you see. Most people can’t spend more than five minutes with me before wanting to tear their hair out. I should have guessed that there must have been something different about your feelings toward me given the level you were continuously sacrificing yourself to help me in matters that went far above the call of duty.”

“I love you!” he sobbed into her neck, “I love you so much!”

“I know, Moblit, I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier,” she apologized, “I love you too.”

This proved to be far too much for the poor guy after all the excitement. He stopped crying abruptly, his eyes shooting open wide with shock, and then his legs gave out, and he fell to his knees with a thud.

Levi almost rolled his eyes. People called _him_ socially inept, but at least _he_ would have been able to predict Moblit’s reaction, unlike a certain bonkers brunette.

But Hanji reacted quickly. She sank to her knees beside him and cupped his face with her hands. “Hey…” she said gently, “Come on, Moblit, enough of that. How are you supposed to save my life as usual if I suddenly do something stupid? You’ve got to be alert.”

In response Moblit simply let out another sob, and this time Levi really did roll his eyes. Great. Just what he needed.  Another idiot couple.

He supposed that the fact that his natural instinct hadn’t been to storm over and kick Moblit in the head bode well for the other man. It meant that even if he hadn’t admitted it yet to himself, he approved of the match. How could he not, after all, when Moblit seemed to look after her with just as much care as Levi himself did?

Levi glanced over at Erwin, feeling a bit shaky, but the smile Erwin cast him was full of warmth, and assured Levi that even if he wasn’t sure about things, they would be okay.

It was then that Nanaba stepped forward and rushed to the pair on the floor.

“Come Moblit,” she said quietly, taking the man by the hands and helping him up, “How does a nice cup of tea sound? We’ll get you all sorted out while they finish up here, okay? Let’s let Hanji and the others take care of this.”

Moblit was nodding like his head was on a spring. Tears were still leaking out of his eyes, but he looked a bit steadier on his feet after he stood up.

Hanji touched him on the shoulder and murmured. “I’ll see you after this wraps up, okay? We’ll talk then—or we could continue where we left off before. That felt rather pleasant, didn’t it? But for now go with Naba, let her take care of you.”

Levi felt himself turning rather green at the thought of Hanji, his family in all ways except by blood, contemplating the idea of _getting it on_. No, he decided, the idea of her having sex was an unthinkable one. He hadn’t yet reached the level of emotional maturity that would allow such a thing. He’d have to chain Moblit and Hanji in separate rooms. It was the only way, he rationalized, it was for their own good.

While he was thinking these terrible thoughts, Nanaba gently coaxed Moblit from the room. She’d handed him a handkerchief she’d retrieved from her knows where and he began to dab at his face just as the door closed behind him.

Hanji stared at the door for another moment a mix of wonder and genuine fondness in her expression, before she whipped back around to face the council. By the time her gaze had stopped on Armand, she had reaffixed her battle face. That was one of the things Levi loved about her. Her ability to go from “I’m as happy as a rainbow floating above a frolicking unicorn” to “Imma fuck up all your shit with just a rusty penknife and the strength of my malice” in 0.2 seconds flat.

 “Right,” she continued, letting her stare penetrate the councilman, “Where were we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So this chapter was getting kinda long (as they tend to...) so i decided to cut it off and continue in the next chapter--which should be the LAST chapter, guys. I've got a crapload of schoolwork to do as finals approach so I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to put it up, but I'll try.  
> Anyway, have some Hanji feels. I'll be off in the corner sobbing because in a different world Hanji would have been married to me, but alas I am not skilled at working with Titan toe nails...i never stood a chance  
> (also if you were wondering who were the other two armin had some...business with...eren convinced reiner and bertl to, uh, join in on the fun--he can be very convincing. Don't look at me, i'm trash. *forces self to go through an intervention for my perversion*  
> Thank you thank you once again for all your comments and support. I wish I could bake you all cookies, but i guess i'll have to settle with giving you my trashy fics.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys. The last chapter. Thank you all so much for your support and patience. I realized this was not an easy story on you readers. I'd like to dedicate this last chapter to my darling Sia who was just incredible throughout the whole writing process. I love you sweetie.  
> (note: there is an epilogue. feel free not to read it if epilogues aren't your thing. The story is okay without it I just wanted to give you guys a little bit more.)

Chapter 15:

Levi let out a snort. “Are you referring to before or after you started stripping off your clothes?”

“Isn’t there a height requirement you need to pass before you’re allowed to pull out a smart ass attitude?” she answered.

Levi heard Erwin’s light chuckle behind him. The traitorous bastard. Levi would have to punish the man for that later. Thoroughly. But then he had to clamp down on that train of thought because he was getting hard again. It was all Erwin’s fault. He’d never been a pervert _before_ Erwin had started oozing his creepy voodoo pressure. Really. The man ought to be locked up for the safety of the public. Locked up…Now there was a nice thought that--- _really_ had to not be in his mind right now. He shook his head vigorously before the thought of a blindfolded Erwin cuffed to the bed could fully take root in his mind. Right. He needed to get on with this before he sparked a nosebleed that would drain him of all his life source.

“Right,” Levi barked, causing several heads to turn sharply toward him, “Let’s pretend to be adults here and get on with this.”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Hanji pull a face at the word “adults.” Armand made more than a face. “Excuse me,” he said, managing to somehow make the phrase the least polite one Levi had ever heard, “But seeing as you are neither a councilperson or anyone of authority, kindly either get out or keep your mouth shut.”

Levi heard the sound of a pair of teeth clacking together. Erwin’s. And Levi could understand him. The commander was clearly of the opinion that only he was allowed to tell Levi to shut up. And he was right. Levi blatantly ignored the man’s directive.

“My fists give me all the authority I’ll ever need,” he answered dismissively, “Now are you going to admit that all this fuss about the marriage is crap, or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

Levi didn’t think the man would take well to being threatened. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Listen here you little shit…”

Unfortunately Levi was used to being directed this way.

“If this man thinks he can make a fool out of my daughter--”

“Oh please,” Levi interrupted, disdain clear in his eyes, “Can you drop the fake concerned parent act? We all know you don’t actually give a crap about her. You’re just sore because you thought that if Cordelia married Erwin you would be able to control his actions a bit more. Not sure why you thought anyone was capable of controlling the old pervert, but I’m starting to sense that you’re quite the delusional man.”

“You filthy little--”

That was it. You could call him prickly. You could call him coarse. Hell, sometimes you could even get away with calling him short. But no one--especially not _this_ asshole--could get away with calling him filthy.

One second Levi was standing there with his fists balled by his sides, and the next he’d dived straight over the table and landed atop it with his hands curled tightly in the front of the man’s shirt. Papers, glasses, and whatever the hell else had been covering the table was knocked to the floor. Levi yanked the man upwards until their faces were less than an inch apart and spat, “I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t care if you hate everyone here, but if you think you’re going to ruin the life of my commander and all those that look to him for guidance, than boy do I have some fucking news for you.”

The last time Levi had barked at someone this angrily, the man in question had peed himself. Sure it had been a new recruit who had simultaneously been terrified at having nearly been eaten--but the point was that Levi, despite his size, was absolutely terrifying in his fury.

Armand looked like he was contemplating the pee route himself, but surprisingly he managed to keep ahold of himself. He swallowed hard, and then deliberately looked over Levi’s shoulder to address the assembled members as if there _weren’t_ a 140 pound mass of angry muscle in the middle of their conference table.

“All in favor of cutting the legion’s funding to zero?”

Levi blinked, a little of his anger fading in his surprise. The suddenness in which this vote was being carried out shocked him. Didn’t things like this need weeks of bureaucratic red tape before they could lift off the ground? But apparently, if the head councilman was pissed off enough, he could do whatever he wanted.

But it didn’t matter. It was actually good that they were doing now. No more bullshit. They’d have the stupid vote and then they could get out of here, because surely Armand wouldn’t get the majority vote. Their legion was necessary. Everyone knew it was necessary. That’s why his fellow soldiers had been willing to go out there and give their lives--because their corps was the path to saving humanity. They were the ones who--

But it didn’t matter. All of Levi’s logic and rationalizing was doing nothing to prevent all the hands that were lifting themselves into the air before him. Levi whipped around and did a rapid fire head count, and as he did so he felt his heart sink like a stone into his stomach. Beaus there were too many.

He looked into the faces of the people who had their hands raised, but they were resolutely not looking at him.

“Why?” Levi whispered, brows knitting together tightly as his confusion ran rampant across his face.

No one answered him.

For as long as he could remember people had disappointed him. Their weakness and their selfishness had been the things that had pasted the permanent scowl on his face. It wasn’t until he joined the survey corps that he realized that there were some people that were the exception to the rule, but other than that he had thought himself locked into acceptance of the fact that humans, as a race, if given enough time, would live to disappoint him. He’d thought himself totally resigned to himself. But he must have been holding out a hope, however slim, that people could, at least partially, redeem themselves. But that hope splintered into biting little shards as he looked at the resigned looks on the council members’ faces.

And then those little shards ground themselves together, and in the tiny wounds they opened up inside him, angry shot out, gushing forth in hot pulsing steams inside of him.

He slammed his hand down on the table.

“Why?”

This time the word had been transformed into a full roar. Several of the members jumped, but once again no one said a word.

But that wasn’t going to do. He didn’t need them to cower. For as long as he could remember people had cowered. They’d cowered when he’d been beaten in the streets by the storeowners he’d robbed as a child in an attempt to put a crust of bread in his belly. They’d cowered when he’d dragged his childhood friend to the hospital and begged those there to help heal her even though neither of them had a penny to their names at the tender age of 7. They’d simply looked on, blank faces on the outskirts. Saying nothing. Doing nothing. Every time he’d ever needed anything those around him had cowered. So he’d learned to accept it. He made himself strong, totally self-reliant, so that no one would be able to hurt him--no matter how cowardly they were. But this time he couldn’t accept it, because now the cowering wouldn’t be hurting him--it would be harming Erwin, and everything the man had worked for.

“Where are your spines?” he demanded, “Are are you simply all blind? Have you listened to nothing that’s been said here? If you walk out of this room with this decision hanging over your shoulders than you might as well go home and stab yourself right in the heart--because I guarantee that’ll be a more painless death than the one you’ll receive when the Titans come knocking--and they _will_ come. They’re already at the doors and the gates aren’t’ going to save us. Are you really okay with decimating the only force that’s willing to put themselves between you, and those that would eat you? Are you really that brain dead? Are you really--”

Levi stopped when he felt a familiar weight on his shoulder. He wanted to lean into the warmth of it. Felt the deep ache of his frustration and anger and just wanted to bury it all in the man now beside him. But he couldn’t do that right now, because no matter how much he wanted to wrap his arms around Erwin and have the man erase everything with his touch, he didn’t have the luxury of doing that in this situation.

“It’s no use,” Erwin said softly, “You won’t persuade them.”

“I _will_ persuade them!” Levi shouted, hoping he’d be able to convince himself of the truth of it if he just shouted loud enough, “I don’t care how long it takes, or how thickheaded they are. I’ll get it through to them, even if I have to carve the words into their spineless backs with my blades, I’ll--”

“It’s not that they can’t hear you, it’s that they can’t afford to hear you,” Erwin explained in the same soft voice, “Look at them Levi. Their raised arms are chained there. They aren’t raising them of their own volition.”

“Of course they are,” Levi scoffed, “It’s not like anyone’s forcing them to-- _oh_.”

Because he suddenly understood. Levi was a very straightforward person, and it was because of that fact that the idea of blackmail, or other sorts of hidden methods of persuasion, didn’t occur to him right away. But Erwin was used to the ways of politics--had been unwillingly embroiled in them for years.

Levi looked at the people before him once more, and now saw them through Erwin’s eyes.

“What does he have on you?”

Levi’s surprise made his voice come out at normal volume--even if it was a little strangled.

But once more his words were greeted with nothing. And now there was hard burning hatred inside of him along with the anger. It was the corruption that did it. He could feel the stuff oozing out of Armand, polluting the air and infecting them all. And just as easily as he recognized it, he realized that it would never change. Because it seemed to be the way of the world that those with the most power would also be the ones who deserved it least.

Once more he counted the hands, and now his bitterness increased even more.

Because it was just one hand too many.

Everything would be destroyed over one hand.

And had the hands been raised by unshackled people, Levi knew he would have been able to convince just one of them to drop their hand. But the hands weren’t free, they weren’t their own. They were chained to whatever Armand held over them and so even though victory was only one hand away, it was an impossible step to overcome.

He’d never thought one raised hand could make him feel so powerless.

He could see Erwin’s shoulders visibly sag under the weight of this new burden--a burden so heavy that it curved a back that was normally so proudly straight. And that was the worst part. Because he was failing Erwin--the one man that had put more stock in Levi than anyone else ever had. Erwin had always been the one to defend him--the one to believe in him. And now Levi had failed him.

The knowledge drained him of all his energy. He wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed and shut out all his disappointment with unconsciousness. But he knew that would do nothing. Wouldn’t change the reality of all these raised hands.

Levi’s eyes completed the circle for the third time. Third raised hands out of a group of 25. There was no way to work the numbers so that Armand didn’t come out ahead.

Levi rested his eyes on one of the empty chairs in the room because he couldn’t stand to look at any of the cowards around him. He let his eyes bore into the chair until he thought he could feel the wood igniting beneath the strength in his stare. He could hear Armand going on about some bullshit around him, knocking out some bureaucratic babble of the vote. He didn’t bother to listen to the actual words--the self-satisfied tone that laced them was enough to tell Levi everything he wanted to know. He wanted to lift the chair and toss it at the self-important man. In fact, he was dead settled to do it. What could it hurt? A few nights in jail wouldn’t make anything worse than it already was. And it would be worth it--so worth it.

And Levi had slid off the table and gotten halfway to the chair’s position before he realized something. It wasn’t just _an_ empty chair, it was _the_ empty chair. The only one in the room. So either they just kept a single empty spare around or--

“The last council member,” Levi gasped, spinning around even faster than he normally did with his maneuver gear, “Where’s the last council member?”

One more person. With one more person there wouldn’t be a majority voice. If they had just one more person--

“There are no other council members,” Armand answered, his self-satisfied smirk upping its intensity by several notches.

The hope in Levi’s chest, so quickly sprung, just as easily deflated.

_Of course_ he thought, bitterness crowding out anything pleasant inside of him, _A man like him would have had everything already planned out._

Because Armand was a coward, the biggest one Levi had ever seen. And from his experience Levi knew that cowards did everything to ensure that their backsides were covered. They didn’t leave room for error. Armand would only take on as much risk as was necessary to protect his position--that’s why he had only made sure to blackmail the exact number of members he would need to get what he wanted. Just enough to have a majority in every vote. There was no need to make more enemies than were necessary.

Levi felt the scabs on his palms crack open with his fresh abuse of them. The small wounds he’d opened with his nails last night had scabbed over, but now flesh blood spilled out of them and coated his palms with slickness. Levi wanted to throw his head back and howl. Not that such a thing would help him. People like Armand had insured that. Levi knew that no matter how much he tried to plan, the cowards in power would always be a few steps ahead of him, covering up two truths whenever Levi revealed one. He would never get one over them. He didn’t have it in them. Because he wasn’t one of them. He was a simple man. He spoke with his heart and with his blades.

“He’s dead.”

At first Levi didn’t realize where the words had come from because Cordelia, when she spoke, sounded slightly muffled. But when she spoke again her voice was clearer. “Jeffrey, the 26th member. He died about a month ago.

She was looking directly at Erwin and Levi could read the understanding that passed between them.

“The election for a new member will be in one week’s time where the public will vote him in.”

“The new council member,” now it was Hanji’s voice that piped up, “Will the member be…”

Levi didn’t have to look at the dejected look on Cordelia’s face to know the answer to Hanji’s incomplete question. The self-assured look on Armand’s face answered it. The new member that would be sworn in would be one loyal first and foremost to the head councilman.

“But the public votes the member in,” Mike said, his forehead creased in concentration, “So can’t they vote in someone who would--”

Cordelia shook her head, stopping Mike in his tracks. “There is currently only one name on the ballot,” she explained, “There is no one else fearless enough to run on the opposing side dad’s man. People who oppose him tend to get into inexplicable...accidents.”

It was a testament to Armand’s infuriating nature that he didn’t even try to deny it. He merely smiled that stupid smile that made Levi want to rip one of the man’s chins off and feed it to one of his other chins to make one super mega chin.

Levi inwardly cursed him with all the creativity he possessed. Cowards. Wasn’t there even one man out there capable of standing up to these bastards and showing them that it was possible to--

Levi _did_ know a man capable of doing it.

He wouldn’t be very enthusiastic about it, and god knows the person in question wasn’t the typical poster child for this kind of position. But they couldn’t afford to be picky right now. He would have to do.

“Put my name on the ballot,” Levi hissed.

The words were certainly the most unpleasant he’d ever had to speak, but he did so. Because he had to.

Erwin whipped around to look at him, his eyes blown wide with shock. They really were gorgeous eyes. Levi knew that whatever horror he bound himself to today would be worth it--because he would be doing it for the man with the beautiful eyes.

And then when those eyes exploded with understanding, they cracked open even wider.

“Levi…” he breathed.

Levi wouldn’t mind if all Erwin ever spoke again was his name--over and over again--because he made it sound so beautiful. He made _Levi_ feel beautiful when he said it. But the sound was drowned out by Armand’s laughter.

The man laughed like it was the last joke he’d ever hear and he wanted to get his money’s worth.

“You? On the ballot? Please tell me you’re joking!”

Levi gritted his teeth tightly and then slid his body off of the table so that he could stand at his full height.

“Not joking,” he barked, “I’m going on the ballot, and I’m going to win your stupid little election, and believe me, it would be safer for you to attempt to blackmail a Titan than to try anything on me.”

The man was still laughing, though it had a note of mockery running through it now, “Just imagining a grumpy little midget like you on the ballot--a man with zero people skills and a personality as prickly as a cactus. You’re the complete antithesis of what a politician is supposed to be.”

Levi crossed his arms over his chest and ramped his death glare up to its dangerous levels. Anymore and he would melt the man’s eyes out of their sockets.

“I may not be a politician, but people know my name. Have you ever heard the title humanity’s strongest? Because I can guarantee you that every child over the age of three has heard the term before. The people know me. They know my name a lot better than whatever flouncy little name you’ve got up on the ballot. Do you think they’ll vote for some shmuck with a greasy smile, or do you think they’ll choose the man who has dedicated his life to removing the cause for all their terror on this earth?”

The answer was an obvious one. Levi’s name was the most famous one known to man. Better known than the names of the royal family. He hadn’t pulled any publicity stunts to make it so. Levi’s own abilities had ensured that he was a figure that was universally revered for his own strength. Levi used to hate that. He’d been furious at the title. He was no different now than he’d been as a thug racing through the underground. Erwin had simply thrown a uniform on him and pushed him toward some Titans. He didn’t like the hypocritical nature of the treatment he was getting now from the public that had previously ignored him --but this was the first time he was trying to take advantage of it. He’d make peace with the title if it meant it could help him keep Erwin in the position he belonged in. He’d do anything for that.

So even though he had craploads of doubt about his ability to go through with this--he knew he’d find some way to do it. So the look he gave Armand was one that was absolutely certain.

The head councilman was no longer laughing, but he wasn’t looking defeated either. In fact, he looked as secure as ever.

“That may be true--were you allowed to run. However as a soldier it is your duty to dedicate your every breath to the corps you joined. The oath you swore when you joined your legion compels you to stay within its ranks. There’s a separation between government and army for a reason. If you crackpots from the survey corps were allowed to run things we’d all be hopelessly doomed. So sorry my little miniature soldier, but—“

“I’m not a member of the Survey corps.”

As Levi said these words Hanji’s look of dawning comprehension matched Erwin’s, and Mike looked like he had sensed something as well.

There was a moment of silence as Levi’s words rang through the room, but then Armand let out a snort, “Of course you are. You’re their poster boy. Have been for years.”

Levi merely stared at him. He could feel elation beginning to expand in his stomach but he forced himself to stay calm and collected. “I am _not_ a member of the survey corps,” he repeated.

Armand stared back at him, and for the first time there was a trace of fear in his face. “What are you talking about? You graduated from cadet training. You joined the Corps. You’ve been with them forever, what are you—“

“Levi is right,” Erwin stated, his voice crisp and authoritative, “He isn’t an official member of the corps.”

As he spoke he walked over to Levi before stopping right before him. Levi looked up at the man he loved. Erwin was trying to tell him something with his eyes, and after a second of searching the man’s face, Levi realized what it was.

_You don’t have to do this._

Levi received the message with a smile and with his own eyes responded _Yes, I do. For you, I do._

The idea was almost making him breathless. Because right here, right now, he had an opportunity to finally do something for the other man. For so long he had been a burden, embarrassing Erwin at important functions, starting fights with those in the military police, showing up late to meetings, if at all… The list went on and on, but Erwin had always made excuses for him, had always pushed himself to aid Levi in whatever way he could. Erwin had given him only constant good over the years. And now—well now Levi finally had a chance to pay some of it back.

Erwin reached out and cupped Levi’s face gently in his large, warm hands.

“What is the meaning of this?” Armand demanded, voice rising, “Why are you all shouting nonsense? What are you trying to pull here? What’s going—“

“No one’s trying to pull anything, Augustin,” Hanji said, pushing her glasses up her nose with a smirk, “They speak the truth. Levi never joined the Survey corps. He never swore the oath to protect the people. He isn’t a member of the army.”

“Yes he is!” Armand’s voice was starting to become a shriek in his frustration, “Look at him! Look at the uniform he’s wearing!”

“He wears the uniform because he works _for_ us,” Mike chimed in, “But he never actually joined. I remember, because I was there. Erwin forced Levi to follow him into the corps. He was put through training, sure, but he never had a choice into which faction he would be placed. A member of the survey corps must swear the oath of their own free will or it holds no meaning. Levi isn’t tied to the corps as the rest of us are. He has no duty toward anyone. He’s a free agent.”

Levi could actually see the neurons shorting out in the head councilman’s brain. Meanwhile many other members of the council were looking like they’d been whacked over the head with a large blunt object. Cordelia looked the most alert out of all of them, and she was looking at Levi with a sense of wonderment about her.

And Levi just felt a bit sheepish, because they each kept saying the word “forced,” but the truth was that by the time he finished his training he already loved Erwin. By then he’d seen enough of the man for Erwin to have earned Levi’s eternal respect. Had he been given a choice, he would have readily joined the Survey Corps anyway. No one had ever forced Levi to do anything because the short captain was only content by his commander’s side.

But Levi didn’t bother voicing any of this aloud. It wouldn’t help their case after all, and now it was Erwin’s turn to speak. He released Levi’s face regretfully and then turned to address the room. “The day Levi was made to forcibly follow me into the corps I drew up a contract for him. He would work for us, and carry out a series of tasks quite similar to those of the other members, and in return he would receive paid compensation and stay within the survey corps housing. Consider him a contractor of sorts.”

“Impossible,” Armand spluttered, “There’s no such thing. We don’t have such positions. You just made that up. You lying bunch of—“

“He’s not lying!” Mike barked out.

Mike was a man who rarely raised his voice, and with good reason. Because the giant man could really pack in the volume. Several of the councilmen flinched.

In a lower voice, the man continued. “I was there. I saw Erwin write up the contract. I saw him get the seal of approval from your predecessor for it.”

“No! I would have been informed. I would have—“

“He speaks the truth.”

All heads turned toward a wizened old man at one of the far corners of the table. “It was before you joined the council ten years ago. I may be old, but I do not forget. I saw the contract with these old and infirm eyes.”

Levi recognized the man as one of those who hadn’t raised his hand during the vote. It seemed that not all the council members were bad eggs.

Armand looked at the man with both betrayal and hatred. “Nobody asked you for your opinion, Jedidiah.”

The old man granted him a serene smile and leaned back in his chair, “Nobody ever seems to—that’s why I offer it voluntarily.”

The face Armand made to this was so perfect that Levi wanted to run to the old man and kiss his feet—and he didn’t have those kinds of urges often.

Armand stared at Levi. The short captain could see that he had gotten to him because several of his chins were twitching. Levi felt strangely satisfied at the sight, but Armand wasn’t done. He opened his mouth to continue speaking as Levi knew he would. If there was one thing that Levi knew about human nature is that people never stopped spewing crap. And so he waited for Armand’s ultimate comeback. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a bad one.

“It’ll never work. People might know and revere you, but they’re not going to vote you in to sit on the council. No one is going to want Humanity’s strongest languishing behind a desk. They’d never do anything that took you out from the beyond the wall and stuffed you in an office.”

Armand was right. The public knew that Levi was good for one thing, and one thing only--killing Titans. And it would have been an issue had Levi planned on taking that away from them.

But he wasn’t.

“Who said anything about a desk?”

Levi knew without looking in a mirror that he looked incredibly smug. He knew it because he could feel the levels of douchebag in his smile. He wasn’t the only one. Behind him he heard Hanji let out a signature cackle.

Levi looked up and found Erwin. The other man nodded, and stepped forward. “When Levi runs it will be made clear that he doesn’t plan to spend any less time outdoors than he’s spent until now.”

“But that’s impossible. Council members carry quite a lot of responsibility. He’ll have duties that won’t allow him to--”

“He’ll manage,” Erwin said with absolute confidence.

Levi understood the meaning behind the words. What Erwin meant was that he and Hanji would manage. Levi wasn’t going to have to do anything but show up to a couple of dead boring meetings. Levi had realized long ago that one didn’t need to be brilliant or hard working themselves--one simply needed to acquire friends with these traits who were willing to put up with a lot of bullshit. He realized he was a lucky son of a gun.

He was a little worried about the added workload this would mean for the two of them--but then he realized that his position on the council would mean that things like budget proposals would be made easier now that they had a direct link in. They’d be okay. And their smiles, when they looked at him, assured him of this.

With renewed confidence, Levi looked toward Armand and said. “I will be put on that ballot, and I will win that election, and the first thing I do as a council member is insist that this vote be taken again.”

“I won’t let you,” Armand shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. The forceful motion once again sent his chins a-jiggling. Levi vaguely wondered why such an awful man was granted so many glorious chins. Surely he didn’t deserve them all. However he was able to console himself with the knowledge that at least the man hadn’t been given Erwin’s eyebrows. Levi had enough troubles in his life without having to add sexually-attracted-to-a-douchebag’s-facial-hair to the pile.

“It’s not about permission,” Levi answered him, “And it never will be. Because you see, I’m not going to be one of your pawns. There’s no dirt you can get on me, no way you’ll be able to intimidate me, because unlike some of your lackeys over here, I just don’t give a shit. Do you know how many poop jokes I made at the officer’s Christmas dinner this year? Seventeen. I would have made more but Erwin dragged me home after that. My point is: I’m not a politician like everyone else here. I couldn’t give a crap about my reputation or about achieving things like fame or recognition. I’m just trying to drink tea and prevent people from dying. So give up on any dreams you have of shutting us down, because I’ll fight harder than you to get up back up. And let me tell you something _Armand_ ,” Levi crossed his arms behind his head and shot the smirk the man had been aiming at him before right back at him, “I play to win. And I never. Fucking. Lose.”

He left Armand with his jaw hanging open and looked at the other council members. Cordelia, easily the youngest, looked like she wanted to leap over the table and hug him.

“I don’t care what this loser has on you. If you care about humanity, and your own life, you won’t let his threats affect your decision. If you need protection from him I will gladly give it to you. That sort of task falls very easily into my distinct set of skills.”

Levi walked over to Erwin and then dropped to his knees before him. Levi had the pleasure of seeing Erwin’s expression become flustered. “Like me in this position?” he whispered to the blonde.

Levi saw a muscle jump in the man’s jaw, and he saw telltale traces of pink on his cheeks. Levi’s smirk only grew wider. “Later,” he promised and then reached forward and yanked out the knife Levi knew Erwin kept in his boot—which had been his true objective the whole time.

Then, without standing up, he whipped around and flung the knife across the room. Several screams rent the air, but the knife whizzed passed them all harmlessly and instead impaled itself in the portrait at the head of the room—a portrait of the head councilman himself. And Levi had thrown it so that it very deliberately planted itself in the largest of the man’s chins. Everyone in the room looked at the knife, which was quivering there from the force it had been thrown with. Several of the council members swallowed, and Levi definitely heard someone whistle.

“If I wanted to I could very easily convince at least one of you to retract your vote from before,” Levi stated while all the surrounding eyes were still widened, “But despite what you think, I’m not a brute. I don’t force people to do things. In short, I am not the man standing before you at the head of the table. So instead I will ask, no, implore you, that one of you remember your heart—remember your humanity—and, even if it’s just once in your life, do the right thing. The vote has not been finalized. We don’t have to wait for me to get the councilman position, which I will, don’t get me wrong. But we can stop this right now. Is there any of you that is willing to find the courage to change this around?”

Once more silence reigned, and Levi let out a small snort. It was okay. This was what he had expected after all…It would be an annoyance to wait until he was voted in, but at least—

“Wait…”

The voice was small, but it was definitely there.

Levi turned to face the person it came from. It was a woman nearing middle age. She looked at Levi and he could see the worry and pain in her face.

“I…I haven’t lived a very honorable life,” she began, “I did things. Bad things. Things I’m not proud of. They’re things that I can’t erase, and things that loom over my head. And I’m afraid of what will happen to me if those things are found out, but…but if you’re really offering your protection…”

Levi looked at her, and as he did, he felt like his small hope had been justified. He gave her a faint smile. “Yes,” he said strongly, “I will protect you with everything I have, and it isn’t dependent on what you may or may not have done in the past.”

Her answering smile was also faint, but some of the worry in her eyes eased as her face relaxed. “Then I retract my vote, and create the new majority.”

The feeling that was rolling through Levi now was one he recognized, and yet one he had experienced only very rarely in his time working as a soldier. It was the feeling of victory, and it felt damn good as it blazed through all his nerve endings.

Cordelia, who was beside the woman, enveloped her in a charging hug, and somewhere behind him, Mike let out a whoop of laughter. He also heard a whispered, “Fuck yes,” from Hanji.

 But it was Erwin’s response he looked to. Levi’s eyes turned toward the man, intent on searching his face. But Erwin didn’t give him a chance for such things. He grabbed Levi’s arm in a tight grip and began to tug him toward the door.

“I see no reason why the meeting shouldn’t be adjourned,” the commander stated, “But feel free to continue for as long as you want. As for me, I have a legion to run.”

He threw open the large doors, but right before they exited the room, Levi called out, “See you on voting day, your chinniness.”

And then they were beyond the doors. Levi had yet to see Erwin’s face, but as he leaned forward to get a glimpse of it, he was flung from Erwin’s grip and into the wall. Though he didn’t hit hard, the sudden motion had bewildered him. He raised his head to ask Erwin what the hell he was doing, but the words were erased as Erwin landed on him, squeezing all the breath from Levi’s lungs.

Erwin grabbed Levi’s hands, slammed them up against the wall, pressed forward, slid his thigh between the other’s legs, and kissed him.

Burning heat swept through Levi as Erwin ravaged his mouth, not bothering to be gentle in his quest to consume Levi whole. The blonde’s hands left Levi’s and grabbed onto his torso instead, gripping handfuls of the man’s shirt in an attempt to pull him closer, harder, and faster. But before Erwin could cause Levi to spontaneously combust, the small captain ripped his mouth away from his commander’s and wheezed, “What the hell?”

The wheeze was due to the fact that Erwin had robbed him of all his breathe. Though there was no pity in Erwin’s eyes as his mouth attacked Levi’s neck, shoving his thigh up harder between his lover’s legs.

“Erwin, wait—calm down. We’re right outside the doors, they can hear everything and—“

“Marry me.”

Levi’s heart stopped.

Erwin pulled Levi’s head up, gripped his chin tightly and looked into his eyes with his steely blue ones before he repeated his words. “Marry me.”

“That…I…WHAT THE FUCK ERWIN!”

“I know, I know, I’m rushing it, and I don’t have a ring on me, and I’m not being romantic at all, but after what you did in there…there’s no way I’m letting you walk away before I can bind you to me.”

This point was so far from being the reason Levi was objecting right now that he wasn’t even sure they were speaking the same language.

“I know I risk freaking you out with an announcement as sudden as this, but it’s not sudden. Not really. I’ve wanted to join myself to you for years. I just can’t deny it anymore. When the man you love pushes _that_ hard and sacrifices _that_ much for you and your dreams, then it’s only natural that you act quickly. Only a fool would waste time when it’s so blindingly obvious that you’re everything that I could have ever hoped for. So please say you will, if only to reassure me. We don’t even have to have a ceremony or do anything any time soon. Just tell me that—“

“Idiot,” Levi growled, letting his head rest against Erwin’s jaw, “You’re such a fucking idiot I can’t stand it sometimes.”

“Is that a yes?” Erwin asked, with those big wide hopeful eyes of his.

Levi groaned and wrapped his hands tightly in Erwin’s hair, giving up entirely. “Fine, you stupid fuck,” he barked and then, unable to contain himself anymore (because even he couldn’t remain entirely unaffected after promising his life to his soul mate) he crushed his mouth back on top of Erwin’s and let himself burn up entirely in the glorious contact.

Despite his preoccupation with that hot, wet orifice, Levi was intensely aware of the hooting and hollering going around him.

“Woooo!” Hanji shouted, “Best man, calling it!”

“Hell no,” Mike protested, “I haven’t spent this many asslong years by Erwin’s side just to be shunted aside by the likes of you. _I’m_ going to be best man.”

“Shut up, all of you,” Nanaba announced, apparently having returned with Moblit in tow, “There’s no way Levi will agree to some cheezy traditional ceremony.”

“Think of how beautiful he’ll look in a dress!” Hanji howled.

Mike wrinkled his forehead, “Levi or Erwin?”

“Both!” Hanji cried with a fervor she usually reserved for Titans.

“There’s no way in hell that’s happening,” Nanaba pointed out.

“It will if I threaten to lace the punch.”

“Maybe that’s what they _want.”_

“All right so I’ll threaten _not_ to lace the punch. Either way I get cross dressing musclemen.”

Levi couldn’t take it anymore. As much as he needed to be kissing Erwin right now—he needed to stop the train wreck that was Hanji even more. With a gasp, he tore his lips from Erwin’s and shouted, “Shut up, shitty glasses, no one’s inviting you!”

“I don’t need your invite, I’ll smuggle one out of Erwin.”

“If he does I’ll kick him out of my bed faster than I can slay a Titan.”

“You do realize that no one actually buys your bluffs, right?”

“I’m going to kill you with your own glasses and then string you up on the wall as a warning for others.”

“But how will I see you in a dress that way?”

Levi grabbed his head in both hands and moaned. He’d already realized that stating something as obvious as “I won’t be wearing a dress” would hold absolutely no authority in Hanji’s irrational mind.

He heard a light chuckle and then a pair of familiar lips pressed themselves to his forehead as he was pulled into the safety of Erwin’s arms, “You’ll make a beautiful bride.”

“Fuck you, Erwin.”

“Just as soon as we get back to my room, pumpkin.”

“I am _not_ an orange gourd _Erwin_ ,” Levi said through clenched teeth.

“You’re right. You’re even cuter.”

Levi gave up entirely on everything and slumped against Erwin. He was done with arguing, done with the council, done with absolutely everything except maybe having the living hell pounded out of his ass. He just may have had enough energy for that…but nothing more.

He hooked his arms around Erwin’s neck, and, surprisingly, made very few protests as Erwin swung him up and into his arms. He’d realized back when he was drunk that this wasn’t a very bad mode of travel.

“I love you,” Erwin informed him, pressing his forehead to Levi’s and looking like no words in the universe could be truer than the ones he’d just spoken.

Levi felt his skin grow hot and his innards turn to mush as he inwardly cursed himself for being such a sap, because as he looked at him he knew that the other man would forever have a giant Erwin shaped hand on his heart. And the worst part was that Levi _wanted_ it there.

Levi could have said a lot of things to Erwin then, but none of it would have helped him on the “Pumpkin” front. So instead, he allowed his cheeks to flare even pinker before muttering, “Just shut up and kiss me.”

And Erwin did.

Very enthusiastically.

\-----

 

**Epilogue:**

 

_Six months later…_

 

Levi’s entire world was a pleasant mass of warmth and sweet smelling skin...until it wasn't.

“Up and at ‘em Mr. Councilman,” Erwin called out, vigorously shaking Levi’s shoulder, “You’ve got a boring ass meeting that starts in twenty minutes and I would hardly call your current attire “council worthy.””

By current attire, Erwin was obviously referring to the fact that Levi was as naked as the day he’d popped squalling out of his mother’s womb.

“Mmnunf,” Levi responded, rolling himself more tightly in the sheets. His meaning, of course was clear: attempt to wake me again and die, you beautiful eyebrowed son of a bastard.

Erwin let out a laugh and wrapped Levi up in his arms. He too was naked--a very positive piece of information in Levi’s opinion. The short captain let out a happy noise and burrowed himself into the Erwin-y goodness.

“Come on Levi, stop being cute and get up. Remember what they did last time?”

Levi did remember what had happened last time, he just didn’t care. He’d shown up half an hour late, hair rumpled and looking thoroughly fucked thanks to Erwin. Armand had spent the next half an hour haranguing him about the proper conduct of a council member. Levi had spent most of that time reminiscing about the sex he’d just had with his well-endowed commander. It wasn’t an unpleasant memory in his mind.

“M’not cute,” Levi mumbled cutely, nuzzling Erwin’s neck and letting out a contented sigh as his mind continued to dwell in the space between consciousness and unconsciousness.

He hadn’t always been this difficult to wake up--but his bed had become a hell of a lot more comfortable after Erwin had joined it, and parting from it was always a point of much regret for him. His best nights of sleep had all been found when he had been wrapped in Erwin’s arms, and he knew he was never going back to sub-par sleep quality again.

He tended to show up a little late to most things now--breakfast, training sessions, budget meetings...but no one, aside for Armand, really complained. The past few months had brought a huge decrease in the amounts of scowls and death glares he was able to give out, and people were willing to admit that the lateness was well worth it. Besides, everyone got a kick out of watching him wince as he sat down after particularly rough nights spent with Erwin. Eren of course wasted no time in making lots of really un-subtle “bottom” jokes, for which he was properly chastised. (Though each time he hung Eren from the rafters of the stable Mikasa always got him down within minutes.)

“Damn it Levi,” Erwin hissed as Levi inserted himself even more snuggly into Erwin’s warmth, “You’re not making this easy for me.”

Levi pretended not to hear him over all the cuddling pleasure he was having. However, his wholesome fun was interrupted by a nudging hardness against his hip. Though his eyes were still closed, Levi still rolled them.

“Insatiable bastard,” Levi muttered, his first coherent words in over eight hours.

He felt Erwin’s fingers trail down his back. “Can you really blame me?” Erwin countered.

Levi could already hear the gears turning in Erwin’s head and decided those thoughts needed to be shut down immediately.

“No way. I’ll barely be able to walk as it is. Go torture someone else’s asshole.”

Erwin laughed, and then Levi was being rolled onto his back. Before he could object, over 200 pounds of Commander were straddling him. “But I don’t want any but yours,” Erwin explained, using his extensive training to pin Levi’s arms to the bed, thus immobilizing him. Levi had noticed that a very large majority of Erwin’s expertise was applied solely in the bedroom. Levi wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or a terrific waste of valuable resources. Either way, he wasn’t going to complain. Erwin was a god in the bedroom department.

“Old ass pervert,” Levi grumbled, finally cracking his eyes open, “Now who’s wasting time?”

“On the contrary, these shall be the most productive minutes of my day.”

“You do realize that you’re a foot taller than me and outweigh me by more than sixty pounds, right?” Levi asked, ignoring Erwin’s bull crap.

Erwin chuckled and shifted his hips, tearing a low groan from Levi, who, despite his gruffness, was more interested in the proceedings than he was letting on if his downstairs plumbing was anything to go by.

“Your point is?” Erwin needled, not pausing the slow, tortured movements of his hips. Levi noted the cheeky smile on the beautiful man’s face. He knew _exactly_ what he did to Levi, and his confidence would have pissed Levi the hell off had he not been in the process of becoming thoroughly distracted.

“My point is you need to get the fuck off you huge bastard!” Levi shouted, shoving at Erwin’s chest. The effort did nothing to dislodge him. This was because he hadn’t used even a quarter of his strength in the motion. Apparently Levi’s body didn’t want Erwin going anywhere else.

“Are you saying Humanity’s strongest can’t handle a little extra weight?”

Levi knew that if Erwin pressed down on his pelvis for much longer he’d be in a position where he needed to change the sheets. _Again_.

“I’m saying that Humanity’s strongest can’t handle your stupid ass pervitude. Besides, I have the meeting, remember? If I’m late I’m totally going to rat you out as my excuse.”

The last few words came out a little strangled due to Erwin having found an even better position for friction using his brilliantly tactical mind.

Levi’s doubt was erased. Erwin using his resources in the bedroom were definitely not a waste.

“Oh, remembered the meeting, have you?” Erwin said with a good natured chuckle. And then he did something that left Levi wanting to whine aloud--he rolled off of Levi after pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“All right, I’ll wait--though not very patiently, so don’t get into any arguments about chin exercises with Augustin this time.”

“It’s not _my_ fault that it took two hours to get though. If he’d just _listened…_ ”

Erwin rolled his eyes and reached over to ruffle Levi’s hair. “I’ll go brew some tea, but then you _have_ to get up,” he said with false sternness, “We just got a new shipment of black tea in yesterday--specially ordered from the capital.”

Levi’s eyes shot open like someone had just yelled “Titan invasion.”

Erwin chuckled once more and gave Levi’s undercut a light tug, “Yeah, I thought that might pique your interest.”

Levi had been forced to drink green tea for the last four months after their supply had run out. Black tea was hard to get ahold of because the stuff was absurdly expensive. It looked like Hanji had made good on her promise to get him a 6 month year anniversary present after all. He’d thought the concept absolutely ridiculous at first, but now he was starting to appreciate it.

Levi sank back down into his pillows with a contented sigh, feeling his warmth toward everything and everyone increase by approximately 112%. “Love you,” he murmured, a soft smile on his lips.

At that moment, Erwin, who had been about to rise from the bed, froze.

“What?” the man whispered.

Levi twisted his head around and looked at Erwin’s shocked face.

“What?” he said back.

Erwin’s hand shot out and grabbed tight hold of Levi’s face. It was so tight it almost hurt. “What did you just say to me?” he gasped.

Erwin’s shock was mirrored in Levin’s face as well. The man’s reaction had seemed to come out of nowhere and right now...were Erwin’s eyes actually _wet_?

_Holy shit_ Levi thought as a drop of moisture began to bead near the corner of Erwin’s eye _What the hell did I say to…_

He quickly rewound the last couple of seconds in his mind but was left terrifically confused. All he had said was that he loved--

Oh god.

He…

He’d never actually said it before, had he?

Levi felt his eyes widen even as he reached forward instinctively toward Erwin’s face.

His love for Erwin had been the most obvious thing in the world to him. He’d thought the phrase every day, multiple times a day. Over and over again. Some days it was the only thing he was certain about at all. His love was a constant force--and it only grew. Never had Erwin been able to say or do anything that had made him doubt that feeling.

And yet--Levi had never said it. It was a gross oversight on his part. His mind worked furiously in an attempt to remember a time when he had said the words, but he couldn’t come up with any. Sure, the words were embarrassing to speak aloud, but that wasn’t an excuse. He couldn’t believe they had never crossed his lips when they’d crossed Erwin’s so often.

_Idiot. You stupid fucking idiot. How could you deprive him of that?_

They weren’t just words. Levi knew that. He knew because he was aware of the effect the words had on him whenever Erwin spoke them out loud. And yet, despite knowing that, he had never shared them with Erwin. Something he knew he had to correct immediately.

He gripped Erwin’s face and pulled it closer. And then in a doubtless voice, said clearly, “I said that I love you. Always have, and always will.”

And then Erwin’s face crumpled. Levi had thought he’d make Erwin happy with the words, but the Erwin before him now looked to be in immense pain.

Erwin brought a shaky hand up to his own face and whispered, “Levi…”

Had he somehow said the words too late? He felt panic beginning to settle in his stomach.

He shoved the hand shielding Erwin’s face aside, and lifted his own hand were a smooth platinum engagement ring adorned his finger. Set into it was a small flat stone the exact color of Erwin’s eyes.

He shoved the ring into Erwin’s face. “I thought this said that perfectly clearly, but I guess I was wrong. Words aren’t my best...I mean...I’m sorry, I--”

Levi never finished his sentence. He suddenly had too much Erwin in his arms for that.

Erwin’s body hit his so hard that they both collapsed back onto the bed. Levin’s head hit the mattress with Erwin sprawled on top of him.

“I knew. I did know,” Erwin assured him, wrapping his arms tightly around his small captain, “Everything you did, everything you showed me with your eyes told me. I didn’t need the words. I knew. That’s why...don’t know why I’m reacting like such an idiot. They’re just words. They’re just--”

Levi kissed him--long, and deep and slow. And Erwin kissed him back, tangling his hands in Levi’s hair, and making it clear that neither of them was going anywhere.

Though Levi couldn’t help making one last nudging comment.

“The meeting…”

“Screw the meeting,” Erwin growled, ripping aside the bed sheets covering Levi, and grabbing tight hold of his hips, “I have something, or rather, some _one_ , I need to do rather urgently instead.”

And then there were no more words--nothing more needed to be said. Well, nothing that needed to be said aloud. But Erwin’s body was telling him a hell of a lot of things. All of them welcome, and all of them reciprocated by Levi’s body as well.

Just as Erwin pushed into a gasping Levi there was a pounding on the door. It was a familiar knock. Both Levi and Erwin recognized it, having heard it many times before. But just as they’d always done when they were in this sort of position, they both ignored Hanji’s arrival and tuned all their attention to the bond they were creating with their bodies. The sounds that escaped them were a simple testament to the strength of that connection.

The pounding on the door stopped just as they knew it would. Hanji knew how to pick her battles. She’d already gotten enough eyefuls of their naked flesh to last her a life time. But even though Hanji was pretty understanding of what they both needed (almost constantly) they were still able to hear her tortured groan as the bed began to creak.

And then they both resigned themselves to the fact that no one would be joining any meetings that day.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end folks. all 119 thousand words of it. It was supposed to be a one shot but then it morphed into this...this thing. when I started writing it I had no ending in mind. I hadn't planned even half the crap that ended up coming out, and god knows I hadn't known this was going to be a two month investment. I'm a little sad to see this story go, but I'm very excited to begin on all the other fic ideas that have been on the back burner for a long time. Once again thank you, thank you, thank you for all of you darlings. Your comments really helped motivate me and I'm sure this fic wouldn't have been the same without you.  
> (sorry it took a little while to get this chapter out--i had a literal crapload of school work to do. I just pray the wait was worth it for you. I edited it very quickly because I didn't want you guys to wait any longer--so if there's mistakes, well, whoops.)


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